Girlio - posted on 06/16/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )
Have any of the Bio Mom's on here ever resented the Step-moms? Have any of the Step-moms had resentment for the Bio Mom's? If so what happened or occurred to change your viewpoint? What was the turning point in the relationship between you? Did Step-mom do something or say something that made you realize that maybe she really did have your children's best interests at heart? Did Bio-mom say or do something to/for Step-mom that she realized that Bio-mom was accepting her for a person that was going to be in her kids life? Were any of the Bio-moms afraid at first that Step-mom was trying to replace her? How did you realize that wasn't the case?
Most of the posts on here have stated a conversation, 1 on 1 with each other; I have done that, I explained that it was her kids best interests that I had at heart, that I was never, nor did I want to replace her, that I have never nor would I ever say anything bad or negative about her to her children, and that I tell them all the time that "mom loves you too". She thanked me and hugged me, I thought things would be fine after that. Obviously this technique didn't work for me, are there other things that you have done/tried that worked for some of you that I could try?
I made Mother's day cards with her kids that were a collage of pictures of each of them for her, thinking that she could take them in her carry on (she was going on a trip for 3 weeks) and had them to show her friends and family her kids. The kids spent hours on this project and were so proud of them. I wanted her to know that even at our house that we thought about her too. - She threw them out because they were things the kids did with us.
I am running out of ideas, out of patience. I don't want to be "friends" as we have very different lifestyles, tastes, hobbies etc, not to mention that we live in different cities. BUT I do want to be amicable to each other for the kids, I want civility and common courtesy's (please and thank you's even), I want to co-parent with her and DH (they are on relatively good terms in most cases). I want the kids to see that adults can be mature and have healthy relationships, I want them to know that they can't play us against each other, and it would be REALLY great if we could have some (I don't expect all) of the same rules for the little ones in both houses.
I know that this has to be a 2 way street, it won't work if only 1 person tries, but maybe other ideas out there could help me get her on the same page. She that it isn't about us, but the kids, it isn't about her, me or DH but those 2 little darlings that I do love with all my heart!