Randie - posted on 01/01/2011 ( 30 moms have responded )
Do you think spanking is a reasonable punishment to teach kids a lesson or is spanking wrong?? What are your thoughts?
Randie - posted on 01/01/2011 ( 30 moms have responded )
Do you think spanking is a reasonable punishment to teach kids a lesson or is spanking wrong?? What are your thoughts?
Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.Join Circle of Moms
Randie - posted on 09/26/2011
I have been having a war with *someone* in PM's. I deleted the post under this thread because it was hateful. It was a personal attack on me (though she argued it wasn't.) She said my 3 year old daughter was a serial killer for knowing to much about death. she also said that she would be worried about me also, since I am okay with her *fascination about death*. Among other things in her LOONG post to me.
I just wanted to clarify that what I said about my daughter may have been taken wrong. My daughter is very sweet. She doesn't like bugs though (shes a girl) So when she sees a bug...she squooshes it. (mommy squashes spiders in the house too) She is very smart for her age and we teach her where her brain is, we teach her that those veins she sees on her body are actually blood inside our body. She knows that she can feel her heartbeat if she puts her hand on her chest. She asked me "why do I have a heartbeat" so I told her it is what keeps our blood moving threw our veins.
So this is why she asks all of these relative questions about the dead bugs. My daughter is NOT fascinated with death. She asks that many questions about EVERYTHING she is curious about. I'm not a bad mother and my daughter is in no way showing signs that she will be a serial killer. (I would say she wouldn't hurt a fly, but, lol that's not really true) But they are bugs, not animals, not people.....
Sorry for the long explanation but what this person said really hit me hard and made me upset. I just didn't want anyone else thinking my daughter or I are crazy serial killers because she squashes bugs and asks questions about them. Kind of laughable now that I'm over it, but at the time it wasn't funny to me. It was hurtful.
Kelly - posted on 09/24/2011
I believe in spanking. I started spanks with my son when he was 1 1/2 years old. It's not about abusing them. I think if you spank a child while you are angry, then you could hit harder than you intended to in the first place. When you do it while being calm about the situation, then you know the strength and level of force you should be using. A firm tap on the butt is enough to get the child's attention. With both my daughter and son, I move them from area they cant be or correct their behaviors first, then if it continues, it is time outs. after 3 times outs and my son still acts up or continues to not listen, then he will get a spank because then he hasnt learned from the talk session and time outs.
And those who have the thought that it teaches the child to be scared to do anything, or it cause the child to be more aggressive, have it wrong. My son is the most lovable, cuddly, happiest boy out there and he is not scared one bit of myself or his dad. My daughter is just put in time outs and has a tap on her hands again, if the time outs haven't worked. I also try to gear more towards natural consequences of something such as, touch a hot stove, get burned, dont eat your supper, go to bed hungry, take your hats(,scarf and mitts) off, you get very cold and you get sick. Spanking is always a last resort for my husband and I. I also try to be more rational and try and talk to my son about what he had done after his time outs. And I explain to him why he went in a time out or even why he got a spank. It's not abuse unless you leave bruisings/markings/welts on the body, i personally believe and I've been through alot of stuff while I was growing up. I also as well give my son hugs and kisses and tell him sorry, but i dont not tell him i wont spank again because then thats getting their hopes up. My son is very well mannered, mostly well behaved and is smart, silly, and not at excessively aggressive.. and he picks his own times when he feels that he needs to speak up for himself and thats what i have been teaching him because he's learning from his dad and I.
And when i was growing up, I was also spanked and I am strong willed, not afraid to do speak freely or go about my business the way I want and I'm not aggressive at all with anyone. and I was spanked with spoons and spanked on my bare rear end! I am perfectly fine! and so are my three brothers. this is just my opinion and i personally feel if you can not control your anger, you shouldnt have your child(ren). I know of other people in my age group, or even older than me and they are way worse and give way worse spankings and verbally abuse their child at the same time. That's when I step in and get them to stop, and go and calm down, and then come back and speak to their child about everything.
