What do you do/say to a child(girl) when you catch them

Megan - posted on 03/23/2010 ( 25 moms have responded )

5

16

0

I noticed my daughter "humping" the seatbelt of the car seat and the bar in between her legs in the shopping cart around the age of 2. I spoke with her doctor about it at the time and her response was, "She figured out that doing that feels good. Wouldn't you do something if it felt good? She will grow out of it." My daughter is now 5 years old and is still doing it in the car seat! It is embarrassing and creeps me out! I don't know how to talk to her about it and don't know if I'm supposed to ignore it or disipline.... HELP!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jennifer - posted on 03/28/2010

4

2

0

I let my daughter know that it was something that she should do in private if she felt the need. It's not for anyone else to see.

[deleted account]

Girls will do that. I did the same thing when I was little, my mom had to pull me aside and say"this isnt the time or place to be doing that. Its inappropriate" I listened to her. Your Dr. is right she will grow out of it. She is just doing it because it feels good. Looking back now I'm mortified that I did that but Kids are kids. You might want to try to slowly talk her out of doing that over a period of time, maybe she will get out of this phase sooner, i dont know. Dont discipline her,I firmly believe in discipline but in this case I dont. She doesnt understand what she is doing, she just knows it feels good to her.You might want to say something like" Honey I know this makes you feel good but you really shouldnt be doing this" or something to that effect. Thats what my mom had to tell me. I hope this helps. I know it can be really embarrassing but hang in there. God Bless!

Carla - posted on 10/25/2013

4,282

83

592

We, as Christians, are supposed to be different than the world. Yes, we all have urges, and yes, they are natural. HOWEVER, at 5 this behavior is unacceptable, especially in public.

Talk to her and find out exactly WHY she is doing this. It MIGHT be she is itching. Our granddaughter has UTIs a lot, and is always itching. Teach her to wipe properly to keep down the contamination of rectum to vagina. Get panties with white cotton lining in the crotch. The dyes in panties can irritate and cause infection. Once you rule out a condition, you have to get down to the nitty gritty. 'Why are you rubbing your (whatever you call it to her, Faithy calls it her 'bagina'?' If you get 'it feels good', then you need to explain why we don't do that. Exactly how you explain it will depend on her maturity level, but all kids know this is 'our private spot'. This is a link I came up with http://www.christian-mommies.com/ageless...

I never masturbated as a child, and if my young children did, I didn't ever catch them, so I am a little ill-equipped to advise from my experiences. However, you can't have her doing that while sitting in church or in the grocery store. Pray, and ask the Lord what you should say to her, do some homework, then plunge in. Let us know what happens.

God bless, Kelly

Angela - posted on 10/25/2013

2,410

9

321

Just tell your child that if he/she wants to do this, then to do so in private! Don't embarrass the child, just be matter-of-fact about it!

QUOTE:

"Just explain to her that it's not something she should be doing because she is a little girl and it's not lady like. it could also lead to masturbation once she's older and understands what she is doing"

Er hello! I disagree that it "could lead to" masturbation when older - it's masturbation anyway - right now! Stimulation of genitals at ANY age is done because it feels pleasurable - and that is what is known as masturbation, regardless of the age of the person doing it, regardless of whether they have any concept of sex, lust etc - it's masturbation, pure and simple.

As for "not lady-like" - does this mean it's wrong for females (again of ANY age) to not do the things that are pleasant to them? What about males? I would certainly agree that it's not polite to carry out one's own pleasure-inducing activities in front of other people - these things should always be private. "Not lady-like" implies that females are expected to behave better than males or that they have less "right" to be comfortable with their own bodies.

Megan - posted on 04/06/2010

5

16

0

I'm not sure if I'm replying to your responses correctly, but if I am.... I want to thank all of you soooo much! I am so happy to hear people that aren't close to me (meaning I know for sure none of you would say something JUST to make me feel better about the situation) reassuring me that this is normal behavior! So far, all my husband and I have done about it is let her know about "private parts" and where it is appropriate (her bedroom, bathroom) for her to do this type of thing. I feel very relieved to see that most of you, as moms, have done/would do the same thing. I just hope that we will see it less and less. :o)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

25 Comments

View replies by

Nicole - posted on 01/14/2014

49

0

0

Cyndel, where masturbation and lust are concerned, trying to separate one from the other is as pointless as ordering black coffee with cream. It's rather like it is when you buy shoes --you just can't settle for one without the other!

Carla - posted on 10/26/2013

4,282

83

592

I'm glad you took her to the pedi, Kelly. Faith's Dr told our daughter the exact same thing about the baths. Some people are more susceptible to infections than others. Faith LOVES her showers, but she will stay in til she runs the hot water tank dry ;)

Glad you got things cleared up, honey, God bless.

Kelly - posted on 10/25/2013

9

0

0

I actually decided to take her to the doctor this morning and she has a little irritation from where she is not wiping properly and her pediatrician told me also to stop letting her take bubble baths and try her out on showers instead of baths, he also said that she is a perfectly normal 5 year old and that he sees no rwason for me to be alarmedd

Kelly - posted on 10/24/2013

9

0

0

I am a mother of 5 children 4 boys and 1 girl who is my youngest she is 5 today at her school her teacher brought it to my attention that she has been humping her hands in the class room and that they are concerned. ...I was almost speechless my daughter has been hunching ever since she was about a year old I do not know why she does this but it is very disturbing to hear her teacher say she is concerned. I have even talked to her pediatrician about this when she was younger because I did not understand why she was doing it but I was told it was normal for a lot of kids to do so. I do not know what to do I know for a fact my daughter has never been messed with I am worried that the school is making a big deal out of something I can not help or have no control over. HOW DO I GET HER TO STOP??? Someone please help me

Teresa - posted on 05/10/2012

709

37

56

She has not associated what she is doing to anything like lust. It is a biological plus that she has found early. I've seen it in children when I was working at a daycare and it is more common than you think. Talk to her but remember she doesn't know about adult lust yet.

