Kids taking grand children away to be mean.
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Hope - posted on 05/24/2013
I truely believe that things happen for a reason, but when you are going thru it you just feel so helpless, you want to do whats best for the baaby but your scared that if you do they make take them away and you will never find them. Im going thru on with the mother of my grandson who is 10 months old. he has been in my home with us since day one. He has slept in my room for almost the whole time. I love him with alll my heart and I know he loves being with me and now for some reason she has decided to take him out of the house and keep him from me. It breaks my heart to wonder what hes going thru without being here. what can I do.
Missy - posted on 02/05/2013
We have a 2yr old grandson.. Our sons baby. The mother of our grandbaby uses him as ammunition everytime she gets a chance.... She has told our son on numerous occasions that the baby wasnt his (when she got mad at him; which seemed to be all the time). We only saw him a couple times thru the years. After his first Bday we didnt see him for 9 months. Now he is here every weekend because his mother feels that she wants her friends and her guy friend and partying.. The baby is in her way.. We know nothing about him.. He throws fits like there no tomorrow until he gets comfortable being here.. I feel so bad that hes on this roller coaster and I just dont know what to do to make things easier for him..
Noodles - posted on 10/31/2012
I am sorry to hear that your daughter is such a piece. You deserve every right to see your grandchildren, as they do not deserve to be kept from contact with their family. Your situation is disgusting. Those little girls should not be going through any of that. You sound like a wonderful grandmother, a great person, and it is unfortunate that you daughter found herself in a relationship with a teratoma. You must lose a lot of sleep at night worrying, especially knowing that you have done just about everything that you can do. My heart goes out to you, but more so to your grandchildren who are truly suffering at the hands of their mother. Children are so helpless and vulnerable; parents should not be allowed to rip them away from a family that is only wanting to love them. Angels will look over them though, and one day maybe your daughter will see the light to just what she is doing (and has done).
Everything happens for a reason. Bumpy.
Joanne - posted on 10/25/2012
The first time my daughter kept my grandchildren (2girls) away from me and the family it lasted 8 months. I took my daughter to court to exercise my right as a grandparent that raised my oldest granddaughter for the first 3 years of her life. Because my daughter was unsure of whom the childs father was and did not find out until the child was 2, I was able to petition the courts for some custody rights as the childs father did not exercise his rights of visitation even though he pays court ordered child support. The judge ordered my daughter and my self to go to mediation which we did and I thought we worked things out pretty fairly, so because she is my daughter and I do love her and wanted to trust her when she said she would "never" keep my granddaughter from me ever again, I chose to believe her and settled out of court. Now it's been 10 months since I've seen my grandchildren and 6 months since anyone in the family my mother included have heard anything from any of them. They moved out of state in January with my daughters abusive, useless husband whom I refer to as Satan, I do send cards and packages to the address I was given which happens to be "his" mothers address and I do put money in my granddaughters savings accounts which I opened for them. I will always be here for my girls and my skin will always crawl whenever I have to see or hear the demon my daughter married. I worry every day about their safety, I'm just not sure where to go from here.
Corinne - posted on 10/07/2012
How are things going now Kim? Have you seen your daughter or grandson recently? It sounds like she has a lot of growing to do and needs to realise that, as the mother of this child, she has to be responsible and not run to you all the time. She needs to see that you are there to support her but not to be pushed around and basically, dumped on when she feels like it. It worries me that you are in ill health and yet your daughter, who you have helped so often, is not there to support you. Is there someone else in the family who could speak to her or is she likely to blow up over this? Is there someone who could help you? You sound like a very caring, devoted lady and it makes me sad to hear that you are being treated this way. I don't really have any advice, you just have to keep telling your daughter that you are not well enough to be doing this right now and she needs to figure it out for herself. Hope things get better soon, x
Kim Aka Mamaw - posted on 09/17/2012
I have basically raised my grandson this first year. But I've been basically blackmailed by my daughter. If I don't do what she wants when she wants she threatens me with never seeing him again. He's already involved with cps when after a 2 month stay with me he returned home. The 2nd day he ended up with a head injury. She knows if he gets hurt again she can make me feel guilty...and yes I would if I didn't go get him. But I'm in ill health now. She's killing me. My stress is hurting me. I have lupus, I've had a stroke, etc. Yet she still wants me to run whenever she calls. Advise....I just don't want this baby hurt and CPs here stinks.
