A 22-Year-Old Mother Kills Her Infant Son Because He Interrupted Her Farmville Game on Facebook

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/06/2012 ( 45 moms have responded )

3,377

8

66

Alexandra V. Tobias is awaiting trial after pleading guilty to shaking her 3-month-old son to death. Can you believe that the Florida woman committed this senseless act of violence because her infant's cries were distracting her while she was playing Farmville on Facebook? How could this happen?



If there is any justice Alexandra V. Tobiaswill spend the rest of her life behind bars. The 22-year-old Jacksonville, Florida resident recently plead guilty to killing her 3-month-old son over an online game. She admits that Dylan Lee Edmonsonhad been crying for a while as she played the popular Facebook game Farmville.

Alexandra told police that when the infant wouldn't stop crying, last January, she stepped away from the game long enough to shake the boy, smoke a cigarette and then shake the boy again. The unfit mother suggested that little Dylan "may have hit his head during the shaking."



Disgusting. I can't stomach this kind of abuse. Considering that so many of my friends and family are struggling to conceive, it really enrages me that mothers can be so careless with the kids they were blessed to have.



Dylan's death has been classified as second-degree murder, so if convicted, Alexandra faces the possibility of life in prison. The Farmville craze - it has more than 75 million users who earn virtual money by growing and harvesting crops - is becoming a big cause for concern because there are so many reports of players, like Alexandra, have become addicted to the game.



Dr. Phil even featured a Farmville-addicted mother on his talk show in January. Playing Farmville online became an obsession for this woman. She admits to being on the computer playing from the moment she wakes up until late into the night, while her kids were eating microwaveable meals and living in filth.



If you find yourself spending way too much time taking care of your cyber crops, Dr. Phil suggests deleting the game to ensure that it doesn't become a bigger problem.



I'm going to share this story with every single one of my Facebook friends that like to boast about how well their corn crop and avocado harvests are doing. I suggest you do the same thing!

-Amy L. Harper




http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/a-22-ye...



This is terrible. It breaks my heart. The poor baby.



I am sure there isn't much of a debate but I wanted to post it. I think it is important to get out there, for anyone that may find themselves loving their "games" a bit too much (I know most regular's here don't have this problem but for any bypassers or newcomers).

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Tina - posted on 05/10/2012

1,314

28

301

I think with or without farmville this mother may have ended up harming her baby. Sometimes I think we'd be better off without all these gadgets taking up our time and money but if it wasn't farmville it would have been something else that made her crack. It may have been another addiction or maybe the baby interupting her cigarette break. The computer didn't make her kill her baby. She did.

Jodi - posted on 05/10/2012

26,310

36

3891

Oh well, in that case, cars are dangerous. Some people misuse those too. We really need to get rid of them. Not very realistic?



Probably should get rid of iPhones, because I'm pretty sure most of the FB games (not sure about this particular one) are available as an iPhone app too.



For that matter, just get rid of computers and game machines altogether. I've seen other games that aren't on FB just as addictive for some people.



Seriously, you can't blame the tool. That's just ludicrous.



I rest my case.

Isobel - posted on 05/06/2012

9,849

0

282

I spent a night rocking my daughter over and over again all night saying to myself out loud "don't shake the baby...don't shake the baby...don't shake the baby" Congratulations that it never affected you that way, but I definitely have an understanding for people who lose their minds sometimes.

Dove - posted on 05/07/2012

6,196

0

1337

I think I should just go around and 'like' everything that Laura said and keep the rest of my thoughts to myself. ;)

In my opinion, ANYONE who kills/seriously harms another human being intentionally (except possibly in the case of self defense) has a mental issue. I don't believe anyone in their right mind would ever seriously harm or kill another human being on purpose. Which means, in my opinion, that there are a LOT of mentally disturbed human beings running around on this earth. It's not an excuse to let them get away with that behavior. Not at all. They need to be stopped and they need to be punished. But, coming at it from a point of trying to be understanding can, hopefully, help a person like this to get the proper therapy that they so desperately need. Because... what happens if she DOESN'T get life in prison and she goes out and has another baby? Should that baby risk suffering the same fate simply because people were too caught up in the idea that the mother needed to just be punished for her crime instead of trying to help her overcome whatever it was that caused her to kill in the first place? I don't want there to be another dead baby. :(

Oops... guess I didn't keep my thoughts to myself. lol

Isobel - posted on 05/07/2012

9,849

0

282

It doesn`t validate them. I see every horrible thing that happens as just that...a HORRIBLE thing that happened. I don't think that every human being has complete control over their mind and their body...I think that sometimes the world writes so dark and so deep on who you become that you really have no choice but to become a horrible monster.



