How do you find time to date when you are a single mom?

Carol - posted on 04/19/2011 ( 75 moms have responded )

283

5

51

What are your techniques on finding time to date? Do you include your kids? What types of dates do you go on, and when do you introduce the kids?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Denise - posted on 05/02/2011

7

24

0

First let me say that I hold nothing against the moms who bring their children on dates. To each his own, what's right for one may not be so for another, and no one has a right to judge anyone else's actions. For me, though, my son does not need to be on every single date and meet every single person I may or may not become involved with.

I have had one serious relationship since leaving my ex. I did not introduce my son to him until we were together 6 months, and even that was sooner than I had planned (I originally had the goal of one year in mind but it felt as if my ex caught wind of my relationship because he was suddenly shirking his parenting duties left and right and I found myself with no free time to spend with my new boyfriend. So the selfish side of me decided to move up the date that I felt it appropriate for them to meet.).

In my required parenting class by the New York City court system, they recommend that you keep your dating life separate from your home life. Children of divorce are already uneasy with the idea that people can walk away from people they love at any given time. They need stability and to understand that you will not do that to them. Children don't necessarily understand the difference between romantic love and the love between a parent and a child.

I realize with my post that I am assuming 1) You are a single Mom through divorce and not by choice 2) Your child is young - perhaps I am incorrect and he/she is a a teenager or older and does understand the difference between romantic and familial love. If I am incorrect with my assumptions, then none of this really applies, now does it, LOL!!!

BTW, my relationship lasted one and a half years. My son and my boyfriend got along wonderfully and I loved my new man for being such a positive male role model to my young son. I still love this man, more than I ever loved my husband, and truly wish it could have worked out. I still ache from the loss. My son noticed instantly that all his pictures were down when he came back from his father's after the break-up had occurred and asked about him for weeks, even a couple of months -- of course I explained everything as best as I could, but he never really understood, how could he have, he was 3 when he met the man and a few months shy of 5 when we broke up. My son still brings him up from time to time. For that reason, I do not want him to meet anyone unless I know (as best as I possibly can) that the guy isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Until then, my dating life will be kept separate from my life with my son. And truth be told, I am not interested. As I stated, I still love the man I broke up with 5 months ago and I have no interest in anyone else, nor do I have any desire to risk hurting this badly once again.

I am one of those people who seem to not be able to just "date". It is all or none for me. So for now and the foreseeable future, it is none.

Nayanda - posted on 05/01/2011

42

25

0

It's amazing how friends and family will step in when you let them know you have an interest in someone. I DO NOT include my children (one boy now 11, one girl, now 17l) on any dates as I don't think it is appropriate. It's a date, not a relationship. However I don't hide it from them either. When they were younger I would say something like "You know how you like to spend time hanging out with John or Jane? Well mom needs some time to hang out with her friends too." My kids are only introduced when he and I have agreed that the relationship is going in a forward direction. When a man says he is ready to meet your kids, that's when you introduce them if and only if you feel the same. Let him get to know the you without them first because at some point the kids will move out and that day will come faster than you think.

Bethyny - posted on 05/01/2011

35

10

0

Try on line, you can chat and go through the get to know you crap without taking time away from your kids. Wait, wait wait to bring him into their life! You dont want to parade men through their life, and you want to know who you are introducing. A good man will understand and respect that decision. Keep in mind, many pedo's date single mothers for the children.

Frances - posted on 05/15/2011

5

30

0

I was a single mom with 4 kids and working and going to school full time. I had a guy ask me out to coffee while all my kids and I were in the waiting room at a tire store. He thought they were my siblings, originally, but the truth didn't scare him off. I never called him...guess I thought he should've had at least some reservations. I eventually met someone at work. A friend introduced us and I remember being on break, chastising my son about cooking without supervision or something...This guy looks at me and says, "you have a son?" I said, "Actually, I have three...and one daughter." The look on his face was priceless. We have been together for 4-1/2 years, are going to be married this November, and have 2 more kids. LOL. We took mini-dates during work hours...I had a coworker suggest using small amounts of leave. It is a great idea if you have leave to use. I think we only had one official date. I wouldn't let him meet the kids for awhile, though.

[deleted account]

I tried dating a before Christmas, after pressured by friends that feel I 'need' a man. I tried 'internet dating' for the first time, as there was no other way to meet someone when I am a full time single mother.

