What to do when you feel as if your children do not need you anymore?and show it!

Charla - posted on 08/10/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I have had 8 children,One who is with Jesus.ALl my children have left the nest so to speak except my 16 year old.I was in the hospital close to 2 months ago and was in ICU for 7 days and on life support for 4 days.Only the one out of 4 that are out of state came. I gave my entire life to raising my children,I never did drugs and have never drank, so I always wonder what did I do? "I loved them" I always feed them first and took care of them first. But now that I am not well they have all seemed to have fallin through the cracks of the earth. I need them so badly in my life right now. When my mama was in the hospital before she went home, I was 7 months pregnant and slept on the floor on an egg creat for 22 days. She was not perfect nor was I a perfect mom.But what did I do so wrong? I am soooo lonley.My 16 year old does NOT care as well.Should I just end my life as I have nothing else. I am in to much pain, I can't work, I can't sit in church,I closed up and have no one :O(.... I am new here and I hope that you do not mind me telling you all the truth about how I feel. I am 54 years old.

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[deleted account]

charla..its too late to say you did this and that wrong..thats a waste of time. it's weird but yes..sometimes the kids we spend so much time devoted to grow up and are like thorns to us..my grandma had the same with her sons. they took everything from her and left her penniless..it was all the people she looked after in life and her church brethren that sustained her with food and support. i'm so sorry your children have done this wicked thing to you. but you know when Jesus referred to his brothers and sisters as the people around him it just goes to show that your christian family is your real family, people who move in accordance with God's love and will. God bless you hunnie! we love you! XOXO

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SUSAN KREY - posted on 09/02/2014

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Hi,
I doubt you will even get this response as your comment is so old. However, I am feeling exactly like you.

My husband divorced me and I raised my children alone for 15 years. I was a good mother. I was spread thin with 4 children. I worked and went to school and earned a bachelor and master degree so I could survive after my child support was over.

I am 70 years old, my children are all adults. I have one daughter who blames me for every bad thing that has ever happened to her in her life and a son who has a masters degree in psychology and also blames me for the mistakes of his youth.

I feel worn out. I had cancer last year and not one of my children came to the hospital for my surgery. I have two who live out of state and they did not come during my healing.
I, like you, remember when my mother was ill and I spent days and nights in the hospital with her. I loved and cared for my parents in their old age. I talked to my mother daily on the phone. I hardly ever get a call. I call and call and no one returns my calls.

I think it must be a generation thing. Our children are entitled to our service. Gratitude and respect to honor us is not what they do now-a-days. I taught my children to respect me as their parent in my home. I was the mother and the father. My children did not have the example of a man respecting me or teaching them to honor me.

I truly wanted my children to be independent of me and survive in this world without anyone's help. All my children are responsible, hard working, individuals and wonderful parents. They just have no need for me in their lives. I guess this is the way of the times. It is hurtful...I am lonely also...

I do not think, you or I did too much for them. I was spoiled and given a lot as a child. I still stayed close to my parents. I just think it is a strange generation that only has time to worry about themselves. I guess you have to figure you did your best. This is all God asks of us. If they love you and come around, fine. If not I guess we are suppose to get another hobby. Like what? How do you replace being a mother?.....I say hang in there, you are not alone in this scenario.

Cornia - posted on 05/23/2014

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Adult kids are simply, ungrateful bastards! I know, because I was one of the them!
I stayed away from my mom for the basic fact that I was selfish...I couldn't or didn't want to stay close to her because I knew she was dying. I felt keeping a distance would keep me from facing her death and I wouldn't hurt so much. I was wrong, so wrong. I don't; however, feel guilty, because I know my mothers love wouldn't want me to. I believe my mother knew exactly why I acted that way, and would have done all she could to make it easier for me. That is what mothers do, not children.

Tina - posted on 08/20/2009

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I think everyone has really summed it up, but I would really like to add....if your children aren't there for you. Shame on them, they should be. Are they parents themselves? Because if they're not....they just don't get it yet. Have you ever heard...."I didn't appreciate my mother until I became one."?? I think it's fairly accurate. I agree.....DO NOT END YOUR LIFE!! The devil is out to steal our hope because it's connected to our faith. I want to say if you don't feel like you can sit in church maybe you need to seek out a different church. We have been going to a new church for a little while after 9 years of being fully involved in our last church. It has been hard to put our roots down here, but we feel the presence in this church and we want to open our hearts to these people. Go to church. Put a smile on your face (even if you have to fake it) and shake someone's hand. You never know who will feel drawn to you. God will cause the right person to connect with you. God bless you.

