8 boys and wanting a girl

Cathelijn - posted on 02/06/2010 ( 26 moms have responded )

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I watched this programme on TV this week, It was about families having only 1 gender kids and desperatly wanting the other gender. In this case the main story was about family with 8 boys and they were still trying to have a girl.

Apparently it is a psychological condition called 'gender disappointment'.



There was 1 woman with 4 boys and she was pregnant again and when they went for the scan and found out it was another boy she actually cried.



I understand it is a psychological condition but I just think about the kids who will all their lives know they are only there because their mum wanted a girl and they are not.....



I really didn't care what gender child I would have as long as the baby was happy and healthy I really didn't care. I can understand that maybe if you have 4 boys you would like a girl but if it is not going to happen it is not going to happen.



What do you all think? do you care? would you keep trying?

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Christa - posted on 02/06/2010

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I have five kids.....1 girl then 4 boys. My daughter really wanted a sister....each and every time. For my first four kids we never found out what we were having. For my fifth, I was/am pretty sure it was our last child. We did find out......I wanted to know for my daughters sake. Either way we were not going to tell anyone; but if it was another brother I wanted to work on convincing my daughter that it would be okay to be the only girl and explain how much fun we would have together...mom & daughter. She was sad when she found out I had "another" boy...but yet she knew it would be okay since we had been talking about it for months. I guess, it was a little bit sad when you first find out your having another boy...but that quickly changes....like instantly. I am sure these cases were the same. Brief sadness followed by love and adoration. I don't think I would keep having kids to get the opposite sex. I sure we all have our limits on the number of kids we have.

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Karen - posted on 08/25/2010

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i am blessed, but i believe every single child is a blessing....... what about the poor people who cant have one..... i thank god every day for my precious children.

Stifler's - posted on 08/24/2010

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My friends sister reckons she can only carry boys because she has endometriosis or something. One of my clients from work reckons she always used to miscarry boys and the doctor told her she couldn't carry boys. I don't know why, they just told me this.

Jodi - posted on 08/24/2010

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"I've heard when you have endometriosis you can only carry boys, and some other conditions you can't carry boys. So it's really pointless trying to conceive a child of the other gender."

Where did you hear that crap from? I have endometriosis and I have a boy and a girl :)

Lyndsay - posted on 08/24/2010

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I used to want at least one of each sex, to a maximum of three. My first child was a boy and I was happy, because ideally I wanted to have a boy first. I've kind of changed my mind and now I don't want anymore period.

Stifler's - posted on 08/24/2010

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I wanted a girl but got a boy and was kind of disappointed when I found out the gender but if I'd not found out until the birth I probably would have not cared.

Stifler's - posted on 08/24/2010

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I've heard when you have endometriosis you can only carry boys, and some other conditions you can't carry boys. So it's really pointless trying to conceive a child of the other gender.

Val - posted on 08/24/2010

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i had 4sons in my first marriage and when i married for the second time and got pregnant i was sure it was going to be another boy but to my delight it was a baby girl i was convinced i could only have boys and a year later i had another little boy so ive got 5sons and 1 daughter and shes the one i worry about most.

Hannah - posted on 08/20/2010

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I know what it is like to want one gender. My husband had two boys from a previous marriage already. Then I am pregnant and we find out it is a boy. I was a little sad and dissapointed. I wouldn't trade that little guy for a million little girls. I got pregnant again and we obviously hoped for a little girl again. When we found out it was a little girl, we both cried we were so excited. Had it been a boy, I probably would have shed a tear and moved on. I wouldn't have continued trying for the girl though. Mostly because I hate being pregnant.

[deleted account]

I understand the fact that you were hopnig for one gender, but then it turned out to be the opposite. Yes, it may be a shock and temporary disappointment. But then move forward with your pregnancy and accept the reality. I don't agree with having more and more and more kids just to get the gender of your choice. So I'll even spark some controversy here-and I know this will make people angry, but it's a debate board: If there are so many woman out there that are simply in denial and refuse to accept the gender of their baby, how come more of those pregnancies are not terminated, or give the non-wanted gender baby up for adoption? Just something to throw out there.

Jocelyn - posted on 02/06/2010

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I can see where the woman is coming from. When I had found out I was preg that first time, I thought that my life was over, but that if I was having a girl it would mean that it was going to be ok. Warped thinking, yes, but that is how I felt. Then when I found out that it was a boy, I cried for three days straight. All I had ever wanted was a girl, I couldn't imagine myself with a boy. I was devastated. It was horrible, it took a lot for me to accept that I was having a boy.
I really liked how Kati stated it; it's not so much crying BECAUSE it was a boy, it's mourning the girl that you COULD have had.
When we got preg the second time we tried to find out the sex. I wanted to be prepared emotionally for another boy, because I didn't know how I would react. I didn't know if I was going to be as upset as last time or if it would be another struggle. We couldn't find out. So I convinced myself that it was a boy; that way I wouldn't be (for lack of a better word) disappointed again if it wasn't a girl.
Turns out she was a girl! But I don't love her any more than I do my boy, but I feel complete now that I have her. My life now "matches" more what I grew up thinking/expecting it would be like.
If she had turned out to be a boy, we would have given it one more shot, and after that, we would have adopted a girl (if we could afford it). I know what it's like to want your girl so badly, but I don't think that I would have kept popping out babies. Each kid does need to feel like it was wanted, and I think that after so many, it would kind of just be "going thru the motion" until you get the "right one". For me I knew that I wanted either 2 or 3 kids (maybe 4, but no more), so those 2 or 3 kids would have all been equally wanted, regardless of their gender. It was just a fantastic bonus that I got a girl.
But you know what? The funny thing was that when I actually had her, I felt a little twinge of sadness that she wasn't a boy! But again, it's mourning the child that could have been. Not mourning the child you have.

