Family life and story with disorders.

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

I get frustrated with my family for treating my brother like he is normal and requiring too much of him, things he truly can't comprehend. I feel bad for leaving him there, even though it would be all perfect and great to have him with me. I have worked my whole life knowing one day he might have to come live with me. My brother says he is used to their yelling at him, that he doesn't want to leave. I don't think he can picture any other way of life. He is in my dad's house because I took him from my mom's house when she got embarrassed with him rebelling against her and acted out at church when we were teenagers. She forced us to go to her church when we lived with her, my brother would make up songs about Santin and sing them as loudly as he could when the congregation was singing. People were turning around and staring at us, my mom was furious. She had the doctors put him on new meds, these were paid by free government insurance so they have this requirement that the meds he takes has to be the cheapest available. There was a new experimental drug out that they said his insurance would pay for but they didn't know how he would react to it, the other drugs available were not new and they knew how he would react to them but they wouldn't be covered by insurance since they were the cheapest option. So she put him on the experimental drug. It made him a vegetable that only sat on his bed doing absolutely nothing all day every day, he could barely muddle a few words if you said anything to him and often didn't even respond to us. It got worse the longer he took it, I complained to my mom about it and she refused to take him off the meds. She was tired of him acting out against her. I called my dad and had him pick us up for a visit, we never had the intention of going back. It took us 3 months to wean him off the meds, during that time he went into a light coma. We had to hold him on the toilet and almost force feed him toast and orange juice daily. My dad wanted to take him to the hospital but my step mom refused and insisted that we wean him on our own. He didn't remember those 3 months, and was confused to wake up to living somewhere else. But I couldn't let my mom continue to drug him like that. He is hard to deal with but doesn't deserve that. I was shocked that my brother asked to hold my kids when they were born, and was actually proud to see that he wanted to and enjoyed it. My brother was being chased in high school by a mentally retarded girl, she was his prom date. (formal dance if you call it something else) She wanted to have sex with him and hoped she would have his baby in her words. I told him no way, don't do it, some people tell me I should have let him. That it was his only chance to enjoy a pleasure like that and I cock blocked him. (a common phrase here) Some people say I explain too much, I do at times, I think it's from growing up always explaining things about the world and society to my brother. Sorry if I explain more than needed, please don't take offence, it's been my habit since I was a little girl explaining the world to my older brother. He couldn't ask anyone else anything in our family, they would just tell him to go away. We believe my brother's retardation was caused by my mother getting pregnant too soon after coming off birth control. He doctor warned her not to get pregnant for 6 months (she was pregnant barely 3 months after), that the birth control she was on causes major issues with pregnancies. This was in the 70's of coarse so the birth control was a bit more crude then today. She cried through the whole pregnancy but wasn't aware she was crying. The doctors think it was a hormonal imbalance that caused her issues that caused my brother's brain not to developed completely. I think the Paranoid Schizophrenia was caused by my dad, either he isn't admitting to a psychiatrist diagnosing him with it or he hasn't ever been officially diagnosed, but I am certain he has it and it's definitely getting worse with age. My mom swears that he wasn't that bad when they were married (got divorced when I was 7 because he couldn't keep his fist and huge belt buckles at the end of belts off my brothers). My mom says that my step mom has ruined him, made him worse, and she does encourage his ignorance with her own bitterness and ignorance. He is very influencable with you ever he is around, so my mom might be right. I can't stand thinking about all his crap, it gets me furious all over again about the stuff he says and does. My husband says I shouldn't contact him anymore, but I feel an obligation to him, I secretly wait for his death to give me relief for life. My husband wont let me say something like that, he says it's wrong and yeah it is in my mind, but at the same time I have been pushed past my limit on this when I was a kid I am now 30 and there aren't words for what I feel towards my dad's treatment about things. There just aren't any words to really do it justice and I think I will be relieved never to hear from him again one day. I will most likely still shed a few tears but at the same time be relieved he will never tell me the crap he says now for the rest of my life. I feel like then I will finally breath for once. My dad acts all perfect in front of my husband, he only pulls this crap when I'm without my hubby. And my step mom hasn't shown her ugly side to me since I moved out against their will when I was 17, I wont let myself forget to not trust her ever again. I've been on my own ever since.

