Need advice: I'm a stress yeller.

Krys - posted on 06/17/2010

I dont know if you got your answer that you needed.. but i wanted to tell you my thoughts. When my son was little i was told by many ppl that when you have to scream at your child you have lost control and to gain the control and show your child you are in control to refrain from the screaming and yelling.....i never yelled at my son until he was almost 3 ...and i went through a series of books ...and i had to step back and ask myself who is in control the one thing i did...i took my then 3 yr old to the altar one sundayy nite and prayed..and with all the other advice i got..it worked i still say it was God but, again to the training of not yelling worked:)

Leslie - posted on 06/14/2010

When you want to snap, give God some praise. Not only will you have to stop before you speak, but the devil will flee from your praises. Ask me how I know. I actually wear a bracelet that reminds me to give God praise in all things, and God has given me the strength to stop speaking idly and carelessly. With kids it's a challenge.
I have a 4 year old who throws tantrums like a baseball player. I tried everything, and finally I got a good points bad points system that really got his attention. Funny aside, Adam and Eve, God's children, couldn't even keep themselves from eating of the tree of Knowledge. If those "kids" couldn't behave once their Father turned His back, what makes us think we're going to have it easy? Stay blessed and encouraged.

Sja - posted on 05/28/2010

Learning to hadle responsibility and being calm during any and all situations takes the faith of Jesus and mind of him also this is why Jesus says come unto me ye that are laboured and heavy laden and I will give you rest.
the lack of peace brings the frustration of the mind and this brings on all manner of behaviour which does not represent Christ, I was there and at the slightest thing I yelled, bawled, and even vented my feelings on persons who had nothing to do with my situation.

At those times I called out to God and begun to pray and I prayed more with the children and study the word of God more and to my surprise I got a peace that I never knew I had.

There are times you will be annoyed but learning to handle it in a christian and mature way is the main key.

here are a few scriptures for some comfort and peace of mind

Psalm 55:22 Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. - Deuteronomy 31:6

Psalm 62:1 Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. – Matthew 11:28-30

Psalm 90:12 So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. – Philippians 4:6

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. – Psalm 42:5-6a

Psalm 119:37 Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.

Psalm 119: 133 Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.

Psalm 121: 1- 2 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.

"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint" Isaiah 40:31

"So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up" Galatians 6:9

"The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army" Habakkuk 3:19

This one hit me really hard but I accepted it.

Be not quick (hasty) in your spirit to become angry,
for anger lodges (resteth) in the bosom of fools.

—Ecclesiastes 7:9

Carla - posted on 05/28/2010

Melissa, you wrote your own answer to your post! You have 3 more children now, so the stress comes easier and it doesn't go away as easy! 4 kids equal stress! lol The more children you have, the more order you need. Are you using the naughty chair as punishment? I know it takes a little time away from your work, but if you institute it and be consistent, they catch on quickly. As Christian women, we are to train our children. They NEED to know that if they misbehave, there are consequences.

Stress kills. Heart attacks, strokes, as well as potential child abuse. We need to use any tool at our disposal to raise our children and keep our sanity. A little time spent getting them in order will pay off with a quiet home for you. God bless, sweetie.

Melissa - posted on 05/28/2010

I get stress so easly also and I try to tell myself to ignore it and it will stop and for my first one it worked I would stop what I was doing cause nothing I was doing had to be done right then and that was alot of my problem was the fit was interuping my doing dishes or laundry or whatever I was in the middle of so after I sat down and took some deep breaths and just watched him he would calm down and I could do what I was doing or he would come and sit with me and we would spend some time together. I have 3 more kids now and it dont work like that all the time sometimes I just have to leave the room to calm down and when they dont have the adiance they quit soon after.

Alison - posted on 05/27/2010

If you want to break the pattern, you need to learn new techniques for dealing with your daughter's behaviour. Go to the library or ask friends for book recommendations (I reccomend "Boundaries in Kids") - or watch supernanny at www.watch-series.com.

Here is a scripture for you:
Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT, which is of great worth in God's sight. (1 Peter 3:4)

Audrey - posted on 05/26/2010

Thank you all! You were all so helpful! I'm so sorry that I haven't gotten back to you sooner! Truthfully I'd forgotten I'd even posted at all! I will definitely try those techniques and memorize those verses! I can't tell you all how much I really appreciate it! thanks so much!

Julie - posted on 05/22/2010

Remember, there are no perfect parents and no perfect children. Stress yelling is common. And it can also be caused by other things, like low vitamin D or not enough magnesium in your diet. Try adding a good quality vitamin with vitamin D, or get out in the sun more. There are also a lot of good magnesium supplements - the easiest to absorb are the ones you drink in hot water. Ask at your local health food store.

I also recommend www.biblicalparenting.org. They have some great books that will help you be a better mom (get dad to read them too!) and will also give you advice about your stress yelling. They have helped me a lot - I also am a stress yeller.

Also, juice all day can cause cavities, so switch to water. Get her on a regular schedule and have her eat in a place where there aren't too many distractions. Yes, she probably won't like it, but if you are firm and consistent, she will adjust and be a happier child because of it.

Hope some or all of this helps!
Julie

Sunshine - posted on 05/15/2010

In a way I am in the same boat but my son is ONLY 6 months old. I don't yell at him but when he is screaming non stop I yell at my DOGS, lmbo! I shouldn't do that but I don't exactly know how to stop it cause something in me wants to scream I think thats why I am always yelling at people when I am driving & what not, haha. Im sure I will go through all that when he is older but thats why i will stick him in his room & let him do that crap in his room haha

Wendy - posted on 05/11/2010

I had a similar problem when my boys were about that age. I even talked to our doctor about it. He told me that the boys would eat when they were ready/ hungry. I just had to balance out what they drank. I was worried that they were not getting a healthy balance of what they needed. They will eventually work their way to wanting to eat all the time...LOL. I will pray for you. As for the yelling...that should ease too. I guess for now...find the proverbial "happy place" when she is pitching a fit. Play some soothing music. She will eventually realize that the fits don't work anymore and she will move on to something else. I wish you the best of luck!

Jill - posted on 05/11/2010

pray that God fill you full of the fruit of the spirit... love , joy peace, kindness patience...etc... i do it every night... you have to also make a conscience decision not to yell... it won;t happen over night... but you are on the right track... you don';t want to be like your mother... that should be enough to make you want to change... my mother is so negative and we were never told anything positive... i try so hard not to be like her...but it is hard to undo 18 yrs of mental abuse and dysfuntion....i noticed after my 3rd child i had lost some of the affection i had for my 1st .... but i prayed that God would help me to show my first more affection and He is faithful in doing so....but i have to be super conscious that i do this or i will fall back to my old ways....

Christa - posted on 05/10/2010

Thanks Carla!! :-)

Carla - posted on 05/10/2010

This is for Nadine--sweetie, singing to get yourself calmed down is great, but you are not telling your son his behavior is not allowed. He needs to be told very specifically that you are not going to allow the tantrums. Have YOU tried the naughty chair? Using this technique helps defuse the situation, because you are telling them to stop, giving a warning, then carrying out punishment. I tell them as I am putting them on the chair why they are being punished, set the timer, then leave them (keeping an eye out of their view). Afterward, you tell them again, or ask them to tell you why they were on the naughty chair. Tell them you want an 'I'm sorry' and then hugs and kisses. There is no yelling, screaming, stress. It DOES take time and persistence, but the stress level since I have implemented this (about a year) is almost zero! They were 3 and 2 when I started. We had very little initial problems making them stay on the chair because they knew Grammy meant business. Work on your 'don't cross me, I mean business' face ;) Good luck, sweetie, praying for you, too!

Carla - posted on 05/10/2010

Christa, tell her when you are done feeding the baby there will be naughty chair time. I understand trying to deal with infant and 2-year-old, mine were two years apart, and yes, they act up as soon as you start taking care of baby or the phone rings ;) However, the disciplining has to continue. Motherhood is sometimes rough, sweetie, we knew that going in. If you have been consistent in discipline before the baby came, she knows the basics, she's just testing the waters to see how far she can go. With my grandchildren, if they are acting up, I tell them to stop, Grammy doesn't allow that behavior. If they continue, they get 'the warning', knowing full well that naughty chair comes after the warning. I am horribly consistent, and they know it. Just the mention of warning is enough to stop them most times. When she is acting up while you are busy, tell her to stop, give her a warning, and carry it out when you are done with the baby. If she is as smart as I know you to be after reading your posts over the last couple months, I know she will understand and get it. Good luck, sweetie, we're praying for you!

