what did I do???

Jaime - posted on 03/30/2009 ( 34 moms have responded )

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Another pm from my bm:

Between: Heidi, You





You are unbelievable. I guess you forgot what you did???



I must be having a blong moment because I have no idea what I did this time to get another pm.

Anyone????

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[deleted account]

I know. It is just so hard to get help (child support) from him now.. I am trying not to rock the boat...

Heather - posted on 04/27/2009

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Ok if it took four hours for them to realize he was gone, your son is being neglected. What if something happened to your son and he was severely hurt? I would be going back to court and asking either for supervised visits or less time with his father. I understand you are pushing for a relationship, but your son's safety is on the line.

[deleted account]

Sorry it took so long to get back. No my son really doesn't have a good time with him at all... My ex just sits around and does not make any effort to spend time with him while he is there. There has been times where my son will call my mother to come and get him because he doesn't want to stay any longer. There was once that she actually picked him up and it was 4 hours before anyone noticed he was gone. Ex lives with his Mother. I feel helpless... I know there is no supervision going on over there but I still feel that he needs to have a relationship no matter how bad it seems.......

Debbie - posted on 04/14/2009

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Hi Sarah, yes I agree, good on you for doing whats right for your son!!!!

I just wish that mothers that have ex's that actually want to be a part of their kids lives and go to the ends of the earth for them (that includes with putting up with the shit that gets thrown at them) would have the decency to realise that what ever happened between your relationship with the Dad does not mean anything about the relationship with the child!!!!! They should not impose their dark feelings on the child and that relationship. Its hard for Dads that have a new family, trying to build a life for them and themselves and the kids from previous relationships, it easy for the biomums as they have the kids full time they dont have to worry about that extra mouth to feed the extra cost it is to travel to collect that child and drop them home especially the time it takes as well as if they have to do it themselves..then they have to make the weekend fun and enjoyable otherwise the biomum goes apeshit on them b/c of reasons that they descide to choose at the time....Example: We were planning a holiday, couldnt afford it after all so we didnt go...SK are pissed at us b/c they didnt go and they have never had a holiday, ok we didnt go either!! Their mum has been to Bali and various other places, never have taken them, but we are bad??? They used to get holidays away all the time when they visited us, we visited family etc. We have done theme parks and stuff with them, they just choose to see things the way the biomum does!!!



Good on you again Sarah for making life a little more pleasant, I hope the biodad pulls through for you!!! It would be nice if those Dads didnt set the bar for other Dads, so low!!!

Jaime - posted on 04/14/2009

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Sarah- You deserve alot of credit for trying to maintain a relationship with your son and his father. Our situations are both similar and different in the same breath. My husband and I very much want to be a part of my SS's life. We have faced alot of critisism, and difficulties over the past 10 years reagarding visitations. To put it bluntly nothing is every good enough when my SS is with us. My husband unfortunately has let my SS's mother walk all over him right from the start and so hear we are today- no biweekly visits for years now, maybe only a handful of visits in the last year, twice a week phone calls (and if he doesn't call at 6:00pm on the dot not a minute sooner or later the phone is not answered), summer vacation schedule has never been followed according to the court order because we could never book our alloted 2-2 week times as she always has her summer schedule booked in lets say Jan. of every year. Any time my husband works up the courage to ask for a weekend visit he is always met with a response from his son that he has plans with friends, or his mom. So what is a father supposed to do?? I try and support my husband and all the crap he has put up with over the years and in the early parts of our marriage I kept my mouth shut and didn't say a thing. Now it is too the point where I get to read how much of a dead beat father my husband is and so on...... My husband and I have 3 girls together plus my SS. He is by no means a dead beat father, he works hard and plays when he manages to have time off.

Yes it may suck to have to force a relationship on your son's father- but overall does he have a good time with him???

[deleted account]

I am having issues with my son's father too... Only difference is that I make the effort to call him and make sure my son does not have plans that can not be broken... I have made the only attempts at keeping a relationship with my son and his father... I will never be seen as the bad parent or the one to wreck the relationship as I am almost forcing him to be a parent. Until my child is old enough to make up his own mind, I will be the one making the plans... It really sucks for me having to be the one to make the arrangements and drive him all of the time... But I do it for my son...