And I agree with what another person posted, if you cant figure out the difference between a spanking and a beating, you shouldn't be doing it.
I stand by what I have said. My son is corrected as soon as he has that firm swat on the butt if he hasnt learned from time outs and a talk session. My daughter, she hits back and thats only because she's been doing that since she was 3 months old and my husband and i did not start tapping her hands firmly until this past June. so spankings aren't going to work with her as well as it does with my son.
Randie - posted on 09/23/2011
wow I really didn't mean to say YOUNG parents like young parents are stupid lol. I am a young parent I'm only 22 of 2 kids. I'm not saying every young parent doesn't know what they are doing. But in general most of them don't have enough experience to know how to discipline correctly. Sorry for the rudeness lol.
Randie - posted on 09/23/2011
She has known what death is since she could talk...if she squashes a bug she says "DEAD!" lol and now that shes almost 4 it's more like this.. if she sees a dead bug she says "Mom why is this bug dead? Did someone kill it? Does it not have any blood or brains now? Does they not have a heartbeat now?" ...and on and on and on haha. But she isn't aware that SHE could die. I'm just not comfortable with making her think about that. She knows that Bambi's mommy died in the movie and that's depressing enough for her (cause I bet she thinks about her mommy and puts herself in bambi's shoes) She always looks very concerned during this part of bambi.
Krista you r right..actually I have both a 3 year old girl and a newborn girl. lol.
I have experience with both also(girls and boys). There is actually no difference between the genders. It's just different from kid to kid. I can tell you this is true because I know of a couple little boys that are so so sweet and there parents do not have to spank them. And then I also know of two of my YOUNG friends who have girls and there girls are just the most horrible little brats you ever saw (these are the parents I was talking about in my other post, that I see the parents doing things wrong all the time which results in them having to spank)
Really I don't believe in the boys are worse then girls. In my experience its been just the opposite so I think it just varies from kid to kid.
I've never been abused and I've never seen anyone be abused. I am referring to spanking that is just a little swat to spanking with belt. It's still a debate to me because any kind of striking (even when it doesn't hurt) indicated that :
"We hit when we want to get threw to someone" What do you think your kids might pick up from that?
Another question I keep repeating cause noone has answered is "what other situation would your kid be in to require spanking?" (Besides the road thing)
Krista - posted on 09/23/2011
Randie - Some how I knew either you had a really young baby or a girl. communication works great - with girls. I had a son a realized it is the TOTAL opposite with a boy. And another thing, you have a 4 yo and think that she isnt old enough to understand that running out in the road could KILL HER??? My 2yo understood this. At first it was: she ran towards the road she got popped on the butt
she didnt do it cos she didnt want to get popped
road = pop
then it was: she runs to the road she gets told that doing that could get her hurt really really bad or maybe taken away from mommy and daddy.
she didnt do it cos she didnt want to get hurt or killed
road = PAIN or death
with a girl it stops there
with a boy you have to step it up
road = stinging butt and humiliation of being spanked in front of his buddies
a spanking should never hurt anything but their pride
Krista - posted on 09/23/2011
@CA Rhoades - your mother was abusing you! If people would understand the difference between the two their would be no debate. Its almost like this:
I have a friend, she never respects me and I dont want to be friends with her anymore I should
A) not talk to her anymore or
B) kill her.
that is how far the gap is between responsible spanking/discipline and BEATINGS!
Jessica - posted on 09/22/2011
hmm... could be I am super sensitive right now.
under tons of stress. not really an excuse but... well... dealing with tons of crap... so that could explain it.
anyway, I agree with that. Neighbor does the same thing. This kid is like a cereal killer in the making and "it's OK, he has ADHD." you can imagine the look on my face.
Although My brother had lots of energy,and a few years later they tried to say he was ADHD, he was just energetic and bored and they eventually(as I have been told) removed that tittle from him.
He was perfectly normal... just... one of those moments in time.
I am sure you daughter knows you hate spanking, it is the parents who do it first and don't wait and do it all the time I worry about.
