Please introduce yourself...
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Brook - posted on 08/30/2010
My name is Brook. I am married to the most wonderful man, but often wonder how he is so good considering the family he came from. We have been together for 8 years, married for 7. I have a 12 year old boy from a previous relationship and we have a 6 year old boy together.
My MIL is like so many others I have read about on here. She is nice when there's an audience, but not so much any other time unless she wants something. She never takes into consideration that I have family, too. My inlaws live about 20 minutes away, definitely way too close. My parents live 3 minutes away. She assumes that since we live closer to them, that we are always over there or they are always at our house. My husband and I both work and both kids are involved in various activities. To say the least, we are very busy. My parents have their own lives and very rarely are we at each other's house.
She constantly looks for things to get her feelings hurt about but she certainly doesn't worry about hurting mine. I am a pretty strong-willed person which she is not used to. Guilt trips DO NOT work on me, in fact they typically have the opposite effect. My FIL generally doesn't see that she does any wrong, but thankfully my husband does. One of her favorite things to do is post junk on Facebook about how someone, usually me, has hurt her feelings. She is no longer my friend on facebook nor anyone else in his immediate family. But when my husband says anything about stuff she posts, she didn't mean it or it was an accident (like adding his ex-wife as her friend).
I have decided that if after 8 years we are still fighting the same battles, things will never get better. I am choosing to have very little or no contact with them at all from this point forward. I will no longer worry about pleasing people who don't want to be happy, who always have to have drama in their lives and just look for some excuse to be upset about something.
I am very fortunate that my husband stands behind me and my decision 100%. Of course he would like everyone to get along, but he realized a long time ago that would never happen as long as they continue to be the way they are.
Tanya - posted on 02/22/2009
As you know, I’m Tanya and I began this specific group for ladies who need an outlet regarding in law issues (some may need to express issues with their own family…that’s ok). You’re welcome to post comments, stories, jokes, articles, related links and videos and photographs within this group.
Who am I?
I’m a married, outgoing woman with a busy 3 yrs old daughter who keeps me hopping. What child doesn’t?? LOL
Currently, we live in a rural lake community not far from the city. The lifestyle suits us very well. My outlaws live about 2 hours away from us…thank goodness. However, they did purchase a cabin within the lake community last fall and they’ll be visiting more often. Someone just shot me!
Both my parents have passed away and most of my siblings are scattered through Canada. Developing trusted childcare bonds with close friends has been my salvation.
My husband travels for work for two weeks to several months on end so the responsibility of raising our child falls more towards me. Not often does he have days off but when his home, he’s an interactive dad.
I’m very happy with my husband and our little family but I have NO interest in bonding with my mil. For the ten years, we were close but after my daughter was born…hell broke loose. My mom was very ill at the time and my life was torn between new motherhood and losing my own mother. What my mil said and did during that horrible time in my life is unforgivable! I will detail some of my adventures at a later time.
The last few months have been better with the in laws because I stepped forward to create a healthier environment for myself, my daughter and my husband. However, the in laws know not to cross me and with my husband’s support…my backbone is solid.
Ladies, it’s your turn to tell about yourselves! Remember, you can be yourselves within this group and I encourage you all to interact with each other. Welcome welcome!!
Kelly - posted on 03/05/2016
I am getting married to my fiance at the end of this year. He was married for 2 years and with his ex for 8 years. They have two children. I met my fiance when he had been separated from his wife for 3 months. When we met, I told him that his relationship ending was still pretty recent, and that I would feel more comfortable waiting until all of their friends and family knew they were actually separated. Which I did. I kept my distance and kept my communication to a minimum.
The ex-wife at the time got my phone number and her and her friends and family texted/called/ stalked my facebook, instagram, linkedin etc for months. This was before I could block phone numbers on iphones. It was unrelenting. Adding to this, I had not event so much as held this mans hand. We had only met. I lived 1000km away from him. I was threatened with 'karma', she told all of our mutual friends that we had slept together the night we met (not true) and that I had texted her directly saying 'your husband never loved you, he is with me now' (again never happened).
Fast forward a year and he was legally divorced. We then started dating. 6 months after that he moved to where I lived and his ex and kids moved back to where their families were. Fast forward another 2 years and a bit and we are engaged, due to be married this year. The two children are in our lives, all of my friends and family have accepted him, although they held their concerns, they did so in a respectful manner.
The only problem is that when they first split, the ex told everybody it was because of me. And my fiance, being a little bit arrogant in thinking his friends and family would not believe her, never changed her story. Until the end of last year when his family told him it was hard for them to get on board with the woman who 'ruined his marriage'. He used to say that his family and friends were just talking to her so the kids wouldnt be forgotten ( a weak excuse). With his fb - every member of his family is fb friends with every member of her family. Even if they have not met. Relatives overseas of his which he has never met, actually wrote messages of support on her fb about the 'home wrecker' who had broken the marriage (me).
