custody question.

Hannah - posted on 02/06/2010

Keira,
Number 1 rule - document EVERYTHING! Every email, phone call, etc. So save copies of every email, every letter you sent him etc.
I agree completly with you - you should NOT be communicating via his girlfriend.
You are responsible at this point for notifying him if his child is sick, or changing day care facilities, or something that requries dual parenting. Otherwise there is no reason to contact him.
I simply was warning you to make sure you DO communicate with him things such as "Our son has his 6 month well baby visit on such and such date, if you plan on attending let me know. Otherwise I will send you the after visit summary" and then you actually send him the after visit summary and in a timely manner. This shows to the courts that you are not withholding your son, or information about your son. You are making every attempt to cooperativly coparent. HE is the one choosing to not be a part of yoru son's life.

Keira - posted on 02/06/2010

what do you mean be carefull of not taking the non commuication route? i've tired over and over again to get him to talk to me about our son but he never respond's back to the email? he got the results this past week of the postive dna test and i have not heard anything even after i tired one more time. He want's me to commicate via his g/f only and I dont feel that is right.

Holly - posted on 02/01/2010

Good point Hannah! Thanks!

Holly - posted on 01/31/2010

I agree with Mandie. It would seem to me like the fact that he's never met the child would sway the court to not give him a frigg'n thing, but the court system is full of bleeding hearts who give absent parents way too many chances (in my opinion at least) to have access to the children they don't care about one minute and then want full time the next. It's stupid and ridiculous, but it's the way to courts do it and we're stuck with it. Maybe I should become a family court judge and screw all those deadbeat parents who never do anything for their children... That could be fun... :P

I can pretty much guarantee they will not give him full custody though. It will most likely start with supervised visitations (so your son can get to know his sperm donor) and then your ex could petition for more time as time goes on.

As for the child support, if he takes the dna test and it proves him to be the father then you can request he pay child support. The courts will then go after him for back child support if you ask them to (and you have to ask them to in most cases). If he cannot pay it all at once, or make and keep to a payment plan, then you can have it taken out of his paychecks and even his tax return. Just always remember that child support and custody are two seperate issues in the eyes of the court. Even if your ex does not pay court ordered child support, he still has all visitation rights granted to him in a custody order.

Also, if he refuses to talk to you, then that can actually help your case. If you can document that he makes no effort at communication for the best interest of the child, then you can try to prove he's just doing all this out of spite or to hurt you (basicaly proving he's not doing it for the child, but for selfish reasons instead). Without communication, shared custody is really hard, even when one parent only has a little bit of visitation. Fortunatelly for you, you do not have to have commuication with him to file all the papers and get a court date. You file the papers, and then you have him served and it's all done.

Good luck with everything and continue to fight for your little boy! He is the only one who really matters in all this and as long as you remember that and make all your decisions and actions reflect that then the court will see your way a lot better! :)

Mandie - posted on 01/29/2010

Keira, I hope for yr little man's sake that it does make a difference; but sadly the courts have an odd idea of 'the best interests of the child' actually means. Good luck with it and stay strong

Keira - posted on 01/29/2010

this is his first child and he has never meant my son, could that help my son in this? he is going to very far behind in child support as it is because he decided to the dna test at the last minute which caused the court hearing to be pushed back....but isn't talking to me which is making it harder and he has said that him and his g/f want to take away custody from me?

Mandie - posted on 01/27/2010

I'm from Australia but what the other girls have said is pretty much how things are here too- even parents- of either gender- who have been invloved in serious physical harm of a child can eventually get unsupervised care; but even in the case of both parents being stable and healthy etc hardly anyone here gets full custody unless it's by agreement. This is manily b/c our Family court system now prefers Shared Care (which is a CROCK I can tell you from personal experience) or both parents get full Legal responsibility which basically means neither parents can solely make decisions regarding the child's education, medical care etc. I gether this is becoming a world-wide trend, so I think it's HIGHLY unlikely he could get full custody

Hannah - posted on 01/24/2010

Only to reiterate what Candice said - they usually only order supervised visitation if there is a chance of the father being a danger to child in some way (drug/alcohol/verbal/emotional/physical abuse).
You can ask for graduated visitation which is a reasonable request.
You didn't mention the father's parental history (if this is first and only child or if he has several) - but you can also request that the father be required to take parenting classes and/or first aid. This simply is a request to help put your own mind at ease that while your son is with him, he is safe.

Good luck!

Holly - posted on 01/23/2010

Candice is right. Courts like to give chances (sometimes too many in my own personal opinion) to a parent who has abandoned their child. He could most likely get supervised visits, and (if he wants and the supervisor thinks it's a good idea) over time his visitations could increase.



He will NOT get full custody right away unless he could prove you are unfit (which is REALLY hard to do - believe me, we've tried that route...), so don't worry about that.



I wish you all the luck in the world and know we are right here if you need us! This is a great community and it's a wonderful place to vent your feelings and frustrations in a safe and happy environment! :)

Candice - posted on 01/22/2010

if they give supervised visitation to start, which they may because he has no bond yet, it will not be permanent unless you have proof of drug abuse or violence or some such thing like that...and even then it may not be permanent. it will most likely gradually increase, first to a few hours a day a few days a week, eventually to longer periods of time. but yeah, custody is unlikely at this point because he hasn't been around and you aren't married or living together.