My son has ADHD/ODD - is it my parenting or can people believe that maybe there is such a thing and why are Christians so judgemental?

Lisa - posted on 10/30/2012

Felicia,

I know how you feel. My daughter has severe ADHD and I am at a loss for what to do. She is very impulsive, angry, mean and destructive. A lot of times I will hide from my daughter just so that I do not have to deal with her behavior as she physically hurts me by hitting, kicking and biting. She will never sit still, talks constantly and never minds authority.

I have prayed to God, in tears, many times for his help and I feel that is does not work. I am a Christian and have talked with my pastor about this issue. My pastor told me to ask God to take over the responsibility of my child and her behavior. When my daughter acts out, which seems costant, I say out loud "please God, help me with my daughter. Please takeover because I can't right now. Please help her control her behavior and stop acting out like this it is hurting me and I cannot do this right now". My daughter hears me say this and to my surprise she ususally stops 99% of the time and then we carry on.

I know what it is like to love and hate your child at the same time. At times I feel so alone and that no one understands or cares how I am hurting or just plain the reason why I seem to give up sometimes. Sometimes I feel like there is no God. I, personally, would never judge you on how you raise your son as I myself do not know what to do with my daughter a lot of the time. I know that I just keep asking God for help everyday, 1000 times a day. I ask him out loud. I ask him to takeover, to give me patience and help me to be a humble person.

God will never leave you. God is the ultimate judge, not christians on this earth. All you have to do is ask him everyday for help, 1000 times a day if needed. Eventually it will work. Also try to let go of the control that you feel society says you must have. Let God take control. Ask God to TAKE control and let him work through you to help your child. Ultimately your son is God's child given to you to provide what he needs on earth. Talk to your son about God and tell him that God will help him all he has to do is ask.

DO NOT EVER worry about what others say at church, at work, in society or in your neighborhood. Do not worry at all about others judgements they will judge you anyway for whatever reason they want to. Know that you only have to worry about God's judgement and that you do not owe anyone anything but God.



I hope this helps and I will pray for you that God will help you and show you his love and that you are not alone.

Karen - posted on 08/08/2009

hi! my name is karen and my son shane was diagnose with adhd w/severe depression when he was 7. i tried all the health store remedies and some helped for awhile,because i didnt believe in med for this; i have worked with all types of disorders in special education and i didn't want to hurt my son futher by getting him "labeled". but when he couldn't learn and began to bring home d's&f's on his reports, i prayed and the Lord led us to an adhd clinic where we had over three years of couseling and trying his first meds- now my son is 17 and starting an early college program thru his high school, because he wants to be a doctor; i have been a single parent for 12 years and i know how difficult things can get; I pray that the LORD will bring your son favor wherever he goes and that God will direct your paths:) God bless you both! karen newton

Renae - posted on 08/02/2009

My daughter, age 16, also has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. It can be so frustrating!!! We take her to a child psychiatrist to help us with the medication and support. I am all for medication. We have her on Vyvanse. We have tried several other kinds before, but, this works the best. I still haven't gotten the ODD figured out, yet. But, you do what you feel is right. I've heard it all before, too. But, I feel I am doing right by my daughter by giving her medication. Good luck to you!!

Stefanie - posted on 07/29/2009

I feel your pain. My older brother was the same way.
I will say that spanking and other forms of punishment and yelling/scolding will not work with these children. It will make them more aggressive. Recent studies have linked this form of punishment with a rise in antisocial behavior. B/c of your son's ODD it will leave him even more susceptible to ASB. So I would be caution with that.
My older brother needed a lot of TLC.

Melissa - posted on 07/29/2009

as a mom, a christian, a special ed teacher of many ADHD and ODD children, a wife of an ADD husband (diagnosed at 22), and daughter of an ADD mom (diagnosed at 53), i can say it's probably not your parenting. if the medication is helping your son, then of course you are right in putting him on it! try a different church...one that is more accepting of disabilities. you should not be experiencing judgmental attitudes like that in a church of all places!

April - posted on 07/29/2009

I am the mom of a 20 year old son that has ADHD and he struggled for a long time until he went on medication. Once he started taking the medication, he could stay focused and he went from failing in school to getting a 2 year scholarship to college. A very good book to read is "ADHD: Why Won't My Child Listen To Me?" It gives the reader a better understanding of what's going on in the child's mind and some tips on how to make things structured and easier at home. ADHD can be caused by many things, but it is also hereditary. Remember, God is your only judge, not the people at your church.

