Jude - posted on 06/11/2012 ( no moms have responded yet )
My significant visited Oregon the past two summers to re-connect with his daughter who is 30 years old. She is married, has her own home, and 4 daughters. When he went out there he stayed at his ex-wife's home, not his daughters. We were supposed to go on vacation together, but he keeps making excuses on why I can't go with him to visit.
He has told me that I have to get along with his ex--because he wants to be able to see his grandchildren.
We have a Harley that we ride and he rode that out to Oregon & back. While he was there he took the ex out on our bike and they spent the day together touring Oregon.
I had some pretty hard feelings about the two of them being in such close proximity to each other. He said I was being childish, it wasn't like he had sex with her or anything. The only reason I knew he took her out on the bike,was because I saw a pic of the two of them together that I wasn't supposed to see.
That was the first year. The second year he went again, stayed at her home again. I asked him to please not take her out riding on our bike, because it made me very uncomfortable. But, he took her out on the bike the first night he was there. I felt betrayed. He said he didn't want to hurt her feelings. Okay...but it is okay to hurt mine? So--this makes me think her feelings are much more important than mine.
Now, this year she is coming out here and wants to meet me. He says I have to meet her and treat her graciously. He is loaning her my car, because it is the oldest of the two cars. She is staying with their daughter who lives here in Ohio. But he wants her to stay here. After all this is HIS house and after all she has done for him when he needed a place to say...etc. etc. Yes--it is his house--but it is supposed to be my home--our home. I am expected to be cordial to spend time with her at the daughters and also here at our home. He doesn't think it should be a problem for him to take her to the Ohio State HOG Rally--or spend time alone with her. I don't agree. I don't think he needs to spend time taking her site seeing. She has a daughter here and grandchildren.
I don't know. It just feels to me like there is so much else going on there. I hope I am wrong, but what do I do. I feel forced into accepting her as a friend. I am not allowed to make up my own mind on how I feel. It is just supposed to be that I have to be an adult about it all.
It might be different if they had young children. I have nothing against him spending time with his daughters and his grandchildren, I just don't think his ex should have to be included in so much. She is supposed to be here to visit the daughter and the grandchildren. I can see stopping by while she is in town to say hello, but he doesn't see the grand children now unless I ask them over. I am the one who sends birthday cards, picks out gifts for holidays--he says if they want to see him they know where he is. So, call me skeptical but it sure seems like there is much more there than just an ex.