Again, horrible monsters clearly need to be stopped but that doesn't mean that we can't also feel sorry for them and what brought them to the state that they committed such a horrible action.



Nobody is born WANTING to hurt people, or as a "bad seed" The world turns some children into monsters and then blames them for not being able to stop themselves.



If everybody were as mentally strong as me or you there would be no crime in the world. I have no doubt of that, but everybody is not that strong, and sometimes the abuse that people survive is more horrible than anybody should have to endure.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

45 Comments

View replies by

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/10/2012

3,377

8

66

I agree, it has nothing to do with FB. It would've been something else or maybe not. Maybe she was just tired of listening to him cry or maybe she did have an instability. A lot of maybes, really. All we know is she killed her baby. It is tragic and very saddening. The poor little guy...is all I can say. :(

Sherri - posted on 05/10/2012

9,593

15

387

Oh ya let's blame facebook because she was playing a game on it. BAHAHAHA!! Sorry that has to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

Carmen - posted on 05/10/2012

11

2

1

I rest my case... Facebook is a dangerous website... some one shut it down.

Tabitha - posted on 05/08/2012

329

11

64

MeMe i agree with you...lol! Every sIngle word you said i couldnt have said better myself :)
You saved me from debating it at all tyvm :)

Tina - posted on 05/08/2012

1,314

28

301

I would hope that if she did get away with it and was able to walk free that any baby she had would be taken away. The biggest problem with trying to help people is they have got to want to change and have remorse for their actions. It's like a relative of mine is an alcoholic he's literally hit rock bottom in his life. Everyone has tried to help him one or another. His doctor, family and even councellors. But as one of the doctors pointed out to us until he admits he has a problem there is nothing anyone can do. This man has lost his family, jobs, house, cars and come very close to losing his life yet he still see's nothing wrong with what he's doing. I'm all for helping people but you also have to be realistic some people just don't want help.

Stifler's - posted on 05/07/2012

15,141

154

597

'Shaking' sounds like shaking is putting it mildly. My kids hit their heads all the time and they don't die. What a lunatic. I also agree with Laura this woman was a farmville addict and anyone who gets in the way of an addict and their internet games/alcohol/whatever better watch it.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/07/2012

3,377

8

66

I agree Laura. ;)

Isobel - posted on 05/07/2012

9,849

0

282

This op isn't even about that...it's about a woman who is just weak. and yeah...I can easily feel sorry for people who are just plain weak. It's sad.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/07/2012

3,377

8

66

Laura---You don't have any compassion for children who were raped and became so broken and hurt that they repeated the abuse that was inflicted on them that was so bad that it literally changed the human being that they were to become?

Yes, sometimes I have compassion for them, in this sense. I do get that when they are treated terribly as a child, they often will continue the trend. Not always though. It is also still their responsibility.

I am a victim of physical and emotional abuse. I was molested at the age of 8-10 by my babysitter's son. I was raped at the age of 14. These are only a few terrible things I endured as a child, they are the worst of the other circumstances I lived through. I have not lived a very good life, in the least. Not very many fond memories of my childhood. I have not repeated nor would I ever, any of the acts that were placed on to me. I was broken. I was very angry. I have had to work exceptionally hard at my inner growth and learning to let things go. I still have extreme trust issues and probably always will.

I know not everyone deals the same as the next but, I just do not often have the ability to let excuses become justification. Regardless of your life history, you are responsible for your actions once you are old enough to make those decisions on your own. So, I may have a slight of compassion, in some instances, that does not mean I have acceptance.

I guess I continue to get confused with your view, as it continues to come across as, as long as they have an illness, their actions are validated. Which, yes, I do have an issue with. However, I do see, that you are simply saying it is understandable of why they may act out the way they do but that they must still face punishment.

Isobel - posted on 05/07/2012

9,849

0

282

You don't have any compassion for children who were raped and became so broken and hurt that they repeated the abuse that was inflicted on them that was so bad that it literally changed the human being that they were to become? That's sad. I'm not saying that the perpetrator should go unpunished or that it makes what they did OK...I'm just saying that it's understandable.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/07/2012

3,377

8

66

I should also add on the compassion side of things. It is great that you, Laura, have compassion for everyone. I guess I am just not as giving. I do not have any compassion, not even an ounce, for those freaks that molest and/or rape children (or anyone for that matter). I do not have compassion for those that view child pornography. I don't care if they have every illness in the book, I do not have compassion for them. In my view, they deserve to be beaten to death.