Perihan - posted on 07/29/2009

Everybody has opinions about ADHD, it is actually a learning disability if it is not treated. ADHD is not different then any other disease that you have to take meds for. ODD it hard but with strict boundaries you can make a dent in the ODD. Do not let anyone talk you into putting him in a RTC, I worked in one and it seemed to me the kids got worse being around other kids with ADHD and ODD and learning new things.
As far as a church, it sounds to me as if you need a new church anyway, a church should be a loving healing place not a place to be judged and hurt again. Do not let that keep you away from church, trust God to help you find a church, it may not happen the first church you visit but you "will" find one. Until then

Melissa - posted on 07/24/2009

That must have been God telling you to find a new church. A place where they welcome and understand your son. God bless.

Amanda - posted on 07/23/2009

Hi! I can relate to your story in some form or fashion, my son is only 4 and was giving a medication for ADHD. I don't want him to take it because I think he is to young, but I have heard that the medication does work. You just start with a smaller dose and move the dose up if that amount doesn't work for child. Some children do need the medication to help them focus on school work and so you can get a relief of a busy boy. I wish you the best and if you have any question feel free to ask me. Amanda

Rabecca - posted on 07/22/2009

monica your comment makes me laugh not because your son did things that could be harmful but becaus ethey have such personalities and reminded me of conversation I would have as well and things like okay we are going into a new store please do not tell the sales person our life story and stay with me dont climb on the counters and you do not have to entertain everyone in the line at the check out okay because no one ever could tell what in the world would come out of his mouth

Pam - posted on 07/20/2009

My son is on medication. And he needs to be. With him now 16 he can see the impulsive behavior that I am concerned about. His therapist has help both of us understand what is going on with the brain. I've learned that when my son has bad behaviors his consequence is quit and to the point. He is not put on consequences for one thing for like a week. I also work in a setting with therapist and psychiatrist. And kids who normally get off their meds. grades drop, they have broken bones, and often in trouble for impulsive behaviors. Remember your son's ADHD do not bother him but it bothers you and other people. Continue to pray to God for guidance. I have a good tape for parents who kids have ADHD if u are interested.

Celeste - posted on 07/20/2009

These are both very difficult conditions to deal with as a parent. One of my best friends has a son who is adhd/odd at the very least and it is SO difficult.

I can't judge your diciplinary skills as I haven't seen them in action, but I will say that an adhd/odd child will challenge even the most patient of parents, and I've noticed a "sensitization" kind of effect. Basically you are struggling with your child what feels like 24/7 and it gets to the point that every little thing will set you off.

The only thing I can say- if the medication helps then use it. No one can make that choice for you- you're the one dealing with the issue day in and day out. You may want to seek fellowship with others in similar situations? Maybe see if you can find a group of Christian moms to children with behavioral disorders and get some support and strategy for dealing with it all. I also recommend counseling or therapy, for you and/or your son.

It's a terrible thing when the trials of this world try to push between you and God. Just remember that he's not going anywhere- his love is still there for you, his grace, his mercy, his compassion. You're not alone. You're not a bad person. You're not a bad parent. You are simply a woman in a very difficult and stressful situation trying to do the best that you can and that's all anyone can ask.

God Bless you and I'll pray for you!

Rosita - posted on 07/19/2009

Not ALL Christians are judgemental...give us a chance, ok?

Michelle - posted on 07/18/2009

I am a Christian, and I know it is not your fault and it's not your parenting!! You are not wrong for putting him on medication. You are his Mom and you know what's best for your son! I apologize for the bad representation that the Christians in your life have given. I pray that God brings some good non-judging christians into your life....my oldest daughter has neophobia, plus my 5month old has this thing that causes her urine to go back up into one of her kidneys. As our children's Mom's we have to research what our children have and find what helps them the best and ignore the comments/advise, etc given that isn't helpful. Good luck and I hope you find what works best for you and your son!