I took my daughter to the coffee meetups because I felt it necessary to test if these men were really receptive to dating a single mum.

One man was too pushy and instantly wanted a relationship. Scary!

The other was nice, we hung out a few time, with my child always in tow. She began walking at 10 months, and frankly the guy didn't know what to make of her or even interact with her. So I ended that. I also decided I am not ready for all that dating business. So I am going to remain single until I feel ready.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

75 Comments

View replies by

SakariAndra - posted on 10/11/2012

5

0

1

Single Mom is a special kind of crowd.so,for them sometimes,finding a date online may be a hassle,for their worrying about so much.but i wish it should be a fun and enjoyable experience in the process of new dating !【BiFlirting......】 promises that you will have a great time searching for the perfect single Moms.

Keeshia - posted on 12/29/2011

12

17

0

my son is 4 and i live in a very small rural community. i have finally found time to date and just can't seem to meet anyone other then the people i went to school with or drunken creeps. i've tried on line but all the guys i've talked to turn away when they find out about my son or that my sons father is still involved in our lives even in his limited involvement. a lot of them have said because we ramained friends and are raising our son together even though we're apart that they feel like they are "sharing me". Is it just the close knit area i'm in or is this common for the 20-30 age group?

Jurnee - posted on 10/15/2011

3,790

22

110

my kids are 9, 18,24 and 26. I very rarely let my kids meet anyone I date. Actually they have only met one in the past 8 yrs since I left my youngest sons dad. as far as finding time, Ive been lucky to have older ones that can sit, and a large extended family. Most of my dates turn out to be just that, jsut a date, maybe 2. I have been told Im too picky, I just think Im selective,lol.

Heather - posted on 09/29/2011

19

25

0

I would love to date, but really do not have the time. I just moved to a new area where I really don't know anyone... I'm pretty shy and am trying to figure out good ways to date! I have my son all the time, unless I can find a sitter. His father is in Kentucky so he doesn't keep him any (never did when we were in Kentucky either!) But I just want to find someone who is decent and honest!! Why is this so hard to do? I have no clue where to start... I'm really not good at the whole dating thing, any advice?

[deleted account]

I must be an anomaly then, I never lied in my profile. I didn't see the sense in false advertising LOL

Carol - posted on 05/16/2011

283

5

51

eHarmony is the worst. Thankfully they gave me my money back after a couple of months.

Men lie about their height, women lie about their weight and both genders lie about their age. LOL!

[deleted account]

I found eHarmony the worst. Although, I put the specific ages I was looking to met in my requirements, eH ALWAYS matched me with OLDER men. I think it is there stupid system, that decides that men want younger women, so they always send women OLDER men as matches. I hated eHarmony for that.

Furthermore, I found so many men lied on their profiles. They were actually SHORTER or OLDER than they said or heavier in weight... it was awful. I don't understand why men would lie like that, after all the intent is to eventually meet in person! UGH

Brianna - posted on 05/15/2011

26

16

2

I tried internet ( E'harmony) though didnt get anywhere when you are a single mum of 4 and 2 children have a disability.....They (men) are not interested

Brianna - posted on 05/15/2011

26

16

2

I tried internet ( E'harmony) though didnt get anywhere when you are a single mum of 4 and 2 children have a disability.....They (men) are not interested

[deleted account]

Amen to that Amy.

I know what I want and do not want, and I am not going to just 'settle' for anyone - simply because I would hate to have a man 'settle' for me. I'd never be happy with less than what I want in a partner. Maybe that makes it extra hard to find the 'right' man for me... but I after 25 years of 'dating' and 'relationships' and 'marriages' gone sour... at 38 with a 16 month old daughter, I am NOT going to lower my standards just to have a man in my life. Who needs that? Which is why I am not bothering now.

Specially after checking the online options out there all I can say is UGH.

So many men contacted me that were clearly not my type, and my profile was VERY specific about what I was looking for. It was as if they didn't even read it. It also amazed me how many 'separated' men there are on those sites that are simply looking for a 'hookup' and I am not it.

I don't know how else I can hope to meet someone, as the bar scene is a disaster. The only people my friends know to set me up with, are duds. So I am quite content for now to be alone. Relationships are too much work and my life is full at the moment, I don't need that added drama. LOL

I agree with Marcia, I am not interested in an instant relationship either. It is so hard to find a good man in my area, that isn't just looking for a shag, or desperate for an instant 'I own you" thing.

