spanking

Holly - posted on 04/06/2011 ( 69 moms have responded )

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I am a pro spanking mom I would like to know who else feels the same way as I due. I know this is a hot topic so please be kind with your answers. thanks holly

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Erin - posted on 04/10/2011

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We are pro spanking, as long as it's done when you're not angry (mommy needs more time outs than the kids, lol) and there's plenty of communication going on as well. My husband and I just read "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp. It's a very loving and biblical approach to disciplining your children. I had to learn to stop swatting my sons behind as a quick reaction to my frustration, and he wouldn't even know it was coming. It got to the point (because I didn't do it hard) that he would basically laugh at me. Now we take him to another room, talk about it, he gets his one spank (or however many has been decided on), then we hug and reconcile. Always explain that it's your job to obey God, and your child's job to obey you, and when he's obeying you he's listening to God. If he disobeys you, he needs to be disciplined because you love him and want him to know how to make right choices. If you want more on that approach, I'd suggest the book. It's really good.

Carla - posted on 10/18/2013

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Welcome, sweetheart. I was raised with spankings, and I didn't turn out half bad. HOWEVER, my mother was a screamer, and I think we obeyed in fear of her tantrums. Our Daddy would spank us on rare occasions, and he would say 'this is gonna hurt me more than it does you', and we knew he was telling the truth. Then, after the spanking, he would sit and talk to us and hug us.

The problem with spanking, especially now, when people are so stressed, is that it can get out of control so very easily. IF we can find a way of disciplining our children without putting ourselves in a position that could go bad, I think as Christians, we need to research it and at LEAST TRY it. Angela Barker is British, and she says this is the way ALL British people discipline. She approves the methods, and I can also attest, having been both a spanker and a SuperNanny fan, that the Supernanny method is vastly superior. We have discussed, as you recall, if your child is defiantly, rebelliously disobeying in something that could cause them harm, THEN they need a goof biff on the bottom, but if you institute her methods early in a child's training, this shouldn't even be an issue. It also takes the drama and anger out of dealing with your child, if you use the method consistently. You tell them to do something, they don't do it, tell them 'this is your warning', then carry through. Initially, it takes time and guts to get through to your child they WILL not win, YOU are in charge, but once they figure that out, things go smoothly.

Raising children is hard work. But nothing worthwhile is EVER easy.

God bless, babe

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I agree with you, Teresa, that spanking is just one tool in the discipline tool box. But it also has a degree of influence all its own. Swiping money from my purse and playing with matches were two serious instances of misbehavior that landed my son across my knee with a bare bottom. I'd be very surprised if he ever did either again.

Angela - posted on 07/08/2011

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In England, it's known as "smacking" rather than "spanking" and its supporters maintain it's not the same as hitting or violence. I'm still against it though.

My own children are all grown-up and to my shame, yes, I smacked them from time to time. I'm very much against this form of "discipline" and whether you call it spanking, smacking, hitting or striking, it's extremely easy to go too far. I was not smacked as a child, I was beaten, regularly and vigorously, right up to late teens. Trust me it doesn't work. It just ups the stakes for ensuring you don't get found out next time you carry out some act your parents won't like. It also causes (especially amongst a family where all of the children regularly face this type of punishment) division, tale-telling and constant efforts to get each other into trouble amongst the children. No sense of family unity or any feeling of "us against the parents" between me and my siblings. Until the day, at the age of 17 after a severe beating with a stick from my father, I went and made a complaint to the Police. Years later my siblings said they were so proud and grateful I'd taken this step!

I appreciate that when a child puts himself into danger it might be the only timely and swift way to correct him. But I don't think it's a good method of discipline overall. A Child Protection Charity in the UK say that if smacking really works, why do we have to do it again and again? Good question.

I really dislike the use of Biblical quotes for justification of physical punishment of children.

Another thing in the UK is that if you DO smack your children, you never, ever smack anyone else's kids. That is a dreadful thing to do. Even within the immediate family where spanking is practised as an apparently viable form of punishment, it's usually agreed that only the mother does this and never the father. And to smack a grandchild of only 9 months old is truly shocking. Any parent or in-law of mine doing that to MY kids would have resulted in my breaking contact with that grandparent.

Violence breeds violence - which is probably why, despite a childhood full of beatings, I still occasionaly smacked my own. Even if I'd only been "smacked" rather than beaten, it wouldn't have made me feel that my parents "cared". No way. Children are taught that civilised adults don't hit each other, decent children don't strike one another and children certainly shouldn't hit adults. So all these lessons and instructions are pretty much dead in the water when it's apparently OK for adults to hit, strike or "spank" children.

As for the recommendation that parents tell their children after a spanking that they love them and they have done this to them so that they'll "learn" etc .... I would NEVER have listened to such hypocritical platitudes. I would have probably PRETENDED to listen and take it on board (to avoid another beating) but never would I have taken it to heart.

And one of the worst things I hear adults say is "I was smacked/spanked, it never did ME any harm ...." the fact that they're coming out with this appalling statement which whitewashes violence (and at ANY level, it's violence) against children is harm indeed.

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User - posted on 10/19/2013

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I agree Carla, I hope they will too. They wont listen to us (we have had several talks) but maybe one day they will learn! At least I trust them enough to watch him for a few hours, not many people can lol


God Bless You too Carla!

Carla - posted on 10/18/2013

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Granny HAS to be on the same page with you and hubby, otherwise, like you say, he will manipulate her til he's 40 ;)

After they have served their time, I talk with each of the children, talking about what he/she could have done differently, how they could have handled the situation. I am ashamed to say I didn't do the same with my own children. But teaching them how to handle situations where they can't control the outcome is 3/4 of what grown-ups lack now. As we teach them while they are young, we are also investing in the grown up they will become. The last time I put Faith in time out, I went to her after she had served her time, and while she apologized, and we hugged, she said she wanted to sit there a while longer. I said fine, come out when you are calm.

We get out of our child as an adult is what we put into them when they are young. We have very few years to accomplish this, so any advice/tip we hear to further their training should be explored.

God bless, babe!

User - posted on 10/18/2013

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lol Before I would say I would not agree, but as I have been praying about this, I feel things are becoming more clear to me on what I need to do as a mother, and person overall. I have doubted myself a lot, and I suppose I associate that with low self esteem, but I believe Im starting to grow steps at a time away from that. I am very blessed that you and everyone else, who has given me advice. I know God lead me here, and I am very thankful for that. And yes I agree with what you stated

I have been putting him in time out since he was around 2, and before that I would be firm remove him from the situation tell him what and why he did wrong and then gear him towards something positive. I still explain, but I am giving him his chance to keep away from things to build his own self control. I suppose this it the issue he is having. So with time out, I always put him in his high chair and put him in the corner. But watching super nanny, (my hubby really liked the idea, I did too) she made them stand on their own by themselves and set the timer. We have always timed it, but giving him the opportunity while he is upset to control himself and stand when he clearly doesnt want to, I love that. He is learning quickly. lol after half a minute he was sad and started saying sorry mam (his granny) Sorry mam I hit you. So sincere and sweet. Finally he gave her a big hug and didnt once try to do it again. We started that yesterday and it is already sooo much better. Such a small difference in time out really helps. And it is crazy how he really knows people, and how to manipulate them. He doesnt dare try to hit me or my hubby, but his granny, he knows he can do anything with her and she wont defend herself or do anything about it. Just glad normally he is with me so I have the time to really work with him. lol I love him, he is the best gift other than my hubby lol You are right, motherhood is tough, but so worth it

User - posted on 10/17/2013

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So I did watch Super Nanny and i gotta say I really like her tactics to get them to listen! Thanks for pointing me to that! Even my hubby likes it. Now watching those kids on there, I am sorry I ever said that my son was being bad! He isnt even a quarter of what those kids were doing. I now God blessed me with a beautiful son, but watching that show makes me even more blessed and thankful

thanks Carla!

User - posted on 10/15/2013

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lol someone told me I looked like super nanny one time, lol I havent watched the show before but I will look it up, I have heard she works wonders. Thanks for the advice, that is something that really might help!

Ya know, I feel like i have done everything I can to let him explore and not be too strict or too soft, to have that balance of freedom and discipline. He has just hit this, Idk what to call it, and hes been difficult to discipline, which made me question myself. My husband, Bless his heart, we have parenting differences. But thats another thing we just have to work out. It just played into my decision a while back to not spank.

Really to me, I just want my son to be a good child, loving, respectful, and happy. And to get that of course I want to parent him the best way. I do want to avoid spanking if possible because I dont want it to be a normal thing, and I dont want anger to come towards him for doing something when he is innocent in heart. But I suppose if I have to use it I will.
And how Jennifer you said its how we raise them not how we got the job done, I completely understand. Its the how I raise him it really what I focus on. For him to have patience to listen, control his emotions, treat other with kindness and love, etc
I just need some thing else to implement into our lifestyles that can help me guide him in that direction.

Carla - posted on 10/14/2013

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@Stacy--find Supernanny on cable or YouTube and try her naughty spot. I put this into effect with our grandchildren and am THRILLED with the results! We don't spank them, unless they willfully, defiantly disobey in something that can hurt them, like running into the street with me running after them yelling 'STOP!' THAT will get a spanking. But if you start right now training him, this won't be an issue. Children have not a clue as to what is right or what is expected of them, that's why God gave children parents, so we can tell them what will hurt them, what hurts us, what will damage property, and what will send other parents screaming and grabbing their children and running ;) And even now, with the grandbabies being almost 7 and 8, I had to put Faithy in time out this afternoon, because she just HAD to win the argument. Sometimes we butt heads a little, but with the naught spot, it kind of takes away the anger, because you take care of the problem before it escalates. It's a win-win for all parties involved. If you can't find anything on Supernanny, let me know.

God bless, hon

Jennifer - posted on 10/14/2013

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I know this is a forum for spanking but came across this post.... Carla - posted on 04/17/2013.... something to the tune of "...But remember, we will stand before God and give an answer as to HOW we raised them, not simply that we got the job done"

I used to think this majority of my life... that when we go to heaven God is going to play a big movie asking me to give an account for every wrong we have all done.... but thankfully God has opened the eyes of my heart and realized this simply isn't true.......Learn to study the GRACE of GOD. (and to all the people who have " oh ya right! here we go...a lady preaching lisence to sin!" been there.. done that!.... I pray Jesus allows you to have an open mind and at very minimum be open to understanding what really happened when Jesus died on the cross.

If someone is open... and wants to understand that a bit more I would recommend listening to Joseph Prince's cd's and sermons on Grace Vs. Law.

