8 Lies I tell to look like a good Mom

Katherine - posted on 01/23/2011 ( 92 moms have responded )

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None of our kids is perfect and no matter how much we lie, judge, pretend otherwise or push, we will not make it so. There, I said it. That fact, of course, will not stop most moms from trying like hell to be so, sometimes at the expense of their sanity and happiness.

According to a Netmums survey of about 5,000 moms, many parents are less than truthful when it comes to chatting with other moms. Here are some of their lies:

* They say they are coping well, but 69 percent were less than truthful.
* They say they are coping financially, but 46 percent were less than truthful.
* They claim to spend more time with their kids than they do (20.6 percent).
* They say their kids watch less TV than they do (23 percent).
* They lie about their child's great appetite (17 percent)
* And finally, 13 percent say they are having more sex than they are.

Of course, none of this should come as a surprise. We all know that mom whose entire identity rests in her child who loves to drop little lies about how perfect her kid is compared to yours. And of course, you always knew she was a liar, liar pants on fire, right?

Why would moms do this? The reasons should be obvious. First of all, it is terrifying to admit that parenting is hard. Even on Cafemom, if you admit that your days are less than idyllic or that sometimes you really struggle, you get called a bad mom or worse. Now, obviously, people that would attack you that way are clearly miserable in their own lives, but for most moms, there is enormous fear that admitting our kids eat bad foods or act up or watch TV is somehow admitting defeat.

On that note, I will cop to some of the parenting lies I have recently told. Beware, they could get ugly. Here are some of my biggest parenting whoppers:

* I claimed braiding my daughter's hair was a "cinch" when actually I wrapped my leg around her so she would sit still, cried, screamed and begged her to behave. I also bribed her with candy.
* I bribe my children into good behavior on a fairly regular basis and say I don't.
* I forget diapers and claim I "just" used the last one when it was actually like two weeks before and I never replaced it (oops!)
* I yell a lot more than I admit .
* I "officially" let my kids watch less than six hours of TV a week, but probably let it creep a bit higher some weeks.
* I say my husband and I fight less than we do.
* I have said my daughter dressed herself when actually her father dressed her, but the outfit was so horrible, I preferred to blame a 4-year-old. I then called it "creative."
* I say, "my daughter never acts like this," and blame exhaustion even when... She definitely does.

OK, so these are not so bad. But they could get worse as my kids age, who knows. The fact is, when we lie, we do everyone a great disservice. It is not human to be perfect and yes, children will act up sometimes and yes, they will sometimes be difficult, but I will swear this on my life:

I would rather have a "spirited" child with lots of energy who questions authority and acts independently.

It is harder in the short run, but in the long run, it is so, so much better. My daughter is off the wall and spirited and intelligent and hard to control. I would not have it any other way. And that's no lie.

What do you lie about?

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Tara - posted on 01/25/2011

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Steve and I have no problem with each other checking out other people, some times I'll see a really nice looking woman, with a nice rack, or long legs etc. and I'll point her out to Steve. Or he'll see a guy who he thinks I might like to look at and point him out to me.
I have never taken his looking at other women as anything but normal, just like he doesn't think me looking at other men is anything but normal. We know we love each other, we're both awesome in the sack, we have a happy family life together, and he's my best friend and I his..
It also doesn't matter to me if the women he looks at are completely opposite of what I look like. He doesn't love me because I fit some ideal type, he loves me because of who I am. So it's not like he's looking for something else, he's just appreciating the diversity our species. As I do too. I don't have a "type" and so I look at other guys who look nothing like him. So??
Why is it any different for women to drool over celebrities like Brad Pitt etc. but not the guy who works at the bank? Delivers the water to your office etc?
We're both secure in our love and life. That is what makes us strong.

Katherine - posted on 01/24/2011

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I have to lie about so much.
The trivial things are where my daughter sleeps (with me) I say in her bed
She's off the bottle: Nope
My 5 yo still takes a paci, Oh God
They watch T.V. a lot
I'm a mess in the depressed kind of way
My DH at the time got us booted from our home by gambling so I have to lie about where I live: with my lovely parents.
I didn't have a job(I do now :D)
I always have to lie about why I don't drink
Finances? What finances?
Did I mention depression?
I have meltdowns all the time because I'm so stressed out.
My 5yo doesn't listen to me.
She gets into trouble at school.
Argh this is turning into a complaint it seems.
Anyways I am doing my damndest to get OUT of this situation.
I feel like I've lost all control.

