Adult kids living at home

Karla - posted on 07/18/2012

Lost,

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles with your daughter. I'm not sure I would follow the advice of those telling me not to reach out to her. I think you can express that you love and care for someone without being used by them. I wonder, have you considered revisiting therapy to talk about this situation and get some tools to use now?

Al-Anon helped me see that I can love someone without enabling them and without disassociating myself from them.

Lost - posted on 07/18/2012

Im dealing with this in a whole different way. My daughter at age 16 quit school which was heartbreaking. I had told her that without an education that life would be a struggle. She didnt seem to care. At 20 she was living at home working part time 8-14hrs a week and getting us to drive her everywhere as we had moved to the burbs when she was 18. We finally gave her an ultimatum, learn to drive we would pay for lessons and a car or move to the city. So she moved. Of course even tho she lived with my brother she was REALLY struggling. I didn't rescue her. When she said she had no food I asked my husband for money (I'm not working) he said she needs to ask herself. She wouldn't because she didnt want to hear a lecture. So long story short her boyfriends mother offered her a place to live for 200 a month all inclusive. This woman cleans her sons room, does his laundry and cooks all his meals, He doesnt know how to make a sandwich I kid you not.



So she now lives in perpetual childhood. This woman insults me all the time saying that if she were her daughter she would never have forced her to move" "she would never let her go hungry" If she were really hungry she would have asked. Now she has cut me out of her life. She acts as if she is a victim of abuse. She has never been abused. She grew up in a family that loved her and she always refused our support. It hurts as I was homeless at 16 due to a violent abusive homelife. I spent 8 years in therapy and attended numerous parenting courses all in an effort to be a better mother than mine and at the end I am considered a monster. I have always believed that letting a child avoid growing up and asking nothing of them is selfish. The only reason a parent would do this is to avoid feeling hated and to put your feelings above the future well being of your child and their ability to be self sufficient is in opinion abusive.



Its just a shame as she was just starting to turn her life around when she was "rescued" from having to grow up and in turn I lost my child. All of my effort and heartache is down the drain. I stood by her and defended her when everyone told me she was cold and selfish. Guess there was something to that. She could be kind and when she was it gave me hope and kept me on the hook. My husband and friends have told me not to reach out to her which of course is killing me.



So a parent that believes in taking care of her adult children as if they are helpless has drawn my daughter in and gives her a way out. She gets to feel superior and has won my childs affections and has helped to tear a mother and daughter apart. I really hope that that woman is happy.

Johnny - posted on 12/17/2011

I think there are about a zillion reasons that adult children may be at home. I have two friends living with their parents who are the supporters of the family. One friend who never moved out. His parents are both disabled from a car accident. He pays the bills and looks after the house. He's had people slag him for it not realizing that he is probably a heck of a lot more responsible than they are. He is now married and they both live with his parents.

The other friend moved in with her dad after her mom passed. He was getting on and was very lonely. She is single but they both pay the bills and live more like roommates. He is in his 80's and I think it makes her feel better to keep an eye on him.

There are also many people where I live for whom living with their parents is the cultural norm. Even when they marry and have their own families, they stay in the same home as their parents.

And others are wanting to save to buy a home, and want to avoiding paying astronomical rents. It's pretty difficult, even with a good job, to save up a downpayment for a $500,000 condo while paying $1000/month for a bachelor pad, even with a good job. I suppose every young person in my city could leave, and many actually are moving to other regions (it's becoming an issue) but I see nothing wrong with staying home until you can live independently properly.

I left home at 17 and I think I might be in much better financial situation if I had stayed living with my parents for longer. I would have hated it, but I might be able to afford my own home now if I hadn't spent so much in rent over the years.

That all being said, I do know some lazy ass punk guys who make good money and like living at home where mommy does the cooking, cleaning, and everything else. I dated a few of those over the years and they never got the second date, lol.

Janice - posted on 12/17/2011

Sherri, I believe the situation you describe is perfectly acceptable. If your child i working towards independence than that is one thing. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. But maybe watching my sister leech off my mother and my mother be miserable has just made me bitter and cynical about the subject as a whole.

Sherri - posted on 12/17/2011

Not always Janice. My intention is for my kids NOT to move out until they are out of college, have a really good job and can financially support themselves comfortably without going into debt doing so. Once they graduate HS they will be required to pay a small amt of rent which I will put into an acct. for them and give it to them when they move out to help with rent and bills.