To me... I wasn't spanked often and after my mother died I experienced extensive abuse at the hands of her parents so... I think their is a rather large difference between making sure your kid knows things are right and wrong and beating the holy hell outta them for it.
Randie - posted on 09/22/2011
My brother had adhd growing up. He was freakin nuts. lol. He was spanked all the time. Thats what I meant by "in a healthy child" that wasn't supposed to mean you or anyone else. meant to say... every kid can be disciplined with communication, and a good discipline method, except those that have a mental issue like adhd. I mean in my opinion these kids like my brother do not need spanked either, but I can understand the added frustration of finding a method that works for them.
Sometimes as parents we don't see what we are doing wrong in our discipline methods. I grew up watching my mom try to discipline my brother(with adhd). The one thing she did wrong which drove me insane is she told him he had adhd and thats what caused him to act up! So of course the little brat used it as an excuse to be bad. He would literally tell me "well I have adhd I can't help it" ugh! Another thing she did was sometimes she gave in to letting him off grounding (usually it was being grounded from his games). Of course the method isn't going to work if your always giving in. When he does something wrong he will just think " oh well she will give in eventually.
My point is my mom didn't think she was doing anything wrong. She doesn't understand why he acted like he did. Well in my opinion it's cause she didn't discipline him right. Parents aren't perfect and I understand that. I'm not perfect, I've spanked my daughter, with regret, cause I didn't know in that moment how to discipline her right. But I do stay ontop of not giving in to my rules. And that keeps her disciplined. If one method doesn't work for you then you just keep trying. But I can understand the added frustration in a kid like my brother. Words can not express how frustrating he STILL is and he is 15!
I was asking what other situations any kid would need spanking for? I don't see the connection to you in that question....but anywho..Im really confused why you think I was negative, but I hope maybe I cleared things up?
Jessica - posted on 09/22/2011
..... Randie...... you connotation about parents who agree with spanking in moderation is astoundingly negative. I care not how nicely you put it. In fact, that just rubs me wrong.
My mother didn't let ME play out front either OR allow me into those situation's. It wasn't a communication issue either, I KNEW EXACTLY what I was doing wrong.
So... your saying that only kids and parents with something WRONG with them need spanking? thats what your suggestion of "normal" kids and parents not needing it suggests.
I am as thorough as I could possibly be with my son... funny thing. He is still too young in my opinion BECAUSE I refuse to spank if they don't UNDERSTAND! Their have been plenty of times it was slightly tempting, and plenty of times I had to take a time out right along SIDE my 19 month old, but I refuse to spank until he is or the AGE that he UNDERSTAND WHY!!!!
I knew perfectly well why, and nothing else kept me from doing them. It stung for a brief moment but it wasn't that that made me listen, it was simply that my mother didn't do it often, and therefore it carried a certain weight to it, and her eyes always were disappointed when she had to do it.
Their are PLENTY of things a child who KNOWS not to do something will do knowing they are not supposed to. I was the adventure kid until my mom died. Trouble landed at my feet if my feet didn't carry me to it first, not that I was bad necessarily... I just lacked that little thing called fear and held PLENTY of need for adventure.
My brother was more... his issues were more just that sometimes he didn't want to listen. period. and it was important.
At one point, after we both knew not to cross the street without holding moms hand, we were standing at a light and my brother tore his hand out because he didn't want to wait for the light. We BOTH knew what would happen if a car hit us and guess what?!! Mom made sure he knew AGAIN before she popped his butt right their and took us home. You know what? He didn't do that again, the car that swerved probably spooked him too but... well he thought it was "cool" more than anything.
so we were KIDS! Kids do things they know they are not supposed to, sometimes things things are big and sometimes these things are small.
It has absolutely nothing to do with communication and "other methods", those were already in use.