Even though he has cleared it up now, and they claim to believe him - they will not warm to me. I did not end their marriage, I did not have an affair with him, I played no part. Yet his side will not accept me. I don't expect them to roll out the red carpet, but I am polite, understanding, I am good to the children and have genuine feelings for them. I am accepting of a man who has already been married and had children and in many ways my needs and wants must be considered after the children (fair enough) and the ex wife (which does not seem as fair).
I find his sister to be the worst. She does everything in her power to set me up, start debates, consistently bring up the ex and basically make it very clear that the ex is the sister/daughter in law, and that I am just the idiot playing house with him. I once made a comment about how I didnt think a music festival was the right place for children - and she chewed me out for half an hour about what kind of idiot hates children and if they do hate children - why is she with a guy who has kids. I am talking a full on attack. He did not intervene. He later said my comments were kind of stupid and how did I think his sister would react (I just kept thinking about tiny children at Big Day Out and how wrong that would be - I was not talking about a wiggles concert). He promised me that he wouldnt ever let her attack me like that again, in the same breath as telling me I brought it on myself.
But recently we spent a week with his family and it went so well. Everyone was so nice and I started to feel accepted. But on our last day his sister (the nasty one) asked him about our plans post-marriage. He mentioned children and she basically dumped all over our plans and turned to me and said "a bit selfish dont you think? my brother already has children. he should travel instead". Since that conversation - we are crumbling. He resents me. He is being nasty to me. He is insinuating I am using him for marriage and babies.
I dont want to feel like ive been tricked here. He proposed, we have paid deposits for our wedding plans. He legally got divorced. But lately I have been getting a lot of roadblocks. Whilst we have always spoken of having children, now he says he wants to wait 5 or so years, so he can travel. The other day he accused me of stopping his dreams of traveling in 'making' him get married and 'using' him for children. I was a big traveler before we met - he had never traveled and he even told me it wasnt high on his list. But since his sister made those comments - now he is talking as though its the only thing he wants to do.
When he argues like this with me, it doesnt feel like he is speaking to me. I know that he and the ex fell pregnant after only a couple of months and that as much as he loves his children, he resents her for how it played out. But we met and I made it really clear that I wanted to have children in my early 30's, we have always spoke fondly about it. He contributes to it as much as me! Future plants, schools, how many, children names, how much his children will love little siblings etc. He has spoken about our wedding and future children to his family. So I know he isnt just telling me one thing and them another.
I have worked full time since I was 14, I have almost finished my degree (I study part time), I bring as much money into the relationship, if not more than him. I am independent. I am good to his children etc. Why am I being punished?
What if he is just waiting for us to get married before he turns around and says he doesnt want more children at all. I am so lost. I am so anxious and depressed. I feel like I have gone through and accepted so much to be with him and I love him so much but now I feel like Im living with a stranger.
The in-law's consider her their daughter / sister in-law. They do not talk to me like I am accepted. His sister is the nastiest grown woman I have ever come across. Now my partner seems to be side-eyeing me. I feel like im being persecuted for things that the ex-did. I don't know what to do. His ex recently posted something on fb (we have a mutual friend) about karma and how the rebound always gets karma - and of the 12 people who liked it - 10 of them were his family members. I tried bringing it up with him as it isnt the first time it has happened and he told me i was obsessed with his ex and to get over it.
Has anyone else managed to get through being the second - in - line? How do you overcome being made to feel like you ruined someone's marriage? Do you manage even though you know they will never respect you?
Sophia - posted on 01/30/2013
My name is Sophia and I too can relate to some of the stories in this site. My issue however is more with my husband's brother's wife my SIL. She's one of those passive aggressive, opportunistic, self absorbed, manipulative people who wants to have everything you have but better. And if you call her out on it, she conveniently doesn't understand what the issue is. What's worse is, she is now using her kids to her advantage. In the meantime, the rest of the family just gets played including my BIL, my MIL and FIL and at times my husband.
I'm usually one step ahead of her but I wish I was a whole country away from her.
I look forward to your stories and opinions and helping out.
Carrie - posted on 10/09/2012
My name is Carrie and I am glad to be a part of this community. I just really need people's thoughts on some stuff I've been going through. I would also like to communicate with other Moms here. I'm a teacher but had to quit my job for my 2nd daughter.
Hope to be a productive member of this group!
Jade - posted on 08/28/2012
Hi, My name is Jade, I am new to this group and I am hoping to find some help with my in-laws, I don't have anything wrong with my FIL, and sad to say I love my MIL, but she passed away 7years ago, BUT now my brother-in-law... WOW where do I start, he is a stay at home daddy who thinks his sh*t doesn't stink, tell my sister lies about my whole family, and 100000000% hates me, so he got her to disown me, now maybe just my sister it would bug me, but not as bad as my nieces and nephew that are not even his kids, I have been with them all there life, until about 4years ago when he came along, now my whole family is taken apart. He lies about everything, blames me for anything that happens to go wrong in his life to make my sister hate me more, and it works he has her sooo brain washed it is not even funny. I have tried everything down to saying I was sorry for stuff I had nothing 100% to do with, but nothing I do ever makes them happy, they even tried to take me to court claiming I was stalking them, NO I WAS NOT AT ALLLLLL, The judge laughed at them, then it was I paid the judge and then that my lawyer was sleeping with the judge, really they had nothing on me and still have nothing, but lies after lies, now I have left them alone and miss my nieces and nephew sooooo much, it kills me inside to see this. My dad who is my sisters also, asked my sister what will it take for you two to talk (meaning me and my sister) me to die, she hung up the phone on him.. to me her and my brother in law are sick
Jill - posted on 08/13/2012
My name is Jill, I have been married for 13 years. I have a 11 year old son and wonderful husband. My MIL and FIL used to be nice to me years ago....until we got married. Things went downhill from there. My husband and I got engaged, married, and had our son within about a year an a half....all good things right? My MIL's response? "Wow, I'm just waiting for the axe to fall"....and so it went on from there.
