Renee - posted on 05/15/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )
I get frustrated with my family for treating my brother like he is normal and requiring too much of him, things he truly can't comprehend. I feel bad for leaving him there, even though it would be all perfect and great to have him with me. I have worked my whole life knowing one day he might have to come live with me. My brother says he is used to their yelling at him, that he doesn't want to leave. I don't think he can picture any other way of life. He is in my dad's house because I took him from my mom's house when she got embarrassed with him rebelling against her and acted out at church when we were teenagers. She forced us to go to her church when we lived with her, my brother would make up songs about Santin and sing them as loudly as he could when the congregation was singing. People were turning around and staring at us, my mom was furious. She had the doctors put him on new meds, these were paid by free government insurance so they have this requirement that the meds he takes has to be the cheapest available. There was a new experimental drug out that they said his insurance would pay for but they didn't know how he would react to it, the other drugs available were not new and they knew how he would react to them but they wouldn't be covered by insurance since they were the cheapest option. So she put him on the experimental drug. It made him a vegetable that only sat on his bed doing absolutely nothing all day every day, he could barely muddle a few words if you said anything to him and often didn't even respond to us. It got worse the longer he took it, I complained to my mom about it and she refused to take him off the meds. She was tired of him acting out against her. I called my dad and had him pick us up for a visit, we never had the intention of going back. It took us 3 months to wean him off the meds, during that time he went into a light coma. We had to hold him on the toilet and almost force feed him toast and orange juice daily. My dad wanted to take him to the hospital but my step mom refused and insisted that we wean him on our own. He didn't remember those 3 months, and was confused to wake up to living somewhere else. But I couldn't let my mom continue to drug him like that. He is hard to deal with but doesn't deserve that. I was shocked that my brother asked to hold my kids when they were born, and was actually proud to see that he wanted to and enjoyed it. My brother was being chased in high school by a mentally retarded girl, she was his prom date. (formal dance if you call it something else) She wanted to have sex with him and hoped she would have his baby in her words. I told him no way, don't do it, some people tell me I should have let him. That it was his only chance to enjoy a pleasure like that and I cock blocked him. (a common phrase here) Some people say I explain too much, I do at times, I think it's from growing up always explaining things about the world and society to my brother. Sorry if I explain more than needed, please don't take offence, it's been my habit since I was a little girl explaining the world to my older brother. He couldn't ask anyone else anything in our family, they would just tell him to go away. We believe my brother's retardation was caused by my mother getting pregnant too soon after coming off birth control. He doctor warned her not to get pregnant for 6 months (she was pregnant barely 3 months after), that the birth control she was on causes major issues with pregnancies. This was in the 70's of coarse so the birth control was a bit more crude then today. She cried through the whole pregnancy but wasn't aware she was crying. The doctors think it was a hormonal imbalance that caused her issues that caused my brother's brain not to developed completely. I think the Paranoid Schizophrenia was caused by my dad, either he isn't admitting to a psychiatrist diagnosing him with it or he hasn't ever been officially diagnosed, but I am certain he has it and it's definitely getting worse with age. My mom swears that he wasn't that bad when they were married (got divorced when I was 7 because he couldn't keep his fist and huge belt buckles at the end of belts off my brothers). My mom says that my step mom has ruined him, made him worse, and she does encourage his ignorance with her own bitterness and ignorance. He is very influencable with you ever he is around, so my mom might be right. I can't stand thinking about all his crap, it gets me furious all over again about the stuff he says and does. My husband says I shouldn't contact him anymore, but I feel an obligation to him, I secretly wait for his death to give me relief for life. My husband wont let me say something like that, he says it's wrong and yeah it is in my mind, but at the same time I have been pushed past my limit on this when I was a kid I am now 30 and there aren't words for what I feel towards my dad's treatment about things. There just aren't any words to really do it justice and I think I will be relieved never to hear from him again one day. I will most likely still shed a few tears but at the same time be relieved he will never tell me the crap he says now for the rest of my life. I feel like then I will finally breath for once. My dad acts all perfect in front of my husband, he only pulls this crap when I'm without my hubby. And my step mom hasn't shown her ugly side to me since I moved out against their will when I was 17, I wont let myself forget to not trust her ever again. I've been on my own ever since.