Loureen ((hugs))

Stifler's - posted on 01/25/2011

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I take it to an unhealthy place on days when we've had an argument. I'll say stuff like "YOU CHECK OUT EVERYONE ELSE BUT WON'T DO IT WITH ME!". Or I say "I bet if you left you'd find someone else and want to have sex with them!".

Katherine - posted on 01/24/2011

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It's not sad at all Tara. It's good to get that stuff out. I was raped at 16 and just pretend it never happened, how healthy is that?
I can't stand the fact that I'm on government assistance because of what my husband did with our money. I HATE HIM for it.
I've cheated on him too.

Well all of my skeletons are out....

Meghan - posted on 01/23/2011

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I lie about not being scared. I try to pretend like I know it will all work out, but more than half of my day is spent worrying that I have/am/will screw up within the next hour.
I am the last person to lie about his behavior though. I acknowledge that he has bad days, and I acknowledge that my inconsistency or my own stubbornness can escalate the situation. Sometimes I do use TV as a babysitter, he is the worst sleeper I have ever met, some days he hardly eats and I don't know where the energy to even have tantrums comes from,

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Melanie - posted on 03/04/2012

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I let my daughter stay up late hours of the night because I am awake.

I dont get to have sex much anymore now that her sleep schedule is screwed up

speaking of which she doesn't really have a schedule for bedtime. I don't read to her, or bath her before bed (usually its just a random part of the day), I just let her play, hang out with me and watch movies.

I spank her a lot because she throws horrible temper tantrums.

I yell a lot

These are all things I want to change. Being a single mom is rough though but no excuses!!! I'm going to be a better mom

Veronica - posted on 01/28/2011

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Let me clarify this -- my example was horrible -- if your child has real talents, and accomplishments, and you are proud of your child, there is nothing wrong with sharing it ---- bragging would be more saying your kid is the best swimmer ever, and can do the english channel. (and then i would come back with the atlantic ocean - lol)

Veronica - posted on 01/28/2011

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I think sometimes we lie when we have woman who brag about how great their kid is, and we become like that woman on SNL -hahahah -- like "my kid can swim an entire lap in the pool in less than 2 min." and then we are like, 'ya, well my kid can swim the atlantic ocean and back, in less than 2 hours, beat that!" and it continues! hahaha Sometimes i dont like to be shown up, and will say stuff out of spite, even though it makes me feel like they are saying their kid is better than mine - when perhaps they are better at something than my kid, but i hate having it rubbed in my face!

Sandra - posted on 01/28/2011

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I never lie about anything!!!!!!........ Oh damn it, there I go again.... I really need to work on that.

Veronica - posted on 01/26/2011

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As for my mom and dad -- i have to take steps with it -- my mom has suffered through post-tramatic-shock-syndrome as a result of the marriage -- I cant just jump at her like that.She understands that one day i will meet with my dad, and that one day he will meet my children.

More to the story - - his wife can eat mud, and she is also a part of why i dont see him - i dont want nothing to do with her, she is miserable - and she wont allow my dad to have much for contact with us - he allows her to hold him back - so the day he grows a set and makes an attempt to connect with me - will be where the changes will lie. He left us, and continuously has worked his way out of our lives the best he could. Maybe for his own guilty reasons, but now he is supposedly upset that he doesnt see the grandkids -- so im also on the level of how does he expect to be a granpa when he isnt a father.



So --there are a lot of issues behind the whole story -- but its a delicate matter with my mom. So i just play the card with her.

Veronica - posted on 01/26/2011

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Katherine, are you having a breakdown in this debate? Its just ALLL coming out! Are you ok?? We are all here for you!

Stifler's - posted on 01/26/2011

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My brother sat on my head one day when I slept in my parents lounge room. He's 8. I punched him and pushed him over. Real good example for my kids there (Y)

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Wow Katherine and i thought my 4 yr old was bad for getting into the kitchen pantry and then taking it back to her room and 'making' stuff with it while i fed the baby. But thats horrible, I probably would have smacked for that.

