Mandie - posted on 02/22/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )
Ok some of you girls know me and my story quite well.Right now there is an issue going on that I'm too close to, to be rational about so I thought I'd ask you all. It's a bit long-winded I'm sorry but I'm also venting obviously so I apologise in advance.
A while ago Hubby and I discussed him and youngest SS (who lives with us permanently now) doing some kind of activity together. They decided on some type of sport b/c well, they're blokes and b/c frankly PJ and I do NOT look we do in my profile pic anymore- we're alot rounder and less fit. So 1st they got all the info on a local Karate class, PJ tells me it's one night a week- it was REALLY expensive but looked ok and they wanted to do it, so we agreed.
Now girls a bit of background on me when PJ and I met- I'm not what you'd call attractive at all but I look ok if I look after myself- so I had lovely long blonde hair, lovely nails (both of which I had done religiously) and although I'm no Carrie Bradshaw I had pretty good clothes. All in all, not gorgeous but you wouldn't vomit on the street if you saw me. But clearly it took time and money for me to look like that. ALOT of that has since gone by the wayside due to child support and the mountain of debt BM left PJ with by declaring bankruptcy when they spilt. In the beginning, there were weeks when we lived, literally on baked beans so the kids could eat. Now that's fine and not his fault and that's what being a parent is about so I gave up those things without complaint and we lived life as best we could. So that meant things like, I am not blonde anymore so that I can get home hair dye from the supermarket, I rarely buy clothes for myself anymore, I havent had my nails done for years and I dont often buy things for just myself. Also I had a relatively carefree life and now I have the challenges of a blended family as well as the attempt on my life/ongoing violence and threats/stalking/damage to my previous car/etc that has been and will continue to be; my life with his ex-wife, the children's BM
But with the expensive karate class, I did think to myself at the time "Well ok I havent had my hair done (even with supermarket stuff) for about 4 months now cause we cant afford frivolous supermarket shops even-and have a good 2 inches of roots showing (pretty unattractive) we all need winter clothes, I have been going without some medical stuff that I need but hey, you cant have everything and it will make them happy. I did also think I'm not sure how this will work b/c PJ is a Police Officer on shift work and cant get a specific night off guaranteed but I guess we'll sort it out somehow.
Then comes the 1st week of Karate- off they go and then 2 days later they start to head off again- which is how I find out it's actually 2 days a week! Now hang ON, I thought- so it's ok to spend this much money on ONE of our children and for you to go to the trouble of organising not 1 but 2 nights a week off work that you can spend with ONE of our children (never mind old wifey)?? There followed an almighty row b/c he swears he told me it was 2 days and I swear I would never have agreed to 2 days b/c of the expense and the unfairness to the rest of us. Only got resolved when our friend who was there when we had the initial discussion confirmed that he only told me 1 night a week.
So then they choose football- no worries there- also expensive and 2 training nights a week and 1 weekend day game- so 3 'days' of the week committed to again ONE of our children. So again I point this out and he says ok they will only do training 1 night a week. Except it seems to be turning into 2 nights again. So again I point this out and he says no it'll be fair to the other kids b/c he will take them with him to training. A 14 month old and a 3 yr old. Who are not likely to get bored much. NOT. And right now the weather is ok but when the season starts it's actually the middle of our winter- so I'm not too keen on my small children being out in the cold 2 nights a week plus one weekend day. Plus no actual mention in there of me and if I might like to see him occassionally. One of the main reasons we decided I'd be a SAHM is b/c I was a Police Officer too and so that we didnt have to use too much childcare we used to work opposite shifts and didnt see each other much. Now I know that I knew he had kids when we met and it's right and great they are such a priority to him but it would be nice to OCCASSIONALLY be his 1st priority.
He thinks I'm being unreasonable about it, I think I have made ENOUGH sacrifices in this marriage and maybe now he could think about me too, as well as our other kids. Thoughts??