Soon to be SAHM. I need advice....

Angela - posted on 10/26/2012

When you get a workable answer, let me know. I never worked this out and my children are all grown now!



My husband and I employ a part-time cleaner. Best money I ever spent!



I recommend Flylady.com as referred to by Mandy below. But there was no Internet when my kids were little!



Another helpful resource is other mothers - particularly those of your own age with children similar ages to yours. It's nice to take turns in watching each other's kids and taking them for a fun day out and when it's your turn to be on your own at home whilst someone else has your children, you can tackle your housework etc ... without the distraction of children. That's a great formula - quality parenting without the distraction of mundane old housework, or easier housework you can just get on with, without the distraction of lively children.

Jenifer - posted on 10/26/2012

Here are some ideas that I had. http://www.feedingnineonadime.com/2012/1...

Rachael - posted on 08/06/2010

activities, plan them close to 10am so you are up and ready and getting things done.
Certainly have days that arent regimented, but i found that i will crawl out of bed and lay arround if there is nothing i "have" to do.

Leslie - posted on 08/04/2010

I spent my twenties getting that degree and landing that great job -- which I was in for almost 11 years before my first child. I stayed home during my 1 year paid maternity leave (yes paid, Canada is awesome!), then returned to work. I tell you...I was not prepared for how I would feel leaving my precious little son with someone else ALL day. but I also missed work. The value and respect that people automatically attribute to you at work. Coffee breaks! After returning to work I was so conflicted....loving the job and the feeling of accomplishment it provided me....my place in the world, contributing to society......but I was also near consumed with thoughts of my son while at work. was he okay? what was he doing right now? did he nap - are they treating him well. When I became pregnant with our 2nd, I was so confused. Could I really stay at home and be little Suzy homemaker? A kept woman practically....I was leaving a job that paid me almost $60 grand per year! I would have to ask my husband for money. Independent paid her way through university had her own condo at 27 me. Supper on the table when he came home...what year is this? Well, we have 3 children now and I have been home for more than 3 years. True, I miss the success and money that comes from working outside the house, the social interaction as being a SAHM can be isolating. But there are ways to cope....play groups, etc. Taking care of yourself too. And yes, your mindset will shift. What else can you do in life that is more awesome and more empowering as woman than to raise your own child? Will there be hard days? you betcha....so hard sometimes you will wonder if you will make it. but you will. and you eventually find your rhythm with the whole domestic front. It helps to have an understanding spouse who realizes that you are working too. So what if the house didn't get clean today. so what if you want to bed with dishes in the sink. so maybe supper wasn't on the table at 5 pm, or maybe it is pizza night. Years from now when you are attending your SONs' college graduation....you won't remember those things. Finally, if during the process you find you are not truly enjoying it, that it is not the right decision for your family....give yourself a break. It isn't the right decision for every family. Don't let someone make you feel selfish or like a failure. happy mommies make happy children, and you cannot take care of your child if you are miserable. as with anything else in life, try, try, try....but the wise know when to let it go.

Deanna - posted on 07/30/2010

Ok. I have NO clue how you feel. I absolutely LOVE being a SAHM and I was forced to go back to work so now I do both. I work while my babies sleep and I am up with them all day. I teach, clean, cook, and do everything else that needs to be done. homeschooling is hardest because I have so little extra time but I manage. The idea of leaving my children with some stranger horrifies and terrifies me. I have done all I can to make sure I can be a SAHM for my kids while helping my husband pay the bills now that he has had to take a drastic pay cut. I can only hope and pray that you can easily learn to love being a mom like I am. I will keep you in my prayers.

good luck and god bless.

Cara - posted on 07/28/2010

I am blessed to be a stay at home mom, for about 8 years now. We homeschool, so I have been home with my girls for almost all of their schooling. They are 12 and 14 now.
Anyway, not all SAHMs are great at cooking and cleaning, lol. I have had to learn a LOT.
Not all of us are domesticated either. :)
It is more of a mind shift that you go through. Realize that no one else is going to care for your boy like you will. No one else will know him like you. You will get to be there for all the firsts.
You will make new friends, who also have young ones, and he will make friends!
Don't expect perfection. Having a child, and being at home full time are work, but they have their own rewards too.
And with photography school as well, you will have plenty to do, so don't think that you are going to be bored. After a few months you will probably wonder how you ever did it all and work :)

Patricia - posted on 07/19/2010

My advice to you is DON'T BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF (sorry for the caps but I remember this adjustment all too well myself) Adjust slowly and take it one step at a time. First and formost spend time with your son; which sounds pretty obvious but I remember when I went from working almost 6 days a week at least 40 hours a week to staying home with 4 little ones it was a HUGE adjustment. I remember trying to be the perfect housewife AND taking care of the children AND everything else-it was VERY OVERWHELMING. Now that you will be home you will be able to cook which will be awesome since you as you've said are an excellent cook (I didn't even know how to do THAT when I made the adjustment) Most of your organizing skills that you had while you worked, your goals can now be transferred to keeping your home which is FANTASTIC :) You are on my heart and in my prayers since I can truly understand what an adjustment this will be
God Bless :)