Ione - posted on 09/08/2012
Rosemary I am so sorry....I know that the pain is UNBELIEAVBLE! My daughter & granddaughter live with us now, most days we get along. My big secret fear is if something happened to my daughter my ex son-in-law would take My granddaughter, never to be seen again. I am scrapbooking like mad so that my GD will have memories she will never forget! I will pray that the Lord will keep us ALL in his loving arms.
Rosemary - posted on 09/08/2012
It freaking hurts i know my daughter keeps moving home and telling me that my grandaughter can live with me then after i gget her settled my daughter just picks up and leaves then later comes back for my grandaughter.. its driving me crazy and breaking my heart,My graNDAUGHTER WANTS TO LIVE WITH ME BUT MY DAUGHTER ONLY WANTS HER WHEN SHE IS GETTING SOMETHING OUT OF IT ...Im tempted to just stop helping my daughter but that means she will take my grandaughter away ,,she will leave then show up whenever she wants or needs something .she my daughter is an only child and yes she was kind of spoileed. i love my daughter but she is making me sick as hell ..someone told me to just let go and see what happens ,i did and she ened up comming back after 8 months and grandaughter was left where she was staying and i had to call the police to help her go get my grandaughter and now she ios doing it all over again humm..she knows she has all the power and there is nothing i can do but sit back and get walked all over sdo i can see y grandaughter????god knows when im going to see her again ...im so heart broken and sad and my daughter is a unfilling person who only cares about herself and what she can have ,,,,im i just stupid i dont know and i dont want her to keep pulling my grandaughter back and forth..anyone know how to deal with this kind of stuff
Ione - posted on 09/01/2012
Oh the pain of this. My situation has taken a turn for the better for me....daughter divorced her husband who was behind alot of this but I have take on a life coach because I'm working full time and babysitting(yeah) 35 hrs a week...Obviously I'm tired trying to do it all. My new plan is to try to get really organized.
Cecilia - posted on 08/12/2012
I am having to deal with this nonsense like so many others. What is going on with these KIDS? I am so hurt by their actions, but I am hurting more for my grandchildren. There is such an incredible bond & so much love we have for each other. What could be going through their little minds? It is making me ill. I have done sooooo much for them. The second I say no to watching them, or doing for them thats it all they have to say is "Good F'nbye!" you will never see them again. I am so tempted to contact the Dr. Phil show. They are soooo wrong & beginning to think they are insane, God forgive me.
Corinne - posted on 07/11/2012
Hi! I'm a D.I.L and I've been reading lots of M.I.L and Grandma threads over the last year, trying to get a handle on my own situation. Someone said that the more mature person has to take the high road for the sake of the kids, age does not equal maturity. My M.I.L questioned the paternity of my children, referred to them as 'whoopsies', called me dumb and uneducated for not wanting a degree and a whore for being a dancer (ballet). Just over a year ago she visited my home and completely ignored me. My husband phoned her to talk about it and ask her why and she said it was all my fault, I was mean and rude. I wasn't, my husband was there and knew I wasn't and told his mother so. She didn't like this and after a couple of months of stirring, told my husband she wanted nothing more to do with us. Now, she makes out that we keep the kids from her as punishment for some imagined slight and I'm frankly sick of it.
I agree with Lidia, if you are mean and nasty with the parents, they won't trust you with their children. Take a step back and remember how it was for you when your little ones came along. If your adult child has to stay with you for a while when they are pregnant or when they are in difficulties, don't expect them to stay forever. They are adults and want their own home with their own little family. They're not trying to push you out, they're trying to get back on their feet and have a good life. How is that meaness towards you? It isn't about you, it's about what is best for the child and that means a healthy, happy home with supportive and trustworthy adults; and Grannies to spoil them rotten occasionally. :)
Lidia - posted on 07/07/2012
hey grannies, i think you need to know that if you had a bad relationship with your daughters in-law or son's you are almost doomed to suffer. You can't be mean and nasty to your future son/daughter and then expect her to give you her most precious! Grow up old ladies. I bet the reason you are being side lined is b/c you did something in the past!