Everyone think's God is happy when they are good... he's mad and keeping an account of all their wrong.... and even some more advaced christians will be quick to say noooo...i know He is not thinking of my wrongs.. because he forgets them as far as the east is to the west!.. and all sorts of things like that. We do not do a single thing to keep our spot in Heaven. Not one single thing. Nothing. It was a free gift. If God CHOOSES not to remember our wrongdoings......because we are covered by the blood of Christ....is one way to surely know He is not going to pull them out on that very day and ask you why you made every mistake you have made... whether it is child rearing....or anything else for that matter. We do have consequences to our actions...and it is in God's will we raise our children up in the Lord.. but just as we fail in every other part of life.. continually... bringing us back to the cross....... please...as a mother myself.... don't burden your heart with fearing that your mistakes are going to be readily thrown up in your face........ His yoke is light. Meditate on that.

Also, good book is "God without religion".......

God bless you all as we go through this funny thing we call Life... but oh so very thankful we have someone like Jesus to go through it with! Praise be to God!

Amazing Grace.....

User - posted on 10/13/2013

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wow if spanking were to be illegal in the US people would be causing the biggest of uproars, I had no idea it was in other countries, see how much I know lol.

I am really glad that I found this post. I havent got to read all the comments but I will try to soon. As for me.. I have always said that I do not agree with spanking, I do not agree with hand smacking, but recently I read a few different things and I now am soo confused on what I need to do as a parent to make my son listen to me.

Always he has been very "excited" and :energetic" all the time, and Ive been able to handle him. But recently he is getting a lot worse. Now a lot would point to ADD or somehting, but I will never agree to take my son through that stuff, even if he did have it, I dont believe in medicating him for that. Now at home, we have it child proofed and he runs "wild" he knows what he can and cant do, and tests me a lot. lol I say he is going through the "2 yr old stage". But when I take him out to say church, the grocery store, others homes, he thinks he can do anything he can do at home, which is not the case!!! I feel I have let him explore too much at home, and he doesnt know the line in how to act when he is out and about verses being home.

I have read books and books about parenting and have worked soooo hard on raising him the best I can. He really is a good kid with minimal tantrums and I am so thankful for that. He has just reached a stage, I feel I have lost control, and Im having such a hard time keeping him in line. So thats what brings me to this spanking or not spanking. I know that it is crucial for a child to learn discipline and respect for their parents because in return he will have the same towards Christ. I dont want him to be out of control. And as I feel like I am an excellent mother, taking him out in public, he can be awful and doesnt want to listen to a word I say. I dont care what others think of me but it just makes me feel I am not doing enough. I need a new way to go about teaching him right. I dont want to spank him for everything he does wrong, I really dont, I am considering it for more serious issues relating to safety to himself and others, but after molding my parenting thus far, I feel I am starting over again, and not sure where to go from here.
Ive been praying over this, I dont have an answer yet, but I know it will come, but reading these posts from very different mothers all over the world, it really helps seeing the diff. views.

If anyone has any input I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks in advance

Angela - posted on 10/12/2013

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I'm against spanking but I'd be a liar if I claimed I'd never spanked my own kids - I'll readily admit that lashing out can be instinctive. Mine are all grown up now.

If spanking were outlawed everywhere (like Sweden as mentioned in Sandra Gunnarsdottir's post below) many parents would discipline in other ways. The problem however is the confusion between "discipline" (which means teaching - successful discipline means an appropriate lesson has been learned) and "punishment" (many people believe that a child's wrongdoing can only be addressed by some kind of pain, suffering or loss).

The sad fact is, there are ways to punish and hurt a child which are far more devastating than either a quick slap or even a prolonged beating. There are ways to make a child so miserable that they'd probably prefer to be spanked. And I can realistically see these methods employed by some parents who are pro-spanking if spanking is outlawed .....

A mother I knew NEVER hit her daughter, an only child. She went off on a jaunt at the age of about 16 or 17, involving a weekend spent away from home - all without discussion with or permission from her mother. What did her mother do? She took a pair of scissors, held the girl down and hacked off all her beautiful, silky, long hair!

Far better than changing the Law is to re-educate people and change their mindsets.

Sandra - posted on 10/07/2013

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Well spanking is illegal here in Sweden where I live so if I wanted to spank my child I legally couldn't. How ever I would never spank my child, ever! I was spanked as a child and all it did was make me lie more and it made me afraid of my parents as well. I don't know about you but I don't want that for my child.
I was also slapped as a child when I said something bad which resulted in me slapping back when I got older and stronger. I became really angry as a teenager and I could never talk to my parents about anything. My dream was to run far away from home which resulted in me making really bad choices.
So go ahead and beat your child but be ready for the consequences!

Carla - posted on 04/17/2013

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Yes, Angela, it is most definitely a bone of contention.

We each have our own opinions, but I also hope that if another method of training/correction is introduced, we would at least TRY it. IF I can get my grandbabies to mind me without spanking them, WHY wouldn't I? I HATE making them cry. This seems to be a no-brainer to me--however, each person has to handle their own children according to their conscience. But remember, we will stand before God and give an answer as to HOW we raised them, not simply that we got the job done.

God bless, all

Tara - posted on 04/17/2013

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I'm with you Holly. No long tirade here just the belief that raising your kids with a healthy dose of fear is essential to teaching them that there are sometimes painful consequesnces to our choices. Also if you look at the generations that were openly regularly spanked .....you just dont see the issues that younger generations do

Angela - posted on 04/06/2013

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I've said many times on many threads why I don't think spanking's appropriate.