I am sure when it is meant to be it will be. Until then, I am just content as is.

Frances - posted on 05/15/2011

5

30

0

I was a single mom with 4 kids and working and going to school full time. I had a guy ask me out to coffee while all my kids and I were in the waiting room at a tire store. He thought they were my siblings, originally, but the truth didn't scare him off. I never called him...guess I thought he should've had at least some reservations. I eventually met someone at work. A friend introduced us and I remember being on break, chastising my son about cooking without supervision or something...This guy looks at me and says, "you have a son?" I said, "Actually, I have three...and one daughter." The look on his face was priceless. We have been together for 4-1/2 years, are going to be married this November, and have 2 more kids. LOL. We took mini-dates during work hours...I had a coworker suggest using small amounts of leave. It is a great idea if you have leave to use. I think we only had one official date. I wouldn't let him meet the kids for awhile, though.

Amy - posted on 05/15/2011

13

28

0

I've had so many bad experiences, I don't even really try any more. I have some standards that apparently are hard to live up to - honesty, good character, not living with mom or taking too many meds (illegal or legal), decent employment, non-abusive...Tried dating sites but was unimpressed and gave up. I know someone's out there, but I'm not waiting on the edge of my seat for him. I've had a couple of guys express interest but they are not even close to what I'd bring home as a role model. :( Not really jaded, but I think sometimes at 40 that people have really lowered their standards, and that hookups come a little too freely.

Marcia - posted on 05/15/2011

13

20

2

I am a 27 year old ft mom. I date when I can arrange a sitter and when I am not buried in homework as I am also a full time student.. Usually some where outdoors and in daylight, as you really do not know who you are dating. As I am a full time mom, I am trying the internet thing. I am finding it tough as a lot of men really do not know what they want in life. I do not have time to play counsellor as well as be a mom. Some want instant relationships, which is frankly scary! I am not in a rush, I know I will find love when I do but going on an evening out without the little one is quite nice. As for introducing my son...I wait a couple of dates and see how they interact. If the man also has children, I try to make a playdate to see how we all get along..early on.

Chelsa - posted on 05/04/2011

14

48

0

I am a single mother who dated and is now engaged. My son is now 5 years old. His father and I split while I was pregnant, so I have been single his entire life. I did not take my son on any of my dates. I did not want him having different men in his life.

Yes, we are package deal and I made that clear from the beginning. Once I knew that that my now fiance and I intended to be together for a while and it wasn't going to be a quick relationship, I decided it was time to introduce them. No, I did not wait until we were engaged. I simply waited until I knew that I had true feelings for him and we (him and I) agreed that our relationship was a true committed deal.

I introduced him to my son as a friend. I let my son develop his own opinion of him and bond with him as a friend. Now, my son calls him dad and the day before my fiance proposed, my son asked me when we were going to get married. We are a family and I believe it worked because I didn't force them to have a relationship until I knew that I wanted one myself. Then I let my son decide if he wanted one. Again, all along I made it clear to my fiance that we were a package deal. It wasn't always easy as my fiance doesn't have children of his own, nor did he grow up around them. It was a learning experience for him as well as my son, but end the end I am very happy with the way things are turning out.

Good luck. Being a single mother is never easy and there is no one right or wrong. You have to find what is best for both of you.

Chelsa - posted on 05/04/2011

14

48

0

I am a single mother who dated and is now engaged. My son is now 5 years old. His father and I split while I was pregnant, so I have been single his entire life. I did not take my son on any of my dates. I did not want him having different men in his life.

Yes, we are package deal and I made that clear from the beginning. Once I knew that that my now fiance and I intended to be together for a while and it wasn't going to be a quick relationship, I decided it was time to introduce them. No, I did not wait until we were engaged. I simply waited until I knew that I had true feelings for him and we (him and I) agreed that our relationship was a true committed deal.

I introduced him to my son as a friend. I let my son develop his own opinion of him and bond with him as a friend. Now, my son calls him dad and the day before my fiance proposed, my son asked me when we were going to get married. We are a family and I believe it worked because I didn't force them to have a relationship until I knew that I wanted one myself. Then I let my son decide if he wanted one. Again, all along I made it clear to my fiance that we were a package deal. It wasn't always easy as my fiance doesn't have children of his own, nor did he grow up around them. It was a learning experience for him as well as my son, but end the end I am very happy with the way things are turning out.

Good luck. Being a single mother is never easy and there is no one right or wrong. You have to find what is best for both of you.

Lisa - posted on 05/04/2011

19

8

2

Hi, I'm a single Mom. I have a 14 and a 4 year old. Before my 4 year old was in the picture. I dated and didn't tell the men about my son. Then I found a man I liked. Well my son didn't like him. Years later. Now I have a daughter this time I have done it a little differently. I tell the men up front about my kids. Then If after I've had a few dates with them and they are worthy to meet my kids. Then I had us all go out. This time My kids love my boyfriend. He loves my kids. It is definatly a balancing act. This was not the advice of my friends. This advice came from an article I read that stuck with me. If you meet someone and think there could be a future. The kids need to approve of him. You don't want to find your self in love with a man and having to choose between your love life or your kids. - Just my opinion. We single Moms should date. We need to take care or us. It's like the airline attendants say; Put your mask on first inorder to be able to help someone else.

Lisa - posted on 05/04/2011

19

8

2

Hi, I'm a single Mom. I have a 14 and a 4 year old. Before my 4 year old was in the picture. I dated and didn't tell the men about my son. Then I found a man I liked. Well my son didn't like him. Years later. Now I have a daughter this time I have done it a little differently. I tell the men up front about my kids. Then If after I've had a few dates with them and they are worthy to meet my kids. Then I had us all go out. This time My kids love my boyfriend. He loves my kids. It is definatly a balancing act. This was not the advice of my friends. This advice came from an article I read that stuck with me. If you meet someone and think there could be a future. The kids need to approve of him. You don't want to find your self in love with a man and having to choose between your love life or your kids. - Just my opinion. We single Moms should date. We need to take care or us. It's like the airline attendants say; Put your mask on first inorder to be able to help someone else.

Melissa - posted on 05/04/2011

58

29

4

I haven't dated much (barely at all) since my daughter was born 2.5 years ago. I would love to, but it's hard to meet people and I don't have much time away from my daughter for dating, or much money for babysitters. When she was a baby, I took her on a couple of early dates with me because the guy (a single father with 2 young kids) was cool with that. Now that she's older, I won't introduce her to anyone in a one-on-one setting until it's serious, though I do frequently introduce her to friends (male and female) in a group setting.

I'm hoping that eventually I can get her dad to take her 3 nights a week instead of his current 2, and then I might be able to start online dating or something. Right now my 2 nights a week away from her are spent getting things done and seeing friends, and I don't want to give those up.

Melissa - posted on 05/04/2011

58

29

4

I haven't dated much (barely at all) since my daughter was born 2.5 years ago. I would love to, but it's hard to meet people and I don't have much time away from my daughter for dating, or much money for babysitters. When she was a baby, I took her on a couple of early dates with me because the guy (a single father with 2 young kids) was cool with that. Now that she's older, I won't introduce her to anyone in a one-on-one setting until it's serious, though I do frequently introduce her to friends (male and female) in a group setting.

I'm hoping that eventually I can get her dad to take her 3 nights a week instead of his current 2, and then I might be able to start online dating or something. Right now my 2 nights a week away from her are spent getting things done and seeing friends, and I don't want to give those up.

Sharon - posted on 05/03/2011

71

42

9

I'm a 29 year old single mom with a little boy who is turning 4 in two weeks. I'm a full time students as well, so I find it hard to date, but I am open to lunch dates to start. I figure, when my son is in daycare, and I have the time between studying/classes/housework, etc to actually go on a date it would be feasible to do lunch. Eventually, after a few lunch dates that have gone well, I could prob put him to bed around 7:30 (leaving him with my parents)and meet at 9 for a late dinner date on a Saturday night - that way he won't even miss me or know I'm gone. I haven't implemented this as of yet - It has been ages since I've dated. His father was the last guy I was with and that was almost 4 years ago - but I have an idea that this is how it will go. Personally I won't introduce a man to my son unless it's serious - like marriage serious, because I don't want him to get attached and have feelings that it was his fault if the relationship goes south. Rejection from one biological parent is enough in my eyes. Plus, some people have less than savory attitudes toward children - molestation and abuse are scary things, and I would hope that by the time marriage would be an issue, I would know the person enough to trust them with my most prized posession - my child

Sharon - posted on 05/03/2011

71

42

9

I'm a 29 year old single mom with a little boy who is turning 4 in two weeks. I'm a full time students as well, so I find it hard to date, but I am open to lunch dates to start. I figure, when my son is in daycare, and I have the time between studying/classes/housework, etc to actually go on a date it would be feasible to do lunch. Eventually, after a few lunch dates that have gone well, I could prob put him to bed around 7:30 (leaving him with my parents)and meet at 9 for a late dinner date on a Saturday night - that way he won't even miss me or know I'm gone. I haven't implemented this as of yet - It has been ages since I've dated. His father was the last guy I was with and that was almost 4 years ago - but I have an idea that this is how it will go. Personally I won't introduce a man to my son unless it's serious - like marriage serious, because I don't want him to get attached and have feelings that it was his fault if the relationship goes south. Rejection from one biological parent is enough in my eyes. Plus, some people have less than savory attitudes toward children - molestation and abuse are scary things, and I would hope that by the time marriage would be an issue, I would know the person enough to trust them with my most prized posession - my child

Robyn - posted on 05/03/2011

9

12

0

I just started seeing someone since my kids were born. For now the dates have been child less, I feel I don't want to introduce the kids to someone who isn't going to be around. We are getting to that point where I will start to entertain the idea of introducing them to him. For now the dates have been short- dinner or coffee. We did go away for an overnight trip but it was just 1 night away. You need to take care of yourself. At least that is what all my friends have said to me. Luckily they have been willing to watch the kids while I go out. And I don't go out often really just a few times a month. We for a while worked next door to each other so we could see each other during the day.

Robyn - posted on 05/03/2011

9

12

0

I just started seeing someone since my kids were born. For now the dates have been child less, I feel I don't want to introduce the kids to someone who isn't going to be around. We are getting to that point where I will start to entertain the idea of introducing them to him. For now the dates have been short- dinner or coffee. We did go away for an overnight trip but it was just 1 night away. You need to take care of yourself. At least that is what all my friends have said to me. Luckily they have been willing to watch the kids while I go out. And I don't go out often really just a few times a month. We for a while worked next door to each other so we could see each other during the day.

Amy - posted on 05/03/2011

12

4

0

I used to include my girls when they were younger but kids can get attached quick and don't understand when a relationship ends, especially if their father is not around much. Now I don't include them on casual dates. I allow them to meet someone if they are picking me up and even if I am meeting someone somewhere they know it is a date. I want them to know what healthy casual dating is. Once the relationship goes from dating to monogamous relationship is when I introduce the kids. That way they are only getting attached to someone who is planning on sticking around.

As far as where to go, I like lunch dates as first dates. Resteraunts are quieter than the dinner rushes so you can actually have a conversation and if you don't enjoy the company you can make a quick escape without looking rude. Another good early date is the art museum. You can learn alot about someone there...lol.
Good Luck!

Amy - posted on 05/03/2011

12

4

0

I used to include my girls when they were younger but kids can get attached quick and don't understand when a relationship ends, especially if their father is not around much. Now I don't include them on casual dates. I allow them to meet someone if they are picking me up and even if I am meeting someone somewhere they know it is a date. I want them to know what healthy casual dating is. Once the relationship goes from dating to monogamous relationship is when I introduce the kids. That way they are only getting attached to someone who is planning on sticking around.

As far as where to go, I like lunch dates as first dates. Resteraunts are quieter than the dinner rushes so you can actually have a conversation and if you don't enjoy the company you can make a quick escape without looking rude. Another good early date is the art museum. You can learn alot about someone there...lol.
Good Luck!