Besides many of you below sound too desperate - get a life of your own and people will be once more drawn to you! No, just b/c you are related to blood it doesn't give you immediate rights!
It is like dating game if you sound desperate it is unlikely that you will fine a right man or that your children will want you around. As soon as you become cool you will find that people will naturally want to be surrounded by you.
Debbie - posted on 05/24/2012
My son has a new daughter 12 weeks old, his first child. He told me before she was born that I would never have a relationship with her as long as I smoked. He lives in Fl and we live in Va. We had a chance to meet her when she was born but was told no. He is now visiting her parents that are 2 miles away. He has been to visit me 2 times now but hasn't brought the baby yet. It dosen"t matter to them if I shower and have clean clothes on the answer is still no. They are moving to Hawaii in a week. I have grieved over this for so long that I have come to terms now. I was caretaker for my other two grandchildren for 2 1/2 years and just recently my daughter has the chance to be a stay at home mommy. However, she only lives about a mile from me and I get to see the kids very often thank God.
I'm keeping a journel, taking picture of everything I send to the new baby and will hopefully be able to give it to her when she is older. The hurt never goes away but I've come to terms now. I found that I posted here a while back that I hope this never happens to me but here I am. You never know what your children are going to do in the future.
Alanna - posted on 05/19/2012
Yes I am going through this right now. My son and his wife lived with us right up to the time our gardnchild was 6 months. She (mom) has been furious with me for something and now will never come over
Darla - posted on 05/08/2012
I had my granddaughter who is now nine, taken away from me for three years. I had to learn to let go because I was not going to allow my son and his wife bully me by using my granddaughter. It was hard, especially since my sister who at the time lived five houses from me flaunted that she got to see my granddaughter by having her play out front where everyone could see her. Finally my son matured enough to realize that not only did he want me in his life he wanted me in his daughters life. I have to say that our relationship is based on love and respect. He knows he cannot use the kids as a pawn to get to me. They have now decided to move to New York, we live in California, and I am having good days and bad days about it. But in the meantime, I try to spend as much time with the grandkids as I can. The only advice I can say is to hang in there. Time will change things. Try to write letters to your grandchild and your daughter...keeping it light and letting the two know how much you love them and miss them...but don't allow her to bully you by using your grandchild as a pawn.
Kaye - posted on 02/09/2012
i am in kind of the same boat. in australia grandparents do have rights and i am proceeding with visitation but the DIL refuses mediation. I am allowed to see the baby, as he is my sons child but am denied access or visitation to her other girls 6 and 9. I raised the 6 year old from 1 week to almost 3 and never failed to stay in touch with her mother and always kept her involved with everything i did. when i returned her home i had her for a sleepover 2 nights a week. now, because i disagreed with the mother over drug use and the lies that revolve around it i have been denied access. this little girl whom i love dearly had to be dragged screaming away from me and noone is telling her why. for me that itself is a form of child abuse. I am happy to never discuss my issues with or around the children. i never have or ever will, they (the children) dont understand past loving their parents and grandparents.....this is a pain i can never forgive, i pray to god to give me the strength to if nothing else carry on a normal life. i have 23 grandchildren and they are all as precious as little diamonds in our lives........
Crystal - posted on 02/02/2012
I hadn't seen my 3 grandsons for 10years, since they were babies, my son's split up with their partners and pple move on, im not one to be were im not wanted, so for 10years i didn't see them, just got on with my life,then last year (2011) within months of each other i got an email from one of my grandsons mum asking me if i would like to see the boys as the boys would love to see me, then a few months later after persuading some friends to have a word on my behalf the other grandsons mum got contact. So all i can say is have faith we all are now becoming friends and very close.