However, I feel very concerned that many Christians use their Christian faith as a justification - almost as "licence" to physically punish their children.

Fanatics like the Pearls - whose book has been found in more than one home where a child died at the hands of his/her parents - are not helping vulnerable children. But they claim to be Christians who are "right" to practice and endorse this philosophy of spanking (or even SWITCHING) children - babies included.

I am also aware of some parents who are gleeful about spanking their children - the child transgresses and the parent gets excited - like "Hooray, I can spank him now!"

I feel spanking - at least when carried out by some people - is a bit like drinking alcohol ..... Some get carried away and don't know where to stop.

This is the type of thread though that will never get all contributors agreeing - it's a contentious topic.

Angela - posted on 07/15/2011

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As I believe I've already said elsewhere in this thread, "spanking" the way it's been described by its supporters is supposed to be entirely different to beating/striking. But it's still a form of violence.

When spanking is done "properly", they claim it's just a light slap that will sting the skin a little at the moment of impact and leave no mark. No more than 3 or 4 strikes (maximum) is meted out during one incident of spanking. Have I got this right?

However, of everyone I know that has ever been "spanked" (or "smacked" as we call it in the UK) NO-ONE has had their corporal punishment meted to them in the manner described by the Pro-Spankers on this thread. Nor have any of us EVER seen anyone else be "spanked" in the recommended manner!

I'm questioning if REAL people have been spanked like this?

I already think corporal punishment is very wrong anyway, but I just wonder where all these spanked children are - the ones whose spankings followed the formula outlined above!

Also see:


http://www.childrenareunbeatable.org.uk/...

http://life.familyeducation.com/parentin...

TealRose - posted on 07/15/2011

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I found that being spanked with a 'calm' parent .. was terrifying. How could they do that? Why would they hit me when they were calm? What ELSE would they do if they could HIT me when calm ?? Spanking and beating are still striking a child .. and no one should be striking anyone else - we are ALL here in the world to learn, not to be hurt. Use your words, not your hands.. as we all tell our children...

Shauna - posted on 07/15/2011

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My mother spanked my butt good when necessary and I spanked my kids too. I think the problem comes in when people are spanking their kids in anger, that's a whole different thing. Oh and Spanking and Beating is two different things.

TealRose - posted on 07/12/2011

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But .. why spank? Why hit? Why do something to a child that you wouldn't DREAM of doing to an adult for any reason except self defence ?? Respect that child . not thumps ..

Katrina - posted on 07/12/2011

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I support appropriate spanking that are not too harsh. There is a huge difference between abusing a child an punishing them with a spanking

TealRose - posted on 07/10/2011

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So .. the mere fact that YOU are safe from being hit ... is great with you .. but .. you won't extend that right to a child ?? hmm - respect that child, not thumps ...

Teresa - posted on 07/10/2011

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I am also pro spanking. Nothing a non-spanker has ever said has swayed me from that position. I see spanking as one tool in the discipline tool box, not the only one by any means.

Angela - posted on 07/10/2011

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Carla, I'm sure you did do the best you could with your family and they won't resent you in the least. And I thank you for your empathy towards my predicament as a child & a teenager. But like I said in my own post, I never knew ANYONE who was spanked in the way the Pro-Spankers on here describe. I'm wondering where in the world this type of spanking is happening? I've never seen it!

Another thing I've heard of from the Anti-Spankers is that people who smack or spank children are pretty stingy with rewards and positive reinforcement. As some journalist once said "Smackers rarely praise!" They're apparently so focussed on correction & chastisement that good behaviour isn't worthy of mention! I certainly found it to be the case in my family. It got so if I was ever praised (however sincerely) I found it to be embarrassing and demeaning.

All this in my childhood and adolescence was compounded by an abusive husband in my 20's. I'm now very happily married to my 2nd husband who wishes he'd met me years ago and feels I've been "damaged" by earlier life experiences. However, I'm philosophical. I was on good terms in recent years with my parents and although I resented my ex-husband until the day he died, I found I could forgive him after I'd prayed about it. I can even look back on some memories and smile!

My parents also died quite recently and I will always miss them. They died only 9½ months apart, Dad going first about 14 months ago. Ex-husband died 2 years ago.

Life really is too short to harbour grudges forever. Better to forgive and forget, rather than resent and remember!!

Carla - posted on 07/09/2011

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@Angela and TealRose--you both were treated horribly, and I am very sorry for you both. This is not God's will for children. I did not spank my children once they got into their tweens. I had them pretty much in line by then. The idea of patting hands when they are little and a biff on the diapered bottom is training from day one. They have never laughed at me because they knew I wasn't pleased with their behavior, and I think THAT is what hurt them the worst.

Nothing we can say is going to change any of our minds. That you were able to take such good care of your children so you didn't have to punish them is indeed a wonderful thing. I couldn't be with my children 24/7, nor my grandchildren, so I have to instill good behavior the best way I know how. We will all answer to God for what we taught them. I am confident that I did the best I could.

God bless, all

Angela - posted on 07/09/2011

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Carla, a light slap or tap isn't really going to HURT, so isn't a punishment/chastisement/correction in real terms. I've seen many children get a light slap as correction and then they've just laughed in their parents' faces!

My own mother, tiring of seeing our father physically attack us so many times suggested deprivation as a more effective form of punishment. One child misbehaves and this is an opportune time to treat the other siblings to an ice-cream for example!!

