Michaela - posted on 07/13/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )
My MIL loved me, until her son proposed. Since tehn it has been quite the rollercoaster ride. Our wedding turned out to be a disaster. She is the type of person that everything has to be about her no matter what. Starting with our engagement. She helped my husband with a downpayment on the ring. Nothing substancial since he wanted to do it on his own. So she decides that I should know that she helped. After weeks of having to hear about it everytime we saw her I finally asked my husband to be what she paid towards my ring and wrot eher a check in her kitchen and told her I never want to hear anything about it again, that I found it sad that she couldn't let her sons proposal to me be about us and she had to sqeeze her way in and make it about how wonderful she is. Then at my shower she was making a scene and said something in front of my grandmother that provoked my grandma to come up to me at the end of the day and say "don't worry honey, she will learn to love you again one day". The rehersal dinner started off fine, until she had a few drinks and decided she found it copletely absurd that her friends from work she invited (that we do not know) had to pay for drinks. We calmly explained to her that we were trying to be kind by giving each parent a guest list of 10 people. That the open bar tickets were only for immediate family and the bridal party, That cousins of mine I grew up with were paying for their drinks. Somehow she managed to convince my husband to not only get them drink tickets...but we wound paying the $120 for them! (My FIL, they are divorced, actually gave us the money after the wedding when he found out she never paid for them) At the reception several things took place, in sum she offended and ruined the evening of my parents and grandparents. So then that takes us to the after party the next day. She made my step sister cry twice and got SO out of line my husband actually asked her to leave. She was horribly offended and couldn't believe that we asked HER to leave!! About 6 months later I get my wedding album, and she wants to borrow it to show the people from work that she wanted to invite, but we wouldn't let her. I said no, accidents happen and I didn't want it to be an issue, there is a website with every photo taken that night that she can show them. This of course was not good enough and my husband caved and let her take it. I get it back, a week late, with a hole thru my head in the cover of it. Mind you we went all out on our album. I spent $450 on it and we got a great deal on it. It has been over a year and she still hasn't replaced it because "I don't want to spend that kind of money on an album full of pictures I don't want" So I kindly explained to her this was NOT about her getting her own album, this was about her replacing the one she broke and if she wants the damaged one she can have it. There is still a hole thru my head =( Over the past year since then, she guilts my husband ALL THE TIME says we don't spend enough time with her, and she has nothing good in her life except us. She tells him all the time that she has nothing to live for and is looking up online how many pills it will take to OD. She says this to her only son!! So we started talking about how to handle her in the event of having children, since at the time we were trying. I hav eto explain to her that unless she gets help for her drinking and depression I am not going to be comfortable with her babysitting......she plans on having her own nursery in her house for our child. Then we found out I am pregnant......so we set up "Grandparent Ground Rules" Soley based on his Mom. All parents understand why we had to do it and are okay with it....she on the other hand is furious. She is incredibly push y and overbearing and my husband writes everything she does off as "drunk and crazy" and that I need to get over it. She asks me in front of people about coming to my OB appointments, being n the delivery room, and has been ASKING us for over a year now to name our daughter after her (mind you, we hadn't even strated trying when she started asking). We kept telling her no, she kept brining it up. So I finally reminded her that I have a mother too, that I love deeply and see every week. This started a whole new mess of problems. She gets mad that I go to my Grandmas every saturday to see my Mom and Grandma (my husband stays home) that we should make time to see her every week too. She is upset that I refuse to name my child after her stating my Mom has two other kids to honor HER. My brother has no intention of getting married or having kids (he's 31) and my sister has pschysofrenia and CAN'T have kids. I reminded her of this and she still asks. She wants to furnish our nursery and I said thank you, but we are fine. Her motivation to do this is to get her foot in the door and guilt my husband into letting her over all the time. We tried an intervention last night over the drinking (the suicide comments are strictly for attention, which really makes me sick to my stomach, I have been there and find it disgusting she is willing to take something so serious so lightly for attention purposes) she basically told everyone to mind their own business and worry about tehir own lives. Everyone in her life at this point is done. The people taht showed up last night did so as a last ditched effort. My husband and I are the only two left in her life and I am terrified of how much things will get worse once the baby arrives if we don't take care of this now. PLEASE HELP ME!