Grandmas becoming mothers to their grandchildren

[deleted account] ( 22 moms have responded )

Are there any other Grandmas out there who have full time responsibility for their grandchildren?

I have a 17 month old granddaughter who lives with me. I am her full time carer. I would be interested to chat with other grandmothers in similar situations. I am also a single Mum with an 11 year old son.

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Patricia - posted on 07/24/2009

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I commend all you grandparents, especially the ones that are sole caregivers, I am blessed enough to have my daughter here she is just busy with a full time job and full time student. I have been helping her for 3yrs now. And most times it's a joy.And for you mothers that have daughters on drugs please keep praying and helping the children as much as you can. I was that daughter on drugs and i have over ten years clean. My mother kept my daughter and she is now in collage and want to be a socialworker. If I had to take her some of the places my addiction took me I cannot say what might would have happen to her. So from a daughter Thank You Moms for all that you do for us and our children.

Kathy - posted on 02/03/2009

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I am raising my two grandaughters and have been since they were born. One is 11 the other one is 9. I have two daughters both grown thank god. I don't hear from the girls mother (my daughter) and the girls want nothing to do with her. It hurts cause I still love my daughter I just don't like what she has done to her children or to me!

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Cynthia - posted on 08/10/2009

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I am the full time care taker of my 15 year old granddaughter. I just turned 60. .

Lisa - posted on 08/03/2009

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hi,i have my 2 grandsons in my care.i have full time care of them.i still deal with docs because the boys see there mother once a mouth which docs take care of.bailey is 4 who i have had since he was 2.isaiah is 1 who i have had since he was 3mths.i have 4 of my 6 kids live at home.im single.i find it very hard some days.and even thow i have court papers saying i have the boys till thay are 18 i live in fear that there mother will try and get them back.im glad to find this site and hope to be able to talk to grandmums going threw the same.

Patricia - posted on 07/24/2009

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Wow it seems to be many grandmothers that are mothers again, Thank God for the strenght.

Pauline - posted on 07/24/2009

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Hi-It is so nice to know there are other grandparents out there in the same situation that we are in.April 2008 my 2 grandchidren were placed with us by social services .They were suppose to be with us for 3 months.That was 15 months ago.My daughter got herself involved in drugs.The little guy is 8 years old and easy to look after.My grandaughter is 15 years old and she is driving us totally insane.She lies and steals.We cannot trust her at all.We finally got her into therapy but she is such a good lier even the therapist does not know what to do.The children,s worker finally gave us some good news.The kids may be going home October 1st.Don,t get me wrong.I love them to death but Bob and I have only been married for 2 years.I would love to spend some alone time with him.Pauline

Cathy - posted on 06/17/2009

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Hi



I have court ordered custody of my very soon to be 2, granddaughter. She has been with me since she was 14 months. This is the 3rd time I've had custody. I work full time and she's in daycare during the day. It's good for her to have friends to interact with, and she's doing well and learning lots. She was a premie, 7 weeks early, 4 lbs. 4 oz at birth. She was released from the hospital at 3 weeks old, to my custody. She is still small, wearing 18 month clothes, about 23 lbs, but walking and talking up a storm. Her dad, my son, has been in and out of jail, with drug issues and her mom has drug and mental health issues. My husband is a wonderful help with her, getting her up and ready in the morning while I get myself ready. She met her dad once, has seen mom once in the last 10 months. They both live in different states from us, and I feel safer that way. She has wrapped her Grampy around her finger. She is the daughter of my son and not blood related to my husband, but blood doesn't matter, it's what's in the heart.

Sharon - posted on 05/09/2009

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I'm new to Circle of Moms and one of the first things I searched for was people that were in the same circumstances that I was in - I am a grandma who is now raising my Grandson. I'm so glad to see that I'm not alone.

I have three children that live at home - a 22 year old son, a 20 year old daughter (my grandson's mother) and a daughter that just turned 13. I rarely have any help in cleaning house, doing laundry, cooking meals or watching my grandson. His mother seems to love him, but as she says "I've got too much stress to do anything, I'm a single Mom"

My grandson is a year old and extremely active - as in walked at 9 months and hasn't stopped since. I am 47 and I luckily, I do have a husband who supports me with some of the things that need done.

I get so frustrated and upset at myself for feeling an occasional twinge of anger that I quit having kids after my last daughter was born because I knew she was all I wanted or needed. Now, I'm once again a mother. I also own a construction business with my husband and I can't figure out how to split myself any further - yet I'm doing it on a daily basis.