Melissa - posted on 05/03/2011

5

15

1

I would like to share my dating experience, but first give a little background leading up to it. My daughter is five and a half years old. Her father went out of the picture the day I told him I was pregnant. With that said I have been a single parent almost 6 years. I decided from the get go that I was not going to date, but put all my focus on raising my child to the best of my ability. I have had guys in the past that wanted to date me but I let them know I just was not interested at that time. I have lived in the small neighborhod I live in now for almost 8 years. There is a guy that lives right down the road from me who has lived here more years then I have lived here. He has been a great neighbor. Always polite and always checking on me and other neighbors to see if we needed anything. We had some mutual friends and became friends, but didn't really hang out but a few times with mutual friends. He was very aware of my daughter and my situation. My daughter knew him as well. He started asking me out about two years ago. I told him "no I don't date" for an entire year. But last June I finally said yes. I had no idea if this would work out and I am very protective of my child. I do not leave my child very often at all to go out even with friends. So our dating started off with him coming to my house after my daughter was asleep in bed and we would hang out on the porch and just talk. Sometimes we would watch a movie. Mind you we were some what friends before this and I have know him all these years so I am comfortable and feel safe around him so that is why he was allowed at my house early on. After the whole summer of dating I decided that this was a guy I could see myself marry and would be a good father to my child. I decided to include my daughter slowly into our time spent together. The first time was me cooking dinner for him and my dauther after church. It went very well. And has been going well every since.
As all us single mom's know it's very hard to find time to date. I work three jobs, girl scout leader, sunday school teacher and full time mom so time is limited. We started and still do, going to church together as a family every wednesday night. We take my daughter to the movies together, go to dinner together as a family, grocery shop together etc. We still hang out just the two of us talking and watching movies after she is in bed. And occasionally we get a sitter and go out just the two of us. 11 months later we are still going strong. He is wonderful to my daughter and we have been really blessed to have him in our life. I believe that there has to be a balance between the solo dating and the dates that include your child. For myself I felt that when I did start dating that I would not include my child untill I was sure this was a serious thing. My reasons were that I didn't want my child to get attached to someone right frrom the beginning of dating and then to find out a little bit into dating that this wasn't the person for me and then have my daughter have to go through the heartache with me of loosing someone she had become attached to. Also I wanted to be sure that I wasn't putting my child in harms way with who I brought around her. She always has and still does come first. I am a mother first and foremost.
Sorry if this was long and boring but I just wanted to put my experience out there for ya. :-)

Melissa - posted on 05/03/2011

5

15

1

I would like to share my dating experience, but first give a little background leading up to it. My daughter is five and a half years old. Her father went out of the picture the day I told him I was pregnant. With that said I have been a single parent almost 6 years. I decided from the get go that I was not going to date, but put all my focus on raising my child to the best of my ability. I have had guys in the past that wanted to date me but I let them know I just was not interested at that time. I have lived in the small neighborhod I live in now for almost 8 years. There is a guy that lives right down the road from me who has lived here more years then I have lived here. He has been a great neighbor. Always polite and always checking on me and other neighbors to see if we needed anything. We had some mutual friends and became friends, but didn't really hang out but a few times with mutual friends. He was very aware of my daughter and my situation. My daughter knew him as well. He started asking me out about two years ago. I told him "no I don't date" for an entire year. But last June I finally said yes. I had no idea if this would work out and I am very protective of my child. I do not leave my child very often at all to go out even with friends. So our dating started off with him coming to my house after my daughter was asleep in bed and we would hang out on the porch and just talk. Sometimes we would watch a movie. Mind you we were some what friends before this and I have know him all these years so I am comfortable and feel safe around him so that is why he was allowed at my house early on. After the whole summer of dating I decided that this was a guy I could see myself marry and would be a good father to my child. I decided to include my daughter slowly into our time spent together. The first time was me cooking dinner for him and my dauther after church. It went very well. And has been going well every since.
As all us single mom's know it's very hard to find time to date. I work three jobs, girl scout leader, sunday school teacher and full time mom so time is limited. We started and still do, going to church together as a family every wednesday night. We take my daughter to the movies together, go to dinner together as a family, grocery shop together etc. We still hang out just the two of us talking and watching movies after she is in bed. And occasionally we get a sitter and go out just the two of us. 11 months later we are still going strong. He is wonderful to my daughter and we have been really blessed to have him in our life. I believe that there has to be a balance between the solo dating and the dates that include your child. For myself I felt that when I did start dating that I would not include my child untill I was sure this was a serious thing. My reasons were that I didn't want my child to get attached to someone right frrom the beginning of dating and then to find out a little bit into dating that this wasn't the person for me and then have my daughter have to go through the heartache with me of loosing someone she had become attached to. Also I wanted to be sure that I wasn't putting my child in harms way with who I brought around her. She always has and still does come first. I am a mother first and foremost.
Sorry if this was long and boring but I just wanted to put my experience out there for ya. :-)

Marcia - posted on 05/03/2011

9

2

1

My oldest is 4yrs and I haven't been on a date with the opposite sex since I have had him, but saying that nor have I been interested or thought of sharing time dating.
I have been out with the girls after he turn 3ish maybe every 3rd month which his dad has has him. ( And that's effort for me, I'm to drained the day after even coming home at midnight)
As i have been a stay at home mum since having my children, my oldest is starting primary school next year so i have return to tafe to re-event myself and skills. so I can find another job that will fit my family now.