Jaime - posted on 04/14/2009

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I will say this once again, because you didn't seem to hear me the first time....WHATEVER!!!!! Keep spouting your mouth off, I have heard everything you have to say before, and I don't really give a shit. You are starting to sound like a broken record.

Have to throw this one out there- love how you are once again trying to control Matt's relationship with Tanner by saying he can only travel in a car if Matt is there. One word PATHETIC. Now after 10 years he is only allowed to travel with Matt, you don't feel safe when he is with myself....... quoting you in a different post...."LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!!!"

You too enjoy this wonderful day!

Heidi - posted on 04/14/2009

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Well until Matt starts taking responsibility for his son that will never ever change.  You know damn well that Matt doesn't make any arrangements to see Tanner on a biweekly basis like he is suppose to.  He chooses not to and by the looks of things that will never change.  You guys always want me to drop everything for you at the last minute so you can have him.  Like I keep saying I will make my family plans every other weekend, so Matt can come and get Tanner on the other weekends.  Its really not a big deal to me at all.  So if Matt shows up so be it and if he doesn't oh well then I will keep Tanner occupied and he can have fun with us instead since you guys always leave Tanner on the back burner.



And just so you know Tanner is old enough to see what is going on, he is NOT stupid.  He can read and he has ears to hear believe it or not, but you seem to think he doesn't know how much time goes by without his father coming to visit or the fact that Matt is to call him on Wednesdays and Sundays at 6pm.   But oh then again you guys blame me for that to.  NOt sure how that its my fault that Matt doesn't pick up the phone when he is suppose to, but somehow you find a way to blame me yet again.



So whatever run along to your private forum and say and do what you must because it seem that is the only enjoyment you get out of life, is belittling me and trying to put Matts problem with not seeing Tanner on me as well.



Just so you know I don't talk to myself I do have plenty of people that I talk to so why you would think I only have myself to talk is completely wrong and pathetic.  You posted your little problem on here to start all this up again.  You must be missing out on something in your so called happy life.  Leave Tanner out of it and if Matt wants to see Tanner then its up to him to come and get him and its up to him to bring him back home.  Not me or anyone else.  If Matt wants a relationship with his son then he is welcomed to it, but he is the one that has to make the attempts from now on and he can do the travelling himself because I know i won't be and I know Tanner won't be going in a car unless Matt is there to.



So enjoy your day!

Jaime - posted on 04/14/2009

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Whatever I will pass on your posts to Matt to read. You can think and say all you want about Matt and his not visiting Tanner, I know exactly what has happened in the past in regards to all the biweekly visit schedule and eventually Tanner will as well (when he is old enough to understand everything completely not when he is a 10 year old boy who should not have to worry about any of this).

Go back to your Dad's neglect forum and talk to yourself, I have heard enough crap coming out on your posts to last me a lifetime. If you are willing to finally stop making plans for every single weekend, maybe eventually we will start having biweekly visits again. We will see what changes can be made.

Heidi - posted on 04/14/2009

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Do what you want.  If Matt wants to see his son on biweekly he is free to do so.   All he has to do is come and pick him up and bring him home.  I will cancel all our family plans just to accomodate biweekly visit, starting with this weekend, but when Matt doesn't show up to pick up Tanner then he can explain to him why.  You have some people that seem to think its my fault that you guys don't get to see him on a regular basis when in fact its his fathers fault for not coming.  You know that is the truth so why keep trying to hide it.   You guys always say how busy you are and just don't have the time, but you seem to always have the time for other things.  So whatever happens will happen and its not my job to call Matt, its his job to call me(and his son for that matter) but yet again he didn't call Tanner again on Sunday.  Matt has a cell and all he had to do was pick it up and call his son like he was suppose to, but apparently it slipped his mind yet again.



I am not going to argue with about this because you seem to think its ok for Matt not to see Tanner on a regular basis.  You can think what you want and go on your private forum and say what you want, but the truth be told, its not my fault that Matt doesn't see Tanner.  He chooses not to.