Janice - posted on 12/17/2011

Yes, there are times when you might lean on your parents financially but I think most adults living at home are just lazy, entitled assholes.



My sister is 25 and completely lives off my mother. She didn't finish high school (did get her GED) and never went to college. Instead of getting a job she is applying for disability for problems she refuses to get help for anxiety, ADD, vertigo. My mother is almost 55 and works 2 jobs. My mother pays for her cell phone, cigarettes, food, everything! It makes me so mad! She even brought home a puppy and almost got them evicted from their apartment.



ETA: Karla is right that it is a tough economy right now and if an adult child must move back home temporarily or delay moving out that is one thing. I think that there is a major issue with young adults now a days that just have no motivation to live independently and believe its their parents job to support them forever.

Corinne - posted on 12/16/2011

My older sister and younger brother still live at home, she's 34, he's 26. Both of them have jobs, she has 2, he has 2/3 (he does some freelance every now and then). She's been engaged since she was 18 and is still with the guy, he also lives with his mum, they have never lived away from the family home. My bro joined the army and left after a training injury, he's lived away from home twice. Both my bro and sis pay mum some money but it's not a lot. Both of them have the means to get out, they're just more interested in buying crap they don't need. Drives me nuts cause mum is getting stressed about them being there and she won't kick them out. Head + wall x repeat.

Karen - posted on 12/14/2011

my son is 30 now he has his 38 year old girlfriend living with us too. she does nothing to help out I told him to leave he came home and said you are dead to me and left. I feel terrible but I felt like I was being an idiot letting it go on

Becky - posted on 10/01/2011

I moved in with my parents after my divorce. I was encouraged to stay as long as I needed/wanted too! I was there with my daughter for over a year. Granted I paid rent, helped with cooking, cleaning & laundry and paid them $300 a month for rent to help with the added expense of us being there. I only moved out because I found a better employment opportunity out of the area. looking back now, I wish I would have stayed longer! It was great there! And I know my parents miss having the extra help around the house too! At the time, the job I had didn't fully support me & my daughter. Living at home with my parents paying my bills was still a stretch for me. My new job was a significant pay increase and better hours so I could afford to move, get my own place and support my daughter. If I could keep the job I had, and live with my folks, I'd do it again in a heart beat! They helped out with my daughter, and we all pitched in around the house.

Beautiful - posted on 10/01/2011

Karla--- You hit it on the head, I really wish people would stop being so blind as to what is really going on in this economy, its an ugly,rough time to be living in, especially when trying to raise a family. Im thankful and surprised we have been able to make it like we have.... and on one income. We live well within our means but like I said before if I had a chance to share a house with my parents I would do it, help us and them.

Lisa - posted on 10/01/2011

Thank you Heather. It's not really a matter of pooling resources as we are both financially secure. Mom moving back here to Indiana and into my home is more just a matter of companionship and desire. Both single, both having lost partners and lonely, it makes sense to us to enjoy each other's companly now. Myl children and mly ward all adore "Gram" and she likes spending time with them. She has her own private space, and someday she may take advantage of the real estate market and purchase another home here. In the meantime, she has the opportunity to meet new men or women, enjoy her grandkids, shovel a little snow (?), and freeze her tush like the rest of us.

Rachael - posted on 10/01/2011

i think it's an unwillingness (not for everyone, but it certainly is a factor for many). i would never move back home after moving out (i moved out at 19) and we didn't, and especially now with a kid, don't live in the lap of luxury, but we have a roof over our head and decent food,and clothes. we live paycheque to paycheque and sometimes have to dip into savings. it isn't always fun, but we would rather support ourselves unless it is completely impossible to do so.

Karla - posted on 10/01/2011

Because I know many of you don’t have the time to read all the statistics I’ve listed, I will get to my point first.

All these stats represent people. In America we are in the worst Economic state we’ve been in for decades, in 2009 the World Bank said the global economy performance was the worst since the Great Depression. In the UK it has been stated that families felt the worst financial squeeze on living standards since the 1870’s

If you are not affected by these trends, count yourself lucky. I’m not saying it’s impossible to get a job and home of your own, but it is harder than it has been for decades. So to the question, “Is it really that hard to make your own way?” Yes, it’s harder today then it has been for many, many years.