Marcia - posted on 05/03/2011

9

2

1

My oldest is 4yrs and I haven't been on a date with the opposite sex since I have had him, but saying that nor have I been interested or thought of sharing time dating.
I have been out with the girls after he turn 3ish maybe every 3rd month which his dad has has him. ( And that's effort for me, I'm to drained the day after even coming home at midnight)
As i have been a stay at home mum since having my children, my oldest is starting primary school next year so i have return to tafe to re-event myself and skills. so I can find another job that will fit my family now.

Katrina - posted on 05/03/2011

10

35

0

Honestly, I really don't get a chance to. But I have had some successful ones. One time a guy I went out with invited my daughter and I to go tubing and that was fun and kind of awkward because I had to wear a bathing suit. So my advice is if you have known him for awhile and you trust him try to have an activity that includes you kids.

Katrina - posted on 05/03/2011

10

35

0

Honestly, I really don't get a chance to. But I have had some successful ones. One time a guy I went out with invited my daughter and I to go tubing and that was fun and kind of awkward because I had to wear a bathing suit. So my advice is if you have known him for awhile and you trust him try to have an activity that includes you kids.

Nichole@Vannybean.com - posted on 05/03/2011

11

8

0

Hi Carol,
I do date and just because you are a single mom doesn't mean you can't live and enjoy life as far as dating goes! When my daughter was younger I would include her but now she's almost 7 and I date on a weekend when she's away and get to know eachother through talking on the phone. I wait about 3 months if I really like someone to introduce them to my daughter unless I knew the person before. If he respects you, he will understand! Ease yourself into it and expect to have a LOT of first dates make them casual coffee dates you can get to know someone fast and then decide if they are worth seeing again...best of luck

Nichole@Vannybean.com - posted on 05/03/2011

11

8

0

Hi Carol,
I do date and just because you are a single mom doesn't mean you can't live and enjoy life as far as dating goes! When my daughter was younger I would include her but now she's almost 7 and I date on a weekend when she's away and get to know eachother through talking on the phone. I wait about 3 months if I really like someone to introduce them to my daughter unless I knew the person before. If he respects you, he will understand! Ease yourself into it and expect to have a LOT of first dates make them casual coffee dates you can get to know someone fast and then decide if they are worth seeing again...best of luck

[deleted account]

Interesting topics, again, it is all to do with the age of the kids and the situation.

@ Denise Martino - For me, my daughter's father and I were not together - he left when I became pregnant. So from the time my daughter was born, she has only ever known a life of living with just me. We do however go visiting family and friends all the time, and she spends time with her dad. When I tried to date, when she was 10-11 months old, it was completely normal to her, to go to a restaurant to meet a person. It was no different to her than going to meet Nana or Uncle or any of my friends for a snack. If I try dating again since she is older - that will change, as it is easy now to arrange to leave her with Nana while I go for a dinner IF I WANT. But I just don't want to, as I realize I am not ready to trust to risk my heart. I can understand the recommendations made to you though for your situation. Everyone here has a unique situation to deal with for sure.

@ Mary Couture - A revolving door of men? Acting slutty? Going out on a respectful date is hardly 'slutty'. I doubt any of the mothers on here are bringing endless strings of men home for sex. I personally do not dress like a tramp, or act like one, but that doesn't mean I can't go to a coffee or dinner and talk to a man to get to know him. I don't even kiss on the first date or second date. If you dress like a tramp and act sexual in front of your children, then yes you should check your head. However I don't think that is what anyone here is describing. I think it is sad you think your life has ended just because you are a mother. It should be a wonderful new life, as a mother, and we mothers should not deny ourselves the opportunity to meet a new partner if we want to.

Shannon - posted on 05/03/2011

24

30

0

Since my son's father walked out I have found it easier to find single dad's that are looking for a companion. Currently this father is also surprisingly a friend of mine. When his son is with him we start with play dates and than it also gives us adult talk time when they are off playing. I would not dream of hiding dating from my son. He is a bright boy and becomes jealous of men if I don't take him with (I have tried it). It also gives me the opportunity to create a slow bond between them. That's just what I do. It doesn't affect his relationship with his father cause he does not know him. He sees his father once a year and only if I take him to see him.

Shannon - posted on 05/03/2011

24

30

0

Since my son's father walked out I have found it easier to find single dad's that are looking for a companion. Currently this father is also surprisingly a friend of mine. When his son is with him we start with play dates and than it also gives us adult talk time when they are off playing. I would not dream of hiding dating from my son. He is a bright boy and becomes jealous of men if I don't take him with (I have tried it). It also gives me the opportunity to create a slow bond between them. That's just what I do. It doesn't affect his relationship with his father cause he does not know him. He sees his father once a year and only if I take him to see him.

Natasha - posted on 05/03/2011

63

85

7

It was a bit easier to date when I only had my oldest and she would spend every other weekend at her father's but now that he no longer lives any where near us and my fiance had passed away right after our youngest was born, I don't have much time any more. But, now that she's getting older, I would like to start getting back out there!

Natasha - posted on 05/03/2011

63

85

7

It was a bit easier to date when I only had my oldest and she would spend every other weekend at her father's but now that he no longer lives any where near us and my fiance had passed away right after our youngest was born, I don't have much time any more. But, now that she's getting older, I would like to start getting back out there!

Licia - posted on 05/02/2011

16

11

1

After my divorce, I wanted nothing to do with men. Then after a while I started getting my confidence back again and started to want to date again. So I found a free online dating service where I threw out that line to see what I would reel in. After a couple of total bomb dates I started talking to this guy and we agreed to meet. I decided I would give him a peek into my world so we met for lunch with both my kids and my little brother. I figured if he called back after witnessong the chaos that is my life we might have a shot. Long story short, he called back and last month he asked me to marry him. I dont know if what I did is suggested, but it worked for me. Good luck in your adventures.

Amy - posted on 05/02/2011

21

8

1

OH BTW we go out to dinner w/ my kids and other activites almost every week end.

Amy - posted on 05/02/2011

21

8

1

I am engaged and have been with the same guy for 4 years! It is very challenging to find "alone time" as my 3 yes, i said 3 kids live with me. I was lucky and for about 1 and 1/2 years my x took the kids every other week end. As time went on he stopped and now sees them only on Sundays. I told my fiance from the very start all about my kids Oh, did i mention they are all autistic? I am extreamly lucky to have a supportive guy who accepts me and them fully this is ver rare indeed!

Kim - posted on 05/02/2011

8

19

0

This is a touchy subject! I have tried the meet 1 and all approach and I have kept things separate. I have been a single mom since my oldest was 11 years and youngest was 15 months. I had a difficult time with my oldest pushing my dates away once we were in a relationship. She felt that men had let us down in the past and we didn't need them so she was protecting me from that hurt again. My younger children have grown up with the idea that it would be nice to have a guy around, someone that is not a girl and therefore might have their point of view in a house ruled by older women all these years. I have met dates in a variety of ways, internet, phone chat line, and a chance encounter too! I know that in this day and age I will not expose my kids to anyone I date until we have seen each other for a while. Kids get attached easily, they call people mama and daddy because they don't always understand the difference and that can freak a date out too!!! There is not any set answer but I know that I have dated a few people that haven't worked out as relationship material but they have become good friends, my children and I are welcome in their homes, we watch movies and prepare meals together and my kids have learned that every relationship between people of the opposite sex does not necessarily lead to marriage but friendship is an awesome thing. Sometimes that is the better trade-off!

Danielle - posted on 05/02/2011

6

35

0

it is hard trying to find time to date when being a single mom. i am working 2 jobs and i am a college student so my time is very limited but i do manage to have a life on fridays and saturdays while my son is with his father. i only work till 7pm so it allows me to have a semi life. i am usually to tired to go anywhere or do anything but i just come home take a 2 hour nap and than shower and head out i am usually home by 1 or 2 so i am still able to get in a good 6 to 7 hours of sleep before i have to get up and start my day again when i do go out. most of the time though i stay in and my dates come to my house for us to have a couple of drinks and watch a movie or something. it is possible but very hard. it mostly consists of time management without wearing yourself to thin.

Lisa - posted on 05/02/2011

12

3

1

My son was 18 months when his father and I split. I had not dated. He is 5 now. I had a kid from up the street babysit for my first date, the 2nd date was while my son was with his father. 3rd date was supposed to be tonight, but my ex brought him home a day early. Since I am honest with my son, he said "aww man!" when he found out we didn't kiss on that first date. Now my son says he wants to meet him. He has kids, too, so this was probably easier than it could have been.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms