Debb - posted on 12/13/2011 ( 79 moms have responded )
I became pregnant by a well-meaning 16 year old when I was 17 (don’t worry, his mom knew and strangely, approved of our 'relationship'). We hadn’t been together long and it wasn’t serious. I would venture to say that we belonged more in the ‘friends with benefits’ category looking back. We discussed our options; parenting, adoption or abortion and ultimately I decided that I would parent.
I CHOSE to have the baby. I was fully aware that I would get little to no help. I never even bothered asking for child support. In my opinion, his involvement as a father couldn’t be represented by a check every month and frankly I didn’t want his money. But, getting to the heart of the matter, had he been able to make the choice, he would’ve had me abort the baby; therefore I didn’t feel that he should be held responsible for what ultimately was MY decision.
I would like to go ahead and say that I never was on government assistance either and I lived on my own. I don’t want to paint the picture that I didn’t want his money, but was happy to have tax payers pay my way, because that wasn't my situation at all.
That leads me to my question. I agree that each party is equally responsible for the pregnancy itself (they had consensual sex, she could’ve used BC, he could’ve worn a condom, etc.). But, if he explicitly tells her up front that he CANNOT or DOES NOT WANT to be a parent, should he still be held responsible? After all, she had a choice and was the one to ultimately make the decision.
To be clear, I am specifically speaking of couples who get pregnant accidentally, and had the discussion where he wanted an abortion or adoption and she refused and had the baby against his wishes. I am not speaking of the cases where he acted like he would be there and wanted the child and changed his mind later on.
What do you guys think?