I’m finding many people are not taking into consideration individual hardships and needs.

There’s also the issue of deciding that because you want to live a certain way, that means everyone should. It’s been mentioned that in some cultures it’s not only accepted but expected that adult children will stay in the parents’ home. That can be said for some American families as well. Why must that practice be deemed “good” or “bad?”

Now in the case where the parent is complaining about an adult child living at home; then it’s time to have a conversation in that home about expectations, finances, and a possible move.

My main objection is with the view that our current economy is not having an effect on people, it is, and extended family living is one of the many consequences.


* Today 61% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck, that number was 49% in 2008, and 43% in 2007
* 66% of the income growth between 2001 – 2007 went to the top 1% of Americans.
* 36% of Americans don’t feel able to contribute anything to retirement savings.
* 24% of American workers say they have postponed their planned retirement age.
* Over 1.4 million Americans filed for personal bankruptcy in 2009, which represented a 32% increase over 2008.
*** Only the top 5% of U.S. households have earned enough additional income to match the rise in housing costs since 1975!
* For the first time in U.S. history, banks own a greater share of residential housing net worth in the U.S. than all individual Americans put together.
* In 1950 the ratio of the average executive’s paycheck to the average worker’s paycheck was about 30 to 1. Since the year 2000, that ratio has exploded to between 300-500 to 1.
* The bottom 50% of income earners in the U.S. now collectively own less than 1% of the nation’s wealth.
* In the U.S. today, the average time needed to find a job has risen to a record 35.2 weeks.
* More than 40% of employed Americans are working in service jobs, which are often very low paying.
* For the first time in U.S. history, more than 45 million Americans are on food stamps – 2011. (That record keeps resetting almost every month.)
* America now competes with the world economy were the average China garment worker makes approximately 86 cents an hour, the average Cambodia garment worker make approximately 22 cents an hour.
* Approximately 21% of all children in the U.S. are living below the poverty line (2010) – the highest rate in 20 years.
* The top 10% of Americans now earn around 50% of our national income.
From:
http://www.businessinsider.com/22-statis...

• Health Insurance rates continue to rise at a much greater rate then income.
• Health Insurance increases are stagnating employers to the point were they must eliminate their health care plans.
• The number of lay-offs was up 14% in August 2011.
• Income and spending are down for the second straight year in 2010.
• Approximately 20% of all employed Americans are making $10.65 on hour or less.
• The median yearly wage in the U.S. is $26,261, (half the wages are less than this, and half are more.)
• The average American household is carrying $75,600 in debt.
• Last year 2.6 million more Americans dropped into poverty – representing the largest increase since the U.S. government began keeping statistics on this in 1959.
From:
http://theeconomiccollapseblog.com/archi...

Even more info:
http://prorev.com/indicators.htm

Amy - posted on 09/30/2011

Where there's a will, there's a way. I got out before I was married. When I was living at home and in college, I was only there because i was working full time, full time internships, full time college. I was barely there and still did my chores. That was for a year and then got engaged and out we went together to live because who wants to stay home? Isn't the point to LEAVE the nest? Is it hard? Yes, but doable. Even if I had to work two jobs, and at one point my husband did, we made it happen. Yes, you most certainly give up the "Cool" things to obtain freedom. And it's beyond worth it. I know girls who stay home because they haven't found mr right. and then at thirty they realize you don't find mr right in your bedroom reading romance novels. doi.

our generation is a "me" centered generation who has an idea of perfect. perfect wedding means lots of money so some stay home until they have the money. well, a cool dress and cake don't keep the marriage alive, folks. get out and live together. take the leap. just get the license and run for the door. lol. i think some of it is selfishness and don't want to give up lifestyle. some of it is parents fault for not saying..grow up and get out.

but some cultures the whole family stays together, all equally pull weight and help each other out. grandma is right there to watch kids so adults can go on dates. And to split a mortgage between four people working sure helps the bank account. I personally couldn't live with my parents. I'd go crazy. But it'd be financially easier. I understand that if there's a true NEED to do so. For my independence though, I'd work two jobs if needed to just have my own place. Ok, now i still have time so i'm going to read everyone else's responses!

Amie - posted on 09/29/2011

Oh and I will also add - for most of us, we are fortunate to live in countries where if we are indeed short on cash for our NEEDS - we have social programs to help us over those humps in life.