[deleted account]

First of all....DO NOT END YOUR LIFE or even think about doing that!!! I'm sure that is heartbreaking to you that they haven't been there for you in your time of need....BUT...I'm sure they have their lives also, married and kids, jobs, etc. I know I don't have as much time to spend with my parents either and I'm 46 years old. Another thing is, I think people in general have changed, they aren't as devoted to each other as they used to be, like you were with your mom. We do, however, teach our kids to grow up and be independent of us parents but it still would be nice if they would just show that they care or that they are thinking of you. I'm sure they do care and do think of you often and it may be just very difficult for them to physically be there, especially since it sounds as if they live out of state from where you live. Maybe you should write them each a letter, pour out your heart-felt feelings regarding your situation and let them know that you know they are busy with their lives but it would be nice for them to at least show some concern. Good luck and I'll be praying for you!! Hang in there!!!

Lisa - posted on 08/18/2009

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I know how you are feeling!! I have 6 children: 1 20 year old 3 teenagers 2 younger children. Only 1 has chosen to follow the Lord and the 3 teenagers have up and left us with no cares to what happens to their younger siblings or their parents. Be strong!! The Lord is with you and is by your side through all this pain and suffering!! Remember He loves you and died for us!!! He will never leave you or forsake you!!! And we other mothers care for you!! Please be strong.

Shelly - posted on 08/14/2009

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Charla,

Sweety no matter what you have done or have not done it is not worth giving up..Your children have thier own lives right now and I can't say I understand what you are going thru but the Lord does...He gave up his children for us so turn to the Lord and ask him to heal you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually...and Learn to rely on the Lord for your needs and from the sounds of it you have a home church so rely on your church family. Giving up is not an opption we have never been call to give up. Stand up and be strong in the Lord...I will keep you in my prayers that the Lord will give you the strength to get through this storm...And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feel free to come on here and ask anyone of us for help, advice or just an ear!!!

Kelli - posted on 08/13/2009

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Charla, your children love you and care for you, but they are human. We are all humans. And therefore, not perfect. The only person that can love you unconditionally and perfectly is our LORD and Savior, Jesus Christ. But I understand how hard that is to hold on to when you are lonely and hurting and sad and in pain. Please reach out at church. Find a Bible study that you are interested in. Open the Bible and read His promises. Remember, "He that hath begun a good work in you will continue it until the day of Christ Jesus" (Phil 1:6). Hang in there. I will be praying for you. And when He brings you out of this storm, what an amazing testimony you will have to share with others and how beautiful it will be to help them through it!

Jenny - posted on 08/11/2009

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I can't say that I know how you feel, being that my children are all young and at home, but I know that if it was my mom you would have to kill me first for me to not be there for her. I will keep you in my prayers. Remember that no matter what the Lord is there for you and he never gives us more than we can handle. Hugs!

CuQee - posted on 08/10/2009

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I am in your EXACT shoes, so if your kids arn't there for you, at least permit me to be your friend and a sounding board for you. I haven't filled out the kids section on my profile But I have a 20 yr old, 18 yr old, almost 17 yr old and a 15 yr old. My 20 yr old we adopted when he was older, & he lives in Utah . What I wanted to share with youy, so you WILL know I understand your situation is : I have lupus, M.S. , pernicious anemia, peripheral neuropathy and a couple of other things. MAN, THE PAIN !! But, to top it off, my 18 yr old and my 15 yr old are ALWAYS finding excusses to be " gone" .
Now, In 1 respect, I am LUCKY because my almost 17 yr old stays at home and helps me. Because she " fills my emotional bucket" and is my best friend, I have the emotional strength to be a true friend, help - meet, and listening ear for you. And, OMG !!! I just looked at your age !! On my stars !!!! I AM 54 ALSO !! My birthday is July 9th, 1955. Please feel free to write anytime !! What a small world !!

Christina - posted on 08/10/2009

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I have three girls they are still at home so I won't pretend to know how your feeling. But you are not alone if you have your faith. Jesus is your answer. Pray about everything you feel or might soon feel. It will help. Talk to your husband he might can cheer you up also. You sound like you were a great mom so don't bame yourself. Everyone gets a little selfish a time or two in their life. Your kids seem to be going through it now. When my kids all went to school for the first time last year I was empty inside. It's not fun. Depression comes on easily so be careful!! CP

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