We were kids, and you know what... you should a SEEN the kids who were never spanked when we stared school(this also happened vise versa but more often with the ones who were never spanked, however a few were just as well behaved in school.. even we had bad days, but we knew school wasn't the place for that at least). Complete nightmares who wouldn't listen to the teacher... and ruined class for us, so if you ARE going to NOT spank your kids, at LEAST make sure they ARE disciplined. When my kids start school I will thank you if your kid ISN'T the one telling the teacher "What are YOU gonna do to MAKE ME?!" when told to do something.
at least make sure the method works. I will not be ashamed that when my children understand I have no qualms doing so, however it will wait while they sit on their beds just like we did (except that day by the street when... well... I think that called for special circumstance and understanding so he didn't try it again as we walked back home).
Why would I be ashamed of doing what works? If I never need to I never need to, if I do, I do. I see NO issue in doing what my children need of me to teach them not to do something.
Sometimes they understand that it is wrong, and they shouldn't do it, however their is a fine line between "because I said so", "too young to understand", and "too young to COMPLETELY understand".
You are partially correct on one thing, my brother didn't understand DEATH. He didn't know he would die, and you know what? Their is NO explaining that to a 5 year old short of showing them and our mom was not going to show us what "road pancakes" were REALLY so, the spanking worked.
Randie, what would you do if that WAS the only way.... or are you going to argue that it will never happen and avoid the question?
Randie - posted on 09/22/2011
Well the point is that is usually why we spank...cause we don't know how to explain or because we have failed at other discipline techniques (or we just don't know the techniques). It's because of lack of knowledge on what to do. And though it does sound dramatic...Feen is right. We shouldn't hurt our kids to teach them things. If you already have a child that has gotten a bit hard to keep control of then yeah I think you probably have to spank in order to keep them out of dangerous situations. BUT the key is to not let them get to the point where nothing else will work.
In every case, in a healthy child, communication works! You just have to stick to your guns 24/7 from the very beginning. And I don't let my kids even around dangerous situations when they are too young for me to explain why they can't do it. For instance my daughter is almost 4 and she is still not aloud to play in the front yard. Of course they will run out in the road...they don't understand why it's so wrong, and I don't feel like they need to know why its wrong yet. So I just keep them from having opportunities to do that. When I feel comfortable telling her what can happen if she goes out into the road then I will let her play in the front yard. But by that age (in a couple of years) she will be old enough and disciplined enough to know better then to dart out in the road.
What other situation would your child be in to require spanking?
And I don't agree that it teaches fear unless you are just spanking the crap out of them.
I remember my grandpa spanking me with a belt once and I was so scared I don't even remember what I was being spanked for. Honestly I don't remember. So what did I learn. That a belt hurts. I don't think I feared him cause I know he only did it cause I did something wrong. But If I can't remember why he spanked me then do you think it worked??
It doesn't teach fear but it does teach that we are supposed to hurt others to get threw to them. Because that is exactly what you are doing. And guess what...kids learn from what we do.
Jessica - posted on 09/22/2011
You know something, to those parents who say spanking teaches "fear"... no it doesn't.
I was that fearless child who climbed really high trees and did dangerous things like climbing on the roof. I played with knives this one time I found a couple on the ground and NOTHING scared me.
Later on, the only thing it taught me was that if my mother was willing to spank me for it, I shouldn't be DOING it.
Spanking me didn't make me fear her, or being spanked, although later on I feared disappointing her... but I think that comes with being a kid who realizes their mother loves them deeply and that they are proud of you and that... well that they gave up things for you.
It wasn't like she rubbed it in our faces either.
Our mother was important to us, and the things she did were more important because she didn't draw attention to them. We noticed all on our own.
My own mother wasn't perfect but that "fear" comment. If your kids fear you it isn't because you spanked them a few times, it is because you did it while you were angry and they saw what was in your eyes.
The only thing that ever scared me that much at any point as a child was the anger and hate in someones eyes as they lashed out at you.