Michelle - posted on 02/06/2010

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We're planning on only having one more child, and I would really love to have a girl and my fiance would love to have another boy. But to keep going just because one of us "didn't get what we wanted?" Isn't the point to have a happy, healthy baby? Especially since there are so many families out there who have sick babies or who can't have babies at all..... So sad....

I can jump on board with it being a psychological condition, because it's pretty obsessive to have four more kids than you wanted just to try to have a different gender, but to be that cruel to your existing children is unforgivable. I would never want to think my parents didn't really love me because I wasn't a boy. I agree with what Krista said-- if you have your heart set on one particular gender, you'd better adopt because that's the only way to guarantee it. I also think these parents should be in therapy so they can learn to love the children they have.

*shakes head* sad.....

Erin - posted on 02/06/2010

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I don't buy that's it's a psychological condition. I think it's normal to want a girl if you already have boys, or vice versa. But there is a difference between wanting or wishing for one gender, and being wholeheartedly disappointed if you get the other.

I only have one child and I had a feeling from the very start she was a girl. I had it confirmed at my morphology u/s, but I would have been pleasantly surprised if it had been a boy! If I have any more children I would LOVE to have a boy, but using that as the sole motivation for another pregnancy is wrong.

I also can't understand people having such definite preferences when having their first babies, and I actually know TWO people who were like this. Both were IVF babies. In the first case, it was the mother who was dead-set on having a girl, and found out the sex so that (and I quote) she could "deal with the disappointment of it being a boy" before the actual birth. She did get her girl, luckily for everyone I'd say. The second case is the father desperately wanting a boy. They are only 13 weeks at the moment so I asked my friend if she was going to find out the sex. She said she didn't want to, because she'd been through IVF and everything was so scientific and she wanted to keep this as a surprise. I said that was a great idea! She then said she would probably have to find out though because her husband would be "disappointed if it is a girl and will need time to handle it". I'm sorry, but that is just LUDICROUS to me. If a couple goes through fertility treatment to achieve their dream of having a family, they should be happy they're having a baby at all!! These two cases REALLY pissed me off. I realise everyone is different, but to be so ungrateful is unbelievable.

As I said, in your average case of "we've got 3 boys/girls and would love (the opposite)", I think that's fair enough once you're already pregnant. But to plan a pregnancy with the idea that you will be disappointed if it turns out to be the 'wrong' sex is just a really terrible idea.

Krista - posted on 02/06/2010

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When I was pregnant, I was convinced that I was having a girl. I just KNEW it was a girl, and I could picture her in my mind, and could imagine how excited my family would be to meet her (I was the most recent girl born in my entire family, so it's been awhile). I didn't have my husband with me the day that my doctor let me know. (I had to get regular ultrasounds in my last month, due to gestational diabetes -- they were looking for macrosomia). The Dr. asked me if I wanted to know the gender, and so even though we had decided to wait, I decided that I couldn't wait any longer. Well, he told me it was a boy. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was sitting in traffic afterwards bawling my eyes out. I was crying because I was mourning this little baby girl that I had already fallen in love with, even though she wasn't real. And I was crying because I felt like such a horrible, awful mother to my little boy for being upset that he wasn't a girl. It was pathetic -- I'm sitting in my car snotting and bawling and saying, "Mommy's so sorry, sweetie -- she loves you so much!"

Yeah...I was kind of a crazy pregnant lady. In retrospect it's probably good my husband wasn't with me. He's awesome, but I don't think he would have quite understood.

And of course now that my little guy is here, I wouldn't trade him for a little girl for anything. And for my next pregnancy, I'll probably hope for a girl, but if we have another boy, we're not going to keep on going.

Veronica - posted on 02/06/2010

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That is soo weird -- but soooo devastating , Jo!! I could not imagine!