Cyndel - posted on 05/07/2012

754

24

42

I tell my son to do that in his room when he is alone.
Masturbation is a difficult subject in the Christian world, the bible doesn't address masturbation, but it does address lust. I know I wouldn't be able to masturbate without lusting, so I avoid it to avoid lusting. If it is possible to masturbate without lusting then I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Courtney - posted on 05/06/2012

1

0

0

I also have this same problem with mine, she has been doing at around the age two as well is now 6 and still does this. I just tell her this is something you do in private and not in front of people.

Christamargie-laVerne - posted on 03/27/2010

3

26

1

change the subject with her ,keep book or toy hidden to change her thought pattern when needed..

Amy - posted on 03/26/2010

267

7

21

It's so normal and so common! I don't think it's anything to worry about.



I'd be careful in how you approach it; personally, I would want to make sure she didn't feel at all ashamed, but understood that sort of thing was to be done in private.



All children do some form of this! Boys get erections from the day they are born. Of course they touch them... just like they touch their feet or any other part of their body. It's NOT learned from "some bad movie naughty mom and dad watched." Please don't listen to those that would have you believe it's some kind of baby sin!



Good luck!

Heather - posted on 03/25/2010

10

21

1

I agree with Michelle. Just explain to her that it's not something she should be doing because she is a little girl and it's not lady like. it could also lead to masturbation once she's older and understands what she is doing (if you are against that type of thing).

When my lil sister used to do it, it creeped me out too. My mom just explained to her what she had and that she shouldn't mess with it because it's sensitive. Just monitor her to make sure she grasps the concept and eventually excersises self control.

Lisa - posted on 03/25/2010

20

18

1

Children are actually do more sexualised behaviour than we realise its just that whole thing about teaching her whats appropriate. Also do a wee bit of research on whats the norm for a girl of her age. I can't help you there as I have boys and they touch their genitals but they do get better as they get older just give them the guidance now.

Angie - posted on 03/25/2010

5

9

0

ummm it is normal.. maybe its not a good idea to use a seat beat or a pole or objects as such to make urself feel good but making urself feel good starts very young and all in to adult hood .. being a child they don't understand why it feels good and its our job to talk and guide in appropriate ways of healthy" masterbation" ...who ever told u masterbation was not normal... ok.. sorry but your wrong to tell this mother her child is doing something not normal.. and dont always assume it was shown to her or its a negative ... becasue it isnt always that case!

Laurie - posted on 03/24/2010

6

1

0

Ask her where she learned it from. Maybe she saw it in a movie or saw mommy and daddy. Or maybe the pediatrician was right (which is an answer I am not particularly satisfied with) Be patient and above all do not show any anger for it will scare her into staying quiet. What you want to do is calmly put emphasys on the fact that this is not a normal thing to do. It is not a good thing. But most of all be very calm and show no anger!

Kyle - posted on 03/24/2010

334

29

12

I noticed my daughter doing it when she was a little older than 1. She is now going to be 6 in may and still continues to do it. I don't discipline her for it but I do find it very difficult not to because she when she does it she makes her inner leg raw because she sits on her foot to do it. and, I am afraid she will not grow out of it. I know someone who still does it and she is in her early 30's. Try to keep her busy, if she starts doing it, don't say anything about it but find something to distract her. Hopefully if she doesn't do it for so long she will forget about it for good. Good luck.

Angie - posted on 03/24/2010

5

9

0

i think just saying save it for your room ..haha i caught my daughter who is 7 doing the touching/humping her hand on the couch when i was claning dishes ..i just said not in front of people and it is normal but that she must wash her hands before and after ..so she dosen't cause infections.. hmm it was tough i am not going to lie...good luck

Jamie - posted on 03/24/2010

290

26

16

it's a very natural thing for children to do, it is more common in boys, but girls also do it. Try giving her a book in the car and just tell her to relax her body in the car and read her book. She will outgrow it, but please don't discipline her for it.

Sheila - posted on 03/24/2010

4

9

0

Helping her understand that private parts are for private times and she is being inappropriate with private things in a public place. It's also a good time to discuss good touch/ bad touch in relationship to her private parts and others...keeping them covered...modesty etc.

Shelley - posted on 03/24/2010

435

0

34

I think children do experiment with things like this. It is not a dicipline issue but a self control issue that she does not yet understand and as parents we do need to teach our children self control. I would just continue to say don't do that honey and maybe take activities or books to read in the car to divert her attention and break the habit.
You could also explain to her that it is rude and we don't do that. some would say that saying some thing might give her sexual hangups or something like that it wont it's just teaching her that some things are appropriate and some things are not. She will probably continue to do it when no one's around thats ok.
the other thing is just check by asking her if she's itchy sore ect as she may have an infection or something.

Jill - posted on 03/24/2010

572

18

71

i remember my daughter playing with her privates in the tub when she was little... i think she will grow out of it...mine did...she also told me it felt good...she doesnt do it anymore... just don't make a big deal out of it or she will do it more ...when you are not looking...

Cassie - posted on 03/23/2010

28

19

2

i would just tell her thats not something to do in front of ppl or something like that. honestly, i remember doing stuff like that when i was really lil, humping my teddy's leg and stuff.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms