Babies 14 1/2 months apart... How do you keep YOUR relationship healthy?

Anna - posted on 03/15/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Hi, we have two beautiful babies.... My daughter just turned two last week and my son is 9 1/2 months old.... I LOVE being a mommy!!! My relationship with my husband is a kinda lacking..... We have ABSOLUTELY no time for each other.... When we are out together with out the kids things are awesome like they used to be... But when we are home with the two of them its like we are at each others throats and fighting more than I would like too.... How do we balance or find common ground that when we are home and not out we still like each other? Does anyone else have these kinda problems? And we do still love each and want to be together because we are already talking about another baby... But we have to fix us first before we add another baby into the mix right? Or am I just crazy?
I mean date nights are great, but I don't wanna take advantage of family and finding a sitter that wants to watch 2 that are so close together has become a task. I guess I never thought of that... If anyone has any advice, opinions or comments I am all ears... Thank you everyone in advance for taking the time to read this..... :)

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Jeneane Renee - posted on 09/28/2011

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I totally understand where you're coming from. My daughter is 25 months and my son is 11 months, we haven't had one date since my son was born. We take at least one of the kids with us, if not both. I;m going to try that idea if dinner after the kids are asleep though.

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Amy - posted on 08/23/2011

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Take the time for your relationship. If your family is willing to help out once a week take advantage. Don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself. Think about it this way your kids will thank you. When you guys have a strong relationship they will see that and feel more secure. You are doing it for your kids.

Brianna - posted on 01/09/2011

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I no you said that you dont like to ask people to babysit but i think its really important that you do it anyways. you need a night out with ur hubby at least twice a month. We also enjoy late suppers usually because he worked late and the lil one is already in bed. also i usually try to get all cleaning and other chorse done during the day or nap time so that at night when the lil one goes to bed at 8pm its mommy and daddy time.

Ambyr - posted on 01/07/2011

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I am 19. My boyfriend is 23 and my mom always told me the two hardest things in life are a relationship & being a parent. Well now that I am doing both I completely understand. My daughter will be 2 in march and my son will be 1 ,one week before her birthday. We don't get alot of date nights because my sister is only 17 and not into baby sitting too much and my mom works alot. We don't talk to much of my bfs family and the ones we do talk to we have never left our kids with before. For awhile we fought constantly. Once my son turned about 6 months old all of a sudden the fighting stopped. We bicker over the regular stupid things like who is going to get the baby bag ready or who is going to wake up with the kids on a saturday. But not alot of big fights anymore.I found the little things that we did together ment alot and I guess so does he. Our big date night is laying in bed and watching a movie together once the kids are in bed. Sometimes to change things up we will have a really nice dinner just the two of us...at home! =)Kids are alot and relationships are alot but I think if the two ppl in the situation love eachother and are both in it 100% everything works out in the end.

Epin - posted on 12/09/2010

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In my family, it is really difficult for us to have a date with my husband bec. the parents from my husband lives 100kilometers from us and plus my family is thousand miles away from me. I only have friends who lives 2 kilometers away. But I felt ashamed also in asking them since my kids were (2.5yrs old and 1yr old). When I bring the oldest to sleep. She is used that I sleep also to the other bed. I spoiled her for that. Due to I am so tired from taking care the two kids. I did not notice that I already sound asleep. But that does not happen everyday. Sometimes, I could say to my daughter. Goodnight and have a good sleep and I can go. Yes, I am really looking forward that they will be not so dependent to the parents.

Anna - posted on 03/25/2009

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Brittany.... So there is hope! Thank you so much!!! I REALLY needed to hear that... Thank you again

Brittany - posted on 03/25/2009

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Hi Anna,
I have 3 boys and my 2 youngest are 14 months apart. They are 5 and 6 now but when they were younger things seemed harder on my husband and I also. I just wanted to tell you to hang in there and it does get better. Now that the boys are older it seems easier for my husband and I to sneak away to another room in the house and just spend time together, watching tv or talking. When they are little they are more demanding but the older they get they tend to keep themselves busy.

Anna - posted on 03/17/2009

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We definitely have to schedule some talk time! We soooooo need that... I guess my husband is worth it too.... :o) Thank you....

Katherine - posted on 03/17/2009

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If it weren't for my mother-in-law taking my kids for a date night...  We wouldn't be divorced because we'd both have been in the nuthouse!  



Along with that, setting up a schedule where we can spent an hour or two of alone time together has been really beneficial.  Sure, my kids get up at the crack of dawn, but he's worth it.  We make sure to talk.  About anything, about nothing, whatever we saw or heard that we thought was intereresting, as long as we talk, just to keep the lines of communication open. 

Krystal - posted on 03/16/2009

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thats too funny about twins - i feel the same way! i am a twin and they run in my family so it's a definite possibility for us. and yet i'm willing to take that chance!



yeah, we found that date night in works better for us. i felt pressured to leave my son when he was a newborn and ever since then i just worry/feel too guilty leaving them. i figure when they're older we'll have lots of time for date night. we'll have to learn to be together again just the two of us! at dinner time for the kids we just snack on veggies or cheese/pepperoni/crackers to tide us over for when we finally get to eat. its nice knowing that i won't have to eat my dinner cold because i've spent 10 minutes cutting up the kids' food, getting them drinks, getting them the fork they "need, mommy, need choo-choo fork!".



sorry i can't be of much more help. if you get any good ideas from others let me know! i'd like to try them out too!

Anna - posted on 03/15/2009

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Oh my god, I am soooo sorry for your loss..... Dinner after the kids go to bed is a great idea. I don't think I have ever thought about that one... I will definitely try that one... And I so need to SLOW down and appreciate the small things like when my husband is reading to our kids... Thank you for a different outlook on things... This is what I needed... I will keep my fingers crossed for you and your future baby or babies... We are hoping for #3 but I keep getting this feeling that my last pregnancy may be twins... Oh boy!!!! Only time will tell... Thanks again

Krystal - posted on 03/15/2009

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my kids are a day shy of 13 months apart. kuddos for you to being able to find time and energy to have a date night. my kids are 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 and we have yet to get out by ourselves. yes, i know we need it. and i can relate to the fighting. but it does get easier. we just plan on every other week putting the kids to bed and eating dinner after they are down. yes, its 10 pm sometimes before we eat but it's well worth it to be able to focus on each other and not having to worry about how they are being with a sitter, what time do we need to be home etc.  We too are hoping to have #3 (i was expecting but lost baby right at thanksgiving.) we would have had a 3 year old this july, a 2 year old this august, and a newborn in june. so its mad crazy to think that. we just have to slow down sometimes. i love those times when i look and see my hubby reading to the kids. i have loads of laundry to do, dishes to put away, carpets to vacuum.. but i set it aside for 5 minutes and cherish - truly appreciate my husband for the amazing man and father he is. just sitting there with him (and the kids) for those 5 minutes really helps me to remember why i love him!



as i said, good luck. it gets easier!

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