I even suggested this to another parent whose teenage daughter had transgressed (can't remember what she did). The mother said to me, "You can't hit a child, you only get into trouble with the authorities ..." I said that depriving her of something will get the message across faster. She was unsure of what to deprive her daughter of, I suggested "How about oxygen?" (joke) LOL!!

Children also know their rights these days - and have done for quite a while. They are quick to complain to some Child Protection Authority and the parent is the one who is in trouble, not the kid.

I agree totally with TealRose that the only teaching instilled from physical punishment is "fear/anger/hate/resentment" - well I'll just add an extra one to that list - ensuring you don't get caught next time!

Of course, the light spanking you all recommend which doesn't hurt isn't even a punishment. I'd have been quite happy with that in my own childhood - and cute enough to PRETEND I was deeply hurt and distressed by it. Laughing back at the parent punishing you is only going to result in a harder slap or some other punishment. Always look out for Number One. That's one valuable lesson I DID learn from the violence I faced as a kid and a teenager. That and how to get the Child Protection Authorities on your side.

I can look back now and be thankful those times are behind me. I don't know of one single person in my age group OR older OR younger whose experience of being smacked/spanked or whatever you want to call it, only got 2 or 3 light slaps "enough to sting the skin". No-one. But they can all remember "good hidings" and occasions where they were slapped very swiftly and sharply across the face. The vast majority of these people were not beaten to the extent I was either, but still harshly enough and prolonged enough to be way above the scale the Pro-Spankers on here and elsewhere in the Media recommend.

TealRose - posted on 07/08/2011

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My children .. were NOT easy ... they were a handful .. and I didn't spank / hit them ... I helped them through the hard times, I showed them right from wrong, I ignored behaviour that really wasn't worth the worrying over ... and when they were little ... I made sure they were safe .. ME myself. Running out in roads, touching hot things, poking sockets etc ? All down to ME .. not them. That is natural behaviour. And the God/Jesus I know .. never wants a child hit much less beaten ... just as he doesn't want an adult hit or beaten ....

TealRose - posted on 07/08/2011

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Angela ... my children too are adults - and I am heading for 57 and I agree with every word. Spanking/smacking let's call a spade a spade hitting a child is wrong! I know that when my parents spanked me - they lost me from the first time. My love, respect and trust. How is one supposed to respect and trust someone who hits you ?? I know I don't .. And as for teaching this quiet child anything? Oh yes ! They did !!! ... fear, pain, anger, hate and resentment. Quite an achievement eh ?? And .. they also taught me they didn't love me - and the post spanking nonsense pep talk of 'oh we love you' meant NOTHING to me .. after all they had just hit me .. and I never did that ! Hypocritical, liars ! After all .. parents are forever telling us how 'WE don't hit, adults don't hit, you shouldn't hit ...' I don't understand .. how anyone condones hitting a child ever .. when they themselves are protected by law from being hit, as is their dog ... and even the criminal !

Carla - posted on 07/08/2011

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Angela, you were BEATEN, ABUSED, and THIS is shameful. We are NOT talking about beating our children, and this is something that just doesn't seem to be sinking in! Giving a 9 m/o a little pat on the hand, or even a biff on the diapered bottom is definitely not beating.

Whether we want to admit it or not, the Bible speaks of spanking our children. We do it with love, as a deterrent, not for our pleasure. And to quote the child case worker, tell me what other method of discipline you only have to do once to a child?

We will all stand before God to call into question our parenting skills. Maybe some of you were lucky enough to have compliant children that didn't require punishment. I wasn't. I have read the Bible dozens of times, and put into practice what God is telling us. If I have erred in interpretation, God will know it was done out of a pure heart wanting to obey Him. My children are well-adjusted loving parents and adults. They don't hate me or their father. Each person has to be fully persuaded in their own heart as to what God has called us to do.

God bless all

Amy - posted on 07/04/2011

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Jesus was horribly beaten, abused, and murdered. For us. Because that is what we DESERVED. He took that so we could be with God. But we deserve beatings. And Death.

God flooded the planet. God put Israel in a 40 year time out and caused all of the people who were alive at the beginning of the 40 years to die before Israel entered the promised land. There are plenty of examples of God's wrath on humankind. Hell is the ultimate wrath. I'll tell you, I'd rather spank my child today than not be with him in Heaven.

There are right ways and wrong ways to do it. Some children do just fine without a spanking, and that's GREAT. But calling other parents out as abusive for using a different set of tools than you choose to use is unconstructive and divisive... which the Bible explicitly forbids. Jugment is also forbidden. I respect that other parents, even other Christian parents are going to make different decisions than me, and I expect the same respect in return. God Bless.

Candace - posted on 07/04/2011

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I am Pro-spanking! The first time I spanked my grandson was when he was 9 months. I didn't beat him, just spank. He is 5 now and will be a mentally healthy child!

Carla - posted on 07/02/2011

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TealRose--it is obvious we each have our own opinions, and I am not going to change your mind and you will not change mine. My children were loved, cherished and respected. They were watched as very best I could. I follow the entire Bible, and could debate forever your statement that Jewish parents didn't spank their children, but I won't. This started out as a simple exchange of ideas, but is in danger of getting nasty.

God bless you and your family.

TealRose - posted on 06/30/2011

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Many of the children in the UK also live/ed in flats / apartments... and most parents went out and played with their children or took them to the park. I agree - children can run off when toddlers in a heart beat .. but that is age related behaviour not naughtiness.

As far as I am concerned ALL spanking/paddling/whipping/hitting of children are all 'bad examples' and wrong.