Katherine - posted on 01/26/2011

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Ah yes, religion. I was catholic, then converted to Lutheran and have been to church maybe twice. I just don't think I have to go to have a relationship with God.
I also lie about spanking sometimes. God help me I try so hard not to with my 5yo but she makes me sooo mad. I woke up this morning to her dumping water over my head. WTF??? She does such inappropriate things. I lie about her going to counseling too. I know she is borderline something, I just haven't figured out what.
I need a DSM.

Rosie - posted on 01/26/2011

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the only thing i have lied about is my religous beliefs. i used to be christian, don't want to explain to my family that i'm not anymore.

other times i just omit information, that would probably appall most people. i let my kids watch whatever they wish (that isn't too graphic or filled with sex). i don't feel like listening to someone tell me my kids are going to turn into dirtballs for watching family guy. i didn't turn into a dirtball for watching what i watched growing up (which was anything i wanted as well). i don't have the sharp tongue to state to someone how i feel about them if they piss me off. i'd rather avoid situations like that if possible, lol.

Tara - posted on 01/26/2011

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@Veronica,
Your relationship with your dad seems important to you. My belief is that no two relationships are the same, your mothers relationship with your dad (her ex) was a completely different kind than one between a parent and child.
Your mother's hatred of him is unfair to your feelings for him.
She can hate him if she wants, she probably has good reason to, but just because her reasons are good for her, does not mean that you must feel the same, and it's also not being disloyal to your mom if you want to seek a positive relationship with your father.
She must understand that you are the sum of two parts, not just her.
A part of you feels empty because you don't have a bond with your father and your children are missing out on a potential grandfather. Your mother feels like you would be betraying her if you had such a relationship, but that is because she feels a certain way about him.
People change, people grow, and even if he's still an ass when it comes to women in a romantic relationship does not mean that he is unable to be a father and grandfather.
Have you ever spoken to your mom about how you feel about this?

Veronica - posted on 01/25/2011

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My problem is, my family and friends think they can barge in my life and house and tell me what I should and shouldnt do as a parent. This irritates me more than anything - and is where my lying came into play the most. Now that Im fed up with it, and have become confrontational with these people - Ive been more open and honest.
I dont always cook a meal - if I want to have a simple night - we've done cereal and toast. My kids are pretty healthy eaters - im the one with the soda/candy/chips -- which is so... hyprocitical in a lot of degrees - but Im not on here to go into that.
My kids get bathed every other night - but there are times that it will be a few days, with just a face and hand wash. My house is never sparkly clean, except for special occassions or if we are having company. Housework does pile up at times -- with so many different reasons - my kids are demolishers more than they are helpers, i dont have enough hours in a day, i get busy, and some days, i just want to be a lazy good for nothin - cause i need a break! lol When people tell me that my kids should be doing this and that, or not that or this - and i make excuses why they do or dont. My kids run around in their underwear - not saying that im 100% kosher with this - and my 5, 6, and 7 year old know better, espcially since they are getting older. There are times i will have my face planted to the computer more than doing things with my children. Im mastering the art of multi-tasking online and at home -- leave the webpages open, so i can check at opportune times to see if i got a message, or any updates -- and then i go back to what im doing with my kids/house.
No one, except a few people (and now all of DM) know about my husbands affair on me -- my fam doesnt know, and they will never know -- it was a hairy time then, and he doesnt deserve their judgment upon him.
Im not the best business woman - im trying to help people, but i do it all wrong, and ive just given up almost completely - i'll just stick to my makeup for now - and implement other strategies.
Everything I do for my family and children is at the best interest for them - even though ive yelled a lot too, and I do use spanking in my discipline - which, ive actually am now finding myself to be lying to others that i am spanking - when in fact ive decreased the spanking, mainly because ive found that reverse psychology is an easier and less painful tool :) so when i tell my family what someone did 'wrong' or 'naughty' - they will say, "did you whip their ass but good." i lie and say yes, otherwise they chew me out and tell me i should be whippin their asses. Im not anti-spanking, I still do occassional spanks on their butts, if the circumstance calls for it -- but ive found more and just as effective methods, without going to that.
I love my MIL - but at the same time i cant stand her. I think some of my husbands family are so childish - they are in their 30s and act like they are in high school - cannot stand that! But i put on a smile and laugh with them, when really i want to call them out on it, and tell them - You are not funny.
Once in a while i lie to my hubby about how much money ive spent, or where ive been - mainly because i know i blew it with the spending, and i feel guilty enough -- and because i know my husbands hates when i go to my mothers -- not that he would keep me from going there, just he doesnt like it.
Grand finale- ive lied about being pregnant -- and didnt tell anyone i was until i was like 4 or 5 months along -- just to keep people off my f*cking ass about 'you shouldnt be having anymore kids" or "you are pregnant again? what the f*ck for?" "You have enough kids" "how can you afford more kids" "your body cannot take having anymore pregnancies," and the list goes on. I hate, that I cannot enjoy and be excited about having a baby - because of negative jerkwad people. It shouldnt matter if it was my first baby or my 20th baby -- having a baby is a miracle, a blessing and a happy time in your life --- people really can f*ck off - thats what i have to say about that.

