you think its right that i been telling my daughter since 20 months no1 touches her private but mom

Tam - posted on 07/16/2009

Not sure what to do about the announcing it, these women have given some good advice.

But I did want to chime in. I heard a sermon recently that talks about how we parents often give advice the "wrong" way to our kids. And this could fall into the category, so maybe how you phrase it and explain it could be adjusted and she will understand more.

His examples were for older kids. Such as not drinking. We often tell them it's because they could get in a car with drunk driver and be killed, or their car could kill someone else. Great. WE think that's taken care of, we've put some fear in them to keep them from doing it. But when they are in college and their buddy down the dorm has a beer bash, they won't have to get in the car...the impetus you gave your child not to drink is gone now. They don't have to drive, they can walk home.

His point is that we often use world perspective or even things that seem logical (don't have sex--pregnancy and diseases--voila a condom to keep that from happening, etc.).

Instead we should have a Godly, Biblical perspective when we teach our children. To use love and service to God to explain, not fear. We should teach them not to drink because we love God and want to cultivate the fruit of the Spirit in our lives and if we become drunk we lose self-control. God wants us to have a sound mind, not drunken mind. etc.

Maybe try applying this to your situation and teach your daughter age-appropriate materials. Tell her that God made her special and she is beautiful and that we should guard our hearts and bodies. It's difficult at that age, because they are so young, but maybe you could use this to explain that God is not ashamed of our bodies, but we also only talk about them with certain people, etc.

Praying for you.

Kerry - posted on 07/15/2009

Quoting julia:

you think its right that i been telling my daughter since 20 months no1 touches her private but mom

I always tell Isabel that no-one is suppose to touch her private but Mommy, daddy and Doctor.But now when we go places like parties, she announces it to everyone even the kids. And the kids look at her weird she'll say "My mommy said nobody suppose to touch me here " and she points and the kids look at her like saying what is she talking about.....

I beleive she will grow out of the stage of anouncing this fact to everyone.  But you have done a good thing by telling her this.  I made sure all of my children knew this as well.  I don't know how often you tell her this but maybe you could just ask her from time to time if she remembers where she is not suppose to be touched by any one accept who you have said.  I would, as she gets a little older and is more able to understand, let her know too, that this is OK, only during baths, maybe potty training and exams, no other time.  I would say not even by mommy, just so they would, hopefully understand my meaning.  Good Luck, and God Bless  Kerry

Celeste - posted on 07/14/2009

I was molested as a child, and I didn't understand it at all. I couldn't decide if it was normal and nothing to worry about or if it didn't happen to anyone else ever and no one would believe me. Consequently I didn't talk about it for years and it just festered. When I finally realized how common and still wrong that it was I was astonished. i finally talked about it and I've done a lot of healing, Praise God!

I talk to my son about it from time to time- not ALL the time though. I tell him that his body belongs to him, and that no one is supposed to touch him anywhere or any time he doesn't want them to, and especially not anywhere that his underwear covers. I've told him that the doctor might have to look at it sometime, but that I would be right there with him making sure everything is ok. We prevent unexpected conversations on the topic by saying that it is a private thing, and not something we share with others. I was careful with my wording, because I didn't want him to think that any part of his body was bad, just private and personal.

Jenny - posted on 07/12/2009

I understand where you are coming from, I was molested at a young age and I have told my kids from an early age, but did not have the problem of the telling everyone else. Maybe you need to express to her that it is private and no one else should know!

Alice - posted on 07/09/2009

We have to tell our children that but perhaps we say it too often. Maybe you should add a line and we don't talk about some parts of our bodies except with Mommy or Daddy either.

Jennifer - posted on 07/07/2009

i always told my boys and now my daughter as she gets older, and the doctor confirms it when we visit, that no one should touch you anywhere you don't want them to and the only time mom or dad should isif they are changing a diaper, helping with bathing, or applying medication. it is not ok to talk about or touch our private areas or our bathing suit areas. (just don't say it to much or put to much emphasis on it.) it is an important thing to cover just need to make sure it is appropriate for her/his age. (i use to work with teenage sex offenders, i learned alot there.) start early and keep the lines of communication open.

Julia - posted on 07/06/2009

ok thanks...

Ebonie - posted on 07/05/2009

That is something that ALL good mothers tell their girls, but maybe tell her that is something between the two of you and doesnt need to be announced but to come to you if anyone tries to touch down there.

Rebekah - posted on 07/04/2009

Quoting Heather:

I think it's okay that you tell her that, but you may be saying it too often if she's repeating it all the time. Most children will repeat what they hear all the time.

I have to agree with Heather.You are doing the right thing by telling her,but maybe she is hearing it a bit too often.If you say this is a "girl talk" and boys don't want to hear your girl conversation,she might stop announcing it.It is kinda cute as well as embarrassing.Lol I have 3 kids and they say the darndest things,so I can feel for you:)

Rabecca - posted on 07/03/2009

well kids do say the things that we never want them to say they are bound to say it and most likely at the most inapproperate time smy son told the landlord "my dad thinks your a slumlord" which of course he's not was just venting about him not getting thing fixed fast enough and one day we were driving in our car with my mother and 90 year old grandmothe rand my son said "mom look at those kids walking by them selves what are thier parents thinking you know there migh t be strangers around who might want to touch there privates well I was so embarressed I about died

But the truth is I look back and it almost seems funny maybe one day it will but I think that yes you should tell her that it's not okay for someone to touch you thier but it's also not okay to talk about those parts with other people eaither and as she gets older maybe get a litttle more into why and what and I even tell my son that if anyone asked him or anything like that I need to know even if he was told not to tell or that he or us would be hurt that wouls never happen people try to scare kids by saying things like that and hes 8 and as he gets older we will talk more about things like that and he may be more innocent as far as knowing sexual stuff then most I think its how much you tell them for thier age and how you say it that matters

Good luck and god bless

Christa - posted on 07/03/2009

I usually say nobody touches it if you don't want them too. God forbid your doctor or husband were to do it and she would think they were supposed to. NOT to say they would, I just like to make sure she understands why nobody touches it and that even mommy can't touch it if she doesn't want me to. Also you could say that it's a private thing and you shouldn't talk about it in front of others. Maybe then she won't announce it. :-)

Heather - posted on 07/03/2009

I think it's okay that you tell her that, but you may be saying it too often if she's repeating it all the time. Most children will repeat what they hear all the time.