If anyone every hurt my children, I would NOT have compassion for them. I would only have hatred. I would fight with a vengeance to see them put away for the rest of their lives or even better, given the death penalty (which here in Canada, isn't an option but it should be).

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/07/2012

3,377

8

66

I don't agree she was clearly ill. It is not clear to me. Just because she killed her son by shaking him does not define illness. It could very well define aggression, the inability to concentrate on something that was of importance to her. She was frustrated with having to attend to her baby and constantly battling the interference of what she wanted to be doing, play her game. Yes, it was an external reality for her but a game is this for anyone. Just not everyone becomes addicted or obsessed, for many it is just a time filler. Something to do, while passing time.

Just because you kill someone does not conclude you have an illness. Just because she you lose it, does not conclude illness. I wholeheartedly disagree with the theory of her shaking her baby means she had an illness. For goodness sake, she went and shook him, had a smoke, then went back. Come on, she was pissed off he hadn't stopped crying.

Tina - posted on 05/07/2012

1,314

28

301

I've struggled with severe depression. I've certainly been grumpy. But if I hurt my child once like this I would never risk hurting them again. There needs to be more support for new mums and questions and evaluations done to make sure that things like this don't happen. There isn't enough support for new mums

Isobel - posted on 05/07/2012

9,849

0

282

and yes...I have compassion and understanding for everybody...literally. I can't think of one person who ever existed who I couldn't have compassion for.

Isobel - posted on 05/07/2012

9,849

0

282

Not an excuse. A reason. She should still be punished obviously BUT let's not pretend that this woman was making any good decisions. She was clearly ill.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/07/2012

3,377

8

66

Seriously, if I had an issue with kids being raised like I was and knew I didn't want that for them. i would never have had any.



Yes, think before you act. I am sorry but that is just foolish to have compassion or even understanding for people that do this. At the rate your going Laura, you have an excuse for any mother to kill their child. Meh.



The fact is most mother's have difficulty with their baby. Most babies cry to high heaven around the clock. Do you see them all, even the ones with PPD shaking/killing their baby? Nope. Hell, I was like you with my son. He went through the first 3 months freaking ALL the time. I was often at my ends rope. He had terrible reflex. Just because the thought passes your mind, does NOT mean you all of a sudden have a clean break to act it out.

Isobel - posted on 05/07/2012

9,849

0

282

well shucks, if wish were will and dare were dream then lazy fish would rule the stream...Coulda, shoulda, woulda. What's the point in anything?

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/07/2012

3,377

8

66

Laura---If you had the mental where-with-all to know what the hell you were doing you wouldn't kill your freakin kid. A lot of people kill their kids because they feel that their kids will be damned to live a life as bad or worse than the one they lived.

Perhaps they should have thought of this BEFORE they got pregnant. ;)

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/07/2012

3,377

8

66

Ah, I didn't even notice the date, sorry about that. It was just on FB yesterday and I thought it was new. I knew the act had occurred 2 years ago but from what I understood, she was just being tried now.... oops. ;)

Isobel - posted on 05/06/2012

9,849

0

282

If you had the mental where-with-all to know what the hell you were doing you wouldn't kill your freakin kid. A lot of people kill their kids because they feel that their kids will be damned to live a life as bad or worse than the one they lived.

[deleted account]

sorry, if i ever killed my child because of something so stupid i wouldn't wait for a trial, i'd do myself in and save the jury the trouble of having to decide whether or not it was depression or an addiction or if i actually gave a shit that my child was dead. but that's just me.

Jodi - posted on 05/06/2012

2,694

52

168

My firstborn also had colic something fierce. She would start SCREAMING at 6 pm and wouldn't stop until 4 am no matter what we did. She would get into the purple face crying where she couldn't breath anymore. Like someone else said, I remember one night, I used to sit on the corner of my bed and pat her back and bounce her and realizing that I was nearly shaking her. I had to put her on the floor and walk outside.I called my mom at 1 am to come and help because I was shaking (myself, like my hands, not I was shaking my baby!) and breathing really fast. I can see how it happens, to perfectly healthy (mentally and physically), perfectly adept parents who love their children. It's a scary spot to be in, and even scarier is the thought of what would have happened if I hadn't realized what I was doing for another minute or so.

