P - posted on 08/19/2010 ( no moms have responded yet )
My situation is very unusual for the fact that the father & I never married and I moved away 40 min. from the fathers town. I allowed my child to continue an every other day schedule to help the father build his relationship w/ our son at the time (3yrs) bec. I moved in with my family to save up for my own home. I left the relationship after 5yrs bec. I couldn't take anymore of the emotional abuse, disrespect, inconsideration, no financial help, & lack of support w/ our son and the father was immature still. I was 27 at the time of my sons birth and the father 25yrs. I paid for the child care, diapers, food, and had a full time job. I was told by the father it's his house & pays utilities, that's why he doesn't help. I worked for a company that eventually sold to my family and I had more responsibilities and w/ the help of child care from my family who lived in the same town as the father it was less stressful. I filed papers for custody after purchasing my own home a year later and during the process the father moved into his girlfriends home & soon married, (it was a short relationship) and I find out they were exspecting a child in court that day. The father wanted to continue the every other day & wknd. his attny argued we live in the same proximity..not true...I have to drive through 3 towns to get to their home (which my son had to share his room w/ cat litter box). The judge worked w/ proposals & lets say he was late getting the judgement done & the day we receive the order the father fled my son for the day bec. he told the cops he wasn't ready to release him yet. (they couldn't do anything bec. no paper work and its my word against his..civil matter-we filed emergency hearing) by the end of the day the Judge signed his proposal and post dates the paper for the day before. I provided every document to the courts of non payments and how I was the primary care provider since birth. The two married a month before court that's one of the reasons why our court date was pushed back as well. This has continued and however the fathers proposal states that my son has to attend the school he went to for preschool and it's in his fathers town. I filed to clearify the specifics bec. his father refuses to help out w/ transportation on his days. (I would pick up after school and drop off in the morning for them..everyday I am driving into his town) We don't seem to be on the same page for "holiday" schedules when it states the start & end of visits. The father & his attny interpret things their way...we just go by what it says and everyone who reads it agrees with me. My son is now in the 3rd grade (almost 4yrs. now) I have had to deal with step mama drama who has been allowed to tell me when I can pick & basicall tells the father what to do when he have a discussion, gets on the phone & tries to have me discuss w. her the raising of my son. They are now exspecting a second child, I have taken the father back to court to modify things bec. my son has asked for me to help change things bec. he doesnt' want to live with him and continue sleeping in a different bed every other day. Of course the fathers attny and him have managed to continue the dates and delay things. I have been able to prove the lack of financial responsibility that the father has not done, child support and he doesn't have time to be primary child provider when the step mom is doing it all for him.
My son started another year at that school and I am sure they will argue with that. I have managed to get help w/ counsel. for my son to express what he wants bec. I am not allowed to, but the father wanted no involvement w/ that and had it stopped. The father thinks I need the counseling bec. I refuse to have to drive back and forth the activities he has signed our son up in his town regardless that our son is in activivities in my town as well. (The judge even said at this time activities aren't a big deal right now for his age and wasn't going to make me do anything bec. he's in activities). I am now in the process of Custody Evaluation that I have agreed to pay for all charges bec. the father initially wanted to pay for himself only than manages to delay 3 mos. before court hearing that now is pushed back to this winter bec. the Evaluation couldn't be done in 2 wks...This is for the future of a boy who has been dealing with alot and at times is more of an adult than his father.