And no I do not know why Matt doesn't come to see Tanner for his birthday.  Its not like he has to stay at my house to visit.  All he has to do is say which day he wants to see Tanner for his birthday,but he can't even do that.

Jaime - posted on 04/13/2009

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Forgot to add one thing!

Heidi- If Tanner is going to becoming to our house for his weekend visit this coming weekend (April 17-19th) and will have his bags packed and be ready for pick up Friday afternoon you will need to send Matt a confirmation email at our home address or call him at the shop. Although in a previous email you mentioned Tanner is having his friends over for his birthday party???

Thanks

Jaime - posted on 04/13/2009

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Wow- go away for a weekend and shit hits the fan!!

First off Heidi- you know deep down why biweekly visits started coming less and less (I do not need to point out each and every complaint once again), you also know why vacations have been exercised as started in the court order. You also know why Matt has not been in Cambridge for everyone of Tanner's birthdays. I don't think I need to explain everything once again, but I can if you need a refresher just let me know. I have nothing to gain by painting you as a bad parent, I have only defended any of our choices when it comes to Tanner's visitations with us. I did not post anything on here to get under your skin, I don't really care about you or your life.

Heather- so sorry, feel free to chat and post whatever you like, don't get into another bickering match with Heidi. It doesn't get you anywhere, nothing you say will ever change my situation with her. She has her opinion of myself, Matt and our life together. Doesn't matter- the only one that has lost out is Tanner from everything that has happened for a long time now.

Heidi - posted on 04/13/2009

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Not sure why I am the crazy one in all of this??? Just wanting to know my sons father opted to go away for the weekend with his wife and daughters rather then spending 2 days with his son.  Maybe that makes me crazy???  I guess its ok for a father not to call his son on a scheduled phone call day either?  So you know what Heather go and chat about me wherever you want it doesn't really matter, because you seem to enjoy it completely.



Another thing I will have my sons bag packed on Friday  April 17th and have him wait to see if his father shows up, and from this weekend I will have his bags packed for him every other from now on and cancel all my plans just to accomodate his father and we will see what happens.  Does that make you happy?  Or just make me phsyco?  I will leave that up to you to decide and when my sons father doesn't show up for his biweekly visits what should I tell him then, or should I leave it up to his father to explain.  Probably not his father because his father didn't even tell him that he was going away for the weekend rather then coming to see his only son on his 10th birthday he left that up to me to do.  To me that is not fair at all.  His father should have been the one to tell him not me, but instead he told his son he will try to come and visit and didn't even bother telling him that he already had other plans.  I guess to you that is how a father should treat his son.  I am just thankful that my son has such a wonderful stepdad that is always there to help pick up the pieces. 

Heather - posted on 04/13/2009

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Hey Jaime I'm done with this crazy women I'm not leaving CoM friends but I'll just talk to you on forum. I don't know how you deal with her and her crazy ways but i praise you honey. I sure as hell couldn't do it. This woman is psycho and i feel sorry for you. I like how you started this. Yet again we can't ask for advice because it does not please the woman. Forget about posting her and just leave stuff on the forum. She will stalk you the entire time you are on here.

Heidi - posted on 04/13/2009

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Oh and one more thing...Jaime started all of this again, because she knew I would see it.  She just wanted to try and get under my skin again and make me out to be the person, when her and Matt chose to make other plans rather then seeing Tanner for his birthday.  So how can you blame me for something they chose to do???  She is the one that seems to be thriving on all of this.  And just so you know I am not the crazy one on here.  I am perfectly normal and

Heidi - posted on 04/13/2009

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Actually I am a member on here so it pops up when something is written.  I have never once with held Matts visits.  Why don't you get that.  He chooses NOT to come and see his son.  He is suppose to come every other week and he doesn't.   So what am I suppose to do?  Force Matt to visit his son???? 



