Age difference between kids.

Jaime - posted on 07/12/2009

My youngest 2 girls are only 15 months apart, and the oldest is 3yrs older than my middle daughter. I think the age difference between my 1st two was perfect, as my oldest was older she loved to help with her baby sister. I don't think any of my girls missed out on being the baby only because we made sure our middle daughter didn't miss out on being a baby once my 3rd came along.

If I had to do it again though I would prefer twins, so they are at the same stages together.

Megan - posted on 07/12/2009

I think 2.5 years between babies would be darn near perfect... one is out or almost out of diapers just as the other starts... one can walk and play and eat real food as the other learns.... yep that would be nice. I can say i never get the new baby itch... but i plan on starting to try for a new baby when Rhiannon is about 22 months- depending on circumstances.

Esther - posted on 07/12/2009

My friend has an 18-month-old boy and just gave birth (yesterday) to twin boys. Wish her luck!!!!



I do not plan on having any more children, but if I did, I think I'd prefer to space them out a bit more. Up until the age of about 3, they require SOOOOO much attention (and think the world revolves around them) and it feels like they hit a new milestone every 5 minutes. I think it would be very difficult to divide my attention over multiple kids in that age range. Personally I think I'd prefer to wait until they have a better grasp of concepts such as sharing, helping out etc.

Sapphire - posted on 07/11/2009

Oh I agree that personalities play a huge difference. My husband is 2 1/2 years older than his brother, but they have never gotten a long. At one point, they were so physical with each other and hated one another.

Erin - posted on 07/11/2009

My brother is 2yrs 9mths younger than me and, for us, it was the perfect gap. I was old enough that there was no jealousy or tantrums, but still close enough in age that we could play together as kids. We got on very well until I hit puberty and then we fought like lunatics until I left home at 18!! There were a few years when we didn't have much to do with each other (when he was 15, 16, 17) but then once he grew up we became very close again. We even lived together for a few years and he's now the main male role model for my daughter (along with my Dad and Step-Dad), since she doesn't see her father.

In my case

?? - posted on 07/10/2009

I think it depends on the kids really... their personalities... and the way you raise them - clingy children, no matter the age, will have an issue with a new baby. Independant children, no matter the age, will be helpful with the new baby. And then there's instances where the child hates the new baby regardless... so I think it 100% depends on the kids personalities.



My brother born July 21 1981, me January 21 1984 - exactly 2.5 years apart - he LOVED me when I was a baby... as we grew up, we grew up to caring less whether the other existed and then when I was 16 we started getting along again, lived together and now have a decent relationship.



Me and my sister - me, January 21 1984, Jade, February 19 1986 - as a baby she was awesome, but hated her more and more as we grew up and it wasn't until I was 19/20 that we got along for A SUMMER... and then we've slowly become "closer" but really we are still very distant - physical distance being a huge hinder in our relationship but both recently becoming moms has brought us together.



Me and my youngest sister - me January 21 1984, Melina July 18 1990 - as a baby she was amazing, we all loved her. She always was my babygirl. And then she hit 13... and I couldn't stand her and she couldn't stand me, "I hate who you are" was a regular thing between us.



So, Steve & Me 2.5 years... Me & Jade 2 years... Jade & Melina 4 years.... the age differences didn't make much of a difference, but our personalities had a HUGE impact on our relationships.

Traci - posted on 07/10/2009

When we decided to start a family we had a goal---to have our 3 kids in 5 years. We pretty much met our goal, though not on purpose! lol



My daughter was 12 months when we were surprised with the news of our little boy coming. They are 22 months apart and I absolutely LOVE how close they are. They are best best friends, stick up for eachother, and play together wonderfully. It was not hard at all taking care of an almost 2 year old and a newborn. On top of that, we were in the middle of moving into our first home and we were even able to work on the house and everything with no trouble.



Our last child, a girl, is almost 15 months now and I really wish I could get pregnant right now so that she'd have a buddy like the other 2 do. But since I can't, it's great that my sister in law has a little girl who is only 20 months older than Grace. It's my husbands's twin brother's girl, we are ALWAYS around eachother, so at least Grace has a cousin that will be around almost as much as a sibling! lol Next best thing, I guess. I'm sure they'll be the best of friends.

