sister in law

Sara - posted on 08/05/2009

That is soooo sad! For what it is worth, I think you are such a great person to take in her brother and give him a start in life. My mom always tells me that family is not always blood, sometimes family is what you make of it, and sometimes non-blood family is stronger, more supportive and better then blood members.



I just found out last evening that my evil sister-in-law is claiming that I tried to ruin her wedding two years ago and that she thinks I might do something to hurt or endanger their child if she lets the baby come stay with me! At first I was really upset because these are absurd accusations that I would never in a millions years try to to do to anyone else. But after a while I started to remember that I just do not care about them anymore. She can go ahead and make wild accusations all she wants, because all they are, are wild accusations and I DO NOT CARE!



The funniest part is that she just got finished telling me how she wanted our relationship to get back on a good footing and she wants us to come over to their house more. Well, I think things should stay just as they are, I will avoid her as often as I can and try and minimize the amount of interaction that she has with my children.



Talk to you again soon!

Angela - posted on 08/02/2009

lol! i understand about the compassion. i love my brother, and we were always close. i actually raised him until he was 7 and i was 14 and my mom kicked me out. thats why this is so hard. i've always been their for him and stood up for him when no one else would. and he knows what his wife did was horrible, he apologized everytime he talked to me. but then just kept saying i shouldn't have let her brother stay with me, that it was my fault for getting involved. i'm not letting an 18 year old who's own family is too busy finding new sleeping partners and drinking to care about him sleep on the street. i don't care who it offends. this young man now has his own place, and still comes by whenever we have family functions. both my fiance and i have made it clear to him that if he needs us we are their. and he is a good kid. he has problems, but given his family insanity, its kind of understandable. i know my brother is jealous he sees me giving help to someone who is not him. and jealousy is an ugly thing. unfortuantely for him and his evil wife, when pushed too hard, i don't waste my time anymore. i've changed my number and made it clear i'm not interested in having a relationship with people who expect me to kiss thier ass when they do nothing for anyone else. i mean as much as i love him i need to realize he is no good. he has lied and stolen from every member of our family! including our mentally slow brother! his wife and her mom are used to playing these games. they fight, pull evil pranks on each other then talk again. one time she called up pretending to be her mom and had her mom's phone cancelled! she thought it was so funny. who does that? they bought a used phone, then made the real owner buy it back from them! of course they can't be out of money. i mean i really don't understand the selfishness of some people. and the sadest part is they just don't get it. you can have all the $ in the world, and pull all the pranks thinking your so awesome at it. but eventually thats all you will have. its so sad he just dosen't get it.

Sara - posted on 07/30/2009

Karma is a great thing! My own sister-in-law just bought a new house and it has turned into this enormous mess! I feel sorry for her because all the problems seem crazy, but at the same time a tiny little part of me chuckles. She and my brother in law bought this house in a less than nice area. So far they have had to replace the entire bathroom because they found mold, tear up all the carpet, it was full of dog pee, retile the kitchen, the flooring was broken and peices were coming up, replace the garage door it was boarded up, replace three broken windows, replace all the water piping because they had galvanized steel pipes, bomob twice for fleas because their dog was over there one day and got fleas really bad they had to get him dipped, he gave the fleas to their old apartment, so they had to bomb there too, then the dog got sprayed by a skunk, they have lead paint that had to be kiltzed and repainted, they have a bathroom down stairs that needs to be torn out, their back yard is full of two feet deep holes from the previous owner's two large pit bulls, and the list goes on.



I have to have some compasion about it, but she is so terribly mean and awful, I cannt help but think that karma is real.

Angela - posted on 07/28/2009

thanks for the advice. and i agree. its just so sad that people are like this. still, even though i've cut off contact completely with them they find ways to hurt me. i do love karma though!

Sara - posted on 07/13/2009

Wow that is really hard, I am so sorry that they hurt you so much. I get into trouble with my own inlaws in the same ways and have learned that I will always be there for them, but I never put myself in a position where I could bring the dreaded wrath that comes from choseing an in-law's friend or family member over them. No matter whether it was the right thing to do or not, the wrath that ensues after that is something that takes years to get over and go away. Especially with someone that uses you, they are especially sensitive to takeing your help away and giving it to someone they have decided to cut off. my own sister-in-laws are both users, and anytime I stand up for myself and take a little space for my own sanity, wrath ensues. So, I tend to close my mind to them and only help when it is good for me and when I think it will be safe. For instance I never commit myself to anything long term and I never lend money, if I give it, I expect to never see it again. It has taken me literally 10 years to come up with my battle plan and the hurt you feel, unfortunately will take months and possibly years for you to get over. I have formed a circle of friends who like me for me and I NEVER include my inlaws in this circle, most importantly, if someone in it does not like me, I take them out because I am a good person, kind and considerate and I deserve the same in return. My inlaws are not invited to see my facebook page, or any evening out I do, or any other function I go to. No matter how close we are at the time, they are backstabbing and cruel and I never let them through my protective shield. While, i forgive what they have done, I never forget it and I try very hard not to open myself up to their creulty. It has been four years since the last terrible thing they did to me and I have honestly gotten to the point that I do not care, not one little bit, what they do or say. This has been an enourmous lesson and task for me because I always open my emotions, heart, home and wallet to help anyone. The hurt these people cause is most difficult to get over because you think they should love you like you would love them, but they do not! So, I have closed them out and the more closed I get, the nicer they are to me.



This is how I have figured out how to deal with my cruel, using, selfish and unkind sister-in-laws. It is the only way that I have been able to get "myself" back in order from the hurt that they cause. Like I said, it took me years of them hurting me to figure it out and sometimes I let my guard down and they do it again. Good luck, I feel for you, especially in the time that you needed this person's support the most and she turn her back on you. There is no excuse for her behavior, and if she is anything like my sister-in-laws, she will do it again and again.



Good luck, I hope my thoughts have helped a little, but unfortunately (for me anyway) no one could say anything to make it better, I just had to write about it over and over and over again until I had said everything enough that the hurt started to ease and I was able to move on.



With warmest wishes,

Sara