Kelly - posted on 07/18/2009

IT IS NOT YOUR PARENTING!!!!! And if you were going to a church where people judged you rather than offer help, I suggest you find a new church home. I felt confused about ADD and ADHD untill my daughter was diagnosed with ADD, then I began to research the disorder, and found out that her brain is wired a little differently than other children. We have tried meds, but she didn't seem herself on them, and did not like the way she felt, so we took her off of them. Now we use whatever works with her, she has a different way of processing things, so we give her instructions in a way that she understands, she learns differently, so we teamed up with her teacher and work together to make sure she understands everything so she can succeed. We also know her triggers, if she is over tired, or hungry, she will have a harder time. If she is frustrated, we help her work through that frustration. I am sure that your son is a great kid, and very special to you. Find out what works for him, and don't worry about what other people say. Also, find a church home that supports you and your family.

God Bless!

Monica McDonald - posted on 07/18/2009

Felicia, as a mom of three children, a daughter with Bipolar Disorder, OCD and ADHD; and a son with ADHD and major depression, I can tell you it is real. Until we followed our gut and sought medical care (which took 14 months to get someone who finally believed heard what we were saying and saw what we were saying), our family life was horrible. As a Christian, my largest dream in life was to raise a Christian family and enstill in them the Bible as our moral compass. There was a time I hated being home with my children and dreaded going to church because I knew what I would face from others. There were those who just don't understand and blamed our parenting style and said we needed to discipline more. I believed much more discipline and corporal punishment than I already did would result in a call to DSS by someone for pushing past the limits. The hardest part was learning to determine what is truly bad behavior (blatant stubbornness and intentional on the part of the child) and behavior that is a symptom of their illness without any attempt at malice or intent to harm themselves or others. Learning to tell what behaviors were annoying to me but not wrong or harmful helped us a long way in raising our children.

God was good to us to lead us to an organization called NAMI that helped us realize we were not alone in our struggles, and a few church friends who didn't understand what was wrong but tried very hard to be supportive and listen to our requests for how to help our children. Today, our daughter is studying to be a missionary in college. Our son has finally gotten the "all-clear" to try a summer and beginning of his junior year of high school WITHOUT medication. THERE CAN BE A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!!

My son was also one that did unsafe things. He has been a climber since he was about 18 months old. We put him in gymnastics class to teach him how to fall and roll out of it without getting hurt. (One of the smartest things we ever did for our stress level,) But when we would visit family or other churches, as soon as services were over and we caught up to our children outside, we were usually called to the attention of someone gasping about getting that child down from walking across the top of the playground equipment before he fell. He has never fallen and now is 16. The rule we put in place that we repeated before we got out of our car each time we were someplace was different went something like this:
"Son, we are someplace new, what is the rule?"
"I have to keep both feet on the ground all the time."
"And why is that?"
"Because we don't have time to take someone to the hospital."
"That's right. Who would we need to take to the hospital?"
"Someone who might have a heart attack because they don't know I know how to fall even though I never have fallen off anything."
"That's right. What is another reason?"
"I am a leader and other children who don't know how to do what I do might try to play follow the leader and they might get hurt. That would make me sad."
"That's right. Now I want you to have fun today, but you must always remember the rule."

It really did help. We got tired of saying it every time we went somewhere and I'm sure he got tired of hearing it, but it worked for us. I am so sorry that you have not had the benefit of a Christian church family as I did, but we are out here and we do care. You have to decide what is best for you and your child. Seek God's guidance and I hope you can find a NAMI affiliate near you. This organization and our commitment to God have helped me become a very effective advocate for my children in their schools and social organizations. I will pray for you. Let me know if there is anything more I can offer you.

Karen - posted on 07/18/2009

Christians can sometimes be the ones to hurt us the most,because we expect a lot more from christian families than non-christians.But God will never hurt us nor let us down.My son was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 5.We became Christians when he was 8.I could not have made it through the teenage years without my Christian family.We were blessed.It turned out that there were others in church that had kids with add/adhd also.And I knew that we were being prayed for daily.So find you another Church_maynot be easy.And you may need to do research so that you will be able to explain add/adhd to people.One of my favorites was I think from Dobson"Stong Willed Child",comparing a child with add/adhd to a normal child is like comparing a disabled child in a wheel chair to a marathon runner.This will make people realized just how hard having a child with add/adhd can be.

As far as medication goes,you as a parent are the only one who can decided what is best for your child-with the help of drs.and if he needs meds,than by not giving them to him is only hurting him.Every child and parent is different....And always pray for PEACE and guidance....Best of luck.it is a hard road to travel,but a blessing also.