As for the weird stuff - my aunts are the same way - its like they have telepathy - and all of us girls (cousins) are almost the same - its weird

Veronica - posted on 02/06/2010

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I dont think there is anythin entirely wrong with these people - and I dont think its wrong wanting certain gendered children - and i dont think its wrong to keep having children either (as long as they have other intentions beside just gender related for more kids). I had a girl, boy, boy, girl, boy and another boy on the way (odd pattern! haha) will i get a girl if i try for one more? i dont know - i would have liked another girl to 'even' things up -- but im happy to be having another, and most importantly i more interested in their life and health - than their gender. i was disappointed that this was another boy - and i was up set when the third was a boy - i wanted a girl then -- but you know what? To me, this is God's design - not mine - and I accept what is given to me - this doesnt mean i love any of my children less or more - based on their gender. Im a tomboy anyways - so this works for me - i get my feminine side of me taken care of with my girls - but i get to be rough and tumbly with my boys (and my girls are tomboys too! hahaha)

To conclude - I would love to have another girl -- but Im not going to continue having more kids for that reason alone - if we have anymore children, its because that is what we want - a large family - if we get anymore girls i will be happy - if more boys - i would be just as happy !

I think continueing to have more and more children to get that one gender - is not the right reason for having children - solely.

Hopefully they have other intentions besides just that.

-V

?? - posted on 02/06/2010

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My cousin has 5 girls. They always wanted 4 kids and after 4 girls they decided they would try once more for a boy and they got another girl. They love her the same. They just wanted to try 1 more time to see if they would get a boy. They are Echo 24, Kira 22, Tiffany 19, Courtney 17 & Taya 11. Taya was the 'lets try for a boy' some years later baby of the girls.

Off topic - but something that I think is pretty amazing with my cousins...

The 5 girls grew up closer than close. They are all so unique but they're like twins in the sense that they can finish each others sentences, they can 'sense' when one of them is hurting, they can tell when there's something wrong and they aren't even in the same city.

2 years ago the second to youngest was killed when she was crossing the street and a motorcyclist came whipping around the corner and didn't bother to stop, he hit her full on and killed her almost instantly. All 4 of the girls said that within 10 minutes of it happening they all had the most dreadful feeling in the pit of their stomachs and they all called their mom within 30 minutes of it happening asking her if she had heard anything about any of the other girls... Courtney never called so they knew something was wrong with her... my cousin knew where Courtney had been headed so she put on her shoes and started walking in the direction of where Courtney had been going... she got around the corner and saw the flashing lights and she said she burst into tears she knew something had happened to her baby just because ALL of the girls had called with the same feeling.

Cathelijn - posted on 02/06/2010

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Don't get me wrong I get wanting a girl or a boy. We have a girl now and we would love to have a boy next just to have 2 of a kind but I really wouldn't keep going untill I had what I wanted.

There are people who can't have children at all and they would be gratefull for just 1 baby, boy or girl!!!

Rosie - posted on 02/06/2010

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i have 3 boys and with my last one it was our try for a girl. i knew that i was not going to have anymore children and i had my heart set on having a girl. when we had the ultrasound i cried when we found out he was a boy. i wouldn't change my Lucas for anything. i don't know if this makes sense to anyone but i'll try anyways. i cried because he wasn't a girl, not because he was a boy. i wouldn't have my family any other way, but there is still a part of me that longs for a girl-i just wouldn't trade my boys for anything. and i wouldn't have another child just so we could have a girl-we decided on 3 and there's no way i'd ever want to be pregnant again.

Isobel - posted on 02/06/2010

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My doctor had 7 girls...I always wondered if you walked into the room and said "how many of you were supposed to be boys?" do you think 6 of them would raise their hands? Do you really think it's a "condition" though? It sounds suspect to me...

Christa - posted on 02/06/2010

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I also should have mentioned. I am one of four girls. My dad really wanted a boy....when I was seven.....we adopted a brother who was nine!! Now there are five of us.

JL - posted on 02/06/2010

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Wow, I have never heard of that psychological condition. I just feel bad for the kids and how they will emotionally develop knowing mom and dad really wanted a girl and were disappointed with having another boy. If you have 2, 4, 6, or even 8 healthy kids count your blessing and be happy.



Personally I don't think they should keep trying instead mom and dad should be in therapy working through the psychological condition so they can be happy with themselves, with thier lives, and with the children they do have.

[deleted account]

How sad for the children! I wasn't aware that gender disapointment was a mental condition. I know families that have all girls. They wanted boys but didn't get them. Both of the families I know stopped trying after the fourth girl. Their girls are very loved. But it makes me wonder if there will be some sort of question in the girls' minds about their parent's love for them. Like "would they love me more if I was the boy they wanted?" I seriously doubt that the families I know have that mental condition, I think its more they want a star football player, someone to carry on the family name, etc.

I discussed this with my husband. We agree that while we would like to have a boy, we will most likely stop after two children regardless of the gender of our second child. It just doesn't seem worth it to keep trying. There is no way to control gender so why worry over it. Just be happy with the child you are given and love that child like no one else.

Krista - posted on 02/06/2010

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I think if you THAT desperately want a particular gender, you'd better be looking into adoption. Conception, even if you use the Shettles' method, is a complete crapshoot, and there is no way to substantially increase the odds of getting one gender over another. And I agree -- it's mean to the younger boys, because they'll likely figure out what the deal is and will know that their mom wanted them to be girls.

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