Bebe - posted on 07/23/2012
Hi. I'm Bebe. Kind of like Madonna or Cher, but with less talent and moolah. I am the proud mom of two--a girl and a boy. And, I have in-laws issues. They started pretty much from the time I met my in-laws, in retrospect. My MIL has consistently worked to undermine me, make a fool of me, and slight me whenever she possibly can. And, she is one of these women who almost constantly speaks in a fake, sicky-sweet, nearly falsetto voice; so, she figures that she can hurl insults and as long as she says them in that sugary voice, then she can't be called on it. Worse yet, my FIL is a minister and the two of them have VERY high opinions of themselves. (To quote the late Patrick Swayze, "Opinions vary.") Even when they are wrong, they are never wrong in their own eyes.
I'm no angel. I'm not the best wife, mother, daughter, sister, or DIL in the world, but... I am a kind, helpful, responsible, dedicated, loving, fun person who puts family first and just wants us all to get along, for the sake of my hubby and our kids.
I am looking forward to sharing in some venting. Type at you soon! :-)
Corinne - posted on 02/26/2012
Hi, I'm Corinne. I'm a SAHM to two beautiful kids, they're 3 & 5 yrs old. I've been with my fella for 7 yrs now, married for nearly 2 of those. Like a lot of you, I have gone out of my way to be nice to my in-laws and received nothing but abuse for it. For 6 (ish) years (since I got pregnant) I've endured nasty put-downs, barbed comments, little digs, you all know what I mean and had finally had enough. Almost exactly a year ago, my M.I.L started badgering my husband with texts saying nasty things about me and telling lies about things I'd said to various family members. Keeping this from me, my husband investigated and found his mother to be a liar. When confronted with the truth, she told him that he was manipulative and nasty and she never wanted anything to do with us again. Needless to say, we are now holding her to that and dealing with the fallout that comes with it. If I get another pity party letter off another family member I'm going to do serious damage!
Tara - posted on 02/25/2012
Hi, My name is Tara and I currently live with my fiance and daughter (2yr) and the MIL. We live with HER, due to my fiances job transfer and needless to say....I am already loosing hair and going..well, crazy. I thought to join this group to see other peoples aspects on living with the MIL, as my fiance just doesn't understand what I go through on a daily basis because he is at work.....:( Well hello all!
I am Anjelica, 19 and married to a 26 year old kid! (but there's probably another group for that issue)
I have a lovely almost 5month old daughter and the three of us live with my husband's parents, due to financial difficulties.
Sometimes I just need to vent about my mother-in-law, she can be so overbearing, and tries to do things HER way with our daughter... I wonder if she knows that just because we live with her doesn't mean she has any say in how we do things with our DD.
Can't WAIT to get our own place!!
Cindy - posted on 11/17/2010
I am sorry to hear all the problems you are having with your inlaws! When I read your post it was like you were describing by inlaws to a T! I can absolutely relate and understand you wanting nothing to do with them. I feel the exact same way. My inlaws too constantly look for things to be upset about and start fights over! There is absoultely no pleasing them! I totally relate!
Cindy - posted on 11/17/2010
Hi! My name is Cindy and I cannot tell you how helpful it is to know there are women out there going through the same problems with their crazy in laws!! My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for seven and have two beautiful children. We couldn't be happier together, that is until the inlaws come into the picture. I have never had a problem getting along with anyone in my life until I met HER! She is the most cruel, abusive, controlling, self centered, mentally unstable woman I have ever met!! I have always bent over backwards to please her and make her like me but nothing was ever good enough! There are so many truly unbelievable stories that I could seriously write a book. I have bent over backward to be perfect and make everyone like me and it really bothers me the way I am always treated. I grew up in a loving home and this was very new to me.
Soooo many instances come to mind but the one that sticks out the most is, 18 months ago when our premature daughter was rushed to Childrens Memorial in Chicago for emergency surgery to have her lung removed. She was later was diagnosed with lung disease and at the time they didnt know if she would survive. When I called to explain the severity of the situation to my MIL and ask if she could help by watching our then 3 year old son on short notice, she was irritated and said no because she had dentist appt to get her teeth cleaned!!!!! She not once called, came over or checked on her when we came home from the hospital or the months that followed. I tried contacting them several times and months later my husband and I came over to ask what the problem was and she said she was upset because I didnt offer for her to hold our daughter, at a family function, the week prior to her surgery when I made a sandwich!!! And because she had been having trouble with her foot and I didn't call to ask about it!! Hello I have been taking care of an critically ill infant going through the hardest time of my life!! Not to mention my husband was away with work and I was alone! Our daughter is now doing amazingly well an we are so blessed for that!! My MIL continuously bad mouths me to my husband and has told so many lies to turn my brother in law against me its unbelievable!! His father and brother are another story and I have so many issues with them as well, it gets overwhelming. I have always been a great wife, mother and daughter in law. As of now we have not spoken in the last six months and I am so glad there is a group out there to vent my frustrations to!!
