How do you cope with sibling fighting ?

Northern - posted on 02/22/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My older girls keep on fighting and arguing. They used to get along so well ... Yes, those were the good days :( Now, it seems they can't spend one moment together without getting upset at eachother. I am tired solving out their conflicts. I usually end up getting more frustrated and stressed out. I end up feeling bad for yelling. When will this stage be over and is there anything I can I do as a parent to help out ?

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Kathryn - posted on 02/23/2013

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That was a very positive step to take.

Maybe suggest to the oldest, that if she spent more time 'teaching' the sister, (what things are) instead of trying to control, the sister would actually do things for her, because she really wanted to.

Northern - posted on 02/23/2013

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Alright, well I sat down with them yesterday and had a big talk. I encouraged them to write a letter with the things they appreciate about eachother. The oldest wrote amongst other things ... "the reason why I appreciate my younger sister is because she is my servant". Well, *rolls eyes* that upset me very much. I made her understand that this is wrong and that she should never manipulate her younger sister like that. She thought about it and rewrote the letter. This turned out to be a very good exercise and it lasted over an hour. We discovered the basic reason for fighting is a lack of communication. For example when the younger asks the question "What's this", the oldest immediately responds "It's mine! Leave it alone! ". When the youngest says "I dont find it not funny! Stop making fun of me!" the oldest says "Oh, lighten up!"

To the oldests everything is a competition. I noticed how she never allows her younger sister to talk, she completes her sentences and never allows her do anything on her own. She basically wants to control everything and teases... The younger gets easily frustrated and throws a tantrum.

This is the only issue I am having with them. They are both responsible and hardworking and do very well in school. Everyone tells me how polite they are in public. If I can help their relationship improve, I will have nothing left to fix.

Kathryn - posted on 02/22/2013

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My older brothers are 3 years apart, and there was always rivalry. Neither talk to each now.

My 2 boys are 12 months apart, and are very close to each other.I don't remember a cross word between them (now in their 20s)

My daughter is 5-6 yrs than both boys, and she used them as toys.Dressed them up..it was cute.

Maybe sit down and talk to the firls. Arguing is the sympton. Ask what the real problem is. They are feeling disrespected by the other? If one is constantly teasing the other, they want attention from the sister? (bad attention is better than no attention)

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