Amie - posted on 09/29/2011

No, it's not harder these days. People just do not want to live without their wants.

I remember talking to one of my profs about this years ago when I was in Uni. The differences between when she moved out and went to uni and my generation.

Her generation moved out and into these tiny little apartments, basement suites, etc. Most walked, biked or took buses around. They didn't have the internet, cable, etc. that were considered "needs".

Today - good luck getting the average Uni student to accept that tiny apartment that's the size of their bedroom at home. A lot have their own vehicles. Not having the internet and cable is something that is unheard of. Gasp!

It's just a couple basic things but those few things outlined some pretty glaring differences.

It is not harder, people are just not willing to give up the luxuries of their parents home to make their way.

To move out all you need is a job or a student loan (or grant, scholarship, etc.) to live off of. You need to be able to define the difference between a need and a want. (A lot of people are very bad at this and come up with all sorts of justifications to define their want as a need.) You need to be able to figure out your budget and stick to it. So many people are so very bad when it comes to their own finances.

It's really not that hard.

I also have issues with parents who allow this to happen. It's not just the child's fault. If you're not willing to kick your adult child out of the house - then you don't get to complain. There is a difference between helping them out in the short term (short term is defined differently by different people so take that term as you will) with a plan and what the OP is talking about too.

Tammy - posted on 09/29/2011

I used to date a guy that still lives with his mom and he's now 50!

Medic - posted on 09/29/2011

I do get your point if the kids are lazy. I LOVED moving back in with my parents when my first child was sick and my husband was in Iraq and it worked great. My dad always told us that he built that house for us kids, its paid off, and mostly empty when none of us or my kids are not there. The first time I moved back my son and I lived there about a year and it was great. I worked the job of my dreams, my parents got to see my son, my son got to bond with them. When my husband came back we got transferred and were gone for a year then we came back for another year right before our daughter was born because I was put on bedrest and my husband was gone so much with the military and we (my parents and us) decided that since my dad was retiring and my husband was up for another deployment that we would just stay there. My kids each have their own room there, they have a playroom, and we have a room that we stay in now when we visit. My dad loved having the sound of kids in the house again, I loved getting to see my dad mainly. We paid our bills, bought our food and I helped around the house because I enjoy that time with my parents. I think my dad is the most sad since we moved out he still has all of our rooms and has kept them so when we visit he thinks he can convince us to stay. Maybe I can get him to move out here with us. I guess it just depends on the motives behind it all. I want my kids to be close to their grandparents.....and I love being close to my parents.

Jennifer - posted on 09/29/2011

Heck YES it's harder these days! Look at the economy, the price of gas, the price of food, the cost of apartments. The apartments we live in have gone up $100 dollars a month this year because everyone who defaulted on their houses are not eligible to buy another house so they HAVE to get into an apartment. The apartments know this and are raising the prices so high that people can barely afford it! Then to top it off, many jobs only either pay minimum wage or as low as they can get away with because there are so many people out there who want work and can't find it, the companies can get away with paying meager wages.

I would prefer my daughter stay here until she can save back some money because her other option would be to move to Detroit and live in a dangerous neighborhood, and scrape by on minimum wage since she can't find anything that pays more right now.

Daniela - posted on 09/29/2011

That does sound much worse than a vicious cat...

Lady Heather - posted on 09/29/2011

I think I'd like my dad's house a lot more if it didn't come complete with his wench.

Stifler's - posted on 09/29/2011

I like mine bt they are VERY ANNOYING.

Daniela - posted on 09/29/2011

By the way, I love my parents dearly, really, lol.

Stifler's - posted on 09/29/2011

I hate VISITING my parents and sleeping in their house. No privacy at all, people are loud, it's COLD! I hate it I have gotten accustomed to doing whatever I like and I could never go back.

Daniela - posted on 09/29/2011

My dad is a chain-smoker and watches crappy day-time tv. My mom has her on thing going on in the kitchen and it would just not feel like mine. And their cat is vicious. No, it's definitely not like being at home.

Lady Heather - posted on 09/29/2011

Me too Daniela. I think when you leave and establish your own way of being and then go back it's like...really? Is this how it was? My dad has football on all day. My mum's house is disorganized to the point where even I go nuts. Neither of them ever have food at home. It's the weirdest thing. It's just not like being at home.