Darlene - posted on 04/04/2011
Yes! my grandson is 10 years old and lived with me for 9 years.He has ADHD and autism and I helped him through all that and his dad got married in Oct. and took him with him.His new wife doesn't know the first thing about taking care of him and doesn't take interest in him. He loves me as a mom and won't call her mom. My time is limited because they say when he spends to much time with me he doesn't behave. I get to see him once a week unless they have plans.I'm MISERABLE worring about him and feel betrayed by my son,
Ladine - posted on 07/11/2010
Rachelle that must hurt very much!. Im blessed to have other grchildren I get to see.., Ive heard now- (with the grson I dont get to see) they maybe allowing the boy who is 6 to make up his mind of who he wants to see; as he hasnt seen his dad or me (grandma) for over a year now- so if thats the case I think thats "fair" It should be up to the kids to have a say"!. In your sitch for you of not bein able to see any of the grchildren I sure would be seeking answers sounds like you have- and no one is saying..thats just not right.."I would be demanding answers"...or saying next step is the courts...
Barbie - posted on 07/11/2010
Well, yes, but my situation is different in that my son is their daddy, but their mama took them, ran off with them, & wont let either of us see them. We dont even know where she is, for sure. I havent seen them this whole year. Last time I saw them was Christmas. How can any mother rip her 4 children from everything & everyone they know, & just start a new life in another town? Two of them are in elementary school. The other 2 are still babies, too young for school. I was very close to the 6 yr old, & he used to beg to come home with me. Everytime I went to visit, I could count on him coming back home with me. He used to call me, & once left the cutest message on my answering machine. He said, (in a stern voice), "Gwandma call me, I cewious" (serious). My heart has this huge gaping hole in it where they belong. It should be a crime. Its not fair to the children, either. These young parents these days just act like their children are not affected by all this. What must it being to them? I shudder at the very thought....
My heart goes out to you & I hope your daughter will realize the importance of Grandparents always being there, in their childrens lives. May God bring us both comfort.
Ladine - posted on 06/10/2010
O ok they are beautiful, and look like sweet fun girls! My youngest is the same age as your oldest daughter the one with the 6yr old son and 3yr old girl. My daughter has a lil one who will be jus be havin his 1st birthday on this month the 14th! hes so sweet too black curly locks and on the GO! and my other son has 2 lil boys thier sweethearts as well!. Grchildren sure enlighten the heart! "I could go on & on about them.."wish I could pull out all the pics too lol.,but yes they keep us goin! YOur mother was a wise woman "I love her saying..you must have had a great up-bringing!
Mammaw - posted on 06/09/2010
the pic I have up now are my two daughters,27 & 24! Both good girls with their issues as well! But the other pic is me & my grandson,15 months.He's a live wire! Yeah, in the end,all we are supposed to do is put it in Gods hands because as my Mother would say, "you aren't big enough!" That's puttin it pretty simple but true!
Ladine - posted on 06/09/2010
I know hey?! lol I hope I didnt cause a stink with the ex daughter in law but I thought I would give it one more try she will more then likely ignore it though or give me the same song & dance which -then I will ignore as when I have intervened it jus went in circles!.Yes put it all in gods hands "I do beleive" Is that your grdaughter in the picture with you? how old is she now? "thank you for your heart warming replies and god bless you & yours as well..
Mammaw - posted on 06/09/2010
Yes, I think we'll just wait it out instead of causing a stink.Also, we'll do alot of praying for all Grandparents in our position. I know my granddaughter is way under weight & her Mommy is heavy. That concerns us that she's not fed the way she should be.Well, let's swap prayers & keep in touch.Thank you & God Bless!
Ladine - posted on 06/09/2010
YES I hear ya and "completely agree"..,Im sure your son would want you to see your grdaughter and the mom (daughter in law) is probaly puttin her foot down..,I too think well when my grson gets older he too will decide for himself and chose who he will want to see. I dont want to dwell on it either . Its funny though just after I read your first reply I got thinking and sent the ex daughter in law a e-mail asking if its possible to see him in the summer as schools out..and were getting a pool set up and would love to see him enjoy it with his 1/2 sister., so see if I get a reply...hes 6 so wont have too much longer to wait until he starts voicing his opinions.."his sister is missin him too! shes only 3! Sad what some adults do to lil ones these days.
