why is my fourteen year old so mean to me? hormones?

Christine - posted on 05/16/2010

I have two teenage sons and I promise it does get better. If it is your first you are probably in shock - where did this child come from and replace my nice sweet boy? My only other comment is for some reason males with all that testosterone coursing through their bodies suddenly are about the angriest people on the planet from 14 to about 16. Really don't think they even realize what is going on. They get some of it out through sports, music, and video games. These choices while we may not like some of 2 and 3 are much better than some alternatives - drugs etc.... Be strong find a method of discipline that will work for him and keep an eye on who he is hanging out with and other activities. Keep the channels of communication open - 2 thins I have found is this - if they want to talk to you drop whatever you are doing and talk as this is rare and usually important and secondly boys will talk more openly in the car or while doing some activity (I used to have the lego talks, now I have found new activities). So you are not alone and I think once this initial rush for both him and you on these hormones you will see a difference.

Susan - posted on 05/15/2010

Are you familiar with the dunce cap system? ;) My teen is rude too!

Debi_6522 - posted on 05/15/2010

there is an old saying that goes
" baby's step on your toes and teenagers step on your hearts"
how true, it will get better,

Carla - posted on 05/13/2010

Michelle is absolutely correct. Kids have raging hormones, and they don't know what to do with them. They are as confused as you are. If you or your husband can, talk with him as honestly as you can, telling him you went through this (or brother, or whoever) and came out the other side 'normal'. Remember, you were given these children to guide through this horrid time!



That being said, you cannot tolerate rudeness, meanness etc. My daughter took her 14-year-old son's door off his room and told him he could get it back when he decided to join the human race! He, too, is addicted to video games, computer, phone. All his 'goodies' have been taken away, and when his grades improve and he can act with respect in the household, he can win his stuff back. You will feel like the world's worst mother, you will cry oceans of tears, but guess what? It doesn't last! He will come out the other side, leaving you wonder where that nasty kid went ;) If you teach him in the way he should go, when he is old, he will not depart (Deuteronomy). Hang in there, be consistent, try to be a listening ear, if he will let you. This, too, shall pass. God bless, sweetie!

Emily - posted on 05/13/2010

For some reason, teenagers are like that. I'm sure it's the hormones. Also, 13,14,15 those are awkward ages. Teenagers that are in that age bracket are kind of in the between stages. I'm 23 years old with a 2 1/2 month old and I remember that stage a little bit. I was a great kid though. I never gave my parents problems but occasionally I would mouth off to them. I just remember feeling emotional. So, I think you're right. It's just the hormones. However, that's still no excuse for you to be disrespected. You are his mother. I totally agree with what the last mommy said. Good luck and know that it totally gets better.

Michelle - posted on 05/13/2010

They are teenagers...thats whats wrong. What you need to do is take away all of his extra curricular activities. Tell him that he has been very disrespectful to you and you will not stand for it anymore. When he can learn to be considerate and respectful, then he can have his stuff back. I know that you cant really control teenagers, but you have to try. Put your foot down. Stay consistent. It will eventually become a routine for him. If he is rude to you one day then asks if he can go do something, tell him "No. You spoke to me in a disrespectful way. So you wont be going anywhere." He will learn to be polite. If he wants his cousin to come over (your nephew)...tell him no. Tell him that not only does he have to respect you, your nephew does to, and if they both cant do that....they wont be spending time together. Stay calm when you are talking to him....that way if he yells or gets defensive...you have stayed calm and can point out that you arent yelling and that he will NOT do the same thing. Good luck.....teenagers are tough.