JL - posted on 07/10/2009

My daughter is 6 and my son is about to turn 2. I planned on having my children with 4 years between them so that one would be in school while the other was at home allowing me to give the youngest child the same attention I gave to the oldest when she was younger. Plus my daughter was old enough to understand what was happening when I was pregnant so we were able to sit down and talk it through and avoid the jealousy stage. She acts more as a guardian of her little brother and is very protective of him and loves teaching him how to say and do things. She always talks about how cute he is and she likes to play with him but not all the time. Sometimes she wants to be left alone so since he is younger and cannot do the same things as her she is able to go off and play with her friends without feeling like she has to drag her brother along or get frustrated because he is following her around.

I also like them being 4 years apart because I have been able to establish a distinct special bond with both of them and not feel like I am having to divide my time because I am running around after two kids. Personallly I just could not do it, but that is what works best for me.

My reasoning was also influenced by what I experienced growing up.. I had friends who were 1 to 2 years apart from their siblings and I remember growing up how they always felt like they were in eachothers shadows and how exaperated they would get about the other one always being involved in what they did.

My brother and I are 4 years apart and I liked it because we had a good relationship..we still have a good relationship. As I was moving out of one school he was moving in so I felt like I had a separate identity from him and he felt like he was able to establish his own identity rather than be known as the sibling of so and so. Plus I never had to drag my brother along with me like my friends who had siblings close in age. They hated it and I honestly would have too.That is my own view of the subject but the bottom line it is about what works best for each you and your family.

Amie - posted on 07/10/2009

Between our 1st and 2nd there is 4 years.
Between our 2nd and 3rd there is 3 years.
Between our 3rd and 4th there is 2 years.

Between them all the 3 & 4 year age gap was easiest to deal with. They aren't as jealous, less temper tantrums surrounding the new baby coming home and they like to help more. Our 3rd was leery for the first couple of weeks that we brought our baby home. She had this big fake grin plastered on her face and kept looking around. She saw everyone else was happy and excited but she didn't get it. At first too she would not come near me, she was so mad at me. She got over that though and within the first two months she accepted the baby, plays with her now and even tries to help. It was a slow process though.
Our oldest is having some issues at the moment too but she's started puberty and going through her own stuff. She feels like I'm not there for her as much as I used to be so we've made more alone time for just me and her. Which of course set off our son so he and dad get their outings too.
Transitioning from one to two and then two to three was easy with them though. They were old enough to understand and appreciate the baby more. They loved helping right from the get go and they didn't throw the tantrums our toddler did.
That's just our experiences though, it might be different for other families with multiple children.

Mary - posted on 07/10/2009

Yes, our girls are the same age! And, I'm about where you are...cannot imagine being pregnant AND taking care of Molly as well. Actually, I can't fathom how I would handle an 18 month old and a newborn either!! However, you have one luxury right now that I don't...time. At 38, if we're going to have another baby, I'm going to need to start working on that fairly soon!!



I'm not sure if there is any ideal age difference...I'm guessing that most people's opinions on this are shaped by their own experiences, whether it's the age gap they have with siblings, or their own children. For example, my sister & I are 16 months apart. I feel lucky to have had a sister so close in age...we shared and experienced so much together growing up...to this day, we still have several mutual friends, and many of the same interests. Because that is what I have known, and it was positive, I would want that for Molly as well. It has also given me a GREAT deal of admiration for my own mother...I now realize how hard that must have been when we were little!!

Sapphire - posted on 07/10/2009

There really is no right or wrong age gap between kids sicne things work so differently with families. My brother is 4 years older than I am, my sister is 4 years younger. (Obviously an 8 year difference between my sister & brother). As kids, none of us really got along with each other. 2 of us always ganged up on the 3rd one. No real mutual friends either until we got to be adults. Now as adults (we are 32, 36, 40) we all get along so much better. But as kids, not so much.



My nephews are 2.5 years apart and they give my sister a run for her money! A clsoe friend of mine has 2 kids that are 13 months apart. Even now as 11 & 12 year olds, they annoy the crap out of each other.