Anyways - i also lie about my dad too -- I love my dad, and i miss him badly - i want to reunite with him; but im afraid of hurting my mom who went through some hell with my dad - not physical or sexual abuse -- emotional, verbal and mental abuse was the conflict there --- anyways, so i always lie to my mom that i hate him, that i dont want him in my life, and that i dont want him to meet his gchildren -- when really i do. I also cry alone -- i hate being vulnerable in front of others, and crying makes me feel vulnerable and weak.
And finally -- i dont laugh as often as i should and would like to - so a lot of my laughing, is for amusement for the "comedian" theirself.

Im sure ill have more -

Jane - posted on 01/25/2011

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Last one, I promise. My kids ate fast-food (McDonalds, Taco Bell, etc) once a week because it was a break for me, although I never lied about it cuz 15 years ago it wasn't an issue. But I probably wouldn't have cared anyway what people thought.

I do have regular sex...that's the truth AND I'm very happy in my marriage but it's my second so I was picky and fortunate to have found him BUT, he still does shit that posses me off. As great as our relationship is, it's not perfect but it could be if he wouldn't leave piles of clothes all over the place, threw away cans instead of leaving them on the counter for ME to do it, sabotage my diet regularly, hog the remote, turn the lights on while I'm still sleeping and stop using my razor...and stealing my pillows.

Jane - posted on 01/25/2011

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And oh, my 82 year old mother lives with us in an attached apartment to our home and has since 1996 and I can't stand it anymore. She's demanding and is becoming very immobile and as much as I love her, I'm finally in a place where I can enjoy my life cuz my kids are older and I do not want to be her care giver. I come from a very Italian family and it's expected. My mom did it for her parents and now it's expected of me but I don't want to. I feel very guilty but I also know that it's not something I'm willing to do. Phew....that felt good.

Jane - posted on 01/25/2011

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Hahaha...this is good. I'm sure I've fibbed in the past but with a 20 and 17 year old, I can't remember what I fibbed about. But, my kids had TV's in their rooms at young ages, my daughter still gags at the site of vegetables (the 20 year old), I worked (and still do) full time so of course I didn't spend as much time with the kids as I wanted to, I yelled...yep I did, I have always paid for good grades (yep, bribery), my daughter could be very snotty between the ages of 10 and 17 and my son is a master (and still is) at facial manipulation...i.e., making me feel guilty until I give in. BUT, I never spanked and that's the truth and they are both A students, don't drink or do drugs so I guess I did OK.

Heather - posted on 01/25/2011

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Oh and yeah it makes me feel very insecure when andrew looks at other women I eat my problems or refuse to eat at all because I feel fat I've gotten depressed a lot over being fat I've been thinking about having the lap band procedure done because I hate that I'm fat but exercising doesn't help because I only lose like five pounds and nothing else I have a very low self esteem and don't know how to fix it

Heather - posted on 01/25/2011

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Ok so lies I say about my child
She really doesn't like all the toys ppl get her and I say she loves them
She doesn't eat like she should she likes fast food pizza and corn dogs but I really don't care as long as she eats
We watch tv all day but we play while it's on
I yell a lot
She drives me crazy a lot
She screams and throws temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way and I say she never does

Lies I say about my marriage
I'm really happy when I feel used and sometimes like a house cleaner and single parent even though I'm not
Sometimes I hate looking at my husband it's so bad
Sex used to be awesome but now it's like once a month

Lies about everything else
I hate being stuck at home I wish I had a job just to see other people
Sometimes I just want to take my daughter and run away screaming
We have no money and I can't find a job and I blame our problems on that

Other than those I don't lie lol even though I know thats a lot me and andrew are really working on making things better and I really hope things do get better!

