Non-married parents

Jill - posted on 06/25/2010

Does he want to marry you? Do you want to marry him? Do you ever talk about it? Maybe he thinks the church will pressure you two into making changes he is afraid of. Life is too short. Ask him (and yourself) these things and talk about it. Keep going to church. God wants you to know Him more.

Glenda - posted on 06/22/2010

That's the devil's way of getting you away from God. Yes, living together as married when you're not is sinful, but forgiveable (by God). Abandoning God is eternally "fatal." God says we should not be "unequally yoked" so I don't think marriage is really the correct option for you at this point. That being said, you should not live together as married when you are not. Pray about it and see what God would have you do. Whatever you do, stay in church and keep following God. Study His word and do as He would have you do.

April - posted on 06/22/2010

I can relate to you very much here. Scott and I are not married. We meet way back in 1997 for the first time during a summer band thing with our grade schools coming together, and for the Billy Moore Days Parade we had in our local town. He was two years older than myself, so He was in 8th grade and I was in 6th grade. At first we were friends during that first year before he left for High School. I wouldn't see him again until 1999 when my grade school would go across the street to the high school during home football games to play in the stands with the marching band. We again meet and started a kinship. From day one I knew I loved that man, and one day would be his and his wife. I never thought much more of that, then it would one day happen.

So imagine my surprise that following summer when I was about to enter into high school with him, and he was looking right at me during that summer band camp. We were inseparable.

Although our history, which I clearly don't have space or time here to get into, was very rocky, we had several life things happen that separated us, and several personal issues that separated us. However in the end, the winter after I graduated high school, he found me again.(2005). Again we had become inseparable.

I had always said this was my one true love. The only man for me. During our times of separation, I did date and see other people, even at one point was engaged to marry another, thinking that I would never find my love again. And of course the pressures of getting married and starting a family where hitting me like a ton of bricks since all my friends where off doing that same thing, getting married and having kids.

I eventually left my fiancée two months before our wedding, to be with Scott after he found me. I know this sounds like a wrenched thing to do, but my heart never belonged to anyone else but Scott, and I knew God would have always found a way for us to be together. I was convinced of that.

After reuniting in 2005 we had about another 3 year span of horrors. It just seemed like life wouldn't give us a break. It got so bad that I couldn't take it any more and eventually ran off to another town 3 hours away up in the mountains, so I couldn't be found.

Scott found me there yet again. This time it was different. I was a stronger woman of God, I had take the last two years almost to really study God and get down and gritty with God, and Scott had done the same thing.

Suddenly instead of life pushing us apart, life was forcing us together. I got Promoted and moved back down to our city, where he was still at, and had no place to live, and no place would let me live there. So we were forced to move back in together. At first it was great, then for a few months got rocky.

However, now that we have our home, our two dogs, and our first child on the way, we couldn't be any happier.

We are devout Christians that go to Church and follow God's teachings and commands. We feel the hand of God on our hearts to finally get married. What we realized is our struggles, all though they helped shape who we are today, and brought us to this very moment, was the work of God. He was telling us, that we were living a life of Sin, and He wanted us to fix that. That's why He kept bringing us back together time after time after time. Nothing was ever wrong in our relationship, just life happened.

We plan on getting married within this next year finally, although in our hearts we pledge ourselves to God and to each other. Meaning, in our hearts we have already been married to each other. This does not make it okay or better, but when we figured this out, and finally knew what God's plan was, we accepted it. We are more than happy about it.

As far as going to church, keep going. The Holy spirit will work through you, your children, and eventually your man. I have learned from experience that some churches will cause big commotion about the living and not married issue, and some will be loving, open and accepting, and help you manage and go into the right direction what ever that may be.

For the churches that cause commotions and stinks about it, leave. Run away, and never look back. They are not looking out for your wellbeing or your families well being, they are looking out for something else. Find a church that will accept you, your family and where your family stands right now.

Mona - posted on 06/22/2010

Well as others have stated Dominique said it well..."We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" but we are all forgiven...to get the answer that is designed for you u have to pray and ask God to ORDER YOUR STEPS and LEAD you down the path He has for you. If the relationship is good/great between you 2 then make that covenant under God and marry..if its ordained hun then it will happen but dont let how he feels come between your relationship with your savior...prayer and faith is the key...have a blessed day!!!!!

Janene - posted on 06/21/2010

I definitely think you should get married. It obviously is important to him and it would be what God would want. It also would be good for your children. It may also be what brings your husband to the Lord.