Brook - posted on 09/28/2010
Ok, so my husband begged me to have a face-to-face conversation with his parents, which I was completely against, but conceded to for my husband's sake. We scheduled it so that it would be only the 4 of us present, against his sister's wishes, of course. Prior to this "meeting", he assured me this would be the last time I would have to do this. You see, we have been through these discussions before, they want to know what bothers me, I tell them, they say they'll change, they never do... It's just a vicious cycle and, quite frankly, I am tired of it. When he called his parents, he made it clear that this meeting would be about him and what he wanted ONLY, not what had hurt their feelings or my feelings. Just simply he wants everyone to get along and there wasn't going to be any finger pointing, etc. They agreed. However, once we got there, that is NOT how things went. His mom, my MIL, let him speak for about 3 minutes before chiming in. Before it was over, it was all about her and how her feelings were hurt, blah blah blah. She kept badgering me, wanting to know why I don't want to be around her, why I don't like her. I told her one reason is because everything has to be her way all the time, no matter what. She disagreed and asked for an example.
I chose my husband's last birthday and explained what I meant. His birthday falls near, if not on, Mother's Day. She asked in advance where HE would like to go out to eat the previous Saturday. He chose a place and then she said, oh, wouldn't you rather go to this other place. She and his father kept on until he caved and said fine, we'll go to the place ya'll want to take me to. We go, the meal is fine. On the way home, she sent him a text complaining about the food. Apparently, she had never been there either and was wanting to try something new, nevermind this was for his birthday. The only response she had to what I told her was that she couldn't help it that his birthday was close to Mother's Day, even though this meal had nothing at all to do with Mother's Day. She had her own thing on Mother's Day that was solely for her, as it should be.
Anyway, like I knew it would, it turned into a huge disaster. I got up and left during part of the conversation. I finally agreed to go back in and finish. In the end, everyone agreed to let bygones be bygones, forgive & forget, all that good stuff. I am totally fine with that if it can truly be that way and if they can go forward from that day knowing that I all I want from them is for them to be nice and consider other's feelings instead of just their own.
However, I really feel before long we will be right back at the beginning and I refuse to discuss this mess with them any more. I have told my husband that when that time comes, he will have to make a choice between me and them. Is this wrong of me?
Kasey - posted on 09/21/2010
I'm Kasey, 22 a wife and mother of a beautiful 14month old little girl. My relationship with my inlaws has improved its just my husbands grandmother in law that drives me crazy!!! She tried to take my baby home from the hospital the day after she was born. This is a great outlet for me because i guess some can relate
Heidi - posted on 09/15/2010
Oh my goodness, finally! It's like this group was made in heaven or something! My name is Heidi, I'm 26, I have been with my wonderful boyfriend Joey for the last 3 years. I have 2 pretty girls from my idiot ex husband, they are 6 and 4.
I don't know where to begin with the issues, my my MIL is absolutly nuts! And then there is the 2 SIL and 1 BIL. Since Joey is much older than all of them, they are not used to having to share him with someone else. To make it worse, they all live like 2 blocks away. No matter what I do, I can't get away from them. I can see many future postings about their antics.
Alycia - posted on 08/13/2010
Hey there, my name is Alycia and I've been with my man for 4 1/2 years. We are planning on getting married next September and have a gorgeous daughter together and I love our little family. Unfortunately, his mother drives me insane! We moved out of state last September so that I can finish my Bachelor's degree and since then things have gone downhill. I've always loved spending time with his family but his mom is really headstrong and controlling and his dad is extremely passive. This didn't really come about until after our daughter was born and we moved. She is so possessive with our child whenever we are in town and have our two families together. She cannot just let her be - thankfully my best friend's daughter who is 5 tells her to back off! LOL "Leave her alone. She's fine! Let her walk!"
When we first moved away we lived with my brother-in-law for a couple months until we could find a house. His parents came to town once and didn't even call before showing up and I was all alone at the house. They woke up my daughter and then proceeded to completely ignore me when I was instructing them on how to feed her - she had an immature sphincter muscle at the end of her esophagus and would spit up all her food if not kept calm - and NOT to burp her on her stomach, etc. A complete disregard for my instructions - I am the mother!
She has also made comments about how she likes to pick on me and give me a hard time. Really? It makes me not want to be around her and I hate staying with her when we come to town to visit. Thank goodness we don't live nearby or she would be over everyday! I just wish my man could grow a pair and tell his mom to back off and listen to me when I tell him how I'm feeling. He thinks I overreact to things she says/does, but I'm pretty sure that if he was in my position he was feel the same way.