Daniela - posted on 09/29/2011

By the way, I totally would move back in with my parents if I was ever to fall on hard times (not that's it's all peachy at the moment), but they'd absolutely drive me CRAZY!

Daniela - posted on 09/29/2011

I totally get what Heather is on about. I think it is a question of higher expectations and an unwillingness to compromise. You can live at home, have your meals cooked and payed for, your laundry washed, your electricity and rent paid for and all the money that you make can go towards nights out with your friends, clothes, holidays, gadgets. It's got nothing to do with falling on hard times or having some kind of a family set up where this living arrangement makes sense and where everyone has their duties. It's about purposefully not taking any responsibility in life because living with mom and dad is so cushy.

Stifler's - posted on 09/29/2011

My sister lives in a share house, you can find them in the paper or on websites. No one said they had to move out and get their own place by themselves, of course people can't afford that unless they have a really good job. Who the hell would want to live at home forever.

Phyllis - posted on 09/29/2011

I think living at home is not a good idea, unless their is illness, it makes it easier to spend money they should be saving. I know from having a 51 year old daughter living with me and I am tired of it. I have 3 young kids I fostered and adopted and I don't like how she is so mean to them. they have special needs and they deserve to have a home, love and a mom. She has a job she pays a small amout for room and board. My house is so much happier when she is not around. I lost my husband 4 years ago and she seems to think she needs to boss the kids around. She
favors the 6 year old. I have to constantly remind her I am the mom and head of my house.

Lady Heather - posted on 09/29/2011

Yeah, I'm thinking everyone should be trying to get shacked up at least because that does cut your costs.

I guess this isn't so much about adults at home. Obviously there are lots of perfectly legit situations where that's going to come up. It's just the idea that we as a generation are more particularly hard done by than previous generations and that hardship makes it impossible for us to have lives. I hope people see that side of things and don't think I think every person who falls on hard times unexpectedly is some horrible person! I obviously don't think that. But I have found this curious attitude in my perusal of the media that suggests we are the hard knocks generation. Yeah, the economy isn't the greatest and some people have a legitimately hard time because of it. Then there are people who have wracked up so much frigging debt living outside their means (and not to cover necessities) and it's much harder to feel sorry for them. There are people who find themselves in hard times who move back with their parents to get back on their feet. And then there are people who never left and won't leave unless they have the kickass job in their field and a place to live that meets their standards. Oh and someone to cook and do the laundry would be cool.

I guess what I'm thinking is I don't think things are as bad as they are made out to be for us. I actually think in a lot of ways many of our parents are worse off. Those that were able to get ahead when they were younger are doing okay. But I had some coworkers who were planning on retiring and then all their investments went in the shitter with the recession and they now have to keep working for an indeterminate amount of time, already in their mid-60s to make it up. My mother is basically screwed and will certainly be moving in with us one day. She has a fair deal of home equity but is just starting her career now with no savings or investments. If she lives as long as it looks like she could she will run out of money 10 years too soon. That doesn't sound like a lot of fun either. And try getting back into the employment game at 55 years old. A million times harder than it is for a young person in most cases.

I guess there just seems to be a lot of woe is me going on. I just wonder if our expectations are too high. We are a pretty spoiled society. Obviously that's a generalization and there are people who are very disadvantaged, but the norm seems to have become a decent car, a bigger home, ipads and gadgets and vacations and blah de blah blah. Like here they have started building all these massive homes with huge price tags. Nobody can actually afford these things but it's what everybody wants. They are clearly targeted at younger families. I think these sorts of things make people think that until you can have that, you can't have anything. I turn on HGTV and watch this Property Virgins show and they are looking for the perfectly completed shiny new home. Nobody wants to compromise. Well we don't have granite countertops and shiny hardwood floors and we haven't died yet.

I'm just rambling.

Elfrieda - posted on 09/29/2011

Yeah, if anything, getting married would reduce the costs, since now it's two people paying the rent, groceries, etc.



Most people I know don't live ALONE. My sister, although she'd love to have a apartment by herself, has a roommate so that together they share a nicer place, rather than living by herself in some sort of one-room slum dwelling with one cupboard and the livingroom doubling as the bedroom.