Charlie Mae - posted on 07/17/2009

Hi, I am a NANA my Grandson has ADHD . We had to start him on medicine this last

year. H E was very disruptive in Church as well as school.He was failing nearly everything.When he started taking the meds,at first they didn't work. The meds made him worse,they changed them.He started making high grades.Thank God. God can do

some amazing things, but sometimes he does it thru Doctors and meds. Keep on loving him and giving him.Sometimes you have to find different ways to let them know

they are doing wrong, but with the righthelp and love you will make it and so will he.

Try to get back in Church even if you have to find another one. One that will accept

and work with you .God bless you.

Kelly - posted on 07/13/2009

God Bless You! I am a mother of a 20 yr old son, who was diagnosed with ADHD, and ODD when he was 8. School threatened to sue us for his behavior. At first I didn't believe in putting him on medication, but after some counseling in our area that specialized in this situation, we came to realize with the help of medication and the right discipline plan he was able to excel by the time he got to middle school. Unfortunately, by the time he got to high school, our health insurance would no longer cover his medication so we had to take him off, he struggled a little. But over time he learned to deal with it. Stay strong and remember that God gives us special children with special abilities. "Christians are the worst at judging because they tend to forget that they aren't perfect either. People are only human and we make mistakes and judge a little to easy. God is always there for you, and He truly does give us strength when we need it. ADHD is hard to deal with, but they are precious special children that just need a little more understanding and patience. My son is the oldest of 4. My other children were not adhd.

Carol - posted on 07/13/2009

Hi! Just to let you know you are not alone in this! My son who will turning 8 in November has also been diagnosed with ADHD. The first thing the dr.s wanted to do is put him on medication for this "problem." However, I am not one to go for medication as a first option. We tried everything including spanking but had the same result so I did a little research on natural chemicals/vitamens and their affect on ADHD. Surprisingly I found out that fish oil is a very good substance to take with this diagnosis.
I started giving my son 1000 mlg of fish oil (you can find it anywhere -I bought mine from Walmart) once a day. Within 2 weeks he went from u's and n's in conduct and 20's and 30's on spelling tests to the opposite scale. He started bringing home s's in conduct and 100's on spelling tests. And amazingly bed time is sooooo much easier.
Keep in mind everyone's body reacts differently to different things but it would be worth a shot. It's only a vitamen and it helps with concentration. If your child has other medications that he takes on a regular basis, I would run the idea by the dr.
Good luck and plz let me know if this helps.

Carolyn - posted on 07/13/2009

Find another church. I know that it sounds bad but there is a church where you will fit in out there. My daughter was diagnosed ADHD but I really beleive that it is ODD. Most of her anger and frestration is taken out on me. It takes a lot of love and patients to deal with this behavior. The key is staying calm and trying to get them to a calm place too. A "time out" (cool down time) is usually what she needs to get back on track. As far as medication goes, would you tell a diabetic not to take insilin because he just doesn't eat right? There are real brain chemistry inbalances going on. They aren't magic pills, consistant discipline will help shape your child, medication will only help him be able to be in control. Keep educating yourself. Try different things until you find something that works. As the MOM you will have to take charge and be an advocate for your child, he is counting on you. You are already doing that so... good job. Everyone needs to hear that. God bless you and your son.

Jenny - posted on 07/12/2009

First of all it is not your fault, and you need to find a church that is not so judgmental. My daughter is mild add and we have learned some ways to cope with it with out meds. I have a wonderful church that I don't think you can find anywhere else, with a great pastor. There is a church out there that is right for you don't give up on the Lord, just because someone did not show you the right thing. You are in my prayers.

Rae - posted on 07/04/2009

The body and mind is a mystery to the medical society, and if they have conducted blood test to know the chemical imbalance then medicine makes since, otherwise you are just medicating. I like what the one mother said about a behavioral specialists and diagnosing the child as a whole. Children learn and grow at different rates, but they all need the same parameters. Boundaries and love. I am very sorry to hear about the chuch not being more supportive, unfortunately church is made up of people and they too also have different tolerances, not that's right (cause its not) but its sadly the truth. I believe if you pray and keep searching God will lead you to the family of believers who will come along side of you and your son. Don't give up on God, because of a few simple minded people, He will provide you with what you need and He is with you.