Christine - posted on 07/29/2010
My name is Christine and I am 22, and engaged to be married this October. My FH is 24 and has a 5 year old son from a previous marriage whose BM is not in the picture. He calls me 'Mom' and I call him my son. (I have been a part of his life since he was 9 months, and we are super close.) All in all, things are good... Except for the dreaded (future) mother in law. I guess that's why FMIL and FML are so similar, huh? She just doesn't understand that our son is her GRANDson, and that WE are the parents, not her! Yuck!
Jen - posted on 05/18/2010
My name is Jen and I have been married for 3 years this june. We have a 2 y/o daughter and another daughter on her way due the day before our wedding anniversary in June.
I am so thankful I found this group because I have a horrid "monster-in law" whom I have to move in with in the next 3 weeks. SO i found you all just in time....im really scared about how this is going to go. I posted a converstaion just now about what I have been thru and asking for advice if you come across it.
Im glad to know theres a support group for this kinda of crazy-ness
Jenna - posted on 05/11/2010
Hello, my name is Jenna. I am currently married to my wonderful husband and have 1 son, Leon, who is 16 months and we are currently expecting another son in less than 4 months.
My MIL isn't always crazy. She has been known to be nice and caring, but it is normally to her benefit.
She tends to be controlling, overbearing, emotionally insecure, shallow, superficial, airheaded, and overall just a pain in my rear.
I thought our relationship had its ups and downs, but when I had my son, everything changed for the worse. Shortly after having my son (her 5th grandchild!), my mother was diagnosed with cancer. This was my mother's only grandchild. Her very treatable cancer turned into a Stage 4 Rapid Spreading Cancer within months. My mother died a week before my son turned 4 months old.
The things my MIL did and said up to the death and after the death of my mother have completely hindered our relationship. I try my best and when it seems like we are getting along and making progress my MIL makes it clear the she is now my "mom". And I can't deal with this. She makes it her priority to snoop and pry and the more I shut her out the worse it gets.
My husband is my rock and is united with me. I just hate havign to burden him with all of my venting. My Mom was my best friend and not a day goes by that I miss her voice and I miss the way she sacrificed everything for my husband and my son.
Emily - posted on 12/05/2009
Hey everyone! My name is Emily...I am 24 and have a 10 month old daughter. I have been with my boyfriend for six years and I can honestly say that his parents are the reason he is not my husband! There have been problems here and there but did not get unbearable until I got pregnant. It's finally gotten to the point to where his mother understands that I AM MY DAUGHTER'S MOTHER and she has no say in what goes on (at least I think she understands). She likes to pull the "I don't remember you saying that" or "What's wrong with my idea?" card whenever she wants it her way. She just wants to have fun with my daughter! What's wrong with skipping the car seat every once in a while? She came up with that one when she was about five months old!
I would say the worst part about it is that my boyfriend thinks it is all in innocent fun and I am the crazy one. He figures that if she raised two kids then she knows what she is doing. At the same time I feel like he thinks he owes his parents for all they have done for him his whole life. How else can one justify that it is okay for your father to make sexual comments to your girlfriend right in front of you? And it is not just his Dad that is allowed to say whatever he wants. His mom will say things and I am the one who gets in trouble for getting upset. It felt good just to get that out! It's good to know there are people that understand!
Stacy - posted on 08/08/2009
hi all, im stacy. i have been with my fiance for 5 1/2 years, we have a beautiful 3 year old son. i am so grateful to have them in my life. the problem, my mil...ugh lately she has been keeping to herself, but i know its just a matter of time before she starts to try and run our lives again. i swear if there was a way to just get rid of her n her other son id be THE happiest person ever. she always has to be #1, she gets mad/upset b/c hubby n fil get along great, they are like the best of friends, and just isnt that close to him, although she is that close with bil, but thats not enough. i absolutely LOVE my fil to death, but like i said, i can do without mil n bil and be THE HAPPIEST WOMAN EVER!!! well thats my deal in a nutshell lol lookin forward to talking with u ladies.
Kita - posted on 07/19/2009
Hello everyone. I'm new to this community, but desperately need it! I am 30 years old and my husband and I have been married for 5. We have a 4 and almost 2 year old--both boys. AND when we bought our house 3 years ago, both my MIL and FIL moved in with us. I work full time and they are our daycare which is nice, except for the fact that they try to act like my kids' mom and dad...that has got to be my biggest issue with them. I LOVE being a mom and feel deprived of all the privileges that come with being a mom because my MIL tries to fill that role because she refuses to give up control over my kids and my husband. I can go on and on and on...but will stop here and try to jump on other posts...THANK YOU!
Stephanie - posted on 06/17/2009
Hello Everyone! My name is Stephanie, and I have a beautiful baby boy Alex. He's the first grandchild for both mine and my husbands parents; so I'm in Hell! I was 16 when I met my husband, true High School sweethearts from the start. We found out we were pregnant last May, and all hell seemed to break lose then. My husband has a very large very close extended family. They do EVERYTHING together. Which would be kinda cool if they weren't so mean to the "outsiders" like myself and my husbands cousins wife, whom we were very close to. We ended up getting married that following July, to which I did everything wrong b/c they wanted a big wedding with his whole extended family there and I didn't so I'm apparently public enemy #1 now. Then I wanted to just have the parents at the hospital and apparently that was also ignored. It's all about her and her feelings and she uses that to her advantage. She only has an 8th grade education and everyone feels that when she misbehaves their excuse is "she just doesn't know any better" or "just ignore it, she won't understand"...she's not dumb, she's brilliant b/c she has the whole playing stupid bit down to a science! My husband just recently noticed her behavior the other week...and its been going on for years. The baby was sick about three weeks ago and it was our cousin's son's 2nd bday, so we decided to just drop by. And as always the first thing she wants to do is just rip him out of either mine or my husbands arms. My husband had him and said,"no, not right now he hasn't been feeling good." Not in a mean way, just stated that and she said"so I can't hold him" in a smart-ass'd tone to which my husband just ignored, so she decides to run and lock herself in the bathroom crying. While my BIL precedes to tell my husband "You are so fucking stupid michael, I fucking hate you" so we left and I haven't seen the extended family since. They started deleting me from their facebooks this past week. All they do is push my husband and I and Alex away from all of them. Now we can't go to any of their family events for a long time. It's so good to talk to someone about all of this!
Bridgette - posted on 06/15/2009
My name is Bridgette and I have been married for 12 yrs,my husband has a twin brother and an older brother they both have 1 child each and my mil will do what ever she can for them and there kids and she act like we are not alive,witch would be fine with me but it really hurts my husband and kids the oldest kids want to know why she ALLWAYS has joey and never gets them. She now says it my falt for the way I act,but I only act the way I do because of the way they have made my kids fill. I can not tell you how much she has HURT them and her son, they only time we hear from them is if they need money. I have talk to her and tried my best to make them see,but she just does it again. She got them last summer fot the first time in years and when they came home they told me all the bad things she,my husbands brother and sister-in-law had said about me, so I told her she would never get them again(NOT THAT SHE EVER WOULD HAVE WANTED TO!!) and now shw tells everyone I want let her see her grandkids.. I just want to pull my hair out!!! I don't know what to do anymore,I just want them to leave me and my family alone at this point, but every time I turn around I am told she is talking about me and It drives me crazy!! There is so much more she has done to me,but i would be hear all day if I even tried to go into it all. Im a good mom who LOVES my children and I take care of them,but she would have everyone think im a #ITCH and Im not. I get along great with people i have great friends and great family,but with these people I just do not know what else to do. Any help would be great and thanks for letting mr vent..:)
It has made me feel better to see that there are plenty of us out there dealing with MILs who drive us UP THE WALL!!
I have been married 3 years to a great guy and have a beautiful 19-month-old daughter and a second baby due in July. I moved about 4 hours north of my own family when we got married, but we are unfortunately only about 35 minutes from his family.
We are the first of her children to have children and move AWAY from the little town they live in, so I feel we are also the ones who have to pave a way though the garbage and fight for any respect as our own family and not as an extension of her immediate family.
I often compare my MIL to the "Godfather" as she thinks she weilds supreme power and control over all her children. AND THEY ALL BEND OVER BACKWARDS TO DO WHAT 'MOMMA' WANTS!! I am working hard to cut those apron strings. I can totally appreciate being respectful and appreciative of all your mother did for you, but at some point, you just have to tell her NO.
But my problem with her extends not only to what she does to drive ME crazy, but how nasty she can be to her other children as well. Not to mention my poor FIL....
Anyway, I look forward to reading more of your posts and adding my own as time goes on. Good luck! Stay strong!!
Angela - posted on 05/06/2009
Oh my god! I only read a few, and I already can sympathize so much! My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years. So technically they are not my in laws. We have a beautiful little girl who will be 4 in June.
First of all, I have no mother in my life (she is addicted to crack, and prostituting herself, it's been like that most of my life). The closest thing i have to a mom was my grandma (recently died) who had altziemers right when i got pregnant. My Mil is knew all of this, took advantage, and is the reason why the words manipulating cunt was invented. After months of overriding my authority as my child's mother, manipulating my boyfriend into thinking everything was his fault ( he was his parents verbal and physical punching bag growing up) and even going so far as to call my daugher "her baby" and refer to herself as my child's mother she finally went too far. Her and her psycho tantrum throwing loser of a husband actually tried to KIDNAP my baby! In the process her husband attacked my boyfriend.