And for info we do plan things on our weekends, and since Matt doesn't come for Tanner of course Tanner will take part in whatever we choose to.  I am not going to let my son sit around waiting and wondering if and when his father is going to visit him.  That is not fair to him.  If Matt chooses not to see his son that is his decision to make, but I won't let my son sit around everyother weekend doing nothing because his father didn't show up again.  This has been going on for years now.  So for you to say that I am a sad pathetic excuse for a  mother and wife you are completely wrong.  I am the one that is always here for my son to pick up the pieces. 



And just so you know I was NEVER married to Matt.  I left him because of his cheating ways and he was abusive(but that I am sure you will never believe)  and I don't care because I know the truth and so do a lot of other people that have seen it first hand.



Whenever Matt wants to see Tanner all he has to do is pick up the phone and call, but he rarely does that.  So although your idea is a good idea, it just hasn't worked like that as of yet.  Maybe in time it will.



So enjoy you day!

Heather - posted on 04/13/2009

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If you allow your son to do things on their time it is your fault. If time after time he is busy when they want him why try? You will never let them see him so whats the point? And if I am correct, I was posting on this board before you so i have the right to respond. If you don't like it tough shit don't post here. The only reason you posted here was to stir the pot as you call it. Everything had calmed down and you had to start it again. And you think people don't see that? You are a sad pathetic excuse for a mother and a wife probably too. It's no wonder Matt divorced you, you're freaking crazy! How about you try this: Let Matt and Jaime have Tanner whenever they want? What would it hurt? Oh yeah you always seem to have plans even when they are supposed to have him BY LAW. I wish they would take you to court and get you for withholding the child. I am done with you you aren't worth my time nor anyone elses for that matter. So post all you want it will simply be flagged as inappropriate and hopefully taken off once they realize the kind of stalker you are. You had to be looking at Jaime's wall to find out this was here. Can you say wierd?

Heidi - posted on 04/13/2009

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One more thing for you Miss Heather...Why is it my fault that my sons father chooses not to see his son?  You seem to think its all my fault and I would like to know why.

Heather - posted on 04/12/2009

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No your son should not be doing things on their weekends unless it is ok with them. God you are stupid! you don't listen to anything anybody says. It is up to them if they want to go and you don't tell them when he has to be back it is their day not yours to decide get over yourself. They don't have to give you notice it is their time not yours. And in case you didn't notice this was something we were talking to Jaime about and it was not addressed to you so that kind of backfired on you sweetheart. Go talk to your board and we'll talk on ours you know that CoM friends is not for you but you don't care. Blow steam off somewhere else and send Jaime and Matt and email if its something you really feel the need to respond to. Or just shut up either way you'll look a lot less stupid

Heidi - posted on 04/12/2009

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I have never once refused them to visit Tanner.  They do not give me a week or 2 notice and never have. Its a day or 2.  Matt has not exercised his byweekly visits in years.  My son now plays basketball on Sundays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays.  I told Matt if he takes Tanner for the weekend, just to have him back by noon on Sunday or he can take Tanner to basketball and watch himself on the Sundays, but I haven't heard otherwise.So you can stop saying I refuse to let Matt see his son because I don't.



You can think I am a bad mother or person all you want because you don't matter to me because you are nothing but pathetic moron to say the least.  And if you didn't give a shit about what i say or write then why bother responding to something that wasn't addressed to you.



And for your info I have sent emails to Matt in regards to visits he just chooses not to respond and he is the one that looses out.

Heather - posted on 04/12/2009

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a week or two's notice? you are ridiculous this boy does not get to make decisions he is not old enough. He needs to be told your father would like to see you you are going with them. you are the bad person in all of this because when they try to see him you block it. If i were them i would document all the times you have refused to let them see him and take that little boy from you. No decent mother let's their child make the decisions

Heather - posted on 04/12/2009

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HIEDI IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED WE DON'T GIVE A FLYING F***K WHAT YOU THINK LEAVE US ALONE AND GO AWAY. YOU ARE ONLY POSTING ON THIS BOARD TO BE A BITCH. GROW THE HELL UP! TANNER IS GOING TO BE A SCREWED UP LITTLE BOY WITH YOU AS HIS MOTHER. YOU HAVE SAID OVER AND OVER AGAIN THAT YOU DON'T CARE WHAT WE SAY AND YOU WON'T STOOP TO OUR LEVEL. WHATEVER LEVEL THAT IS YOU POSTING ON HERE IS ABOUT AS IMMATURE AS YOU CAN GET. THERE IS SUCH A THING AS EMAIL WHERE YOU COULD HAVE TOLD HER THIS PRIVATELY. BUT IT DOES'T MATTER, TANNER SHOULD NOT BE DOING ANYTHING ON THEIR WEEKENDS. IF THEY DON'T GET HIM THEN HE CAN GO DO SOMETHING. DON'T PLAN ANYTHING ON THEIR WEEKENDS. THATS NOT YOUR PLACE TO LET HIM GO SOMEWHERE. BY DOING THAT YOU ARE MAKING IT TO WHERE THEY CAN'T SEE HIM. BUT YOU KNOW THAT AND THAT'S WHY YOU DO IT. GO TO HELL HEIDI AND STAY AWAY FROM US.

Heidi - posted on 04/12/2009

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Its not stalking or being nosey Jaime. You posted it on your statis.  Honestly I don't care what you and your family do, as long as you are having fun doing it.



Also I am going to voice my opinion yet again because you made it seem like it was my fault that you guys weren't seeing Tanner on his birthday.  You and Matt both knew well in advance that I broke the Easter weekend in half so I could have Tanner for 2 days and you guys could have him for 2 days.  I was trying to be fair, but yet again I am made out to be the bad person in all of this.  So stop always blaming me.  You and Matt chose not to see Tanner this weekend. You guys decided to make plans to go away.  You guys were more then welcomed to have Tanner for Sunday and Monday, but you made alternate arrangements. 



And yes Tanner does have a busy schedule and has basketball  and friends and stuff, so I honestly don't expect him to drop his plans for last minute arrangements.  I have sent you and Matt emails letting you know when Tanner is available, rather then making it seem like I am trying to keep him away from you guys.  All you have to do is give him a week or 2 notice rather then always waiting for the last minute.  Its very simple.

Di - posted on 04/10/2009

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lucky i ahve been drinking...jhic..... hich......hic.... wtf?



I need to keep up, have lost the plot

Heather - posted on 04/09/2009

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Whatever just keep trying.Thats all you can do. She's never going to let you see him then will turn it around on you everytime. Thats the way people like her are.

Jaime - posted on 04/09/2009

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Stalking or just Nosey????

Everytime I seem to post anything about what I am doing with my family, it gets thrown pretty much back in my face. Why are we FB friends you ask, trying/hoping for a civil relationship I guess. Just don't seem to be getting anywhere.

Just because I don't have my SS every other weekend, does that mean I am supposed to hibernate and not do anything fun with my family?? When you are told you can have your SS he has plans for the weekend, then we make our plans we are in the wrong because we didn't include him. Oh and I guess this is another birthday my SS father will be missing out on, why you ask???? Probally because we own 2 businesses, live 2 1/2 hours away, and it is Easter weekend. I can also add we were told originally he was busy all weekend except for easter monday, then the following weekend he is celebrating it again plus has basketball. This past weekend my husband asked him to come to our house, but nope he was also busy sleeping over at a friends house plus had basketball. Come on, what are you supposed to say to a 10 year old when they ask when can I see you next? you try and make arrangements and he says no I have plans????????

Very frustrating................ Sorry girlies just my rant of the day, and I have been very good lately just letting the drama go in one ear and out the other.

Heather - posted on 03/31/2009

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heidi posted to a forum and i did to and she said "you have your opinion and i have mine. we can never agree on anything so we'll just leave it at that" or at least something to that note. I told her i couldn't believe she would be so immature to bring up personal issues on someone elses board and that she need to leave them out of it

Heather - posted on 03/30/2009

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That's ok i guess i'm no longer allowed to give my opinion on things because i did and she tried to bring up the personal issues she has with all of us. Even though the person that started the thread has nothing to do with it.

Jaime - posted on 03/30/2009

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oops I was informed I misspelled blonde!

You are right Heather, doesn't matter I will always be unbelievable in her eyes.

No need to respond. I have better things to do with my time!

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