Stolen Childhood

Liyah - posted on 01/05/2012

OMG Verity I am soooo sorry that your daughter and yourself have had to put up with such ignorance and abuse and I am also very proud that you have stood by your daughter I really feel for you and your little one. Your ex husband does not deserve you or your daughter and whatever social worker you saw that really annoys me that she made the assumption your daughter was lying gosh some people have a nerve don't they!

Verity - posted on 12/30/2011

I found out last June that my husband (now my ex) was sexually abusing our 4 yr old daughter. I actually left him March 2011 and went to a Women's Aid Refuge because I had a gut instinct that he was doing this to her or that he was going to. She told me that the abuse happened when she was 3 and when she was 4. She described numerous acts in detail and where it happened. He told her that if she told anyone then I would be sent to live in "heaven" with the pet dogs and that no-one would believe her and that she would be badly punished. She was absolutely terrified when she told me. Before I left my husband she started wetiing herself and having nightmares and sleepwalking and she used to beg me not to leave her alone with him. He is her biological father. She thanked me for leaving him and hasn't seen him since March 2011. She has spoken to him once on the phone in October and he told her that because of her behaviour he was going to live in "heaven". She has consistently said that she doesn't want to see him. She has alos told my mother about the abuse she endured. He also used to smash up her toys if she did the slightest thing wrong and call her names like "stupid". She was also a witness to him repeatedly beating the family dogs and him pinching/thumping/kicking my privates. He also repeatedly grabbed my breasts. He often did this when I was carrying her or when she was on my knee. He used to tell her to touch my privates and to hit/kick/pinch me and to call me names and to refuse to do as I said. He used to encourage her to be cruel to the family dogs/mess about at school or nursery/break things/tell me that she doesn't love me anymore/bite her toenails and spit it onto my food and to swear and spit especially in public. He found all this funny and I apparently didn't have a sense of humour because I didn't find it funny. He used to say things about her friends as well. He has been accused of sexually abusing someone before I met him and nothing came of that. I informed Social Services and they were useless I had to explain the story to 5 different people before the person who came to vist me called. She saw me at the Refuge. She said to me as I opened the door I am here to discuss what is in your head I mean what Jessica said. She spoke to Jessica for 5 mins and called her horrible and naughty then wondered why she didn't tell her anything. This Social Worker then stood in the foyer of the Refuge and said at the top of her voice that I was lying and that Jessica has not been sexually abused by her father and all the residents that were in at the time heard this. They spoke up in my complaint that I made to Social Services but the staff at the Refuge said that we had all made it up! Unbelievable! They just all stuck together. Another Social Worker came out and my daughter said that daddy used to play with his tail. This Social Worker said that this was an odd comment and she doesn't understand why she was told this. She said it implies that he didn't do anything because sexual abuse only covers sexual contact to the child. The first Social Worker went to my ex and told him the address of the Women's Aid refuge I was living at. Again I compained about this and they said that I had given him the address and so they did nothing wrong. They took this address off and sent a report out stating that the refuge address was confidential 2 mths after I left. They have lied in the report and they originally only sent the report to my ex husband. He produced it in court for an access hearing which the first Social Worker advised him to go for because he is an excellentt parent and when he smashes her toys up that is "perfectly acceptable behaviour" and that an alcoholic parent is a good parent. When i said what if he does it to another child she said well that is just tough on that other child. She said that he was the victim of domestic abuse and that Jessica and I were the perpetrators. We have to go to court for a finding of fact hearing on 12th Jan and his side want to call the first Social Worker as a witness for them. She sent out a second report to me stating in a covering letter that it was a copy of the first one that I didn't receive but it is different and makes out that I am lying in my letter of complaint which had 31 bullet points for why I was complaining. What she doesn't realise is that we have a copy of the first report. My solicitor has it. In the report she states that I have learning difficulties. My ex told her this and she put it in. I have GCSEs,A Levels and a degree. My ex can barely read. Her report is full of contradictions. I just find it hard to believe that Social Services are so against me and so for him. CAFCASS said that they have serious concerns over him being alone with children because of his criminal past as he has been to prison. My daughter heard me saying about my name changing to my maiden name after the divorce comes through and she asked if her name could be changed too. She often says I don't have a daddy anymore oh well and carries on playing. I asked Social Services if they could point me in the right direction for support groups and they said no because Jessica was not abused. Apparently every child tells them everything within 5 mins of meeting them or the adult is making it up. They also told me that she can't have been abused because she doesn't know the difference between ejaculation and urination. They say that I coached her and forced her to say these things when asked about it. I feel like screaming. I know he is now in another relationship with a lady that has children. He also has a habit of exposing himself in male toilets, to women and to children. Social Services know this as witnesses have come forward and they still think he is good daddy material and that I amm the bad parent because I have said that he can only have supervised access! Unreal!

Liyah - posted on 08/18/2011

to Lisa I am sooo glad your daughter has accepted God into her precious Little heart and knowing God will protect her in times of need is a great feeling, I'm not going to preach but I am glad to hear you and her dad were able to organise help, I have not had professional help as yet but am getting there, I'm 22 turning 23 with a gorgeous 3 year old daughter who I am raising without her father and am slowly coming to terms with my past experiences, My story is extremely scary and I would wish it upon no-one as although i'm still alive when I look back I feel for the little girl who was taken advantage of she grew into a troubled self destructive youth, Rebecca I am soooo sorry hunni that you had to go through what you did and I completely agree with you It's a sick way of growing but your ability to endure and strengthen get's 100 times more solid! Leila I haven't yet recovered or even started BUT I am one EXTREMELY determined women who now has a 3 year old soooo I have everything to fight for my abuser has had my life for far too long and I'm taking back the reigns.

Rebecca - posted on 04/02/2010

hey im becky from the age of 2 i was physicaly, sexually, mentally and emotionally abused by my bio father and alot of his friends. i have been in trouble with the police because of my anger, had god knows how many councilling sessions and even tried killing myself. i cry my self to sleep of a nite still and its been over 6 yrs wen i came to yorkshire to live with my mum. i have to build up a trust with people before i tell them the whole thing it took me 2 yrs b4 i told my partner. bt despite dat i am glad what happened, happened, because i wudnt b the great mum i am now, i wudnt have the life i have now and especially wudnt have the kids. tbh if anything it made me stronger. i never see him. im now miles away from him and the worst thing is he never appeared for court and never got sentenced for it...

Lisa - posted on 02/17/2010

This story scares me when I think about my step-daughter. She was molested by her mom's boyfriend since she was 3 years old, until she was 9. She was since pulled from the home by child services and put in foster care until her dad and I were able to take her. She will be 11 in a week. I am scared for her. I am so afraid that she will deal with her pain the way you did. I don't know what kind of help you received while growing up.... I am hoping as times have changed that my daughter can avoid going through a lot of what you did. She is in counseling and therapy currently. She doesn't talk to us about what happened to her. We know details through the child services case worker. That man put her through a lot. Thankfully he is in jail and there will be a trial for what he did to her. She has already had to testify in court once and will have to do so again. She did so well, all things considered. We will not give up doing what we can to help her cope with her emotions in a more positive way.
She recently asked Jesus into her heart and I noticed a difference even since THEN. She had been sleeping at night with 2 nightlights. She just never felt safe...... Now she sleeps in complete darkness and told me that God was protecting her. I was thrilled to see the positive step of healing for her.

I am so glad you finally got your life on track. I am sorry you had to go through all that you did

Leila - posted on 11/26/2009

Liyah, I am happy to hear you have been doing well with your recovery.