Where do you draw the line with being grandma?

Taunya - posted on 09/12/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I'm a new grandma and haveing a problem knowing where the line is sometimes. My daughter and her new baby lives with me. I have been there since day one through the pregnecy, labor and now the last 5 months and i'm the one who usually has my granddaughter every saturday night into sunday while she goes out. OK, my questions is about the line, because when i hear the baby crying and not stopping or i hear my daughter getting angry and yelling (i don't know if it's at the baby or just yelling) do i step in and most likely have an argument with my daughter cuz it's "her baby" or stay out of the way and let her raise the baby "her way"?

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Carol - posted on 09/13/2010

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wow, that is a tough one! I think the line is crossed if you think she is yelling at the baby out of anger or frustration. Let her take a "time out" and then come back to the baby when she is calmer. Maybe ask her to let you know when she is on the brink of a meltdown so you can step in and she knows she can leave and her baby will be in good hands and not getting a lot of yelling. hope that helps

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Pat - posted on 08/30/2012

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I am a grandmother and I have stepped over the line a few times in my days. When it comes to children and their well being, I will each and every time step over the line. yelling at a child does not accomplish anything but cause more anger and frustration. They are children and they learn from our example. My grandson is 3, need I say more lol, he has taken a toll on all of our patients and he knows it. My daughter gets frustrated and yells but he laughs and keeps on until he really is in trouble. I know I have told her count to ten many of times. All I can say is be there when she needs someone and if you feel like she is taking advantage of you on the weekends then talk to her and let her know what you expect on the weekends and what you are willing to do. I hope this helps.

Gail - posted on 11/21/2010

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I'd ask why so angry! Maybe identify with her stress as you think back to being a mommy. But don't be judgmental, you'll just add to her stress.

DeeDee - posted on 10/29/2010

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my heart aches for you, I too am having to find a line but that's with my personal involvement between my daughter, me watching my grandson 5 days a week all day while she works and a dead beat dad she wants to keep in the picture even though he is dating someone else and pays nothing and is a habitual lair. I think we need to go off our gut, if you think she is not spending time with the baby when she should be, or isn't fully appreciating her roll as a mother make yourself unavailable Saturday night, take yourself to a movie or dinner with friends. the easier you make it the more they take advantage,

Nicole - posted on 09/29/2010

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Being a daughter myself, I would say the best thing to do is to ask her, when all this is not going on. Talking to her when she is mad, nothing ever comes out right, so why try. Now if you hear the baby crying, and you know your daughter has already got up 4 5 times, yes step in, but if the baby is crying at night just once or twice, that is up to her. I would never let my baby cry at night, it is aweful being an adult and being hungry nevermind being a baby and hungry and not being able to do anything about it. As for the weekend thing, do not do that for her every weekend, she is taking advantage of you. Your daughter should be more responsible, weekends are suppost to be about spending time with family, or maybe I am just an old fasion 27yr old :) Also may I add, not to tell her what to do when it comes to the baby, but you just do it, then she will see what you do and she will repeat your actions, like holding the baby when she is crying etc.

Martha - posted on 09/20/2010

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I am often TOO opinionated with my daughter who has a four and a two yr old ALL living together.I try to explain when they are cranky Talk calmly with them and sooth them (since u are talking about a small child ) encourage her to use patience and try to realize the yelling crying coming from her baby is its way of demanding attention and the sooner they get it...the sooner the baby will calm down.If it comes to the point where you think she is neglecting her responsibilities...then tell her to do it HER own way...
In her own house!!!!

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