Tara - posted on 01/25/2011

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I get that Jennifer, I have days where I feel very insecure as well. Days when I feel like I am just a product of my abuse and my day to day life means nothing because I am still suffering inside. Those days I would feel shitty if Steve were to check someone out while I was present. But I would just tell him "bad day today hon. not a good time" and he would say "sorry honey" and in all likelihood he wouldn't even check out chicks on a day like that, cause he knows when I'm not feeling myself.
I read your earlier post and I was a little worried, (a lot actually).
For what it's worth, please go talk to someone, it's hard to fight those demons alone, and if you are at a place that you are hurting yourself instead of feeling your own emotional pain, than you are ill. It is an illness. You have good reason to have trust issues but you also deserve to feel happy and secure more often than not, and eventually all the time.
Having a supportive partner has made all the difference in the world to me and how I handle my "off days" and right now, how I handle court dates and the night before and the day after etc. but he is my rock and without him it would be almost insurmountable. If your SO is truly there for you, than talk to him.
Good Luck.

Jennifer - posted on 01/25/2011

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Tara, logically i can agree with everything you've said and most of the time i feel the same. i have these underlying trust issues and if i'm having a bad day, i can't help but take it all to a very unhealthy place.

Tiffany - posted on 01/25/2011

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I honestly can not think of anything I lie about. My daughter is a great eater, something we're really proud of. She's funny, dances, chatters and I wake up happy every day when I hear her chattering in her crib...even if I'm cranky lol. The tv is on all day on Nick Jr, but we play too. I wish she watched less tv, so we do try to turn it off more. I worry too much, stress out over little things, have random outbursts of crying fits if I'm over tired and then I pull myself together, over obsess about little things, sit on the couch too much (can't wait for spring), let chores go because I'm just plain exhausted, my boyfriend and I fight like crazy lately, money is super tight and what exactly is sex?? lol. It's been so long, I'm forgetting. My daughter is a Momma's girl right now, can be crazy independent though too. I sometimes let her wear her socks a few days in a row and some days we spend the entire day in our jammies (especially since we've been hammered with snow). She has my attitude for sure, though I say it's her fathers attitude lol. She throws fits sometimes, throws toys she doesn't like, climbs on everything and doesn't like strangers looking at her. I say 'no no, boo boos' about a hundred times a day, way too much. I ask her if she wants a spanking when she's misbehaving, and she laughs lol. I have tapped her hand and it doesn't work, so we try to get on her level, tell her no and redirect her attention. I bathe her once or twice a week (wash hands and face every day though) which I know a lot of Moms frown upon, but I along with my midwife and pediatrician feel it's better for her skin. Every Mom is going to have things she does that she worries others will look down on, but all you can do is do what's best for you and your family and not worry what others think...as hard as that is sometimes. =)

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I'm a bit late to join, but I've enjoyed reading through this thread :) Like Emma, I'm pretty honest on here because, well, none of you know me and I can just turn off the computer when I get sick of you ;) but I do lie a bit in real life, mostly because if I were truthful the people around me would either make me feel guilty for complaining, and I don't need that, or hound me with advice I don't want to take.

My lies? Here they are:
I'm not as smitten with my husband as I pretend to be around our friends--they all think he's wonderful, and he is, but there is a lot missing at the moment.
I will not share HIS faults with anyone because *I* am ashamed of them. I don't share them with him either because I am ashamed of my perception of them. Basically, I feel sometimes like he does not value me anymore like he used to and I am becoming more of a burden than a cherished part of his life. I feel like he cares very little about my happiness.
I don't like sex. I never really have, I don't know why, it's just not that great for me unless we are some place exciting. Sometimes I actually find it a little gross, and I HATE to cuddle after--I just want a shower. I would never tell anyone in rl that!
Everyone knows my kid is......unpredictable? Hmmm....how to politely put it? He's great, very smart, very sweet, but when he has his bad moments, it's Hell for everyone around. No way to hide that, so no reason to lie there :)
I hate TV, so he doesn't see much, and I don't talk about finances, so no need to lie there. Overall, I guess I do pretty well, but that relationship lie does seem to get under my skin. Makes me cry sometimes.....oh, I lie about crying. I don't like people to know I cry--even at funerals I step out if I tear up :P

Kelsey - posted on 01/25/2011

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I try not to lie. Lying only leads to problems and falsehood. Why do I need to prove anything to anyone? I'm not saying I don't, but I at least try not to. Nothing good comes out of it.

Jenn - posted on 01/25/2011

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Yeah, I think all people glance at others or will notice that someone is attractive to them, but it's not OK for them to gawk and make you feel bad. I'll notice a hot guy if I'm with Brian, but I don't stare - that's just rude!

Nikkole - posted on 01/25/2011

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Sorry im behind a little :) Well its not like my husband goes to the mall sits on the bench and scopes out women lol he will glance every so often and i know he loves me and would never leave me (he couldn't afford child support ;)!!!) But the only time he has really stared is we were at walmart and this girls boobs were literally almost all the way out of her shirt its kinda like a train wreck you cant help but watch and stare lol! I think at least once everyone looks it wouldn't bother me as much if he looked at girls that look like me not the total opposite!

Katherine - posted on 01/25/2011

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I think we lie because we think that everyone else has a perfect life! Obviously that's not the case. But boy can people play it off.

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Heather, I'm the same as soon as I see someone who claims to be perfect I want to call BS because nobody is perfect!

Candi - posted on 01/25/2011

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I would rather have a "spirited" child with lots of energy who questions authority and acts independently.



It is harder in the short run, but in the long run, it is so, so much better. My daughter is off the wall and spirited and intelligent and hard to control. I would not have it any other way. And that's no lie.



I love that and couldnt agree more. My 2 year old has so much energy that I can barely keep up with her half the time. Id rather her by hyper than lazy a lump on a log like I tell my fiance.



I dont really lie about anything because I dont care what other have to say about the way I parent my daughter as long as she is healthy, not neglected, and not abused and has all the attention she needs then there is nothing im doing wrong just because I parent different then others. I will admit that I lie about how my daughter acts in the stores though because I say she is always good but the truth is she is only good in the store maybe 5 % of the time I have to bribe her to sit and be good in the store just so I can get the things I need. As for money, my fiance, sex, or anything else I have nothing to lie about. My fiance and I get along just like we did when we first got together, not that we dont have our arguments because we do but the love and caring is the same as it was 5 years ago, money we have it but struggle some times just like anyone else who has kids and the mother being a sahm. OUr sex lives have not changed a bit since we had our daughter. My daughter doesnt always have the best appities, I buy her McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's and dont have a care in the world what other people have to say she is MY child and as long as she is eating thats all that matters to me, plus she's a peanut so it doesnt matter to me. My daughter sleeps from 11pm until 11am no lie, when she was 2 weeks she started sleeping from 11pm or 12am until 12-1 pm without waking up once, no lie.

Sharon - posted on 01/24/2011

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I lie to myself how happy i am in my marriage when I really am not and I tell the same lie to others but not to my family! It is hard sometimes and it wears me out. My children are really okay and I enjoy more time with them than DH!

Jennifer - posted on 01/24/2011

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tonya, i can't get mad at him for looking at other women because i look other women too hahaha

Stifler's - posted on 01/24/2011

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my husband and i don't lie to each other that we check out other people. he teases me if i check out other women who are walking down the street.

Lady Heather - posted on 01/24/2011

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I am generally pretty honest, especially on the internet. What the hell do I really care what people I don't even know think of me?

I have great days and I have days where I want to pull out my hair and go back to work.
My finances are in excellent shape now, but this time last year it looked like we were doomed.
I spend all freaking day with my kid but I don't think that's necessarily a good thing. I have no life.
My daughter watches tv between 4 and 5 so I can get dinner stuff taken care of. Maybe it's going to make her ADD. At least she'll be ADD and not starving.
Freja used to eat like a pig. She still does, but only certain things. Toast is too pointy. Pears are too slimy. Etc.
Relations occur 3-4 times a week. But there were all of TWO romantic incidences while I was pregnant, and things didn't start up again for three months afterward.

I'm not understanding why it is so hard to be honest about these things, especially on here. Do we honestly believe that anyone else is perfect? As soon as I see someone who claims to be I just know it's a pile of bs.

Mabel - posted on 01/24/2011

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O k Ladies # 1 please stop lying to yourselves that the men can't help themselves when they look at other women.BullShit!!! I am around 250lbs and my man is a good looking guy who does not look at other women.Have some respect for yourselves and smack your men upside the damn head when he miss behaves!Why do we as women feel like we have to be subjected to a mans base needs?We all came from animals but why are we the ones that have to suffer because men still act like the animal and we don't???

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Right now i'm lying about being ok with my Husbands family.
His younger brother just got sent to jail for 6 months. He belongs there and deserves everything he gets. MIL rang this morning in tears because of it and whinging about not ebing able to say goodbye to him and blahblah fucking blah.
She has not rang our house or my husband in over 2 yrs unless she has wanted to borrow money. She never sends birthdays cards or calls or anything for our kids or my hudbands birthdays or even a general call. I can't do it with her anymore. She also rang her sister and told her all about it even though she hasn't run her sister for anything in over 6 months. Her sister is looking after their father who has had a few strokes and is fully dependant on his children. She didn't even ask about him all she did was talk about her son and his daughter wanting all the sympathy she can get.
I am hurting for my husband at the moment because all he wants is his mum. It's killing me, he is so angry. I just want to cry because he will never be good enough for his own mother who, btw, is still with the man who abused my hu sband as a child. :(

Jennifer - posted on 01/24/2011

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its so hard to get out of that way of thinking. logically, i know that all guys *at least* glance at other women...they can't help it (lol) and it doesn't mean that he's not attracted to me but i just can't help but compare myself to the girls he looks at...those girls and i have NOTHING in common and that really eats at me.
...and then i get depressed, and eat some more. its a vicious cycle

Dawn - posted on 01/24/2011

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I guess I'm gullible. I believe the lies, because I don't understand why people lie about these things. My 2 1/2 year old daughter is a little ham. She's adorable and she knows it. And most days, I have a hard time tolerating her. She screams and shreiks when she doesn't want to do something. I have to start counting and threaten to take toys away to get her to behave. She knows how to push my buttons and does it frequently. I yell. A lot. More than I ever thought I would. And I'm not ashamed to say so, because whatever anyone else says, I know I'm not the only one. My friends with children have problems of their own.

Instead of lying to prove to people we're the best, why don't we tell the truth and be supportive?
I really do have a wonderful husband. We don't have sex as much as he'd like, but it's good when we do. Sometimes our oldest goes to bed without having her teeth brushed, because she's too much to handle after a day's work, and it's bed or we might strangle her! Our 7 month old co-sleeps with us, against our pediatricians wishes, but we wouldn't have it any other way.
If I lie at all, it's to myself about how much time I need to myself. I spend most of my time with my kids, or at work, and sometimes, I need a break. Thankfully, a few of my friends can tell when I'm at my wits end and drag me out of the house for a few hours, and I'm all the better for it.
There's no shame in being a mother. It's a messy job, not always fun, and I love it!

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Thats a horrible thing for a father to do to a son :( That is so true, At least we can learn from having deadbeat parents and be the best parents we can be for our children

Nikkole - posted on 01/24/2011

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@Jennifer Yea i was 125lbs before my son i got up to almost 200 pounds it was horrible and didn't eat fast food or over eat i just blew up! I lost almost all of it then i got pregnant again now im about 40pounds overweight and im short so it makes it look like im bigger than i actually am and i have HORRIBLE stretch marks! But yea my husband likes the skinny, big boobed type and im NOTHING like that right now but i plan on going to the gym soon and eating better not just for him but for me :) But when he looks at other girls (i know when he does) it hurts my feelings and i know he loves me and dosent mean to hurt me it just does!

