crazy sister in law and mother in law HELP!

Jessica - posted on 11/17/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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ok so my husbands sister is young (she is only 23) and she has had issues concieving. she lost 5 babies before she finally carried her first baby full term through ivf. she now has 2 kids aged 2 and 3 months. the issue is my husband and i fell with our first child a yr before she managed to concieve and keep the baby successfully. she was very jealous and went about trying to stop us having anything to do with my husbands parents and siblings. my in laws live 400km from us. her and her husband moved to live near them, we were considering doing the same. when she found out about this she went and slapped us with a domestic violence order. she claimed we had been stalking her (from 400km away! ) and got her mother (who doesnt like me) to do up affidavits supporting her claims that her brother physically assulted her. these were all lies but as we missed the 2nd hearing the order was approved and now we have a dvo against our name for the next 2 yrs. she did this so that we could not move near the family and the sadt hing is her family fell for her lies. her kids see their grandparents every other day and our daughter and my kids (i have 3 from precious marriage, however hubby has adopted them!) do not even recieve christmas or birthday cards. this seems so unfair, any suggestions?

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Sarah - posted on 03/29/2011

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Hi Jessica...

I'd have to agree with Diana. It's best to stay away. Speaking from experience things will probably get worse if you tried to have a relationship. It's so much better for you and your family to stay away from the crazy people in your life.

Last year my sister in law and mother in law threw my family away after believing a pile of lies about me. Unfortunately, they live 10 minutes from us, but far enough away we don't bump into each other. My parents live 1,000 miles away, but see my girls as much as possible. The two of them tried so hard to cause problems between my husband and I all year. Probably because my sister in law didn't get her way in court. We have tried so hard to be gracious and kind. It's been hard, but we haven't missed a birthday. I think the hardest day was Christmas when the mother in law decided that she just had to see our girls. UGH!!!

Your kids are better off without contact. It'll be less confusing when something sets off the sister in law and they cut off all contact again. It is unfair, but in the long run it's ok. My girls know my in laws as the ones who give TONS of gifts but don't see them and my parents as the cool grandparents they get to go on road trips to see... In the long run their memories of my parents will be far more rewarding because all the gifts in the world don't take the place of a nice warm hug...

I'm hoping things have calmed down for you and your family. Hang in there and keep smiling...

Sarah

Jessica - posted on 12/30/2010

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thank you so much for your kind response @ Diana Armstrong.
It is nice to know that I was right in thinking we are better off not concentrating on that relationship. i admire how you have handled your situation with such grace and clarity.
thanks for taking the time to help
:)

Diana - posted on 12/30/2010

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Sorry to hear how terrible this person has treated you and your family, especially being that she is your husbands sister! I can empathize with your feelings, but would advise to look at it a different way. You and your kids deserve better! So they don't get a card from these folks - do you really want them to receive one from them knowing it wasn't sent with sincerity? My MIL pretty much said to me via text message "you, my son, and your sons no longer exist in my life" this was very disrespectful and hurtful. Well a week later my youngest son turned 1 and she never bothered to call, send a card, a text, email, etc...anything to wish him a happy birthday well at that point I realized it's okay my sons and I deserve better. If she is willing to just cross us out of her life because I refuse to raise my kids by her standards (every time I don't do things her way I am so wrong for this!) then you know what we don't need this negative person and energy around us. Focus on those that lift you up, not cut you down. Focus on moving on and living a happy drama free life with your spouse and kids. Be happy you don't have to deal with the rude and sarcastic remarks or dirty looks or worse. Look at the brighter side of all of this. What's the point of being sad over folks that don't even care or respect you. Save those emotions for the ones that do care about you. I know it's always easier said than done, I'm living through this though and can tell you it gets easier and you'll find yourself enjoying your family so much more each day knowing all that negative energy is out of your lives.

Keep your head up as life goes one and as mothers we need to be strong and do what is best for ourselves and our little ones. Good luck!

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