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Emma - posted on 05/18/2010

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My SIL has had an issue with me from the first day we met,
I think to a point i scare her as i studied Physiology for a while and am fascinated with it mostly criminal though, but i think she realised i knew she was playing it up, and she could see she would loose the control she had on everyone.
She did get to me when i was pregnant as my hubby and met married and fell pregnant all with in 3 months so we where still getting to know each other, and i was under a shit load of stress as i just lost all my savings in a business deal that went horribly wrong i got ripped off by one of my oldest friends i was having that whole how good is my judgement moments with mad hormone fluctuations due to being pregnant,
And she started in with the crap, one of the less horrific things she was going on about, was she decided my hubby was her son and that his dad was the farther (She was 6 when my hubby was born) and a whole lot of other stuff she thought it had all been covered up and a whole lot of worse madness.
She decided she was molested by my hubby's dad her step dad (he is dead so cant answer to the accusations) but had bocked it all out, then decided my hubby had been too (he was not) and that her daughters where and the daughters had blocked it out to..
And all of it was covered up (she decide all of this to be true after reading a book and strangely her recollection of events is almost word for word the same as the book) I found the book a year later and read it and showed my hubby he was shocked and really hurt as he was very close to his dad it really effected him badly all the stuff she was saying. there was more but its too twisted to repeat.
She is A victim in her mind and as such deserves special treatment and at all times must be the centre of attention.

[deleted account]

Wow your SIL is a true source of stress. My husband agrees with both of us that she would use her mental illness to get away with things. He says that he grew up around a guy that was mentally retarded and used it to his advantage. He would do things he wasn't saposed to do and then exagurate his retardation and say oh sorry, while hitting his hand and fingers against his chest, something he only did to get out of trouble. My hubby says this guy would cross traffic when he wasn't saposed to for his benifit but if anyone else was standing at a light, he would remind them not to cross. He liked to go in comic book stores and throw all the books on the floor and then do his hand and fingers on his chest saying sorry. He would cross over other people's property when they had told him not to, wouldn't if they were out there, and if he got caught doing it he did the usual. But my husband said he definately used it to his benifit and didn't care it infuriated people when they thought he was using it to get away with things. My husband has disowned one of his brothers, they have been at each other's necks their entire lives. His brother is mean and roude, but only to his sisters and mom and wife, he would be to my husband but we don't allow them to be in the same area. They will fight and his brother will loose, my husband is twice his size and much stronger. They did fight before my husband was in the army and it didn't end well for his brother. His mom wanted me to come into the family and fix the relationship with his brother, but he is an ass, I would never ask anyone to socialize with him. He never did any of that to me, so that tells me he is very aware of the awlful things he says. The weirdest thing is that even though he is so horrible to his wife, she says he is the greatest man she has ever known. He talks crap about her on his facebook, and she brags and goes on and on about him on hers. It's weird, she did cheat on his right after they got married so that has something to do with all that.



Funny thing for me is that my brother is that big source of stress for me, it's my dad and his wife. I cut them out of my life as much as possible. It makes them behave a little better when I do go around them. They are the ones acting like they are walking on egg shells with me. That's the only way we usually get along and can visit, otherwise they relax too much and say and do things I wont stand for.

Emma - posted on 05/17/2010

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Funny thing is the person i really have issues with is my SIL as my mom has never pulled the hurtful crap that she has.
My kids are never to be alone with my SIL and i mean never if i have to leave the room they are coming with me.
She almost destroyed our mirage and made my first pregnancy a nightmare, i don't think i will ever forgive her for that and she wont say sorry she still dose not think she has done anything wrong.
im actually a little cross with myself as i did not do what i wanted which was tear her a new one as my hubby was worried she would end up back in the loony bin, very unlike me to keep my mouth shut.

[deleted account]

Good for you with gaurding your kids from dealing with the hardship and stress of mental illness, it would most likely affect them in many ways if they did have to deal with too much. I wont allow my kids to go over to my dad's house unless I can go with them. Simply because they behave worse when they aren't monitored. They used to in front of me and my first child when she was just a toddler, I told them I was leaving that we didn't need to be around all that. She was so affected by it that she bent half way over and was ramming her head into my lap with her arms stretched out behind her and even pushed up above her back. She was making a screaming/almost grunting noise of frustration with being around their caeous. I told them never again, and still refuse to ever let them have my kids over night. My dad always asks if I want to stay at his house when we visit, I would stay in a Motel before staying there. Never again, every time I did give him a chance with sleeping at his house, he made our visit horrible in a different way every time, so never again.

Emma - posted on 05/17/2010

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I don't know what to write, every time i start it veers off all over the place,
I don't know how to put down 30 years in a few paragraphs.
I have a love hate relationship with my mom when she's doing well she is such a great mom but when she's not i have often wished she was dead sound harsh i know.
I have by some mad default gotten the responsibility of her since my dad died and as im the only one of the kids my mother has not disowned at some point.
Im 1 of 5 my mom disowned 3 of them totally we don't mention there names any more, ive disowned 2 of those 3 myself .
My eldest sister goes in and out of favour and between the two of us know the only reason she still gets spoken to is because we are so close i feel bad for her and jealous sometimes too.
Im probably the most confrontational with my mother out of all the kids but she has never cut me off ive tried on occasion to be, but then i feel bad about it she's alone.
But i have drawn a line in the sand with her if she dose not behave in front of my kids she will never see me or them again, i will not have them treading on eggshells or having to deal with grown up shit and my mom can get scary when she goes full blown my kids will ot ever see that.

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