Kerry - posted on 07/16/2010

I was blessed to stay home with my kids and understand exactly your thoughts. I was looking for an opportunity to make some extra money and continue to stay home yet get out in the evenings -- Thirty-One Gifts was the opportunity I was looking for. I loved the philosophy behind the company and the people within it!
Thirty One Gifts offers a unique product line, ranging from purses and hand bags to stationary and personalized accessories. Thirty One products are outstanding, unique, and are very-high, if not the highest, quality. The Thirty One Gifts mission is to celebrate, encourage and reward, because of this we put all effort to ensure our products are cleverly designed, gift-able, affordable and of very high quality. Gifts from Thirty One will always bring a smile to the recipients face.
The best part is that I create my own hours. I can work as little or as much as I would like. The income possibilities are endless. There are also fantastic rewards and incentives with this company. The company is so new in the marketplace that no one has really heard of it and the consultants are not saturating the area. Our start- up fee is $99 and they have a promo now to earn $50 cash back!
Check out my website at http://www.mythirtyone.com/perkinson for more information and see the amazing Thirty-One products. Feel free to message me at any time :-)

Shelley - posted on 07/11/2010

Hi April I am a stay at home mother of 2 little girls aged 1 and 2 and i feel that i work harder now than ever in my life. When you stop working you find lots of community and church based projects to get involved in.
Since becomming a stay at home mum i fell into the role of playgroup co ordinator at our church. We started with 16 mums and kids we now have over 70 mums and kids. God used skills that i learn't at work and put them into play for our play group.

i didn't understand how to be a help mate for my husband untill i stayed at home God has opened my heart to a whole range of ways for me to help him in both his work and ministry within the church.
Untill i stayed at home i didn't realise the needs of our society i have made meals for the sick, baked cookies for fundraisers, i have regular morning teas at my place where i listen and help meet the needs of others, i attend a bible study and am about to take on a new project in a local girls school for abused and neglected teens not to mention the cooking cleaning washing ect for my family.
God has so much to teach us no matter where he calls us to serve him. New born babies are the greatest time wasters you could just sit and watch them all day and every now and again you should.

I treat my home family church and community as my job

Carolyn - posted on 07/11/2010

I married straight out of college and started working. I was laid off about the same time I found out I was pregnant. I spent my time at a friend's house helping out with her kids. Now that I have my own, I stay home with him. I have to admit, I'm not very motivated to clean often and my husband does most of the cooking. One thing that has helped me stay sane has been going out one night a week. Whether it's aerobics or Bible Study, it's nice to spend time with other women my age. I also go once a week with my son to toddler story time at the library. It gives me a chance to spend time with other moms and lets my son play with other kids. Since we live near a college campus, we try to go to music concerts as a family when we can. Getting out as a family in the evenings (even just for an hour) can help you from going stir crazy. I think you'll like staying at home more than you think. There's nothing like spending the day with your little one.

Jordan - posted on 07/08/2010

I always wanted to be a SAHM, however I was planning that for about 4 years from now down the road and we just had our 1st daughter. It wasn't planned so I was sorta in the same position as you. I worked my way up, loved it, and love working. However I want to raise my kids. I think a big thing is the way we look at it, our perspective. Another thing is get ready now and plan ahead as much as possible for when the baby gets here, that helped me with transition. And get plugged in. You are going to change once that baby comes, I thought I had done my changing when I got pregnant but it is a different ball game when they are here. Make some friends who have families at your church or in your community. Volunteer, I am a huge advocate of staying busy. I love volunteering. It keeps me busy and is something I love doing. It also teaches the kids valuable leasons they wont learn anywhere else. Be creative. To work your way up in the career field you have to be intelligent and creative. You have got this. What would you like to do? Spend some time cleaning and cooking? Classes? What else?

Dominique - posted on 07/07/2010

Yeah, if you love to work, then you will love this job/career. A stay at home mom or SAHM as you call it is a very, VERY full time career. It offers challenges, steady work, perks and benefits. But not like you are used to. By full time, I mean around the clock, and never, as long as you have breath in your body, an off day. By challenges, I mean you will always have to create a game or toy that this child will want to play with. By steady I mean, it never stops. There are no off days, no PTO, and no vacation time. By benefits, I mean, all the times you know precisely what is bothering your baby and how to end/soothe him/her of their worries. I belive it is such a blessing to just be a parent, you will manage and get through on top. You will have to deal with sleep deprivation, sickness, depression and so much more, so when you do enter into the work-field again, you will most def. be ready. But it is so wonderful. You get to be with baby all day, but when a break is needed, take it. If you need time with your other half, or if the child is getting on your last nurve, take a break, let someone you trust watch him/her if it's a quiet night out you are looking for. If you need a five minute breather, take a short shower (door open) to clear your mind. If baby is crying, let them, for no longer than about 10 or 15 mins. As long as you can hear the child, and he/she is in a safe place and it keeps you sane and from hurting him/her, do it. It's a career like any other, but so much more of a blessing.