If your not strong enough to wait until your not mad, I don't think you should ever even think of it, but if you are strong enough... then if at times it is completely necessary in your eyes, do it.... but wait until you are calm and they know exactly why.
and feen, please take no offense, but your comment made me giggle a bit... you always claim the human rights front when nothing else can be argued. It was kinda cute and kinda funny because it reminded me of something my son said to me a few weeks ago... and anyway I don't know how else to explain but... it got a chuckle.
To me, I think that failing my children is a more potent concern than a little spanking. Their were many times that thought kept me from doing something stupid that could a got me killed... but not out of fear.
I say "better a spanking than not learning and ending up dead, or worse." That is my standpoint. As a mom who has been through lots, I know what is in the worst places, what creeps in the "shadows" and whatnot. Eventually I will let my kids know why, but for now I simply explain that sometimes mommy says things for reasons that she doesn't know how to explain to them yet and... then it is OK.
If given the choice though, I would have chosen to be spanked rather than dead with my mother crying so sadly... something to chew on.
And feen... where is human rights when a child who doesn't listen ends up dead? A question I have often wished to ask but have... not wished to offend anyone. well, now I am asking.
Crystal - posted on 09/20/2011
SO your saying that if a child needs a spanking that the parent does too, i disagree and that does not truly say that the parent is a bad parent in which you are replying who ever is a bad parent. I spank when only needed and that is NOT VERY OFTEN so your saying that when i do that i am a bad parent? I am a 37yr old single parent of an 8yr old lil girl,her father is deceased and she is all i have, i work and have a house and pay my own bills,so i have reason as anyone does to be stressed,if my child gets out of line and when i think she needs one,she will get a spanking,but there is a fine line between spanking and beating, i do believe that there needs to be a lesson taught and sitting down and having a talk to your child is not teaching him/her right from wrong,i say when it is needed they will learn quickly maybe that is not what they should be doing. BUT AS SAID: TO EACH HI/HER OWN CHIL/CHILDREN AND HE WHO KNOWS BEST KNOWS WHATS RIGHT FOR THEIR CHILD
Chatty - posted on 04/28/2011
I haven't read the other comments....my bad!
Spanking doesn't teach anything except fear. Spanking is ineffective and unnecessary.
Erin - posted on 04/26/2011
Key note, if you cant tell the difference between spanking and beating, you probably shouldnt even spank your child since you seem to have an issue finding the difference. (You being a generalized term, not directed towards anybody)
Amanda - posted on 04/26/2011
I was raised with spanking. I believe that sometimes spanking is necessary to get your kid in control of the situation. I don't believe in beating your child though!!! There is a difference. I spank my kids when it is needed not when i am mad or angry and I make sure that they know what they did wrong and why they are getting one.
Allison - posted on 04/26/2011
I grew up in a house where I was spany worse for the wear sociallynked. I am not , but I found my relationship with my siblings ( I am oldest of 4) suffered a lot of violence as that was the only way we knew to express anger. I also found with my daughter, who is 20 mths, that spanking taught her to act out in anger. That was the result of little swats on the diaper when she was out of line or into things she knew she shouldn't be over a 3 mth period. She started hitting back. I realized I didn't want to perpetuate my parents ways (I do have memories of my folks going overboard) and switched to timeouts. This seems to be much more effective. I use Supernanny's method!
Krista - posted on 04/26/2011
I don't agree with spanking. Before I had kids, I wasn't opposed to it, but now I am. I don't feel that it teaches them anything. Plus, I know too many parents who spank when angry, or when exasperated and tired, and they become very inconsistent with their discipline as a result.
The only way in which I could see myself using any kind of "hitting" would be if my child was reaching for something dangerous, and I had to quickly swat their hand away to keep her from getting hurt. But I'd do that to an adult, if they were not paying attention and about to hurt themselves.
Charlie - posted on 04/25/2011
no one person has the right to physically attack another person reguardless of age , again a violation of human rights .
Frances - posted on 03/25/2011
I am not against spanking, but I believe you should never hit your kids when you are angry. The vast majority of child abuse happens when the parents hit when angry. If the parents are really angry, they both need a time out to rationally determine the appropriate punishment for the offense.