Another friend bought a house with her brother, and then the two of them lived there and also rented out rooms to a few of their friends. They called it "the commune" and it really was a fun place! :) That sort of thing really appeals to me, but only as a short-term thing, like maybe a couple of years.

Minnie - posted on 09/29/2011

See, I didn't read the OP as the adult children being lazy and not helping out with family expenses.

In some cases it IS just too stinkin expensive to go at it on your own. Although I don't buy the married thing, it costs $35 for a marriage license. Eloping can be fun. :)

Krista - posted on 09/29/2011

I dont mind that adults stay home if they are involved and take responsibilty or families who CHOOSE to live together however Kidults shit me , grow up , get a life of your own!

Feen hit it on the head.

My husband lived with his parents when I first met him. He was paying off student loans and not making very good money, so his folks said it would be okay for him to stay there in order to get his finances back in order. BUT, he helped around the house and contributed to the household expenses, so that's different.

I agree that adult children who expect Mommy and Daddy to pay for everything and to do everything for them need a swift kick in the arse.

Karla - posted on 09/29/2011

I can see there is a lot of judgment tied to this phenomenon. I didn’t really think about it when my daughter had hard times and had to live with us. When she had a job she paid us rent, but I didn’t want to charge her too much because I wanted her to be able save so she could move out. Now she has her own home.



I know a guy who lived with his mom for years, at first he had to because he was in so much debt after his divorce, and he had a large child support payment. Later he stayed because his mother needed his assistance. He has always held a job and paid rent to her.



There are all kinds of issues that affect this decision: from work, income, debt, and physical & mental health. It’s not always about free-loading.

Lacye - posted on 09/28/2011

When I first moved in with my hubby (this was while we were dating), he lived with his father, but his father had cancer and was dying. I lived there and helped take care of him. It just really depends on the situation. If the person has a job (like my hubby did), then I don't see them as a sad person. As long as they are helping out their parents with the bills and buying food, I don't see what the big deal about it is.

On the other hand, if you live at home with your parents, not looking for a job, and are letting your parents do all the house work and everything, then yeah you are a sad sad person. I'm not bashing people who live at home with no job that are actually at least helping but if you are letting mommy and daddy do everything for you, then you need a reality check. Sorry but that's the facts of life

(do I sound kinda bitter there?)

Charlie - posted on 09/28/2011

Marina that is interesting that the Mexicans traditionally stay home longer I remember watching an interview with a famous rich Indian couple and they were talking about how they live with one of their parents and the man interviewing them said "why do you stay at home with your parents?"

They laughed and asked " why DONT you ?"

They stay home and work together as an extended family under one roof with equal responsibilities thats how it has always been they dont understand why anyone would want to live away let alone miles away from their parents.

In Australia I know a couple of people who do this but it is to look after their or help with a parent who is ill or disabled , unfourtunately I know way too many who stay home , dont help out and generally get treated like a kid so they can spend their disposable income on toys , gadgets and holidays.

Personally I couldnt wait to move out, I had my own flat while still at school at 17 and moved to the city at 19 , I couldnt afford all the hot flashy things but I did have a great , free and independent social life and enjoyed the responsibility of living and paying for my own life while studying and working.

I know we moved in with my mum when we had our first child and moved back to the coast while we were looking for a house and a job but there is no way I could live there full time .....too many cooks spoil the broth ya know haha.

I dont mind that adults stay home if they are involved and take responsibilty or families who CHOOSE to live together however Kidults shit me , grow up , get a life of your own!

Sherri - posted on 09/28/2011

My kids will be expected to live at home until they finish college then get themselves a really great job so they are sent off into the world pretty much debt free and able to 100% support themselves. So I imagine they will be home till they are 24-25yrs old.

Beautiful - posted on 09/28/2011

Well, first off, if an adult child has to for some reason move back in with parents they are not "sad children whose parents didn't prepare them well enough" I moved back home while going through a separation from my sons father, and I stayed for about three years, yes I was working and supporting myself and my child as best as I could at the time. Second, anybody who watches or reads the news has some clue as to how bad the economy in today's society really is. When your actually out there working your ass off just barely making it, then it hits you. Thankfully we don't have to live with either my parents or my husbands that just is not an option for us, but for some it is and if that's what works for them so be it, doesn't concern me and has zero effect on me.



