My step-children were abused.

Lisa - posted on 07/11/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My step-daughter and step-son were abused by their biological mother and her boyfriend. My husband now has custody of both of them and the courts and child services are hoping to have their mom stripped of her parental rights. Currently she can only see or contact them with supervision by child services. My step-daughter was molested by her mom's boyfriend. He is now in jail. They were both mentally and verbally abused. They both have a lot of anger inside them because of how they were raised. We feel very overwhelmed having to be the ones to help them heal from everything. We have to find a counselor for my step-daughter. It was court ordered. It wasn't ordered for my step-son but we are sure he needs to speak to a counselor to help deal with his anger because he takes it out on everyone in the house. We are in for a very rough road and I just wanted to know if there are others out there that have similar challenges with their children/step-children.

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Kalyn - posted on 01/06/2011

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I am sure with the situation it wouldn't hurt for all of you to get counseling. You as the step mother need to go ahead a few steps futher than the mother and go to group sessions and other forms to show the judge that you are prepared more than the mother is to be a better mother. You could win this nonsense. I am so sorry for the situation you have to go through. Keep us posted on updates.

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Angie - posted on 10/08/2011

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I never thought about doing that Rebecca. At the time I was more interested in getting justice for my stepson and getting his brothers out of that home, but now that I know that will never happen, I think I'm going to file a complaint against that agency for not investigating it properly. They never even gave him a physical exam and all the times I called after our initial interview (when my stepson told me new and horrifying things), they were very dismissive. They seemed annoyed that I kept calling. Why doesn't a special needs child deserve the same justice that a "normal" child gets?

Rebecca - posted on 01/13/2011

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@Angie Karst you can take the police or whoever to court probably these people deserve to rot i dont care if the child is disabled no child deserves to be hurt and any type of way.

Rebecca - posted on 01/13/2011

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is the mother going to get some type of jail time for allowing her bf to hurt her children? its called child endangerment. just wondering not trying to be nosey sorry

Rebecca - posted on 01/13/2011

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i also agree with emma just be there for them no matter what. i never had that n i got depressed did drugs and so on. but now happily married two kids and trying to be depressed free but this week hasn't been good.... i dont know how old they are but make sure they know they can talk to you n their father about anything. child that go through abuse need to know there is someone there for them when they need them the most. k

Rebecca - posted on 01/13/2011

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well i was abused at a kid. but neither of my boys have been thank god. i am so sorry about your step children. i know how it feels to grow up having that time running over n over n ur head. so if you need to talk to someone that has dealt with this just to get you a idea on what could happen as they grow up feel free to message me. but i hope they find a great counselor. its going to be a long long process. trust me. sorry for going on n on. but i guess thats it. i wish you guys that best of luck i really do.... take care

Leila - posted on 05/19/2010

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Angie- I'm sorry to hear you were discouraged from getting counseling, and I am encouraged to hear you ignored that advice and found help! It is not easy.

Angie - posted on 03/24/2010

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My stepson was sexually abused by his mother's boyfriend and his brothers. Unfortunately, nothing will be done with his mother's boyfriend and his brothers will remain in the home with their mother's boyfriend because my stepson is developmentally delayed/learning disabled and has ADHD and our state's child assessment center doesn't feel that makes him a reliable enough witness to stop other children from being abused.

We were never told to get him into counseling (and in fact were told not to), but eventually we decided to. It's been a slow process, but overall it has really helped him. I would definitely recommend doing it if you haven't already.

Leila - posted on 09/30/2009

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If there is evidence, the State Victim's fund should cover any counseling needed for your step-daugther and yourselves. My daughter is curently seeign a therapist under one grant. When that runs out, I have the paperwork to put through another grant. You should have recieved forms, and if you didn't, try to find out where your state's Victims compensation Fund is and who to contact. Were the children interviewed at a Children's Advocacy Center? They should have numerous resources. Search for a place that specializes in child victims. My daughter has help through the CAC. Sometimes there are agencies that offer free to low cost programs. However- I'd be very careful to be sure whoever the kids see is familiar with child trauma. There are agencies specifically for that.

http://www.nationalcac.org/

(an example) http://www.friendshiphousepa.org/

Lisa - posted on 07/22/2009

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Thanks for the input. I had heard that writing in a journal could help. I would jump all over that if they knew how to write. My step-son probably could but anything we suggest to help him he balks at and my step-daughter can't read or write. Their biological mom didn't care about sending them to school. They are both very far behind. My step-daughter is 10 and has a kindergarten reading level. She basically has to start from scratch. For some reason the school was passing them. My step-son is going into the 6th grade and I am scared for him. My step-daughter is 10 and we have held her back to repeat the 4th grade but even then I am still scared for her. They are both going to struggle SO much and I struggle with hatred for their mother for doing to them what she has done in more ways than one. I don't know if suggesting a journal would work for my step-son at this point since he would rather just be angry it seems...... Nothing we try seems to help...... My step-daughter may be fine with the suggestion of a journal even though she will probably have to start out with just drawing pictures until she learns more about reading and writing. Thanks so much!

Emma - posted on 07/22/2009

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i was abused by my father. life does get better, i had counselling which helped a lot. just be there for them i found that writing down my feelings helped, it didn't make much sense but it helped then i let my partner read and it helped a lot. i know have 2 beautiful sons. they need to know it's not their fault x i hope they come through it ok

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