Hubby Never Home

Katie - posted on 03/08/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My fiance and I have a little boy together and he is about 3 months old. He works 2 to 3 jobs a week. His day time job is working at a store with my aunt and on Saturdays, Sundays & Tuesdays after his day job ends he goes to his next job. His other jobs are kareoke jockey and bartender. He kareokes Sundays & Tuesdays from 4pm to 1:30am. He bartends Saturdays and sometimes some of the other days when he gets called in. When he only works his one job he either goes out to his work (bar) to hang out or he goes spends a few nights over at his brothers house.
I have tried talking to him multiple times about this and how he is affecting his relationship and bonding experience with his son. I also have told him how it was unfair that I am home with our son 24/7 and don't get to go do things for myself. We live at home with my mom and sister, which is not where we want to be, but we have to be because we "he" can't seem to keep money in his pockets to save up for our own place.
I told him that I wanted at least half of his bar paycheck because the store paycheck goes on this little debit card thing because he doesn't have a bank account. The reason is because we need to save up to buy diapers, formula, clothing, when we do find a place the rent and deposit and not to mention any doctors bills that may need paid his insurance doesn't cover it. Anyway, he got all defensive and told me it was his money and he should be able to do with what he pleased.
He said he only spends time with us when it counts. His reason for staying at his brothers is because he works hard and deserves some time to himself. I do understand that he works hard and does a darn good job at it and I appreciate it because I don't work. I'm just at wits end. We have argued and argued about money issues and I have been called useless, lazy, stupid, self-centered and just plain ol money grubber. I'm about ready to tell him to hit the road and I will be a single parent. I mean I pretty am 90% of the time. The only thing I will need to do is find a job and get him into daycare. Anyone going through this or have any advice.?

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Katie - posted on 06/20/2010

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Oh, congratulations, that is awesome. Do you have any names picked out.? We were living with my mom and it put a strain on our relationship because not only were we fighting, but him and my mom were goin at it constantly. our son is now 6.5 months old and he is living basically out of his car and we are no longer together. He only works one and makes barely enough to support just himself. He never takes the initative, the time or even makes an effort to see his son. Let alone texts or calls to see how he is doing. He got served child support papers by the State of Idaho because I filed for cash assistance. Now, that that has happened he is wanting us to get married and move in together. I think he is wanting to do this just so he doesn't have to deal with the consequences. Seeing as he is "homeless" and barely is making minimum wage, he will owe a lot of back child support and may end up going to jail. Which he watns to avoid by doing all this.

Samantha - posted on 06/16/2010

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my fiancé is gone 16 hours out of the day. i'm pregnant with a boy, due in October. we live with his parents, which is also not where we want to be. it puts a lot of strain on me because i'm cooped up in the house all day with his mother, (whom i can not stand sometimes), and just feel alone. it has caused us to fight a lot. and with every paycheck that he gets, a lot of money goes towards tools for work or stuff for his car. i have tried to explain to him that he needs to understand he has other things to worry about, but it never seems to get through to him. i know he loves me and the baby, but sometimes i's too hard to handle. i think that your husband also loves you and the baby, but needs to be shown that his ways are wrong. have him listen to that 'cat's in the cradle with the silver spoon' song. and tell him that if he doesn't have time for his son, one day, his son wont have time for him.

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