And sorry but Jesus is my prime example .. and so I follow Him. And yes, I have studied this a lot - Jewish parents actually do NOT hit their children .. in fact they are warned against it because of verses warning not to 'anger' their children, as this is directly against their rules. If you follow all those OT rules, you would still be in favour of stoning children too .. and many other not acceptable things!

Loving adult to adult ? !!! So .. Jesus didn't mean us to love children ! Good grief! You can't MAKE someone responsible, or good - they have to choose it for themselves! You have to demonstrate it, not enforce it !!

Hitting children instils only fear .. and fear is not what a child or an adult needs to learn and grow.

Once again .. respect not thumps! As I am sure you taught your children - use your words .. not your hands ... OR a paddle !

Carla - posted on 06/30/2011

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TealRose, I get the feeling you have experienced bad examples of using spanking as discipline. I am sorry if this is the case.

The NT doesn't really give us any advice on child-rearing, except to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. So we need to go back to the OT to find discipline. If you do a study on it, you will find the Jewish parents were quite strict. Your mention of loving one another is adult-to-adult, not parent-to-child. My kids were paddled when they needed it, and they grew up knowing I loved them enough to do the hard stuff in order to make them good, responsible adults and parents.

We didn't have the luxury of having a garden (I think that's English for yard) for the children to play in when they were growing up. We had a strip of about 5 feet of grass in the front yard, and that's where they had to play. Keeping them on a rein was not an option. Circumstances can happen so quickly that, no matter what your discipline, they can change in a heartbeat. A ball rolling into the road, chasing the dog, etc. Also cannot teach a child to walk and run when he is in our arms.

Again I say, each person has their own ways of discipline. If, again, you were able to raise your children without spanking, great. We all answer for our decisions. I am good with my decisions to spank when needed.

God bless, all

TealRose - posted on 06/30/2011

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Sorry Carla .. I am a Christian too .. and my Bible tells me NO such thing .. Jesus told us to love one another, and to treat one another as we ourselves would like to be treated. HE is the one I follow - he made a New Covenant... I don't know about you - but I don't want to be hit ever. He also told us that we were to take care of children .. and that anyone who disrespected on of them ..'it would be better a millstone were tied about his neck and thrown in deep water' ... Pretty clear to me. GRACE based parenting doesn't involve hitting a child or anyone. There is no 'hitting correctly' .. turn the other cheek .. If God himself loved us enough to send us his Son .. and let him die on the cross for our sins ... what right have WE to hit a child for 'sins' .. or in order to 'get them into heaven' ?? The only way into heaven is by Jesus himself ... and you can't force anyone to believe or to love. But you CAN show children that they aren't good enough, that God doesn't love them when they are 'bad' which is not true. He doesn't love the 'sin' but he sure loves the sinner !!!



As of the old one of running in the road? My children and grandchildren are not left in a position to be able to do so as toddlers. They are either in our arms, or on reins or behind a locked housedoor in the house, or in their own garden with no access to the street. As for older children - easy - just don't allow them to go across roads or to friends/school etc on their own - take them yourself until you feel they have earned back the right to walk alone and have also learned how to use the roads safely! No hitting involved or necessary ..



Each child is different. As is each adult. And each animal. NONE of which deservers, needs or should be hit.



Respect ..not thumps!

Kristi - posted on 06/30/2011

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i dont hink theres anything wronge w. spanking.! dont just spank w.e., but do it when the child really needs it.!

Carla - posted on 06/30/2011

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When my little ones and now my grandbabies are heading for the street and I yell no! stop! and they do not, you better believe, when I catch them, they get a swat! My 4 y/o son was run over, and I would not want THAT to happen to any other child. A spank on the backside is less painful than broken bones, or worse.

All we can tell you, TealRose, is that God Himself told us to spank them when needed. He gave us those children as blessings, as rewards. If spanking, done correctly is okay with our Heavenly Father, it's okay with me. We have found the naughty spot to be extremely effective, but there are times when a swat on the butt is needed.

We each raise our children as God has spoken to us. Each child is different, and different discipline works on different children. Our goal is to raise Godly adults, and we will each stand before God to answer to how effective we were.

God bless, all

TealRose - posted on 06/29/2011

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As for not being 'unbiblical' .. what about Christ telling us to love one another and to treat each other as we would like to be treated ? Do YOU want to be spanked ?? What about the turn the other cheek and parenting with GRACE ???

TealRose - posted on 06/29/2011

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No one on the planet ..NO ONE needs/deserves/should be hit/spanked!

Spanking solves nothing .. and can cause so many more problems at the time - and in later life. I know, I live it. So do a lot of my friends. If you can't be hit at work in the name of discipline to teach you a lesson .. what right does any adult have to hit a defenceless child?? Why does age and inexperience in life and perhaps 'not understanding' have to do with spanking ?? If it works on children .. then perhaps we should bring back wife spanking and 'discipline' .. or have the courts whip/beat us when we do wrong ?? I think not ...

Amy - posted on 06/29/2011

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I don't think there's anything unbiblical about spanking when it's done right. Some children are wired to be people pleasers, and they aren't as difficult to discipline. Other children are... different. I know one super-crunchy-granola-hippy mom who swore up and down that spanking was abuse, and she'd never ever do it. But her son needed it. She ended up giving it a whirl when all other options had been exhausted. It worked. I have found that most of the time, disciplining our children is REALLY disciplining ourselves. I have learned more through parenting than I have from any of my formal education.