Mammaw - posted on 06/09/2010
I'm quite sure that my daughter-in-law is pulling all the strings here. I'm tired of asking about seeeing her.My son says we can come to their house & see her but, it's hard to go where you know you aren't wanted in the first place. There are gifts for her waiting, and right now, we are all at pretty much of a stand still about the whole thing. I'm wishing that when she gets bigger that she may get to know us on her own. Looking ahead is better than reliving the past.
Ladine - posted on 06/09/2010
Yeah that hurts more too when its your own son.., I know mine tried using my grdaughter as a pawn by saying a few times I wouldnt be able to see her when he was mad at me! Thank god he hasnt done it yet...but my ex daughter inlaw is having no contact with me and when I offered to see my grson she refused so I dont understand she jus had a baby I even congratulated her as I am open to compensating. I dont get it either why some just have to HOld a grudge!! Not only are they hurting us though they re depriving thier children of having grparents...plus she doesnt even care that his Christmas presants and birthday gift are stting here! "waiting" My son has been goin to court I say wheres the visitation rights the courts are so SLOW.... with results!
Ladine - posted on 05/12/2010
HI and yes my sons ex has shut me out of seein my grson as my son and her are with different partners now. But that wsnt the problem she got upset because I let my son the father take his son out for dinner with his daughter the boys 1/2 sister I thought she meant he couldnt stay over night so
I didnt see the harm but anyways its still not solved for visitation he has never done nothing wrong, as has his daughter full time but shes just wanting to be in control...I even offered to come see the boy and she is still up in arms of me letting the boys father see his son!! so its a mess for now...
Teri - posted on 05/06/2010
i feel for all of you and i am so sorry for that happening to you . not sure what state you are in , but i do know in some states grandparents DO HAVE RIGHTS. if you live in new hampshire you are out of luck . these parents dont understand they are not only hurting you but they are hurting their kids also . in the long run it will come back on them . sorry lost track lol . check out your grandma rights in your state .
Anna - posted on 04/30/2010
For years I have blamed myself, thinking I must have said something, done something, to not be "allowed" to be involved in my grandchildren's lives. I have learned that I didn't do anything....whatever issues are their issues and someday they will realize that all I ever wanted was to be a grandma to their children. I am going on with my life and when and if they want to include me, I will be there. No more putting my life on hold!
Sandie - posted on 02/14/2010
We had to go over a year with almost no contact with 2 of our grandkids! This was because we had offended thier mother somehow. We had to "promise to be nicer" and do other things, all of which my husband & I did for the chance to see our grandkids! It was worth it and "mom" quickly forgot why she was mad at us and she started "using" us to pick up the one child from school and taking care of both of them on the weekends and such. A very convient babysitter for her for us it was great and worth almost anything we had to do! Hang it there people like this do exist!
Jo - posted on 02/08/2010
Sadly, the Supreme Court ruling in Troxel v. Granville has gravely impacted Grandparents Visitation Rights. See: http://grandparents.about.com/od/grandpa...
In the 2000 case of Troxel v. Granville, grandparents sought to overturn the decision of their grandchildren's mother to limit their visitation rights. The U. S. Supreme Court decided in favor of the mother, sparking an ongoing revision of state statutes governing visitation rights.
Connie - posted on 01/21/2010
Try to stay in touch and keep talking untill she gets over being mad. When my son got mad at me he blocked me from his facebook page. This prevents me from his daughters pictures. 6 weeks went by before I saw my granddaughter again. Yes it hurts, a lot of sleepless nights amd a ton of tears. I prayed and pursued him and now we are back to talking and eating out together. She didn;t miss a beat..bear hugs and kisses like no time had passed.