Carla - posted on 07/06/2010

Read Proverbs 31 about the duties of a wife and mother. Also read ITimothy 5:14. If a Christian wife/mother takes her duties to heart, and do them heartily, as unto the Lord, you will find a life of fulfillment, beyond your wildest dreams! It will be different, but it is rewarding. You are responsible for the shaping of another human being. How awesome! You will take this little lump of flesh and transform him into a Godly man of God. You also are an extension of your husband (in Proverbs), so he is proud of your accomplishments. In Proverbs, the woman was not just a cook/housekeeper. She made clothes for her family and sold them also. She looked at land to buy and bought it. You may not be able to physically buy property, but the woman was not some second-class citizen, as the image of a sahm is.

It's got a lot to do with your perspective. If you feel second-class, you will be second-class. If you take your situation as an honored place, it will be. I would have loved to have been home when my kids were little, but we had no other choice, I had to work. Now that I am on disability retirement, I CAN'T do all the things I would like to do, but on my good days, I cook! We have a garden and flowers, and being in the garden with your hands dirty is wonderful! Watching God's creation is a constant source of amazement to me. And with your love of photography, you can find a never-ending subject!

God bless you, sweetie, you are taking up one of the noblest professions there are. Seek God to be able to fulfill it as He sees fit, and you will thrive.

Cindy - posted on 07/05/2010

I was so blessed to be able to stay home with my children when they were little. they are all grown now and on their own. I worked before my first one was born but because I was sick so much of my pregnancy I had to quit working and my husband joined the AF so we were able to make it on his income and God blessed us with 4 wonderful children who I am so proud of. Their are so many blessings being able to stay home with your children that are so important. Being able to teach them what you wnat them to know and not having them in daycare is so awesome. I guarantee that there will be days when you are bored to death and days when you are pulling your hair out because of them being fussy/needing tons af attention, etc and there will be days where you are busy and they are content and happy and when I look back I remember those days and the other ones, not so much. Like the other ladies have suggested, find groups to join, go to the park, bible study's, etc. Your days can and will be full, sometimes to full, but enjoy them as all too soon they are grown and on their own....but they always need you.

May God Bless You and Your family as you wait for your son's birth. What a joyous and exciting time for all of you.

April - posted on 07/05/2010

No, we have no kids, just our little man that we are pregnant with currently due in the next 7 weeks! =)~ And our mutts. They have been our "children" for quite some time now. (Dakota pure breed Yellow Lab is 3 years old here in Sept. And Chyenne is a Yellow Lab/Roti Mix who is almost 1 1/2. LOL, I know most people don't consider dogs to be much more than protection or whatever, but to us, our dogs are our children, so Chy and Dee will be getting a new little brother. Yes they are slightly spoiled but not anything like paris hilton or other stars do. They have their beds, and they have had their own room; which is the office and work room, that is slowly becoming our nursery, their beds are being moved into our room.)

However, Jayden will be our first child. I can't wait, I'm excited and I'm more than ready to get him out of me!

But yeah, it just depresses me slightly that I will lose so much of this independence and what I've worked so hard on to accomplish to become a SAHM.

Thank you ladies for all the support and advice! It is more than appreciated! =)~

Jennifer - posted on 07/05/2010

lol... "Domesticated" hehehe

My life is anything but domesticated. Do you have any kids now? (I'm only asking because you mentioned the husband, and the dogs, no kids) There are plenty of things to do to keep yourself going. Meet with other SAHM's. Find things to enjoy with your soon to be son. Kids take up SOOO much time if you let them. Take pictures, go to the park, show him everything. I don't have any suggestions on how to get the motivation (I'm very much lacking that sometimes), but if you're staying busy, the rest will follow

Jill - posted on 07/05/2010

i became a stay at home mom on accident.... i was top dog at a chain of hair salons and my husband and i wanted to build a pizzeria for his career... my job got wind of it and gave me a hard time ..( at the time i had an 18month old) so it was time for me to leave...i stayed at home for approx 3 yrs... had another baby and then got the urge to go back out to the work force.... mean while i became a christian ....God didn't have them same plans... i was at a salon for approx 1 yr got pregnant ... near my due date my boss ( a non christian ) was giving me a hard time ...(God was closing the door) and i quit and have never returned to work 2 yrs later.... i love being at home and have not had the itch to go back... when it is time to go back i am sure God will prompt me to.... meanwhile i have more time with my 3 kids and more time for God and bible study,.... i am thankful that God provides all we need on my husbands income..

Mandy - posted on 07/05/2010

I also did the college thing and even got my doctorate. I still work sometimes on a per diem schedule when hubby is home but I love being a mom too. Flylady.com is a great place to help motivate you and develop cleaning routines so you don't feel like you are cleaning all the time. Menus4moms.com is a great resource for planning meals. Find a playgroup to join. We have one through our church. You can also find community playgroups. When your baby is an infant, it's mainly a social time for moms. There are breastfeeding support groups if that is something you choose to do. You can join a Women's Bible study in the morning. Babies are usually welcome at these. Babywise is a great book if you want to develop routines for your baby too. It was a life saver for me. Libraries have storytime for little ones. I started taking my baby there when he was 3 months old. He loved it. I have active children who love to learn so we are always on the go and I would miss a lot if I wasn't at home. Hope this helps some.