Melanie - posted on 05/07/2009

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I know the feeling Except My husband is there to help. I also have a 17 month old (grandson) I work 4 days a week so my husband takes care of him while I 'm at work

Betty - posted on 04/28/2009

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I have raised one grandchild(he turns 18 in Sept.) and helping to raise another it can be quite challenging. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Donna - posted on 04/22/2009

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Hi everyone! I am glad I found this circle. I am a 50 year old (or at least I will be in October) grandmother/mother to my 7 year old grandson. He has been with my husband and I since birth. His mother (my daughter), has an addiction problem and is also bipolar. She can't support herself let alone a child. She has since married, but that also is not a good situation because her husband is a heroin addict. They now have a daughter. She is 3 years old. She really should not be in the situation she is in with my daughter and her husband, but I can not handle raising another child. I work full time, plus have my own online business I run from home. My grandson and I do karate together 2-3 times per week and he is also now starting baseball. We are out almost every night of the week with activities. Plus all the housework, laundrt and other chores. My grandson is also into raising ducks and showing them at poulrty shows and fairs. Right now we have 9 ducks, 3 dogs, a cat and 5 fish. We are very, very busy, but I love him to death. This situation was only supposed to be tempory while my daughter got her act together. Unfortunately that has never happened. She is now 30 years old and in no better shape than she was when my grandson was born. At this point in his life, my grandson does not want to live anywhere else, so I guess he is with us until he is grown.

Gail - posted on 02/22/2009

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HI have a 15 year old daughter and my granddaughter who is 6 she has been my with me sinces she was 19 months .I 'm also a single mum and it would be nice to chat with people in the same situation.

Alison - posted on 02/19/2009

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Hi Audra,
I can well understand your frustration. I have been the major caregiver to my oldest grandson pretty much since birth even though he and his mom live with us. I have come to the conclusion that she just isn't capable of being a full time mom. She does only what she wants for him and not what he wants her to do like make breakfast, or play with him. He figured her out many years ago. She now has another son who will be 2 next month and while she is a better mom to him in some ways, she is still the selfish inconsiderate mom in many others. The phone will always be more important to her than spending quality time with her kids. Last night she went on the front stoop to smoke a cigarette and talk on the phone, but she left the 2 yr old in the house. He stood at the door screaming for her. His brother went downstairs and brought him up to us. He told his little brother that Grandma's door is always open for him and that he should just come upstairs and be with us. I often wonder how long it will be until he figures her out too.

Audra - posted on 02/18/2009

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i was invited by my niece to circle of moms and was not sure why cause all my kids( 1child of my own and 3 stepchildren) are grown and gone, then i saw this group, i am raising and have guardiaship of my 6 year old grandson, i have pretty much raised him since birth, I am 42 years old and am finding it at times quite difficult. His mom(my daughter lives in the same town as me and works with me i am her boss, and she does not see him or ask of him. i also have 2 other grandchildren one lives with his father and is soon to be five have not seen him since he was a year and a half she just walked away and left him,, and i have a granddaughter who is soon to be 2 and have not seen her since she was 6 months again my daughter just walked away. i have having a hard time trying to explain to my grandson why his mom does not want to see him and also why he does not see his brother and sister. i work full time and my husband works in the oil field and is hardly ever home. it would be nice to chat with people who are having the same struggles as me. Thanks Audra

Alison - posted on 02/04/2009

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I think it is wonderful that you have stepped up and are raising your grand children. I know how difficult it is to deal with your own disappointment and theirs also. I just thank god that he has been verbal about his feelings and that he has had a wonderful counselor at school to help him deal with his hurt,anger, and disappointment.

Genevieve - posted on 02/02/2009

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Hi:



Up until this fall I had full time care for my handicapped grandson.  He came to me when he was around three and stayed till he was eight, when his mom had sufficiently turned her life around as was able to care for him.  At the same time I had three of my own at home, one 12, one 13 and 16.  I am not a single mom, but a grass widow - my husband works out of town, only getting home for about two weeks every three or four months. 



It was hard to adjust at first, raising another little one, but I tell you in the end I learned so many lessons of patients, and positive discipline, that I would not miss doing the same again.



I look forward to chatting more with you on the subject.



 

Alison - posted on 01/21/2009

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I feel for you and him. Its a rough call. Truthfully I am not sure what I would tell him. I know that my grandson and I have had a similar conversation. The difference is that she lives with us. She has an apartment downstairs. She comes up to eat, go on the computer and drop off her younger son when she has had enough of him downstairs. When Justin and I have talked about his mom I just tell him that in her own way she loves him. That she is just not a great mom. He knows that she was young when she had him and I just try to point out that some times teenagers aren't ready to be a full time mom. He knows that my husband and I, along with my other daughters will always be there for him. He has repeatedly said that he wishes we were his parents. I have had him in counseling at his school for many years which seems to have helped by giving him a safe outlet to express himself. He also deals with a lot of anger over the fact that his father has chosen to distance himself from him.