Mary - posted on 01/12/2010
oh that must hurt you so much my heart goes out to both you . what is wrong with your daughter.? sorry i have never had this happen to us but as i said my heart does go out a great big hug to you from me from marypearce
Rachelle - posted on 01/11/2010
thank you for the encouragement, it means a lot to me and God bless you and all yhour little ones. I hope someday soon children will change, because we know that in our hearts the grandchildren will come around at some point. Love prevails, the hurt is deep. Many hugs back to you.
Sharon - posted on 01/10/2010
I am going through the same thing with my second son - it will be three years in March since he has spoke to me or since I have seen his children and he has two. My oldest granddaughter has tried to have contact with me over the computer, but when her father (my son) found out, he was very upset. She has stated (I heard her in the background when I talked to my other son's wife) anyway, she stated that she does not understand why her Daddy is stopping her from see her grandmother, she said that she loves me and wants to see me. However she said something to her dad and he blew up, taking things out on her and my other son's wife. All I can do for now is hope that when my granddaughter gets older she will come around. I am currently keeping a diary and letters in a lock box, so in the years to come, my grandchildren (two, a boy & girl) might be able to read them and know that I did/do want the contact with them. Thank God, my youngest son lets me see and talk to his daughter - I am very grateful for that. My youngest also lives in the same house with my second son, so you can imagine what my other two grandchildren are probably thinking when Taylor gets to talk to Grandma and they don't. I can hear the older one tell Taylor to go talk to Grandma. It hurts me deeply, but I know I have to get the strength to continue on. The love in my heart for them will continue no matter what my son does - it is important for me to write my thoughts and love for them. Please keep your head up, the love in your heart will prevail in the end. Be strong - believe me, I know how much it hurts. Hugs.
Brenda - posted on 12/17/2009
Ditto! Ditto! Ditto! It's so very hard to stay positive, when we're missing our precious little grandchildren. I really like the idea of starting a blog or website for my grandson.Thanks! Let's just pray for all of our children, that for whatever reason, they come to their senses and come back to us!
Ione - posted on 12/16/2009
OMG.....I had no idea there were so many people with this problem .... I agree it is all about control! I have 2 daughters and one lets us be normal grandparents and the other doesn't want us in the lives even tho they live with us!!!!
Teresa - posted on 11/26/2009
OH!!!! YES,MY TO OLDEST DAUGHTERS DID ME LIKE THAT..I RAISED MY SECOND GRANDCHILD UNTIL SHE WAS ALMOST THREE. SO I TURNED TO MY MOM. AND SHE TOLD ME THAT MY DAUGHTER WOULD NEED ME A LONG TIME BEFORE I WOULD NEED HER. AND NOW THEY LIVE BESIDE ME. KEEP THE FAITH AND A PHONE CALL TO SAY I LOVE YOU MAKES A WORLD OF DIFFERANCE. AFTER ALL NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE OUR CHILDREN.
Melissa - posted on 11/17/2009
My son considers me dead so I haven't seen my granddaughter for about three years. I love her, I always will and hope one day she will seek me out so I can tell her the truth of why her father treats me this way. But Sharon Hill I agree with you 100%. As much as I love my son and his daughter and wish I could see them both, wish I could tell them both how much I love them, I would never do anything to make life difficult for them. As much as I dislike her mother I would never try to take her away or force visits on them. I feel that attempts would only make the way to forgiveness longer and far more difficult than it has to be. For all you women who feel your daughters are bad mothers, remember who taught them to be who they are and how to be a mother. There is a reason why and we must trust that it is a good reason. I don't think I'm a bad person but obviously my son does and he's doing what he thinks is best for his daughter. That's what I taught him to do " what's best for his children". Don't we all look back now and again and think we messed up somewhere? We all did what we thought was best and we all feel we can do better with our grandchildren because we know our mistakes but we are not parents to them and shouldn't be. A grandparents love is different and is meant to be different, it's meant to be special, outside the rules of parents, and I wouldn't ruin that for anything, even if it means waiting until she is old enough to visit me on her own. Patience is a virtue and all good things do come in time.