While what this woman did was terrible, I can't imagine a mother in her right frame of mind would do this. Unfortunately, it only takes a moment to be out of your right frame of mind to do something terrible, but I do believe she must have been depressed or mentally ill, just my gut feeling.

Janice - posted on 05/06/2012

1,890

18

63

The linked article is dated 10/29/10, so it is old.
Anyways, Its hard to believe that anyone could do such a thing.

My daughter had colic and I was sooooo sleep deprived. I remember a couple of times a started rocking/ bouncing her faster and faster. and had to stop myself and put her down and walk away. I never actually shook her but after 5 years in daycare and doing shaken baby syndrome training I learned how a good parent might end up shaking their baby.

I dont believe this was the same thing though. It seems like she wasn't trying to help her baby calm down and just couldn't walk away. It seems like she purposefully stopped playing to go punish he newborn for bothering her.

Obviously, no matter "why" she did it she is mentally ill. I wonder what happened to her. Very, very sad, poor baby!

[deleted account]

Meme is right. It's basically like circle of moms but it has a lot more info. I love both.



Going back on topic. I dont know what being addict to games are but I hope this woman now sees reality. Now being in prison for life will teach her the importance about life than a stupid fb game. I myself blocked apps from everyone. I got tired of being invited which I don't want to play.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/06/2012

3,377

8

66

It's just a place to read and learn about your children according to their age. In regard to their milestones. It also provides specific information, depending on what you are looking to research. If you want to know good sleep schedules, they have info. If you want to know what to feed them, they have the info. That kind of stuff.... ;)

Isobel - posted on 05/06/2012

9,849

0

282

try to stop thinking of it as a "game" and think of it as "alternative reality" (in which nobody needs you and you're not suicidal). It's not any different from being high. And yes, some people come out of their addictions because their kids snap them out of it...and some don't.

Katherine - posted on 05/06/2012

65,420

232

4956

I keep hearing of this babycenter (not to get off topic) but what is it?

[deleted account]

I don't play ANY fb games esp farmville. I hate that game and never found a used to that. The only addiction I have is circle of moms, babycenter, and fb when I talk online. I don't play any games online nor do I pla no video games unless is family night with the wii. I think that is ridiculous and to go beyond that level. M prayers go out to baby Dylan. May God with with this little angel.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/06/2012

3,377

8

66

Yes, you are correct, everyone does suffer differently, as well as, work through their feelings differently. I guess, my problem is, for me it is not an excuse, to kill your child. I do see now, none of you are saying that. So, I understand what each of you are saying.



No, I have never suffered depression. Just addiction. Addiction to drugs for 6.5 years (14 years ago, I quite), which are not easy to be rid of. My daughter is what gave me the strength to stop and fight that addiction. Once she was born, I never looked back (I quite when I found out I was pregnant). So, it is rather difficult for me, to comprehend an addiction to a "game" and not be able to still completely support your children, appropriately. I know when I first started frequenting this site, I was addicted to it. I looked forward to opening it up each morning and every night AND all hours inbetween. It was something new, for me. I felt a desired "need" to see what "new" threads there were and what other's were saying. It was/is nice to be able to relate to other Mom's. I don't get out too much, most of my good friends have moved away (or still live out West) and I am at work all day. I still ensured my kids and husband were taken care of. I have an obligation, regardless of what "I" want to do instead. ;)



Is it really that hard to close the lid to your computer? Or get up and walk away? I suppose, again, everyone handles things differently. I dunno. Just seems really petty to me. It is a really stupid addiction, IMO. Then again, they all are. ;)



Honestly, I think she was pissed off because her game was not going how she wanted it to. She needed to vent. Why is it that whenever a baby is shook to death, at an early age, so many others immediately jump to the conclusion that there was depression involved? It doesn't always have to be a factor.



All I know, is I feel so bad for this baby. I couldn't imagine the feeling it had while being shook to death. I mean I know they cannot create thought at that age but shit, it had to be scary and hurt like hell. :o(



I hope she gets life in prison and does not get to have another child in her lifetime.

