Do I run away from them or try to work it out again????

Felecia - posted on 04/15/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Ok so I am 22 years old I have 2 kids one boy almost 5 and a lil girl 17 months they are for sure THE BEST thing in my life... Well I live out of state from my family I have since I was 13 yrs old.. Me and my kids father got together VERY young and are currenty still together.. It had never been a issue living so far from my family and only having his family UNTILL I got pregnant with my daughter, I was sick every day and had a VERY hard time dealing with it and my poor son who also was with me through it, I would BEG his family for help and they just didnt.. Well my daughter was born and it just never ended I breastfed her up to a month ago but the first 8 months of her life she just simply CRIED NON STOP I thought I would lose my freaking mind lol Once again I DEMANDED their help IT WAS A BIG FIGHT, I was actually told I was not the only person in the world that had a baby that cried... I just wanted them to like come over let me shower with out her in her bouncer right out side the shower door SCREAMING.... Or to take my son to the park or some thing to get him away from the stress.. My kids father/ my boyfriend works nights 50-80 hours a week at a VERY hard job so he is not much help.. The fight started a WHOLE new problem they wanted me to try more coming out to their places out to eat and so on... well My kids cant not go to their home for sanitary issues and at that time we only had one car and he took it to work I was COMPLETEY STUCK so we all agreed at that time that I would try more and they would try more OR I was moving back to Ohio where my family is!!!!!

Well Almost a YEAR later it seems WORSE I have got a good car now and I go to all their family events they have and they MAYBE come out here once a month and well they havent been out to my house in over a month now cuz I have been going there sooo much (mind you its only a 30 minute trip) They recently just had another grandchild from their daughter which they see least every other day... I was very included in her pregnancy and labor I went to baby shower, was actually in the room holding a leg lol It was sooooo amazing I was blessed to be there... I actually havent even talked to them on the phone since easter.. But I have tried every thing I can do I called, went places, spent lots of money, I have tried EVERY way I could think of and nothing seems to be changing.. I only have few friends here since I have had my kids they seemed to have gone and like I said I have no family here.. My main issue is not for my self but for my kids I want them like any other mom would to have every thing in the world and one thing they dont have is a FAMILY... They pretty much just have me and their father when he is not working.... I am soo not happy my kids should have a FAMILY..... Back in ohio I have 17 nieces and nephews and 4 sisters .... I come from a big family I want my kids to have some kind of family... I need other mothers to give me a inside on what they think... I will be going on vacation to Ohio the end of June and I have to make my choice on either to look for a place to live there and take a chance their for my kids or be stuck here!!!!! SORRY SO LONG AND THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR READING PLEASE GIVE ADVICE I FEEL SOOOO LOST.. I do love his family but its turning into a love hate kinda thing :( Thanks again God bless xooxox

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3 Comments

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Michaela - posted on 07/06/2010

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Always follow your instinct. some people just aren't worth the stress and hassel

Tanya - posted on 04/26/2010

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What is your gut feeling about the situation? Are you willing to follow through with your finally decision? Correct me here but it sounds like you're lonely too? Raising children isn't an easy task and I admire your strength to ask for extra help. Do you have a trusted friend who would take one or both children while you take time for yourself? Have you ever wrote a pro's and con's list about your current situation? You have the power to change any situation for the better...even at 22 yrs old. :)

Sara - posted on 04/19/2010

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It sounds like they are just not giving you the support you are looking for and need. It also sounds like they are probably not capable of doing the things and giving you the support that you want. I had the same sorts of issues with my inlaws. My family lives right here and so do my inlaws, but my family is not very active in helping out. So, after I could not get the support and kindness out of my inlaws that I wanted, and after my husband and I fought a bunch, and he started working out of town, so I was alone with the kids, I made a change. I decided that I would find my own support. So I found a few friends on face book that I can chat back and forth with and a little group of friends to do things with when I am lonely and have started feeling a lot better. Plus, I do not even care anymore that my horrible inlaws cannot provide anything that my kids and I need. So I say, make your own family there, family is not always blood. Dont get discouraged if you do not find great people right off, just keep approaching people and soon enough you will find a handful to talk with and hang around. Plus, you do not know what it will be like around your family, you have not lived near them for so long, and it does not sound like you are ready to give up on your relationship yet.

It was amazing to me how much better my marriage got after I started doing things to make myself happy! I started to notice I was living my life for him and my kids, instead of living it for myself. I feel so much better now and I think I am a much better mother and wife for allowing myself to be a little selfish and do things for me, that make me happy!

Sorry, I tend to be long winded, Warmest wishes,
Sara

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