Jessica - posted on 07/10/2009

My oldest is 7.5 yrs, next is almost 5yrs, next is 3 yrs 4mths, next is 22mths and my 5th is due mid-Sept. There are definitely pros and cons to having them close together. Pros...they always have somone to play with, they learn really well from each other, you don't have time to "forget" how you did things before. Cons....EXHAUSTION, having 2 in diapers SUCKS, alone time time is almost non-existent. Putting the cons aside though, I wouldn't change a thing. I love having my kiddos so close together and they've never known anything different so of course they don't have a problem with it either.

Lindsay - posted on 07/10/2009

My kids are 18 months and 2 days apart. It was not planned and needless to say, when I found out I was pregnant and already had a 9-10 month old at home i freaked out a little bit(ok, ok A LOT). To be totally honest, it hasn't been that bad. Sure we were busy with 2 kids in diapers and everything else that comes along with it but we got through. I don't know if I have just forgot how busy it was or if it was really ok but we have survived....that stage anyway. Madeline is now 4 and Cooper will be 3 one month from today and they are best friends. What worked well for me was that I didn't really have to jump in and out of stages. I was already used to the baby stage when Cooper came along so it wasn't such an extreme adjustment. It just seems right for our family so I couldn't imagine it any other way. If I could, would I go back and change anything? Not in a heartbeat!

Sarah - posted on 07/10/2009

phew! lol! :)

Christa - posted on 07/10/2009

I didn't take it that way at all. :-)

Sarah - posted on 07/10/2009

Sorry Christa, wasn't trying to say you were wrong or anything.
I think it all depends on loads of things, you just have to keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best really!
:)

Christa - posted on 07/10/2009

Oh I agree with you, I know children who are 3 and 4 years apart and they get along great. It's just my personal feelings, I feel like I was raised by my parents so I'll probably have some parenting styles similar to them. And I don't know what they did or didn't do, but it didn't work for me and my sister. So I want to try and not repeat the mistakes of my parents.

Cathelijn - posted on 07/10/2009

Me and my sister are 3,5 half years apart but she is the eldest. I don't think she did anything horrible too me, maybe they didn't tell me! I used to be the evil one anyway.... My brother is 3,5 years younger then me and I just didn't care about him at all... My sister on the other hand was like a little mummy to him because she was 7 when he was born..

Sarah - posted on 07/10/2009

I don't think all kids will be that way tho. Cadence ADORES her little sister and they get on SO well dispite the age difference.
I think some of it may be with how you deal with the new arrival.....making sure the older one doesn't feel pushed out or neglected.
:)

Christa - posted on 07/10/2009

Yeah, it is rougher on mama in the beginning but I would rather make that sacrifice then have to see one child suffer like my sister did. I was REALLY awful to her, I wouldn't want anyone to be treated the way she was especially my own child. :-)

Cathelijn - posted on 07/10/2009

I think having them close together is nice for the kids but is it nice for mama?? :-)

Christa - posted on 07/10/2009

I'm spacing mine 2 years apart, I think it will be difficult in the beginning, but I think having them closer together should make them have a better relationship. I'm going off of my own experience; my mom said I hated my sister from the day she was born. We are 3.5 years apart. And I did some horrible things to her when she was younger, it wasn't until I left for college that she and I really had a relationship. I believe it's because by 3.5 I knew I was the only one and I liked my world and she came in a ruined it and that pissed me off. I don't want my daughter to do the same thing. So I think if she's only 2 she won't have the same feelings I did. I've also read they say you should space them either 2 years or 5 years for the same reasons. That's my thoughts on the subject. :-)

Sarah - posted on 07/10/2009

Well, there's 4 years between my two. I didn't really do it that way on purpose, it just kinda happened that way! (i didn't think i would want another one to start with! lol!)



I really like the age difference between mine because Cadie was old enough to really understand what was going on and she was able to help me with things and get involved.



I think less of an age gap can be too tho, i have two friends that are sisters and there's about 2 years difference and they get on SO well!



My sister is 7 years older than me, and i think that's probably a bit too much in my opinion. We never really got on until we both had kids because before that we just didn't have anything in common! I was just an irritation, especially when she hit her teenage years!



I don't think there's a right or wrong answer really. You just have to go with what you think is best. :)