Vicki - posted on 05/06/2012

1,150

0

166

It's a tragic and horrifying story. When it gets to the point of baby shaking it's PP Psychosis, not just PPD. I think the media is just loving the headline of 'Farmville killed the baby', which is disgusting of them. Ten years ago it may have been tetris, or a chat room, a crossword, whatever. I don't think Farmville itself is the issue here, mental illness, lack of identification of her issue and no support. No an illness isn't an excuse for killing your baby, but in a psychotic state she wouldn't be able to tell right from wrong.

I played Farmville when ds was newborn, I think it was new then. Something to do during the loooong booby sessions. It got boring really quickly and I deleted my account after a couple of months. I also found it disturbing that when we went to the country during fruit season I would see fruit-laden trees and think 'right-click... harvest'.

Jodi - posted on 05/06/2012

26,310

36

3891

I suffered PPD, and while my medication was kicking in, I DID have a fleeting thought about hurting my baby. I kid you not. Not because I am a bad person, but because I was honestly not in any rational state of mind, and I was lucky I had a very supportive husband at the time or I don't know where that would have ended up. It is a terrible, terrible feeling, and I would never wish it on anyone. Obviously, I didn't act on those thoughts, I recognised I had a problem and sought help. But not everyone has the access to the support that I had, and not everyone has the same level of self awareness (consider the fact that I was significantly older, and therefore my self awareness levels were probably heightened).

Unless you've actually been there, you can't possibly know. Kelina is right, we are all different, and we all react differently.

Kelina - posted on 05/06/2012

2,018

9

235

And everyone reacts differently to depression and addiction. While you may have struggled with it and never once thought of harming your kids, that doesn't mean others will suffer the way you did. Sometimes when my depression gets bad I can't stand to be touched. At all. And when my kids are having a clingy day, there are times it's a real struggle for me not to lose my temper and risk harming them. It's not necessarily a cop out. Should they be treated any differently? yes and no. They still need to be punished for what they did, and I don't believe their sentences should be any less simply because they were addicted, but I honestly believe there should be some compassion for those mothers who are honestly horrified by what they did. and yes, dads can suffer from depression just as moms can. While it may not be labeled PPD sleep deprivation and a new routine in life can affect them just as much as it can us. This story makes me angry and sad that a child had to lose his life because his mother couldn't have cared less, but that is not every mother with an addiction or depression. Some mothers really love their kids and hate that what they;re doing is or might cause harm to their kids, but either don't know where to ask for help or how, or simply believe that nothing can help them.

Jodi - posted on 05/06/2012

26,310

36

3891

Actually, MeMe, it has been shown recently that dad's suffer something similar to PPD too.

I don't think anyone said it was ok, Laura was simply pointing out that to you and I it may seem *superficial*, but to a person with a very real addiction or illness, it isn't superficial reasons, it is a lot more than that.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/06/2012

3,377

8

66

I have had my addictions in the past. Sorry, I wasn't killing my children for them. That's nothing but a cop out. Depression and addiction are not the same. Depression is a chemical issue in the brain, addiction is not a chemical inbalance. There are not medications to cure addiction (except methadone, for meth heads). She heard her baby crying, did she really need to go and shake it, have a smoke and then go back to shake it some more?? Yeah, I don't think so. Her crops must have needed watering or something! FFS



And again, Florida. Why is Florida such a hot topic of despair lately? Is it where all the idiots are flocking to?



I hope she goes away for life and gets shook a few times by Bertha!!



ETA:

Laura, what about the Dad's that kill their babies? Do they have PPD too?? There was a man just recently that shook his 2.5 month old because he would not stop crying, he couldn't listen to it anymore, he said.



So, now what? Why do women get an "Awwww, she had depression or an addiction" (which btw is ridiculous, to be OK with them having an addiction and killing their baby), she had a reason.

Isobel - posted on 05/06/2012

9,849

0

282

Addiction and depression isn't superficial. Just because you don't understand what her mental problems were doesn't mean they weren't there.

It's kinda like saying a woman killed her baby because they wouldn't stop crying...no, she killed her baby because she had PPD and couldn't handle it.

Kimberly - posted on 05/06/2012

785

23

317

OMG I have played farmville for a while and i admite I did really like the game but i LOVE my child and I will never put something so superfical in front of her health and care. Plus after about three months I became bored with it! I really do hope this mother gets life in prison because what she has done is unspeakable. To actually kill a baby over a game?? In this day and age everyone knows that shaking a baby can kill that is just cruel and heartless. I hope she is locked away so she can never have another child that she can hurt and take them dam computer away from her too!!! Somebody out there could have taken that child and given them the love and care they deserved.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms