Please somebody give me advice or help

Jenny - posted on 09/11/2010 ( 25 moms have responded )

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Well I know it is a sin to get a divorce but I was wondering if your husand was cheating if you should get a divorce or stay, please help I dont know what to do. I keep thinking to myself that I can find a guy who treats me right the way I should be treated, but itis in the bible not to get a divorce. Any advice on what I should do, I mention something about counsling but he dosnt want to go.

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Elisha - posted on 07/30/2012

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Honey, 1) DIVORCE IS NOT A SIN. If he has cheated on you, then he is the on responsible for breaking your marraige convenant. If he doesn't want to go to counseling, then I can tell you that he's not repentant for what he's done, and he'll definitely do it again.

When divorce becomes a sin is when you decide that you just don't want to be married anymore, or because you find someone else. Divorcing just because you no longer want to be married or honor your marraige vows is a sin.

also, 2) IT IS NOT A SIN TO REMARRY AFTER YOU DIVORCE. Please don't think that if you divorce this man that you are condemned to be alone for the rest of your life. People get that idea from one verse that says "anyone who divroces his wife and marries another woman commits adultrey." In the Greek, that conjunction "and" is also translated "to," which would more accuately ready "anyone who divorces his wife TO marry another woman commits adultery," meaning of course that a man couldn't just say, "I'll divorce my wife first and then marry this othe chic and it will be okay."

You have every right spiritually to divorce him, especially if he is not repentant. Praying for you, honey. And if you need someone to talk to, I'm right here. I'm going through a divorce from a cheater myself, and I did forgive him and work on our marriage, and it still didn't help. I did all the praying and reading and everything in the world you can think of.

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[deleted account]

Actually, those books I recommended would probably help even if your husband didn't care that much. I would just pray about it. If you feel in your heart you should try to repair the marriage, then you should. If you feel in your heart you can't and he's not even trying, then pray and see what it feels like you should do.

[deleted account]

Ah I know what you're going through and it's tough. My husband cheated on me a few years ago. When I found out, he begged me to stay. I know he regretted it. I decided to stay and try to work it through since he seemed to really be sorry about it. But whenever we would fight I would throw it back in his face and that wasn't right. It's three years later and I'm finally starting to see that if I really want a happy marriage, I have to forgive and not bring it up again. I need to actively try to love my husband the way he needs to feel loved, and he needs to do the same for me. We both knew there was some kind of rut in our marriage. I was still harboring resentment about the cheating and he couldn't show me the type of emotional love I needed since I couldn't show him the physical love he needed. I know my husband loves me but if I'm going to really try to work on my marriage I need to forgive and love again.
Now, if your husband doesn't show any interest in working on this with you and doesn't even care, I would pray about it and seek advice from a pastor, or go to counseling alone. I don't think you should stay in the marriage if he just doesn't care that he hurt you and doesn't want to try and make it better.
I also recommend the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and also Have a New Husband By Friday by Kevin Leman. These books will help the most if he wants to work on this with you. And if you decide to forgive and work on the marriage, practicing these principles found in the book might really help you both out.
I'm currently long distance from my husband but I'm eager to try the ideas in these books out to make our marriage good again. My husband is eager too. So maybe have your husband read the first one I recommended if he wants to work on the marriage.

Kathleen - posted on 05/13/2014

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Here is a really good that may help the both of you: Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy

Carla - posted on 08/06/2012

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Amen, Ali! I, too, went through the prayer and fasting over my husband, anointed every place he sat, laid, stood, went through, etc. It took several years, but he re-dedicated himself to the Lord, wholly and completely this time, and we have a marriage like we never had before.

So I am a FIRM believer that, if you feel God has put you two together, He will bring you back together and give you the desires of your heart.

God bless!

Ali - posted on 08/06/2012

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Good for you that you don´t want to get a divorce, that is what Satan wants more broken homes and children hurt by divorce!! You can restore your marriage with the help of God.

I didn´t deal with a affair, but my husband was emotionally abusing me and I was at the point I wanted to die. God healed me first, my selfsteem, making me stronger to know that I could save my marriage through his hands, I had to bit the dust, be humble and do a lot of prayer and fasting too. Once in prayer I could clearly hear that God was going to heal my marriage but I had to keep the faith. And he did. I was at a point that my husband wanted to leave me and treated me awfully. I started to pray over him when he was sleeping, I did the love dare, and stopped the nagging, I started loving him not for what he was, but because that was what God was calling me to do, to stay firm on my marriage vows, I promised to love him in sickness and health, and at that point he was spiritually sick...

Jenny dear, know that God really loves you!!! That you are a precious creation of him and that you don´t deserve to be treated this way, but your husband is spiritually sick and living in sin and needs you to stay strong in your faith. When you feel lonely pray, when you need a hug go to Jesus and ask him to hug you to comfort you, He will!!

Also I would strongly recommend this website http://www.rejoiceministries.org/restore...
Look for websites with web communities where people support marriage, and don´t listen to friends or family members who will try to tell you to divorce him. God has give you the right light, fight for your marriage, you will never regret it.

God bless you!

Jennifer - posted on 08/06/2012

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Sin is relative. It says in the bible whatever you hold true on earth I shall hold true in heaven. Divorce is very accepted form of escape for bad marriages. Not to mention I would also believe that before cheeting comes lust which is also one of the 7 deadly sins. Do not let your belief structure force you to stay in an unhappy situation. God put Adam on earth to take care of eve and treat her well not to emotionally abuse her and have affairs. Which was done to you, all sins shall be washed clean if you repent so divorce the bastard be happy for you!

Shauna - posted on 07/15/2011

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The Bible allows divorce in certain situations. You can stay many have, but your not obligated to. Depends on how strong you think you are. God will let you know, just don't rush into any decision. Give yourself a chance to think long and hard about it. Get close to God and he will speak to you.

Mary - posted on 07/10/2011

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honestly does your husband regret wat he has done? if so try and work things out, my husband cheated on me about 2 yrs ago, it was a long haed road . court battle and everything. but i decided to give him another chance for the kids sake.today we still have our problems, i still have trust issues with him. but yet he has been faithful ever since. if you love him and he loves you then you can work things out

Taylor - posted on 07/10/2011

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if he does not want to go it is his loss, yes divorce is sad and people may not like it, but u honestly think god wants u to be treated that way? No not at all, it is also a sin to cheat, so u need to follow your heart he sounds like he does not appreciate u anymore, if that is the case let him go. leave them alone and they will come home wagging there tails behind them. lol and if he does not care, drop him. NOONE deserves that

Angela - posted on 07/08/2011

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In your shoes I would pray about it before you make your final decision. Should you decide to forgive him, you need to make it clear that this doesn't make you a pushover and he's on his last chance. However, don't throw it in his face all the time about the things he did to let you down. Let him start with a clean sheet.

If he has any sense, he'll know not to let you down in this way again. If he transgresses another time though, you need to take firmer action, this might be divorce or leaving him temporarily.

Pray about it though. You would be well within your rights to end youir marriage right now if you can't face being with him after he's fooled around with another woman. It's your decision at the end of the day.

Rosa - posted on 04/13/2011

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I would advise you to pray in your heart and find the man you fell in love with. Ask God to show you the direction to take. Now you said your husband is cheating, do you know his for a fact or did he tell you? Dont assume cause he is acting up or pushing you away that he is cheating. Sit down and have a open and clear conversation with him. Most men dont like going to therapy, so go online print out form with question or make your own. Get a day without interreptions sit down and talk, and please avoid advise from outsides. Only you and your husband is in this marriage. Sometime all a marriage need is honestly, and if he is honest dont push it away or think he is just mean. The truth will hurt but atleast you will know. God bless you both.

[deleted account]

the bible also says that adultery is the only reason one may divorce. You have biblical stance to divorce him if that is what it has come to. I encourage you to try every other good avenue first. Such as even if he doesnt want to go councelling, YOU go to Christian councelling for your own good. Read a few books such as "power of a praying wife" by stormie o martian... plus there are other good Christian books for women who are in a marriage where the man has cheated. speak to a pastor/leadership that you trust about your situation, in the multitude of councellors there is wisdom. that is Christian councellors though, not just anyone. Restoration is always the best thing.
at the end, if all roads lead to worst case scenario, then know, that with biblical backup, you can divorce your husband for the purpose of his adultery.
use a concordance and you will find the few scriptures that mention it.

Sarah - posted on 09/16/2010

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Purchase the Power of Praying Wife, Love Dare, and the movie Fireproof...It doesn't matter if your spouse is ready but if you are and you live these three things...Cry out to God and believe with your whole heart...

Brenda - posted on 09/16/2010

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well what i can tell you is that the bible says that you can't divorce but you can separate each other. you can try to work things out but if it doesn't work just separate but you know that you can't be with anyone else. you only married once according to the bible otherwise you will be committing adultery andt that is a sin against god!!!

