Susan - posted on 12/07/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )
I am the mother of a wonderful 11-year-old daughter. She also has a wonderful step-mother, who she affectionately calls Meme, who has been in her life since she was 4 years old. I am only 33 years old and my daughter has been way too close to losing me on several occasions. Even young mothers who don't have medical problems get into accidents and die everyday. When you are wondering if it is all worth it, worth all the effort it takes to build a reltionship with the child's other bm or sm, ask yourself this: if i die tonight, will my legacy live on? Will she tell my child how much her mother loved her? Will she value the same values and instill them in my child? It is a very unfortunate fact of life that some children lose their mothers young, and no one thinks it can happen to them. There are no words that can express the heartache of being told you could possibly die while your children are still young or the peace of knowing that they will be taken care of if you do. To the step-mothers- don't give up hope! Meme and I went through some very rough patches (which I will take the blame for) but she "killed me with kindness" and just never gave up. It all started with just one phone call to tell me Randi had gotten an A on a test. And now, a few hundred phone calls down the road, we are the best of friends. (But don't be surprised if the dad or others think you are crazy to keep trying though!) To the bio-mothers- really think about what would happen to your child if you died or became incapacitated, your child's stepmother can be your worst enemy or your greatest ally and a big part of that is up to you. I promise you this much, if you ever get to the point where you have to sit down and have "the talk" with the step-mom about your wishes for your child if something happens to you, the issues that seemed so important won't matter anymore. I hope this perspective helps.