Then, they tried to get a lawyer to take my child from me, only to find they no longer have grandparent's rights!! (Ha Ha!)
tHEN,to make matters worse they lied to his entire extended family (who are actually really awesome, and i have no idea how they could be related to these losers). Luckily, they are mature, and stayed out of it. Now, WE cannot go to family holidays, because his parents always plan on going, but never show up. Once since the fight they canceled, so we went, now they always "plan" on going, but don't. They cry to them, playing the victom, saying how much they miss "their baby", the whole time, trying to alientate her from everyone else in hopes to force us back into thier lives. i could understand if we were bad parents (like the ones we had), but our daughter is our whole world. and instead of breaking us up and taking or daughter, they only managed to give us more to bond over as a family. and insured their chance to never see my baby again! They talk so bad about us, but his mom is a neonatal nurse who supports her husband in abusing prescription meds, and makes sure he always has his weed, or he will blow up at everyone like a child. He stomps around screaming cause his wife supports him, and its the only way he can feel like a man. Can u tell how much i hate these people?!! We haven't talked to them in 3 years, and they will never see my daughter again, no matter how much they play victom!!
Wendy - posted on 04/28/2009
Thank you so much.And we have talked about him adopting after we are married,I just don't know what kind of a fight we would have from her sperm donor.Ty it helps,I guess it's just hard sometimes.Not to mention confusing.i have the problems from my parents that No one should have ty
Sara - posted on 04/28/2009
Wow, that is terrible! Of course this relationship can work, especially if he is different then guy number 1. I would say that if your husband to be is willing, he should adopt your daughter, then that might make your parents see his serious intentions.
I often have differences of opinion from my in laws and family (for that matter) and i often find that a little bit of distance and personal space makes them remember that I am an adult and that their opinions are just that, opinions!
It sounds like you are happy and have found a great father for your daughter. Congratulations and good luck.
I hope this helps a little, With warmest wishes,
Wendy - posted on 04/27/2009
My name is Wendy.I am a 31 y/o single mother of a rambunctious 3 y/o lil girl.I have a wonderful boyfriend,who has a awesome family.He's mom is great.I have no complaints on his side of the family.It is my own that is causing my head aches.
I guess I need to mention that my boyfriend is not my daughter's father.That said,my parents have been married for 37 years and raised me and my sister in a loving and caring home.Well,I was not that lucky in my life.My daughter's biological father left us when she was 18 months old.We were living in Raleigh at the time,and I decided to move back home to the mountains of Tn.Her father did not object cause he felt he needed to move on with his new gf and did not want the bother of us being so close.Moving wasn't so bad,but for a few months me and my daughter had to live with my parents till I could get back on my feet.We were there about 2months ,when I was able to find us a place to rent and find full time employment.
About a year ago,I met my now boyfriend ,on a blind date my cousin arranged and we hit it off.He is wonderful.We were slow in involving him in Shana's life,but now they are best buddies and she loves him and him her.
Now my diliema,My parents don't think I should date or have any male friend in Shana's life.Yes,I know I am 31 and an adult,but we all know how parents can be.My so is wonderful with my daughter,but because he is not her father,both my parents have the idea he cannot be good to her.We have numerous arguments over this subject.My mother has even told me"After it didn't work with her dad,why do you think it would with another man".We are planning to get married this summer,and they are constantly meddling.Luckily it has not affected Shana and Lee's relationship.But it drives me crazy.If anyone has any ideas or suggestions,please let me know thanks for listening to my rant
Hey everyone! My name is Nikki and I have been married for nearly nine yrs. to my wonderful husband. We have two girls (5 and 3) and his family is CRAZY too!! You see, he was adopted when he was younger but always had contact with his biological family so I two sets of in-laws that defintiely have psychological issues, lol.
I look forward to the topics later on!
Rachel - posted on 03/23/2009
My name is Rachel and I have some crazy in laws who I wish I could get rid of!
My sister in law will no longer speak to me, but expects me to go to her upcoming baby shower.
My mother in law says that I do nothing right, and is so critical of me that I can't stand to be around her. She then wonders why I won't go to family events or bring my baby with me!
Leaha - posted on 03/19/2009
Hi, I'm Leaha. I live in Ohio, I'm 27 and I finally married the love of my life this past October. (We've know eachother since 7th grade) I have an 8 year old daughter from a previous marriage that was F'd up from day one, and 10, 7 year old step-daughters and a 2 year old step-son. Yes, I also married into a very dissfunctional family. I thought my family was bad, it's nothing compaired to this. lol. Let's see, where do I begin, Uhhmm, My MIL and FIL are divorced, the MIL has a Fiance', Boyfriend, whatever he is, that is younger than my husband! Yep, she's 49 and her boytoy is 26! The FIL has a Fiance' that is a compete BITCH, Like Emily's, she's only nice when people are watching. She bitches about everything, nothing is ever good enough. Then there is the Grandma, she's 82 and a complete battle ax. Now, what's really messed up is that these particular people treat my husbands ex wife as if she's still family. When my husband and her got divorced, they shuned HIM! I couldn't beleive it. He's blood, but yet they treat her like a freaking queen. I'm sure it has alot to do with the fact that my husband had 2 kids with her, and he had a child while we were still in high school and that mother took the child and moved to another state so we never get to see her, and they are afraid that this one's going to do the same thing, but that's no excuse in my eyes for treating there son and grandson (my husband) like a piece of shit! Plus, because my husband and I started dating before his divorce was final, the ex wife calls me a home wrecker, slut, whore, you name it she's said it, (claiming to be a miss goodie two shoes christian also) and HIS family backs her up like it's okay to say those things about me, "because she's hurting" WTF!!!!! AHHH, Welcome to my life.