I have spanked my boys. Sometimes it's effective, sometimes it's not. I have spanked them in anger, and I am ashamed of that. I have learned from that. And I know my parenting is not defined in those moments, but in the moments when I've learned. So in this home, we spank less. But not because spanking is "wrong", but because I want to make sure *I* am not doing it wrong. ... I've found that running laps around our (large) backyard is pretty effective. :)

TealRose - posted on 06/25/2011

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As a parent I made sure my children were safe as toddlers, my responsibility. As they grew I taught right from wrong by demonstration, and by talking. Use your words .. not your hands...

User - posted on 06/25/2011

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Our rule is: If life or limb is in imminent danger, then we give a swat on the butt (not enough to leave a mark, though).

Running into the street
Chewing on wires
Running straight into swings w/o going around
Playing with lamps/unscrewing bulbs to put toys in bulb sockets
Jumping up and down on sister's tummy.

Things that will get them killed or seriously injured.

I can count on one hand (per child) the times I've had to do this in my twins' 4 years. Usually only once or twice is enough, then just the threat "Do you want a whack on the butt?" is enough.

We know someone whose niece was hit and permanently injured by a car when she was 3 and ran into the street - you don't always get a 2nd chance with that kind of thing, and another relative that was almost killed when she got bashed in the face by someone on a swing - it damaged her pituitary gland and she didn't grow properly after that, and the doctors said she was lucky to be alive, because some of the bone fragments could have easily done more damage in her brain.

Wendy - posted on 06/24/2011

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Have just been reading through some of the posts on here and it seems to have turned into a discussion of each persons interpretation of the bible, i'm not a religious person so I can't comment all I can say is that I was spanked as a child and if I were my mum and dad - i'd have spanked me too! I needed it no amount of time outs taking away priviliges or anything like that worked with me I was obstinate and head strong as a child and i still can be now but when my dad spanked me I knew I was pushing my luck - if my mum spanked me I knew I was in BIG trouble!
I spanked my daughter when she was younger (she's now 8) but I would only spank if nothing else worked - at one point she had pushed me so far that she had no toys left to take away and she refused to stay in time out so the only other option was to spank her once she had stopped acting like the world was gonna end she said sorry we had a hug and she still adores me. I will also if necessary spank my boys but again only if the situation validates the action - I don't think there is a right or wrong opinion about this as it is purely down to personal opinion, circumstance and personal experiences

Wendy - posted on 06/24/2011

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Have just been reading through some of the posts on here and it seems to have turned into a discussion of each persons interpretation of the bible, i'm not a religious person so I can't comment all I can say is that I was spanked as a child and if I were my mum and dad - i'd have spanked me too! I needed it no amount of time outs taking away priviliges or anything like that worked with me I was obstinate and head strong as a child and i still can be now but when my dad spanked me I knew I was pushing my luck - if my mum spanked me I knew I was in BIG trouble!
I spanked my daughter when she was younger (she's now 8) but I would only spank if nothing else worked - at one point she had pushed me so far that she had no toys left to take away and she refused to stay in time out so the only other option was to spank her once she had stopped acting like the world was gonna end she said sorry we had a hug and she still adores me. I will also if necessary spank my boys but again only if the situation validates the action - I don't think there is a right or wrong opinion about this as it is purely down to personal opinion, circumstance and personal experiences

Carla - posted on 06/14/2011

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TealRose--like I said in my reply, Jesus said He came to fulfill the law. The OT (Law) was where we received the teachings for life, which Jesus and His followers all followed. The NT taught us to be Christians--the OT taught us to be parents. God is the author of both. I find it dismaying that you demote Proverbs to 'a book of poetry'. Solomon's driving force was finding wisdom, Godly wisdom. I think you are thinking about Song of Solomon.

Tealrose, you have your definite opinions, and if you were able to raise your children using this method, yay! The others that have prayed and feel this is what God would have them do, and if it works for them, yay! Every mother's style is different, and as long as we ultimately raise Godly children/adults, we have done our job.

God bless, all

TealRose - posted on 06/14/2011

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Carla - OT .. and what about the NT and Christ's words? You cannot force anyone to believe, or to love, or to be sorry - but you sure as heck can help them understand right from wrong, and about God without hitting them. Christ didn't hit his disciples - he admonished them from time to time and even had the children brought to him. Where he didn't spank them ... and didn't instruct anyone to do so! Proverbs is a book of 'poetry'.

I have found that a lot of wrong things have been done for years - take wife beating as an example, and that would have been fine and dandy only a relatively short while ago. The dialogue afterwards taught me nothing except my parents lied ie - the said things like 'WE don't hit' but then hit me and my sister. I have know children both spanked and not who are and are not monsters. My own children and grandchildren are not monsters and were never hit.

I believe in God's wisdom too - love for God and then love for one another. Adults and children only can become Godly when they understand and decide to become so for themselves. If you hit a child, it may appear to be 'good' but in fact may be storing it all up in their hearts too - and decide that love and hitting go hand in hand if you are cross or upset with someone. Not something I ever want to teach anyone.

Carla - posted on 06/14/2011

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If this method works for you, TealRose, great. But we are instructed in the OT, which is where the laws and rules come from, that we are to use whatever methods to produce a Godly adult. Proverbs 22 and 23 talk about foolish children and the need to stop that. Solomon talked about beating it out of them. I am certain, given the fact that children are THE blessing, that beating doesn't mean what it does now.