Ill tell you though if my parents didn't have what they do to deal with right now I would GLADLY move us all into one big house cut the bills in half not just for my family but for my parents as well.



EDITED TO ADD--- If they are just laying around doing nothing that's completely different and the parents need to boot their asses out.

Lady Heather - posted on 09/28/2011

I think that is cool Lisa. When parents and kids choose to pool their resources and live together it's a positive thing. My grandparents did that with my great-grandparents so my dad got to grow up with his grandparents in the house. It was a good thing for the whole family.

But obviously it didn't delay anyone's adulthood. My grandparents had 7 kids. I have a feeling that when your mother moves into your home you will still do the dishes and turn off the lights. haha.

Lisa - posted on 09/28/2011

LOL. My mother (52) and I (34) just decided she should sell her home in Florida and move in with my children and I.

Stifler's - posted on 09/28/2011

To your post before, what an excuse! You can't do your share of the housekeeping or turn lights off because you can't get a job hahhaha

Daniela - posted on 09/28/2011

Arrrrgggghhh - yes, I know that type, too! Oh, the sense of entitlement. That's another thing, even if you end up taking over or working in the family business - not a bad idea to work for someone else at least once in your life.

Lady Heather - posted on 09/28/2011

I do know one type of person that pisses me off more. The people who are independent via their dependency. My old coworker has these two kids - one a year old than me, another a year younger. They both work for the family business. They are overpaid for what they do because they need to make a certain amount to buy their fancy shit. They both live in giant houses of their "own" that were purchased by their parents. They have big fancy trucks as company cars. They get 6 weeks paid vacations.

The daughter has the same type of job I had before I stopped working (general office shit and payroll). I don't know exactly what she gets paid, but it has to be well over the 30 grand I was getting. She seems to be completely oblivious to the fact that if she was working for anyone else at that same job she wouldn't have a company vehicle, she wouldn't be taking exotic holidays twice a year and she wouldn't be living in a $300,000 home on her own.

I guess it's the same kind of person. They just have parents with the means to shower them with crap.

Stifler's - posted on 09/28/2011

You hit the nail on the head, they won't move away from their comfort zone or social life. Social life and all that is more important than having independence.

Daniela - posted on 09/28/2011

Sorry, I was following on to what Emma said there. And yes Heather, that kind of attitude totally pisses me off, too. They are really annoying people to work with too - you know, always asking why you don't do this or that or whatever? BECAUSE I HAVE TO PAY BILLS!!! Seriously, at some stage in your 20s I think you should learn what the real world is like.

Lady Heather - posted on 09/28/2011

That's the other thing - how in these stories from the parents' perspective the kids are just layabouts. This all stems from my reading some article in the Globe and Mail today written by a mum who has two 25 year old kids living in her house. She says something like "I never see them because they are always with their significant others, but the dishes pile up and the tv and lights are left on" and such. Ummm...??? I'm sure not everyone is doing that, but wow. What a pushover. And she blames the whole situation on her kids not being able to get adequate employment.

Daniela - posted on 09/28/2011

Not just not knowing how to do it but expecting someone else to do it! And having mammy scrutinize you to see if you'll be able to take good care of her boy. Luckily I didn't catch one of those. Mind, that doesn't mean he's doing much of the housework...

Lady Heather - posted on 09/28/2011

True story: So the husband needs to hire a couple of engineering techs. He's been looking for people to take these jobs since he started at the new company last year. Nobody even applies for it. So he goes down to Vancouver straight to the tech school for career day so he can tell people that if they apply for the job and they aren't awful they will be hired. You'd think somebody would be interested right? Practically guaranteed job, good benefits, work not going away any time soon because long-term contracts are all in place, affordable housing. Not a single one of those idiots applied. Not a one. And these are probably the same people who are going to be all "Why is it taking so long to find a job?" and "Nobody can buy a house these days!". Heaven forbid you'd leave Vancouver loserfaces.

Maybe I have an attitude about this stuff, but that really pissed me off.

Stifler's - posted on 09/28/2011

it's not the living at home that would make me not go out with a guy because damian had moved out then moved back in when we got together so he could live closer so he moved in with his mum instead of working away it's the not being able to cook, wash their own clothes or manage their own finances. and mummy telling them what to do. his mum used to go off about how much money he spent on the weekend and all this, none of your business as a parent IMO as long as they're paying their way in the house.