April - posted on 07/03/2009

First thing, You need to locate a church family that you feel like you feel like you belong. I too am a single parent and my daughter has PTSD and possible ADHD. She has been on medicines for 1-1/2 yrs now and I have seen a little change in her but not a drastic one. Medication for your child to live a more normal life is ok to do. But as you stated that others have critisized you for doing this is not right. This make me see that maybe the church you where going to was not the right place for you to worship and get the fellowship that you and your son are needing. I have found that some of my close family members are this exact same way with the medication issue. I have told them that unless they have a child that is diagnosed with a mental illness then they have no grounds to tell me what I can and can not do. I listen to her sessions with her doctor and they are not just there to drug kids they are there to help them. I don't want to sound like I am preaching as I am not I am just stating facts that I have seen and been around to notice things that my daughter has been through. It is much harder for us that are single parents because we have to be both the good and the bad parent if it must be put in words. God has designed us to be there for our children regardless of what others may say or think. God also is the creater that made these people doctors in the special field that they are in. Trust in God and he will lead you to the right church where judgement is not made and that you can get the support you need form fellow christian mothers. I would invite you to my church but I have no clue as to where you live. With time God will show you what to do. Hang in there and don't get discouraged as God is on your side.

Megan - posted on 07/02/2009

I grew up in a househole with ADD and ADHD. My older brother has ADHD and my younger sister has ADD (as well as some other developmental problems.) I can tell you from my first hand expirience that if a child truly has ADD or ADHD it hsa nothing to do with parenting. It is genetic! My father had ADHD as well as my Uncle and Grandmother on my mothers side. I honestly believe that my brother never would have graduated from highschool if he had not been on medication. For his needs, taking Ritalin was the only thing he needed to be able to focus and stay calm. For my sister she needs a combination of medication, therapy and special help and tutoring.



A lot of people think that doctors are giving out medication to children who don't really need it, but there are the kids who really do! It is not right or fair for others to judge you like that. I really feel for you. As far as church goes, there are a lot of churhes like that, unfortunately. That was a problem that I had a few years ago and for a long time I stopped attending church alotgether. It was too clique-y and I felt that I was being judged all the time. Finally, after a lot of prayer, God led me to a new church and it has been such a blessing. It is totally different from any church I have ever attending (in the best possible ways!) Don't give up hope, pray about it, and I know that God will lead you where you need to be!

Sabrina - posted on 07/01/2009

I have three children with a condition called Fragile X syndrome. This is a genetic disorder but can have other issues. My 5 yr old i very hyper and active and has issues staying on task at school. But he has an educational plan and they work with him. They lots af tecniques to keep him on task. I do believe that alot of drs are quick to label children. But i also know that there are cases were kids do need special attention to help them out. I have tried all kinds of parenting tecniques and none seem to work. But I also do know that my faith with God has helped me to stay sane at times. I have gone to non-denominational churches and have found ones that have classes for kids with special needs. This helps since my kids would never sit still for a sunday class. They can color, play, watch videos(veggie tales), and they tal to the kids about God. There are always going to be judgemental poeple in the world, but the only person you need to talk with is God. Never give up yur relationship with Him over other poeple. Just pray for them because it is them that need prayer to be better poeple. God did not teach his children to judge that is His job. If yu see and feel that medicine works then use it. But if not you can always try other things. My friend also chooses not to use meds on her son and has now put him on a special diet. And I have heard that it works some children. Maybe yushould google some links about ADHD/ODD and see what you can find. Good luck and I will pray that God shows you the way to do what is right.

Felicia - posted on 06/30/2009

I think that you are correct but many people say that parenting is the problem and many people say it is not, so that is why I asked the question. I really am hurt I guess because I feel like you were putting me down but anyway that is how this goes.

Felicia - posted on 06/30/2009

Quoting Sarah:

It could be both. Often time kids are labeled ADHD when the lack of abliity to hold attention and the hyperness comes from the parenting. But there are also those kids that no matter how structured the parenting is their attention and hyperness is still there. Kids need routine and structure. They need to know what comes next or what will happen if. You also have to be consistant. Part of having a routine is doing it all the time. There can be exceptions, but on a day to day basis things need to stay pretty much on schedule. Only you can answer your question about if it is your parenting. Only you know how you parent. No parent is perfect. We all live and learn. What makes a good parent is when we recogonize our faults and work to make them better. (Not always an easy thing to do). If it is the parenting than putting your son on medication will only cover the real problem. On the other hand there are those that truely have a chemical imbalance that only medication will help with. Before I would go to medication though I would read about other methods. Sometimes the change of diet will be all it takes. So I guess what I am saying is that only you know the answer to your question. Look honestly at the situation and go with what you honestly feel is going to be the best for your child.

Rabecca - posted on 06/29/2009

I am a parent of an ADHD child myself and at one point was a single parent and I have to say that I have never felt as much judgement as I have over the last few years . people do not understand ADHD or ODD they really think it's your parenting or just your kid is a bad kid and that is very hurtful and leaves us as parents of these kids feeling alone and to blameI stop going to friends homes becuase of what he may do or say or break and at times I feel very alone and isolated even close friends dont understand how it works they just get irritated with his behavior .

An outsider does not see that we as parents have to correct direct and disapline about oh 10 times more than you would with just your average child it's not like they dont know or understand that if they do this then they will get hurt or get in trouble or kids wont want to play with them they just dont understand or pick up on common social cues or body language or personal space.They are very smart kids lots of them are considered above average intellegence to gifted but because of they fast pace there mind is working at they eaither cannot slow there thought process long enough to hear and comprehend what is being directed to them or they learn what they are told and are done with it and get in trouble because the teachers are repeating it over for other kids and they get bored then thats wher ethe trouble starts. Most know the rules and can tell them to you over and over again my son always would say if I get out of my chair I will have to go to to the office but the thing is once he got mad, sad , nervous any kind of strong emotion all his though process of consquence was gone impulse takes over and once he was on that path he lacks the abliity to bring himself back before hes had a rage outburst or hit someone or just got out of control one way or another .

It's very hard to handle because after the fact my son thinks he dumb or stupid or nothing but trouble because he knows how to act but cant stop himself they are very much act first think later and thats why alot of these kids have very low self asteem .

I know that I am a great mom because I love him and will do anything to help him overcome all this but I get the wow lady spanke your kid once in awhile look all the time they just dont know how much time just goes into the okay before we walk in the door of saying okay you need to be good okay if you get mad you need to come right to me dont touch other kids stay in your seat ect.. ect.. ect..

I cringe everytime I hear the phone ring while he's at school I tell him everyday how smart and that he can get through a day without an issuse because he's the best kid in the world and he feels so defeated when he cant make it through a day without an isssue .we have what we call New Day where we dont bring up what happened in the past we just move on and have a new day without the mistakes we had the day before and try to have a new day that has new chances not to have a problem. I want him to suceed and have a wonderful childhood but alot of times i feel like I fall short of him getting at the very least a fun childhood but I wont give up hes more than worth it and at home we dont have half the problems he has at school and thats hard becuse I cant be there everymoment to make sure he acting right and being treated fairly because he does try and he might not do it right but its not for lack of him wanting to he sweet and very sensative he get mad and sad very easy and then just acts out. this is real just as much as bi polar and other mental conditions I know I used to be one of those who would look at moms and be like hey lady tell your kid no once in awahile now of course I have on of those kids but I treasure him yes I cry because its tough and I wonder why God gave me such a difficult kid but then he tells me it's because I love him so much that I will try anything to help him he could have given him to someone that would not do these things for him but he wouldnt suceed as well as he will with me.

Dont feel alone we all feel that look from other parents and people who dont even think that we are doing our best and our kids maybe a work in progress but they will get there and most likely faster if they werent faced with so many people passing judement on them instead of asking what can I do to help or saying if I'm waltching him what works best and when we say keep positive no matter what just to keep it positive, like saying I know you are trying you can do this instead of showing that fustration they feel all the time which makes it worse when they know adults feel angry towards them I may be the most impatient person in the whole world and it's work to keep from blowing up when I have said 14 or 15 times to get dressed or not being able to say get dressed eat your ceral them come brush your teeth becaus ethats to many things at once and none will get done if I say more than one thing but we are getting there we finally founsd a med that works and if we have diet sleep and meds right for the day things are great but if he has to much red dye or not enough sleep then we may have a slightly rough day but we have come so far and you will too my son is 8 and I have known he was ADHD since about 6 months no lie but not DX'D until 5 years old and we had a long haul of trying meds and dosages until we found vyvance that has helped so much and hes not a zombie like some people think they turn into he's still wild and fun and full of vinigar but you need God to walk you through this journey you need to ask him for wisdom to make tough choices to stear you to the the right services let him guide you and never let anyone stand in your way of your reationship with him because he will see you through whatever he brought you to ask he'll be there I pray for paitents daily or hourly and knowlege and wisdom because he knows its hard but he gave you that child because he believes you would be the best to guide him and see him overcome obsticles in his life be strong in your faith and he will help you find your answers

Sarah - posted on 06/29/2009

It could be both. Often time kids are labeled ADHD when the lack of abliity to hold attention and the hyperness comes from the parenting. But there are also those kids that no matter how structured the parenting is their attention and hyperness is still there. Kids need routine and structure. They need to know what comes next or what will happen if. You also have to be consistant. Part of having a routine is doing it all the time. There can be exceptions, but on a day to day basis things need to stay pretty much on schedule. Only you can answer your question about if it is your parenting. Only you know how you parent. No parent is perfect. We all live and learn. What makes a good parent is when we recogonize our faults and work to make them better. (Not always an easy thing to do). If it is the parenting than putting your son on medication will only cover the real problem. On the other hand there are those that truely have a chemical imbalance that only medication will help with. Before I would go to medication though I would read about other methods. Sometimes the change of diet will be all it takes. So I guess what I am saying is that only you know the answer to your question. Look honestly at the situation and go with what you honestly feel is going to be the best for your child.

Alison - posted on 06/29/2009

From what I know, ADHD (not familiar with ODD) is a genetic condition, which can be aggravated by environment. I think that if your son is doing better with medication, it is probably a great idea. ADHD is really hard on self-esteem b/c of poor results at school and difficulties getting along with others. If you can reduce the symptoms some, he might have a much better childhood.



If you are looking to discuss medication options, there is a lot of discussion on the Moms of ADHD Kids group.



What kind of support system do you have? Is your son seeing any specialists on a regular basis? As a single mom, you cannot be expected to meet all of his needs. Good luck with this!

Heather - posted on 06/27/2009

I have a six year old as well, and I am also a teacher. My daughter has difficulty staying on task in the classroom, and by the end of the day she wants nothing else to do with school. At home she can be very active as well, but she also does not sleep well at night. I am having her evaluated next week by a child developmental specialist. I am not saying that this is your case, but far to often many doctors are to quick to make a diagnosis. Many times they just hand you and whomever else cares, or has an active role in your childs life a questionaire. They have you fill it out and then come to a conclusion based on that. I just feel like this is not a very good way of diagnosing. This is why I chose to have her seen by a developmental specialist, they look at the child as a whole. They look at their environment, nutrition, sleep patterns, any tramatic events that may have occured, as well as follow up with assessment testing. This is a drawn out process but alot more accurant. As a teacher and a parent I know I want what is best for my child, and far too often I have seen children placed on medication based on one little checklist. The unfortunate part is that these specialist are few and far between. Placing your child on medication is a personal choice and you should not feel guilty about that. However if it bothers you, research other methods that have been studied and found successful, then discuss them with his doctor. As for your parenting, it is not necessarily you. The bottom line is that with any child even one diagnosed with a disorder needs structure, routine and consistancy. Something that I think every parent no matter how good falls short on. I know I do on a regular basis. It is hard to be consistent and follow through with consequences especially when I am tired ( which I am sure you are, since you are his primary caregiver). There is a great book by James Dobson called Raising a Strong Willed Child(I hope I got the author right), it has a lot of very good and easy techniques you can use. Plus, it helps you feel more confident about your parenting ablities. I know it hurts for people to judge you and your son, after all no matter what, he is your son, and no parent wants their child to ever feel an ounce of pain. The unfortunate part is that people including christians are all sinners. Even though christians are suppose to show unconditional love, they are still human which means they judge others as well. Church should be a place where you feel safe, not a place you feel rejected, but unfortunately humans run it. Even though my situation is a little different at one time I stopped attending church as well, because of judgemental people. As time went on I began to realize that my walk with Christ had nothing to do with any of those people. No matter where I went I would run into and have to deal with people just like that, because they are human. I finally decided that I was not going to let any of them stand in my way. My walk with Christ is far more important than those people. After all they will have to answer to him one day, but I will also. Don't let others stand in the way of your worship time. Find a church that has a well structured sunday school, usually these types of children do well with a structured environement. Don't be afraid to ask how they handle, types the children, ask to see a schedule, ask about activities, also look at the child to teacher ratio. Try different places out and then pray for Gods guidance, HE WILL GIVE IT TO YOU. I know I have gone on forever, but hopefully this will help. Best of luck.