Jill - posted on 09/16/2010

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i have a feeling there are gonna be alot more woman making it to heaven than men....these men better wake up and repent

Amanda - posted on 09/15/2010

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yes ur right God says not 2 divorce.....but he aslo give grounds on where a divorce is ok....adultery is one....im goin thru the same thing....i tried 2 make it work cuz i felt like i was giving up on my marriage....but i had to realize that God doesnt want us 2 be unhappy.....and that the man God has 4 ME is jus 4 ME......pray about it girl....pray n fast....God will give you the answer....keep ya head up

Jill - posted on 09/14/2010

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the bible also says to forgive 70 times 70 times.... pray for the healing of your marriage first

[deleted account]

Get out your Bible, because it doesn't say it's a sin to get a divorce!
It says the Christian shouldn't walk out on a marriage just because the spouse is not Christian.
It says you are not obligated to stay married if the non-Christian wants to walk away from the marriage.
It also says there are times when you should walk away from a marriage -- infidelity is one of those reasons.

Before you do anything else, take a deep breath or two and pray for a clear sign of what your next step should be. I'm praying for the same for you. (((hugs)))

Patty - posted on 09/13/2010

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Hi, I can personally relate to your situation having dealt with a cheating husband. If you are like me, you are questioning everything about your relationship & life at the moment. With prayer, God will show you the answer that is best for you. I'd recommend reading the book, "Surviving Separation and Divorce" by Loriann Hoff Oberlin. It is full of valuable information & insight that can also help you wrestle with your decision. I went to several counselors all of which were christians and one even a pastor. They all told me the same thing..Biblically I have grounds for divorce if he chooses to continue to cheat. I can't tell you that I won't divorce, I did file & have him served. That was such a wake up call that he went to counseling with me. Was it a bed of roses after, absolutely not. We may still divorce but God has been at work & there's been slow progress. So for now, I leave my relationship to God. I also know that God doesn't want me to be a doormat so I keep a closer eye on things. Should my husband stray again, this time when I file, I'll finish what I started. If you want more info & books that were recommended to me, send me a pvt msg & I emaill you the info. God Bless.

Jill - posted on 09/12/2010

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i believe in 2nd chances.... the grass is not always greener... only God can change your circumstances.... pray and God will find a way....

Carla - posted on 09/12/2010

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Neither can I tell you what's right or wrong, sweetie, cuz everyone's walk is different. I can only tell you about my situation:

My husband and I cheated on each other multiple times during our marriage. We had been saved, but fell away, and it was a disaster. After the last time, we thought it was the end. But I couldn't accept it, and I got on my face before God. We had been married 30 years at this time. I prayed, cried, fasted for weeks, months, I don't remember. We moved back in with each other, or, I should say, I moved in with him, left our beautiful home where we raised our children, I left everything to be with him. I just knew God didn't want us to end, and I couldn't imagine actually living with someone other than him, even tho I had been as unfaithful as he had been. It took a couple years for him to tell me he loved me, but they were the sweetest words I had heard! Four years later, he rededicated his life back to the Lord, and we are going on 38 years now. Our marriage has never been stronger.

God can do the impossible--I never put Him in a box. My sincere suggestion would be to pray and fast. I know you're hurting, but you need Godly wisdom and guidance.

God bless, honey

Sarah - posted on 09/11/2010

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Only you know what is best to do for you and your family.....So I can't tell you what do to, expect to pray and find out what God wants you to do. God does not like divorce, but he also does not like those the commit adultery either. That is also in the Bible (ten commandments). A marriage takes two people...we are all human and we all make mistakes, but if the person that makes a mistake does not want to be remoserful for that mistake then I believe that person has decided to end their part of the marriage. Sometimes there are deal breakers that make it better to be divorced then to be married (abusive, drugs or alcohol abuse, and adultry).

Rica - posted on 09/11/2010

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okay first thing: if he doesn't want to try and make things work, or is trying to ignore the problem, it isn't a good thing.
okay: no one can tell you what is right for your situation. i would hate to be the one to tell you to stay and he hurts you again, or to go, and you are upset with yourself.
God wants what is best for you as well, and that includes having a happy life with someone who treats you like their other half, not as something replaceable.
All I can really say is that if I were in your shoes, I would have given him one second chance. I know that everyone makes mistakes, but I love my husband with all my heart, and I would give him one chance to prove it was a one time mistake. after that he would be gone.
Never ever stay together for the children, my parents did and it put me through hell knowing they hated eachother.
My father finally found his soulmate in his fifth marriage. and my husband has been married once before aswell, getting a divorce because he gave her a second chance and she bombed it badly.

Jenny I will pray that God shows you what to do, because he knows best.
Love & Prayers,
Rica

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