God has given me a charge to raise Godly children, which I have 66% success rate, and have faith for the other 1/3. Godly discipline is ordained, and I do not believe God would have suggested this if it weren't to be used. I believe the Bible, I believe it all. Loving spanking, along with dialogue afterwards, has been used for thousands of years. I hear statements like 'oh, I love my child too much to spank him/her', and the child is a monster.

We have to use Godly wisdom in whatever discipline we use, with the ultimate goal of producing loving Godly adults.

God bless, all

TealRose - posted on 06/14/2011

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God, has never hit me, beaten me, thrashed me, or paddled me. He loves me .. and forgives me. He is patient and kind. How much MORE so should I be giving to his little ones then??

TealRose - posted on 06/14/2011

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Noelle : I now know of many people who have been brought up to believe that that quote meant spanking - quite wrongly! This article here puts the whole business into perspective : http://parentingfreedom.com/discipline/

This too is a very good site - the writer explains in great detail about NOT hitting children !! http://whynottrainachild.com/2011/01/04/...

For me I believe in what Jesus told us, which was to love one another [no hitting there] and to treat one another as we would want to be treated. Most of us never want to be hit !! - He never told us to hit children - He told us to take care of them, and that if anyone hurts one of them that it would be better they should have a millstone around their neck and thrown into the sea! He died for our sins - so that is another 'Christian' idea blown out of the water - ie spanking a child or anyone else is not going to 'save' them - only Christ can do that. Discipline means to teach ... I did that without hitting!

I was often not spanked 'out of anger' - that made ME fear and anger ever more! To me the small child, I couldn't then know just WHEN they were going to hit me, if they could hit me 'cold'! The fact I was actually hit made me very angry - as I knew that hitting was wrong - of anyone and of animals! I learned and respected far more from my grandmother who didn't hit. It was never necessary or right - as mum's often say 'Use your words not your hands!'

I have posted before that I believe that the 'running in the road', 'touching the stove' and 'poking sockets' reasons for actually hitting a child are wrong - I have always believed that it is my responsibility as the parent/adult to safeguard my children - so I baby/child proofed my house. I never allowed them to run out into the road, was careful as they got out of cars in car parks, used 'reins' when they were toddlers and when they were older and visiting friends, if I caught them being foolish on a road then I stopped them going on their own - and went with them for a length of time until I felt they could be trusted again. I used a high chair/low chair/playpen/door gate etc when cooking or near a stove or fire - I used a fireguard. There are also little guards that go around the hob that stop children pulling hot pans onto themselves. And the sockets had plastic 'plugs' that fitted into them - and believe me, it took my husband and I at the same time to remove them they were in so well and hard to remove!

I never hit my children and they are now kind loving adults, and my grandchildren who are not hit either are also growing up to be the same.

I love the little tag or whatever you call it just by the 'post' button .. it sums it all up for me .. 'RESPECT not THUMPS'... I don't believe that it is respectful of a child to hit it, and I also believe that adults cannot just command respect they have to earn it too by demonstration etc ... it's a two way street !

Carla - posted on 06/14/2011

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@Noelle--I agree with what you have said 100%! I was spanked, HOWEVER--my mother whipped out of anger and frustration, and my dad spanked out of love. We HATED it when Dad had to discipline us, cuz we would all be in tears after he got done talking to us. My dad was a gentle, loving Daddy, and when he spanked, there was a reason. He spanked, then he sat down and we talked. He would always tell us that spanking us hurt him more than it did us, and we believed him. We loved our daddy and hated to disappoint him, so our spankings were few and far between--from him. Daddy showed us God's heart. He would discipline, it caused him pain, but he loved us enough to not let us get away with stuff.

Back in the OT days children were THE blessing of God--more than money, more than cattle, CHILDREN were your heritage and your joy. So you taught them continually to love God and to be good, loving parents and citizens. The same goes for God. He loves us more than anyone could ever love us, but if He sees us doing something we shouldn't, He sends that still, small Voice to remind us that is wrong. It is our choice to listen or not, but if we don't listen, He HAS to amp it up a little to get our attention.

Laws and rules are given to us for our good. If we do not heed them, whether children or adult, we have to be admonished with whatever technique works for us. I think, as Godly parents, we need to pray about WHAT is going to work for each child, as each child responds to discipline differently. WE ARE going to be held accountable to God for what our children have grown up to be. I surely do want God to say 'well done, thou good and faithful servant, enter in to the joy of the Lord.'

God bless!

Noelle - posted on 06/13/2011

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I was spanked as a child, and have no negative feelings towards my parents from that. I have a fantastic relationship with my parents, as do my brother and sister who were also spanked. My son is only 9 months now, but I do plan on using spanking as a technique when the situation calls for it. i.e. if he runs into the street, or does something that puts him directly in harms way, or directly defies me repeatedly. I do not intend to use spanking as my primary technique, and as other moms have said you have to adapt the discipline to fit the particular child.
I have a question for you though Teal. How do you interpret Proverbs 13:24? "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him" I guess I was always raised with the interpretation that it was referring to spanking. As I said, I never had any hatred or harsh feelings towards my parents. And the spanking was never done out of anger, so that may have been key to me not feeling like I was being hit. They always explained to me why I was receiving the spanking. I think the last time I was spanked, was when my brother and sister (both older) told me to put books in my pants before my mom swatted my rear. I don't exactly remember my moms reaction to smacking books in my bum, but I know that I was never spanked again!

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