Nikkole - posted on 01/24/2011

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Im so sorry to hear that Julianne that is awful! Well luckily my dad did NOT reproduce after me lol which is good he is NO GOOD he literally has gone years without so much as a call but tells his friends he trys to contact me and tells his girlfriends that he loves me and supports me and helps me financially THATS A LOAD OF CRAP! Hes the type of guy that all he cares about is himself and he thinks hes GOD's gift to women :P YUCK! My husbands dad is worse than mine tho he had 4kids my husband his brother and twin sister and brother well when his mom had the twins he said they weren't his and LEFT my husband was 5 he would pick him up every so often to visit then just stopped well when we got married he wrote a letter saying he wanted to be in his life and we sent his wedding pics and what not well my husband said You need to be a man and own up to the twins THEY ARE YOURS so stop denying them his dad sent all our pictures back saying he didn't want anything to do with my husband because he didn't need him and he had lived without him for years it crushed my husband but as parents to our kids we can only be the best parents we can and NOT end up like our fathers/mothers whoever is a deadbeat!

Jennifer - posted on 01/24/2011

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Nikkole, i am the same exact way when it comes to my husband. i constantly tell myself that he would leave me if a skinnier girl came along. when my husband and i met, i was 50 pounds lighter and i know that i do not have the body type that he is typically attracted to now.

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I think not having a dad has a negative effect on every girl. I'm glad hes not in my life now though. When i was little it really bothered me. My father is a sick twisted fuck, hes a rapist....in jail for it. I have an estranged sibling because of it. I don't tell anyone that, i just say he left when i was little, but really he tried communicating with me, i could never bring myself to talk to him again. Just knowing im related to him messes with my head :S

Nikkole - posted on 01/24/2011

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Thought of some new lies :)

I lie to my husband when he ask's you know i would never leave you your my soul mate i say yes and (i have MAJOR trust issues from being molested as a child) i feel as if another better looking skinner girl came along he would go after her :( even tho i know he wont its just in the back of my mind! I lie about when i say i never cry to my family, i do cry (when im alone) Over our financial situation and if the baby is not sleeping well and im exhausted! I lie about it not bothering me that i dont have many friends it actually kinda depresses me. I lie about It not bothering me that my husband looks at porn and goes to the strip clubs with his buddies (which he hasn't went to a strip club in over a year we have been poor lol) It makes me feel like im not good enough for him and he isn't happy! I lie about Having emotional problems from me being molested i still have issues that i need to work out!!! I lie when i say it didn't bother me not having a dad growing up it really DID it still hurts he told me he wanted my mom to have an abortion that he did not want me and he has seen my once in 5yrs and he comes to the town i live in very often to visit family and friends! I lie when i say i like my mother in law SHE DRIVES ME NUTS :)



I think i just try to act tough for my kids and my husband but i have to start asking for help or just talk to someone but i dont want people to judge me!

Jennifer - posted on 01/24/2011

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i lie about the fact that when my son was brand new, i fell in with he baby-trainers. i let him CIO when he was 4 months old because i was desperately exhausted and run down and i had tons of people telling me it was the only way and that if i didn't do it my son and i would both be doomed.
i lie about my ability to cope with Holden's night waking. most of the time i cope perfectly with it, but occasionally i have to put him down because i feel like i'm going to flip out.
i lie about not self injuring anymore...instead i've just found ways that don't leave marks
i lie about being lonely. i tell people that i am just a homebody and that i don't like going out when the truth is i just don't have friends because i don't have anything in common with the people here.

[deleted account]

The only thing i lie about is coping. I cope most of the time, but im flat out! Finishing off a degree and a diploma while raising my step son (4) and daughter (20 months) can get pretty overwhelming. I need to learn to man the hell up and ask for help when i need it!

Jenn - posted on 01/24/2011

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I don't lie - people know I'm a nutbar and that my towels have to be folded a certain way or I will refold them, and that I get anxiety and panicky sometimes, and that my kids slept like crap as babies and slept in bed with me, and that we don't have much extra money. I'm a pretty open book and tend to over-share things.

Nikkole - posted on 01/24/2011

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@ Julianne i know how you feel all my friends from high school are very immature and start fights and they are in there 20's so i dont hang out with them and my son doesn't have anyone to play with except me and his dad!!! I HATE where we live we are hoping to move when my husband graduates college :) but it sucks not having anyone to talk to :(

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