Anita - posted on 01/21/2009

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hello

i have a step grandson that i care for full time, his mother was just 16 when she gave birth, and not showed much interest since, she does come to see him when shes not busy.Including his mother i also have 2 other step children, so things are always busy here. i have had to finish my job that i liked and work nights at the weekend, because i didnt want to put him in a nursery (hes had enough of being pushed from pillow to post). i do find it difficult to fit everything in (jobs etc) but i wouldnt change it for the world. I must admit i do have one worrry and that is what do i tell him when he asks about his mother, i have kept all the social/court letters, but it doesnt make a pleasent read, so im alittle stuck onwhat im going to tell him. thanks

Alison - posted on 01/14/2009

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I have been the major caregiver for my oldest grandson. He is now 9. I am 50. My daughter was 16 when she became pregnant and 17 when she gave birth. She still lives at home but has not really been the actively involved mom that she should have been. I knew when she was pregnant that my husband and I were having "our" fourth child. Sometimes I wish she would be the mom he deserves but mostly I just do what I needs to be done. He has had a lot of anger over this issue and the fact that his father has decided to not involve himself at all. Thank god for a great circle of friends, family and for a fantastic guidance counselor at his school.

Melissa - posted on 12/15/2008

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Anne,



Good to hear from you. I can imagine how tired you must be being a single mom and a grandma--especially with your granddaughter being as active as she is. I have no tips right now. I'm trying to do my homework ahead of the day my daughter goes back to work. I will probably feel like I have a better handle on things, but my worry is the organization won't last long ;) I keep remembering how lucky I am to be to have this opportunity to build a relationship with my grandkids. So many peoples only get to see their grandkids a few times a year--I see mine almost every day--I'm blessed. I'll keep you posted on how it goes. Have a great day! Melissa

[deleted account]

Hi Melissa,

My granddaughter has lived with me for 6 months now and I still haven't got back into the swing of things. I was fairly organised beforehand, but seem to be completely disorganised since she came to live with us!! I was never like this with my 2 children, maybe it's because I'm that much older! I'm not sure that I have any particular tips at the moment. I have some good friends who have helped me out recently when I was ill and just could not manage a very lively toddler. One friend took her for the day and another friend took some washing and also washed up for me. My son went off to Church so I was able to have a couple of hours of complete rest (very much needed!!). My son has been a great help in this situation. He hasn't been jealous, as he so easily could have been. He will watch my granddaughter while I sort dinner and she absolutely adores him. I found it extremely difficult at first as Mia, my granddaughter, was very independant (through necessity). She wouldn't let me help her with anything, she held her own bottle, wouldn't sit with me for a cuddle. She also hated being penned in or strapped into her buggy or car seat. She was a real live wire. She was also walking at 11 and a half months (when she came to me) and it made it nearly impossible to leave her, even for a few seconds. The housework went to pot and I am still trying to catch up even now!! On the positive side, she has done wonders for my son Daniel. He has had to be less selfish and has shown how wonderful he is with a little one. He has also had to share me and help a bit more. Mia has a wonderful sense of humour and it is difficult to stay cross with her for long!!!! People tell me that this will keep me young (I'm 39), but I have felt quite old recently. I had very quickly forgotten how much physical effort is needed to look after a little one. It has definitely not been a bed of roses, but I would not have had it any other way! Probably the most difficult thing is no longer being married and therefore not having someone else who can help you share the burden, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally.

It sounds as if you have a very hectic time with your grandchildren. I'm not sure I could cope with 3 to look after, although I suppose one does in that situation, but I take my hat off to you.

I look forward to chatting with you some more. Do you have any tips for me????

Take care, Anne.

Melissa - posted on 12/14/2008

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Anne,



I am new to the Circle of Moms--at first had a bit of a difficult time navigating the site to find groups that would apply to me. I came across this group and saw your message. Sounds like you are a busy lady--single with a child of your own and a full time grandmother! My husband and I have 3 young adult daughters and 3 grandchildren. One of our daughters and her two children (ages 4 and 3 weeks) live with us. Since he was born, I have taken care of my 4 year old grandson while our daughter worked and went to school. She will be going back to work in a few weeks. I quit my part time job to be the daycare provider for the 2 grandkids that live with us as well as our other grandson who is 2 1/2 years. I am interested in connecting with people who have a similar situation, I would be interested in hearing about what challenges you encounter and what tips you have to juggle your situation. Thanks! Melissa

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