Erika - posted on 03/21/2011
well depends on the situation....i think. but when daughter hit, kicked and bite. so to show her it was sore or it could be sore so i did it back to her....nothing hard now but just enough that she could fell it. and after i did it i told see its sore and its bold and she has never done it to me again.
well i think spanking kids everytime they something bold is wrong but you know sometimes you tell them no and they keep doing it and then you put on the naughty step and when they come off it and keep doin it...i have gave her a little hit on the bum.....nothing hard because i would fell awful other wise and she stopped.....but i think the naughty step and telling them what they did wrong works alot better because you don't want your children growning up scared of you when they are experience things both good or bad.
CA - posted on 03/16/2011
Okay, I haven't read the other comments so I apologize if I'm repeating.
I am 100% in all cases, completely against spanking, striking the child, physical 'discipline', etc.
I was spanked as a child, and the spanking quickly escalated to full-on beatings and child abuse. The only "lessons" I took away from being spanked, smacked, hair-pulled, thrown on the ground, hit with shoes, whipped with switches, was that
1. my mother's love for me was CONDITIONAL. She only loved me when I behaved.
2. good behavior was all the mattered. however, if I was going to behave badly (as all kids do from time to time!) then I could NOT get caught, or I'd be dead.
3. if I did get caught, I MUST lie about what happened so that I don't get hit.
4. to fear my mother. I was downright terrified of the woman. every time I head her coming down the hall or near me, my stomach would knot up and I'd start to shake. I still get scared when she's too close to me (and i'm 24 years old now, been our of the house for 6 years).
Now, I'm not saying that every parent who administers a spanking to their child is going to turn into a child-beater. My mom did. But not all do. However, consider the alternative. A rational, controlled, even-tempered parent hitting you. Even if it is just swatting your butt. You messed up, and your punishment is to be HIT by your parent. He/She remains calm the whole time, even tells you how many spanks you will get to keep themselves controlled or whatever. When it is over, they bring you in for a hug and tell you they love you. All while calm and collected. So with the same tone of voice and self-collected mannerisms, your parent hits you, and then hugs you.
How confusing is that?? You never know what your parent is going to do - hit you or hug you! This teaches you:
1. your parents behavior is unpredictable.
2. even though your parents, teachers, babysitters, etc. teach you that is it WRONG to hit, it's okay for your parents to hit you. sometimes. when you're bad.
3. good behavior is all that matters, and you must do whatever it takes to not get caught doing bad things so you don't get hit.
4. if you do get caught, you should lie, so you don't get hit.
In either scenario (calm, collected spanking or full-on, angry beating of your kids), the child is NOT learning the right lessons. The most dangerous being that your parents can't be trusted, and you should lie to your parents to protect yourself.
There are FAR better, far more EFFECTIVE means of disciplining your children than raising a hand to them.
Lesa - posted on 02/07/2011
I never had to spank my 11 year old. My 8 year old got a swat every now and then because all other methods didn't work and when I say swat thats basically all it was and didn't hurt. Nor was it done out of anger but, it did get her to do what she had to do. My 2 year old one day was out of control so I basically tapped him on the butt which believe me, did not hurt.He snapped right out of it and was really good. He even hugged me like he was sorry. So I am against spanking but I'm guilty of it and it actually worked for me. I guess I'll find out the repercussions later on if any. I don't believe in causing physical pain or repetitive spanking or pulling down pants, none of that crazy stuff. I think that's the parent losing control over themselves and does serious damage to a child's self esteem. My sister spanked her children from under 2 years and up and her kids are crazy messes! Not only her but, her husband too. There is a fine line one needs to walk if using the spanking method so I am against spanking because most people can't walk that line and end up screwing up their kids.
Erin - posted on 02/07/2011
I was raised in a house with a wooden spoon. I would hardly call myself warped or socially outcast, or emotionally traumatized. I knew that when I pushed a lamp over on purpose, to make my mom mad, I was going to get the spoon!
I also knew, that if I accidentally dropped a bowl of cereal on the ground, I was made to clean it up. As long as you can tell the difference between intentional and accidental, your punishments will be a lot more beneficial.
My daughter personally works better with a time out. A spanking results in her going "THAT DIDNT HURT!!! HAHA!" but a time out bores her to death and she cant stand it. To each their own!
Katherine - posted on 02/07/2011
i dissagree with how you phase spanking.
Punishment and discipline are two different things.
Punishment- to force you child to wear clothes that he peed in all day because he didnt make it in time to the bathroom.
Discipline- to spank, give timouts or a good talking to after he decided not to go to the bathroom when he needed o to go.
I feel it is a parents decision to make to choose how they will discipline thier children.
I feel spanking is wrong whenyou are letting your anger take over and you are hurting your child. either by leaving marks or purposly making them cry.
I dont make my 4 yr old cry when i swat her on the butt. I dont want her to feel pain I want her to snap out of it and listen to me when she is choosing to carry on with what ever. spanking is never done on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. It rarely happens. We tend to use time outs and communication to discipline or get through our children.
You of course have th parents with the excuse I dont know what came over me.UGH seriously! I find that hard to believe. I feel it is a choice for a parent to loose it and not stay in control of any situation.
When i get upset, frustrated or angry with my kids we all take a break from life and and go outside. We collect ourselves. I will leave the room and think about the situation and go back in there and handle the situation. I choose to stay in control.
Christina - posted on 01/06/2011
IMO if you spank when they are little then you don't have to spank when they are older. My oldest is 10yrs old and very rarely gets spanked any more. I say once every 3-4mnths. However, with our five kids, we discipline according to what works for each child. Spanking is hardly a first resort, and it is usually saved after other forms of discipline have not worked or the child has done very serious.
Jessica - posted on 01/06/2011
I think I like you. We think a like. though something to chew on. I don't know HOW she did it, but my mom would wait five-ten minutes before spanking us... set us in timeout on our beds and go take deep breaths. When I asked her before she died, she said that neither kids or grownups shouldn't hit when they are mad. And she didn't like to spank us and didn't want to hurt us. I think that made it worse next time. we finally understood why mom was always disappointed (her eyes... it was that look). since anger clouds our judgment mom was afraid, but... because she wasn't as angry we saw the disapointment and to be honest, that worked better on us.
Spanking was also a last resort, and since rules were set up at an early age... she almost never had to do it since we usually listened.
Randie - posted on 01/03/2011
OMG sarah I totally agree...Those kids that I think "I wish I could just spank there lil rear ends" I think to myself how in the world did this kid get like this....obviously mommy isnt doing something right. Im a strong believer in kids act the way they are taught. Except for some circumstances when the kid has medical problems. I believe it is always the child's parents and the child's experiences that made them the way they are.
Sarah - posted on 01/02/2011
Sometimes the kid that needs a spanking has a parent that needs one more! ;)
Randie - posted on 01/02/2011
See that's how I feel also its a "grown-ups hit when they are angry" lesson to them. But sometimes its just the only thing that works for some kids. I do think it is something we do when we cant figure out a better way to discipline. Every time I have spanked I have immediately felt bad and promised myself I would find a better way to punish next time. I have realized that every time I have spanked her I was really angry. So I do think that we hit when we are angry. We could definitely find a better way to do it. Geez in my heart I am soooo against spanking but in real life I know its hard not to sometimes, and I also know some kids that could probably freakin use a good spanking!! lol
In my heart Im against it-which I know sounds horrible and hypocritical lol!!
Sarah - posted on 01/01/2011
Depends on the kid and the situation.
Situation: "Don't hit your sister!" So they get spanked. Kind of a mixed message.
Kid: Some kids it's the only way they will remember or have the motivation to not do whatever it was again. Some only need to be told you are severely disappointed in them. Some only need to be spanked once and then reminded of that as motivation to stay on the straight and narrow.
However you do it just make sure it doesn't turn into a "grown-ups hit when they are angry" lesson.