facing illness in family that will soon take loved ones to heaven

Aldonica - posted on 02/15/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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How do you get a 9 yr. old to understand that this the circle of life and eventually everyone passes on to heaven if you are saved and believe and a christian and the bad place called hell with satan if you are a nonbeliever and non christian esp. in immediate family or and close friend?

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Karen - posted on 04/28/2010

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Are you a non believer or your child? We are of christian beliefs and I raised my children as such, only my middle daughter say she does not believe. I just explain that a flower grows it drops seeds and dies and babies are born. Not that people die because they have babies but, it helps to illustrate the circle of life and thanks to that flower others were born. Hope this helps... Karen

Jessica - posted on 04/23/2010

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My son is 9 years old and has lost a friend in school due to diabities, and I lost my mom at 10. They understand alot more then we think (speaking for my self as well) closer is a must and seeing the body if its open casket helps. I read passages out of the bible and talked about death. Death is apart of life,and does anyone really understand. It hurts when you love some one, no matter your age. I told my son that what he was feeling was normal and its ok to cry. Im here if he wanted to talk.Answer there questions as honstly as you can. I hope this has helped.

Kelly - posted on 04/20/2010

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Hospice rocks and I encourage you to find a local one they will have a support group for youth.. I would have your child make a memory book so they can always focus on the good times and memories. If approiate and family member wants to have them write a letter or letter to the child. i would leave out the hell thing to as there is enough negative flowing around right now. Ask first what your child understand and thinks is happening and follow your promptings to explain and elaborate from there. children are amazing sometime sending a balloon with thoughts is helpful.

Ann - posted on 04/07/2010

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Our youngest grandson was 9 when his dad died. It was a very hard time for him and the rest of the family. His father had cancer and fought to live. As time went by jhis father lost so much weight, our grandson was afraid to be in the room with his father. He said he was afraid to see him die. He now says that he can't remember his dad. Breaks my heart. I try to remind him of the funny things his dad did with him. He is 14 now.

Helen - posted on 04/02/2010

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Children understand a lot more than you think they do, especially in this day and age. Be honest and straight forward with your child and do not stress on about heaven or hell. Just let them express there own feelings about it and support them. Just give lots of love and have him share good memories.My grandmother passed when my youngest was 10 and he took it rather hard but with a lot of encouragement he came to except and his still talks about her at times and he is now 23

Rose - posted on 03/29/2010

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I simply told little ones that Heaven is a place where everyone we love will be. I am also a Christian, but do not believe God wants little ones to be scared by the idea of Hell. Hell is NOT, in my opinion, for nine year olds anyway, so why do they need to know about it?

Charlotte - posted on 02/25/2010

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Be patient with the child. explain you will all miss your loved one but Jesus is calling them home - where he will cure all the ills that could not be cured on Earth and you will be watched over an meet them again when its their time to go. hope this helps, I feel your sorrow. lost my mom recently.

charlotte

Beth - posted on 02/23/2010

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my son is 13 he lost his daddy last year very unexspectantly..I found out that a child deals with a death sometimes not the way you would think they would..all you can do is be as honest as you can at the age appropriate time and give then alot of love..answer their questions honestly ansd dont push ..love heals alot..in its own time.My prayers to your family!

Mary A - posted on 02/22/2010

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I don't think there is a need to go into the "hell" part of the conversation with 9 year old. Especially if you don't want him/her to worry unduly about the destination of the loved one. The younger the child, the more "all or nothing" their understanding of something is.
I am fortunate that I have not had to face this situation yet, but my 7 year old understands that everything eventually dies. We've even talked about the Circle of Life, using Disney's "The Lion King" to illustrate. That movie also shows the father, Mufasa, dying and ascending into the heavens as stars - a metaphor for a heavenly afterlife.

I also love the song "Holes In the Floor of Heaven" as a way of telling a child about death and the ascension of a loved one to heaven.

My condolences on your loss and I wish you and your family all the best.

Shannon - posted on 02/22/2010

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my mom passed away from lung cancer at the age of 50 on mothers day, I was 21 years old and still needed my mother very much. She was my world. I can't imagine what it must be like for a 9 year old. Just try to show him or her all the love you possibly can and pray everyday that the lord will pull her through this tough time and to give this child the understanding that the one who is going to heaven will be alright and if you have faith that with God all things are possible you will all one day be together again. And the loved ones that we lose will always be with us.

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my nine year old has been going to church for years..he understands perfectly. and is actually in belivers baptism this year to be baptised. :) just read to him from the bible, take him to church and awanas.. he'll get it. :)

Robbie - posted on 02/20/2010

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I have a 7 yr old my daughter asked about my mother who passed away in 97 I sat her down and said sweety your nana went to Heaven to be with Jesus and when we goto heaven we will see them again I then told her that her nana was in heaven dancing and singing with all the other angels that seemed to help her and I said when you have Jesus in your heart you goto heaven to be with him and when you dont have him in your heart then you dont go to heaven you go to a ugly place she said mommy I want to goto heaven.

Cindy - posted on 02/18/2010

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I agree I do not think that a 9 yr old has the ability to totally comprend what it happening, but I would be prepared to answer this child's questions as well as you can but making it age appropraite. There will be questions now and even later as tehy grow and mature. I lost my dad 3 years ago and my granddaughte, his first greatgrandchild had a lot of questions and still does, sometimes the same thing she asked a year ago and even 3 years ago and we just answer her the best we can. My granddaughter and my dad were EXTREMELY close as my parents were her day care providers for the first 3 years of her life. Please be honest with them but many times they just want and need a very simple answer. You can also always ask a pastor to help you explain things, they are usually very good at dealing with these issues.

Gail - posted on 02/17/2010

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That is an awful young age.. Really I am not quite sure he or she can really understand at that age. It will take time. When I was 16 my sisters were 15, 14, 12,11 our mother has cancer and to be quite did not understand it. When I was 22 my mother got cancer again at the age of 38 she passed away.. Give him or her all the time that they need. just be patient with him or her and always always be there for them...

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