My daughter (though I'm not her birth mom) has been stealing, smoking and lighting fires. She is 9.

Krissy - posted on 01/28/2011

Yes, better counseling... and beyond that, serious supervision and restriction of priviledges...

also beyond that, a written apology that she must read aloud to the person/people she's hurt might be in order... as well as a small offer (like helping the school janitor for two weeks instead of going to recess or something) that she can include in the letter...

Then, and I didn't notice that this was after child abuse, so I don't have experience there... but my husband started fires and did things when he was a kid just out of boredom and curiosity. Maybe get her into doing things CONSTRUCTIVELY.. to help counter act that.

Kalyn - posted on 01/06/2011

I am not the only one! I too am going threw a world wind of terror with my son! My son is doing all the above that you described.
My son is 16 is the only difference.
I don't sleep at night, sense I am a stay at home mother (because of my son's situation, I was a working mother before he was found.) I sleep while the children are at school. I have completely lost my life for the years my son is a minor. I am responseable for all his actions inside the home and for sure on the out side of the home. I have had major issues with the police, schools and other parents.
I just had an IEP completed with my son's school to help them and him deal with his crazy behavior! He is out of control. I have tried so many methods and has completed so many sessions of councils. I have read so many books and have talk to so many people (you know everyone thinks the have an answer). "Until someone has to live in my home to see how crazy it gets you have no clue on how to handle the situation," I always still listen thou".
I have two other children that have to see, hear and listen to his crazyness. It sucks for all of us! Please keep me updated on the status of your child.

Lisa - posted on 02/17/2010

I definitely think counseling and therapy are a necessity. She needs help that you can't give her. Continue being consistent at home with what you DO do, but beyond that, she needs professionals to intervene.
We have had to do that with my step-daughter. She isn't doing what yours is doing but she has been molested and has behaviors that I can't seem to help her get rid of. We have her in counseling as well as therapy. We are consistent at home with all 3 of our kids and the only one it seems to make any headway with is my biological son. My step-children just don't seem to learn from their mistakes. They had being disciplined... they hate losing priviledges but at the same time, they do NOTHING to change the outcome. I have run out of ideas and figured some outside help was necessary, I believe the outside help is necessary for your situation as well. If current help isn't working, find someone else.
I hope that helps some. I can't imagine how tough it is for you. Keep it up! There is a light at the end of that very long tunnel.

Leila - posted on 11/26/2009

I'd find a new therapist. My daughter has improved dramatically after even jsut a year of therapy. Everyone can see it. If the therapy isn't working, find someone else. Children who were abused were traumatized. Most therapists are not qualified to handle trauma and can, in fact, make it worse. I've learned that through my own attempts to deal with my traumatic childhood history. Punishment is not appropriate in a child that was traumatized. However, consistent and gentle discipline is. Discipline is a process of modeling (do what I do), teaching, and consequences (both posive and negative) for behaviors. Is her therapist working with the school counselor and the school team that can be pulled into play for children who need extra support? Is everyone aware that she has a trauma history and acts accordingly? Do you know that CPS/DHS has a voluntary program where you can get extra resources and support? She has some serious behaviors, and they absolutely do need to be addressed, but why are they there? What's behind the behaviors and thinking patterns she has needs addressed. In therapy. Having a therapist the will work with you, her siblings, and provide any feedback needed for the school is important.