Pregnant with no.2 scared of the close gap there will be!

Claire - posted on 03/07/2012

Hi Emily,



My history is the delightfully and super high maintenace Anna, 12yo, and at when she was 9, we had a Ruby, in June '09.. Only to get a 'surprise' addition when she was 18mths. Ruby is intense, but no where near as much as Anna.

Although i am married, my hubby works so much to provide for us that essentially, I am a single parent... With benefits :):)

Where do I begin to describe the chaos?

Probably at incubation, when thanks to a lack of good genes, it seems I was blessed with a metabolism that needs to be defibrillated every day and I'm also pre- diabetic. I was pretty much horizontal, sleeping a lot, hardly eating because that was too much effort after cleaning up Ruby's messes and becoming unconscious when I did eat.

Hell? Hmm close, but not quite.

So when the Joey (his actual name, after the kangaroo mum and joey I saw after he was born on the roadside in the moonlight) came to the family, I persevered vainly, but with no milk in sight (>trans> 3wks of screaming, followed by subtle condemnation from all family members when I had no choice but to formula feed)... Well, you can imagine my optimism wasn't exactly there, if you get me.

The house has not yet recovered from my final trimester spent on the couch.

The windows need a clean from two years ago.

I ENVY people with childcare. And people who live close to the shops.

How bad am I? I pray my mother in law gets better (Doc unsure what's wrong but she has been ill for a month) so I can leave Ruby with her so I can make the 150km-240mile- journey for Joey to see the podiatrist and vascular surgeon. And I have to see an orthopaedic surgeon. Soon. Ouch. Very Soon,

The first 10 mths were horrible. But it got better when he started to walk (10mths).

It has become horrible again, since he has started to go into the Toddler Twilight Zone (sadly, lacking any of the creepy yet cool Cullens' family lol) , acting up all the time and screaming for everything (recessed chin makes it hard for him to vocalise)..

But now I can see the light. He's incredibly bright, so much more than the girls! Dare I say it! Don't hate me, everyone:)

(And stick that in the pipe of the boob nazis. Formula = brains in this case ).

So yeah, I still worry that I don't spend enough one on one time with them, that their teeth will fall out cause I forget to brush them every so often, I worry that they will grow whale size (corn chips for a snack AGAIN!! But I'm sure I'm not the only one supplementing carrot and apple wedges with corn chips. I hope. :)).

But for all my shortcomings, they are loved. They are cared for to the best of my ability (I do a great floorshow during porridge, btw) and even though I want a clean house, at the moment, I have to settle with a messy house with freshly cleaned patches.

And my piece de resistance? A study in the paper last week reckons no matter what parental conditioning we put in them, it only works out to be about 20% of their adult fundamental ego.

In other words, try your best, but don't be disappointed or feel like a failure because they don't turn out how you envisioned them to be. Their genetic material has already determined what sort of a person they are.

And don't stress if you'll cope. Because if you don't THINK you will cope, or THINK that you're not coping, it will only make matters worse, and make your headspace worse for it, too.

I found pranic 'yoga' breathing to help when feeling particularly stressed. Inhale through the nose, open your mouth and exhale. Repeat atleast 3 times. May assist with letdown, too. :)

It really is a one-day-at-a-time period. Even with just one child, in my experience!

(That's why there's a 9yr gap in our children)



As for your 8-9mth old not sleeping yet, take heart. Anna never really slept until I went to formula (9mths), Ruby is a pretty good sleeper and Joey loves the Idea of Sleep but is always trying to be awake instead. Ruby and Joey share a room and for the first 8weeks I had to rock him to sleep. It's a bit tricky- she prefers the door open, he's a blacked out room boy. He snores, she just covers her ears with the doona.

The trick for me was to let her run amok outside, get thoroughly tired and then she'd sleep through his night time waking. If I hadn't done that, she would wake to easily and I ended up just sleeping in the lounge with him. It wasn't the ideal- but ok.. i love sleeping in front of a toasty fire!



I hope I haven't increased your anxiety, but I told it as it was -is- for my family. Good luck, and best wishes for you and any other soon to be mum!!



Claire

Adele - posted on 02/23/2012

I have a preemie baby boy born at 24wks and he is now 3 and a half months old, he is still in the special care baby unit and due to come home towards the end of March. I have just joined this forum as I have just found out I am pregnant with my second child!! I'm unsure how far along I am yet but I reckon its only around 6-8wks. Me and my partner have not spoken about this pregnancy to anybody we know yet as we are in quite a shock and don't know how to take it. We did want another child eventually as we love the idea of our son having a little brother or sister to play with. But with him been so young and already having had a premature birth and not wanting another ... it all seems so scary atm!!

Clare - posted on 02/23/2012

My daughter was 8 weeks old when I found out I was pregnant... I found it quite awkward to tell people I was pregnant and already had a new born lol.. It is definitely the highlight of my life.. I am always asked if they are twins.. My second child also decided to be a preemie and was born at 29 weeks gestation making the age gap 8 months.. Trying to explain this to people was the hardest part of it all.. it was far easier than I anticipated and with them both now being at full time school I am back at work and life is good, they are 5 and 6 now but my youngest will be 6 next month.. first was born 13/7/2005 second was born 22/3/2006

Lisa - posted on 02/17/2012

I had a three-month old when I found out I was pregnant again. I was terrified! I went through a lot of ups and downs throughout the pregnancy, not wanting another baby, being really happy and excited and just overall worried about how we would be able to juggle two 11 months apart. But, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, it was tough at times, but not as bad as I thought it would be. And now, mine are 2 and 3 and the absolute best of friends.



Good luck!

Elizabeth - posted on 02/14/2012

I was as nervous as you when my daughter was 8 mons she started having trouble sleeping through the night she's now 10 1/2 mons and is doing great, we haven't done anything "sleep training" methods she just did it one night. As this pregnancy goes on you'll have those moments when you're terrified and moments of excitement. I'm due in May with #2 and am very much looking forward to the challenge and joy.