Jeanie - posted on 12/08/2011 ( no moms have responded yet )
My in-laws live right accross the street from us. When the ex-wife doesn't want to deal with the kids during the week that she has them, she drops them off accross the street. No clothes, toothbrush, nothing...so they have to come to our house to get all the things they need. Usually, they just end up staying at our house anyway instead of accross the street. It aggrivates me that she doesnt' keep them when it is her week. My husband pays a lot of child support, but we have them more than she does! And his parents are enabling her, by keeping the boys for her whenever. On top of that, the in-laws act like they are the parents and tell my husband (and me, and the ex) what we should and shouldn't do regarding the boys.
Homework has become a problem. The youngest is ADHD and he is struggling terribly. He is on a very high dosage of medication, but I do not think that is helping... He is being shuffled back and forth so much with so many adults yelling at him every night to do his homework... It usually takes him about 3 hours each night to do it.. he's only in 3rd grade! I don't get home until 5:30... when we have him, I try to help him, but by the time I get there, he is so frustrated and distracted he is on the verge of tears... and so am I!
I don't know what to do. I am at my whits end. I feel powerless. My husband has talked to his parents about keeping the boys for his ex. He has told his mom and dad that he prefers they stay with her when it is her week, because all this going back and forth is confusing enough for them (and everyone else). They need to be where they are supposed to be. They need to maintain some kind of routine, especially the ADHD child. But they do not listen. He's also talked to his ex, but she doesn't listen either...
I might not be so upset about it if it wasn't for the fact that they expect me to jump right in and play mom when the boys are here or at thier house. They want me to bring them clean clothes, food, do homework, etc... While I love those boys, I feel so taken advantage of. I am just tired, and very emotional. I am stepmom, but I am not MOM. But it is hard to know where to draw the line...
Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.