Sara - posted on 03/19/2009
My name is Sara, I am 28 and have a three year old daughter and a 20 month old son. When my MIL found out I was pregnant, I became enemy number one and she and the rest of the in laws tried to break up our marriage and get rid of me. I honestly thought my MIL wanted to get rid of me so Josh (my husband) would need her to take care of the baby. Like he would have gotten custody, I mean please!
We went through most of my pregnancy without speaking to them and when Alexis was born my MIL decided in order to get to see her grand daughter she would have to start playing nice. She is doing much better now, but put me through the worst emotional period of my life, terrible woman!!! Sometimes being the oldest is so rough because I have to break them into all the new experiences.
Right now my SIL is being a huge bit*h. She just had a baby and thinks she is god's gift to mothering and that I am terrible. She will not even trust me to watch her kid! The worst part is that when she and my husband's brother got together it was this huge deal that we be great friends, even though I Hated her from highschool and she had sex with my husband. It was a year before he and I started dating, but who has to deal with that? And what kind of person dates one brother, cheats with the other brother and then ends up marrying the first brother? She is so awful, I just wish I never had to see her!
My in laws are a bunch of liers, lying about things that do not even matter. I cannot belive half the things that come out of everyone's mouth. The saddest part is that I am starting to get used to it!
Uhhhhh, I wish I had listen closer when my mom told me to take a look at his family because I was marrying them too!
It would be great to chat.
Emily - posted on 03/17/2009
Hi everyone! My name is Emily and I too have a very disfunctional family that I married into. I have a wonderful husband with a very crazy family. His mother is awesome, and she lives 2000 miles away, so that kind of stinks.....but his father and step mother live about 20 minutes away, that kind of stinks too, but for a different reason. His(my husband) step mom is not a nice woman (unless she has an audience) and my husbands father has been the same forever...he pretends he doesn't see what the step mom does to my husband (she has always treated him like crap)....so they both get on my nerves. The only good part of it is that neither my hubby or I care anymore about building a close relationship with them(my In laws)...and I don't have to spend hours on the phone with her day after day like her sons wives do....very confusing I know...there will be more!!!!!
Kayla - posted on 03/15/2009
I'm a 20-year old mom with a 12-month old son. His father and I are happily unmarried; for the time being we are just a commonlaw family. So I guess that technically means his parents aren't my in-laws. But, since we all live in the same town (waaay too close for my liking), and my son is their grandson... I guess that makes them close enough to in-laws.
I'd be really happy if we could just move away--at least an hour or two. Then we'd only see them once in awhile!
Ashley - posted on 03/11/2009
my name is Ashley and my FIL is a needy, self serving and immature alcoholic. Thankfully he has been removed from my sons life. The only contact I have with him is when someone mentions his name. My husband cut him out as well about 3 months ago (after he stole $$ from us) and finally sees what I was telling him all along. I am gonna say my MIL is actually not a problem at all, and even if she was she lives on the other side of the country.
Shannon - posted on 03/07/2009
My name is Shannon and i have a beautiful perfect 3 month old son named RJ.
my father in law LIVES with ME. i don't like to use strong terms but i truly do HATE that man.
i am sure that you all will hear about him and the rest of my in laws soon enough.
i am so thankful for this community!
talk to you all soon!
Natasha - posted on 02/28/2009
hey everyone, my name is Natasha...i have been married just over 6 months...so not very long at all and i already have hundreds of stories about my in-laws...some days i don't know which one is worse MIL or FIL....we are getting ready to have our first child together ( a boy!!!:):):) and my husband has a son from a previous relationship, he is 13 and i adore him...my MIL is one of those mom's who likes to be seen as perfect and who would do anything for her kids...so as long as there is an audience she is nice and caring...but take that audience away and wow it can get kind of scary...and FIL thinks that i should be stay at home mom who is pregnant all the time and barefoot cooking in the kitchen...now i think stay at home moms are awesome....i just couldn't do it...i plan to stay at home for a year with the baby ( i live in Canada where we get a year of mat leave) but then im gonna finish my nursing degree...well the FIL just cannot understand that, in fact my husband and him have had arguments about me not staying home...i just don't get why it is any of his business!!! i too have no interest in bonding with my in-laws...and most days i just don't like them, they treat their kids as if the kids owe them (their parents) everything and that they (the kids) were put on this earth to bend to their (the parents) every wish and demand...i so wasn't raised like this, so its really hard for me to see my husband treated like crap b/c his parents think he should come running whenever they call...so frustrating!!!
im so glad there is this group as im sure i will have a lot more "rants" about since it has only been 6 months...;)
Tracey - posted on 02/23/2009
Hello groupies!! LOL
My name is Tracey, I've been married for 20yrs and yes, I have those crazy in laws which I lovingly pet name my Out-Laws!! My mother in law makes me nuts and my father in law is a neanderthal man from the 50s....gah!! I'm really looking forward to knowing there are more people out there with the InLaw struggles!!
Join Circle of Moms
Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.Join Circle of Moms