Nadine - posted on 05/10/2010

I have the same problem. My one is now 2 1/2 and he's really into his tantrums. I can feel the anger building up before I explode and I know he's just going to ignore me. I don't have any specific scripture I keep in mind, but I love to sing. So as soon as I feel that first niggling of negative feelings I start to sing something as fun as possible. This morning it was "I got the Joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart". The first thing this does is it gives me the joy, joy ,joy, joy. Secondly, if its fun enough it stops my son in his tracks and he starts laughing and singing along. If it doesn't work then I stop, take a deep breath and pray for peace and patience and self-control and start on another song. Sometimes I can't think of any fun songs and then I have to put in a cd (Cedarmont Kids is always a good option for me).
Secondly, when it comes to eating I've found a solution that works for me. I've eliminated all food that I don't want him constantly eating from my house. Then I bought some healthy cereals that he can eat without milk and call it chippies (at this point he loves his Milo cereal) and dried fruit squares (without sugar on it) are his sweeties. That way, even if he only eats chips and sweets, its still relatively healthy and I'm not too bothered. As far as juice goes, I start off diluting it 50% and every time I fill it up, I dilute it more so that by the end of the day he's drinking flavored water. I know its deceptive, but until he is old enough to pour his own juice and make his own food, he must take it or leave it. If he's hungry or thirsty he will take it and if he's not then he doesn't need it anyway.
That's just my method, I hope you find something that works for you.
P.S. The Shack IS brilliant!

Christa - posted on 05/08/2010

Carla, I love the Supernanny! I try her methods but here's my problem, I just had my second (12 wks) and my 2 year old knows she can pretty much do whatever when I have to feed etc the baby. I don't have the luxery of taking her back to "the naughty spot" for hours. Sometimes I have to give in to take care of the baby and she KNOWS that. Any suggestions??

Carla - posted on 05/08/2010

Join the club, sweetie! People have struggled with this since the beginning of Time! So, first things first: 1. Scripture: A soft answer turneth away wrath (Proverbs) I hate to keep touting Supernanny, but she is very adamant about NOT raising your voice to be heard over their screaming. You speak to them in a soft, calm voice and tell them they will go on the naughty mat or chair for 2 minutes (I assume we are talking about the 18-month-old). Tell her she is going on othe naughty mat because she is crying and throwing fits. You may have to put her back on several times before she figures out you are not going to relent. Don't say anything to her, just pick her up and put her on the spot. After time up, tell her again why she was put on the spot, tell her to apologize to you, give her hugs and kisses, and go on, business as usual. It DOES work! My 3-year-old granddaughter gets an attitude, sometimes all day! I tell her 'do we need an attitude adjustment? Do you want to sit in the naught spot?' Sometimes it's what's needed, sometimes just letting her know you see her misbehaving is enough. Kids are incredibly smart and know which buttons to push.



As for yelling at people in general--this is included in what Paul calls crucifying the flesh. Our mouths get us in sooo much trouble! Read James and see what he says about the mouth. It really hits home. People think when we get saved we should be perfect. That simply isn't so! We are simply forgiven and given help to fix ourselves. WE have to put the duct tape on our mouths so we don't yell. It takes time and a lot of prayer to overcome. I am almost 60, and have just started figuring this out. You shut your mouth, but then the thoughts are screaming in your head! But you conquered keeping your mouth shut, then you have to start on stopping the screaming in your head. People are human, even Christians, and we are going to do things to upset you. It's up to you to learn the love of Jesus, and put it into practice on the people around you. If we look at people through the eyes of Jesus, we will understand they have problems just like us, and maybe they are having a bad day and are getting on your nerves. Paul said 'if you can't love people, who you have seen, how can you love God, whom you haven't seen?' That is pretty potent. And don't stress out over not being able to do all this right away, this takes a long time, years, and a tremendous amount of praying and work to accomplish! If you haven't read 'The Shack' yet, I strongly recommend it. It brings into perspective the aspects of God, as Father, Son and Holy Ghost, yet One. It has helped me tremendously in my spiritual walk.



When the little ones don't eat their breakfast, they don't get anything until lunch. If they don't eat lunch, they will wait til dinner. I give them juice or milk, but nothing else. The doctor told me they wouldn't starve to death with food in front of them. They just don't want to eat it, cuz it isn't as good as the snacks. I understand that one! They have to learn, tho, that they have to eat good stuff before they can have snacky stuff. Again, they are smart little critters, and have figured out if they don't eat a meal, they can still have sweeties. That has to be changed! We are the parents/grandparents, and were given to them because they haven't got the smarts yet to take care of themselves. Give them good role models (eat your veggies and meat!) and cut out the snacks, until they eat.



Speaking of books ;) God bless, sweetie

Christa - posted on 05/08/2010

I don't have any advice as I am in the same boat with my two year old. She knows how to push my buttons and I try so hard not to yell, but sometimes my temper gets the best of me. I just wanted you to know you are not alone. :-)

Sarah - posted on 05/08/2010

we must be realted cuz this sounds similar to my home. my 14 month old doesnt like to eat either. he eats gold fish crackers and graham crackers as often as possible. and the juice thing too!



i honestly dont have a scripture for you but i know when my son is in one of those moods i change scenery(sp). either i put him in his crib and go into another room to destress or i take us both outside. even doing something like putting on sesame street is a change from whatever we WERE doing. this usually allows him to change his mind and let him get uncrancky. and it lets me wind down.