Cynthia - posted on 06/20/2010

Hi Michelle, I don't think you should stop attending church just because you are living together. I do believe that marriage is ordained by God and that it is a sin to fornicate (have sexual relations) outside of marriage. However, I am not judging you because God is the only one that should be your judge. Do you feel convicted that what you are doing is not what God would choose for you? I will pray for you and your family. God bless.

Namasiku - posted on 06/20/2010

Well living in that manner is indeed a sin,but why dont you guys marry after all you are practically married,so why not make it legal?????? dont be caught in a web,you sound like a mature woman who loves God.dont compromise with the flesh,the flesh is very selfish always wanting to feel good even when you are in a wrong situation.its your choice think about your salvation above all else.think about it and talk to the father of your kids.

Jessica - posted on 06/19/2010

P.S. The Bible doesn't anywhere say "don't have sex when you're not married" or "don't live together if you're not married". It says "don't have illicit sex", and that is up to everyone's own interpretation. It never defines it.

Jessica - posted on 06/19/2010

Everyone in church is a sinner. I also am "living in sin", and have known many couples in several churches who do the same. Church is a place to be accepted no matter what, and is exactly where people need to go if they are sinning! You don't need to clean up your act in order to come to God or fellowship about Him.

Nicolle - posted on 06/18/2010

Well, it is a sin to live together, the Bible forbids having sex when your not married, but God doesnt hate you guys if you go to church if your not married. God loves you guys and wants you guys to walk in his ways. Dont let him feel condemed, thats what Satan wants, God wants him to know that He is willing to forgive him and start fresh.

Kathy - posted on 06/17/2010

I think if u feel like going to church then u should go and worship God. God is very understanding,but if he don't feel like then i would not push him.I am in the same boat.I have been with my man for 6 years and we are not married and he don't want to go to church neither because we r not married.

Carla - posted on 06/15/2010

Ditto, Dominique says it best. If we had to clean ourselves up before we came to God, we wouldn't need Him! We can't clean ourselves up, He does. We come as we are, and give ourselves to His Hands. He cleans us up as He sees fit. God bless you, darling, keep going, keep trusting and keep growing.

Jill - posted on 06/15/2010

i couldn't of said it better than Dominique

Jennifer - posted on 06/14/2010

Dominique said it perfectly.I was too in a similiar situation.I just got to the point where I was like either u marry me or thats it.He didnt want to get married cause he thought I wanted a huge wedding and we couldnt afford it. So we got married.I dont expect u leave him or anything I was telling u my story.U guys have a lot of history why dont you get married? Stay in church and pray for wisdom.I hope for the best.

Dominique - posted on 06/14/2010

Honey, I'm not married and I dont live with my daughter's father, but I have a very small child and have been Saved since I was 11. Regardless of what sins you have or are commiting, STAY IN CHURCH. God will come in and change things about you, you didnt even know were wrong. Dont ever let anyone keep you from your worship with God. If you like the church and you feel comfortable there then go and stay. But us ladies can give you advice all day long and more than likely its good advice, but you should really pray and ask God to lead and guide your footsteps. Only He knows what is truely best for you, sister.

Heather - posted on 06/14/2010

I'm with the others- if there's no major reason NOT to get married (in which case, I guess I'd wonder why you are still w/the guy), then you should marry. Especially if that's a stumbling block between your man and God... God created the institution of marriage for a reason, and I believe it's the honorable thing to do, especially if you already have children together.

If you do not, though, I would point out that God doesn't expect us to come to Him perfect- He knows we are flawed and loves us in spite of our numerous sins... so, married or not, you should be able to attend church together. Any church that would not welcome you is a church you likely wouldn't want to be a part of anyway.

Krys - posted on 06/14/2010

We all live in a world where wrong is right and right is wrong. Some people live together and raise children and never feel that there is anything wrong with that, In the book of judges it speaks of people and how they will be their own judge and ruler and to say whats right or wrong. My advice to you is this..you have been with him 12 yrs, and if you did get married you both could attend and he would not feel uncomfortable..is there any reason why you cant or dont want to get married?

Alison - posted on 06/14/2010

Sounds like you should get married. I believe that marriage is important and it is different from living together and having children together. I believe it is God's will for a man and woman to be joined together. And if your husband doesn't feel righteous because of it and doesn't go to church because of it, you do not want this to be between him and God!

It does not have to be elaborate. It can even be a potluck celebration, but to have a wedding day and a marriage certificate... absolutely!

Is there any good reason not to?