Are we too nice?

Christa - posted on 05/22/2010 ( 47 moms have responded )

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I was having a discussion with my dad and we started talking about all kinds of topics and we started to come to a conclusion that as a society we are too nice. We are no longer allowed to spank or yell or say no too many times or do time outs because that will scar them for life. We can’t tell people/companies/countries “no we will not bail you out”, because someone has a reason why it wasn’t their fault. We can't tell a woman she made a poor choice by not breastfeeding because then we don't know what their situation is. We can't tell mothers not to give their child solids too young because then we are being too judgmental. Everyone has an excuse. .

My sister recently graduated college with her degree in psychology and has found a job as a therapist at a behavior rehabilitation center for troubled youth (I want to note that it is a highly regarded facility). She's just started training, but she's already learning a lot. She says they don't use kid gloves there and they don’t take excuses. They tell it like it is and they tell the kids they've screwed up. They don't care what your excuse was they make you own it. From what she's been able to tell from the kids there is that they love it, obviously not at first, but once they start getting better they like the "tough love".

I know I've said something’s that are going to get some people riled up. I don't want to have a debate on any of the topics I mentioned. I want to discuss if this attitude of positive reinforcement, hearing excuses, etc is actually hurting WAY more then it's helping. We see it on here in all kinds of debates, someone states a strong opinion and before they know it they are apologizing for offending someone. Should we stop apologizing? Now I'm not saying we need to become a bunch of rude a-holes, but maybe it's time to take the kid gloves off. Thoughts?

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Charlie - posted on 05/23/2010

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In some aspects i think we are evolving , emotionally past our somewhat barbaric way of thinking and dealing with certain social situations however i do think there is a time and a place for some kinds of "tough love " but i believe we need to be able to have the skills to assess a persons situation before determining whether "tough love " is an appropriate action , i certainly do not think everything needs to be sugar coated but there is a difference between being too nice or an asshole and using our minds before laying judgment .

when it comes to not doing certain things because we may hurt feelings , again we need to draw a line , giving every child in the soccer team a trophy is ridiculous and sends a bad message however not using racist terms because it may hurt feelings is a valid "nicety ' one that should be upheld , just as examples :)

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I have vivid memories of attending a speech night at my girls' high school. The guest speaker, after presenting the prizes for best this and first in that etc, praised all the winners, then added special praise for all those who worked their butts off but still never won a prize. He got a standing ovation. He hit the nail on the head - the percentage of winners, in the sporting field, the athletic field or whatever, is always going to be much smaller than those who work hard and never win. Participation IS important and should ALWAYS be acknowledged. I don't think that's being too "soft or coddling" - it's an essential part of acknowledging the differences in our humanity. It teaches people that participation and trying hard is important. And that is an important life lesson - the message is that trying and striving is important in life, not, sorry, you're a loser. You have to participate in life.

I don't think there is such a thing as being "too nice" although I must admit that's a bit of an umbrella term, isn't it? We could do with a definition here! If we take "nice" as being well-mannered, I think there's always a place for manners, and there's not much of that around!

On the other hand, honesty is necessary to teach a lesson. For example, when my kids were young, their school papers often came home with very few corrections of their grammar and spelling. I think the idea was that seeing all these corrections in red ink might damage their little psyches! Now, I must admit that I am anal about grammar and spelling, but in my day, if we made a grammatical/spelling mistake, were were corrected. Most people my age are pretty good at grammar and spelling!
I have vivid memories of attending a speech night at my girls' high school. The guest speaker, after presenting the prizes for best this and first in that etc, praised all the winners, then added special praise for all those who worked their butts off but still never won a prize. He got a standing ovation. He hit the nail on the head - the percentage of winners, in the sporting field, the athletic field or whatever, is always going to be much smaller than those who work hard and never win. Participation IS important and should ALWAYS be acknowledged. I don't think that's being too "soft or coddling" - it's an essential part of acknowledging the differences in our humanity. It teaches people that participation and trying hard is important. And that is an important life lesson - the message is that trying and striving is important in life, not, “sorry, you're a loser”. You have to participate in life.

On the other hand, honesty is necessary to teach a lesson. For example, when my kids were young, their school papers often came home with very few corrections of their grammar and spelling. I think the idea was that seeing all these corrections in red ink might damage their little psyches! Now, I must admit that I am anal about grammar and spelling, but in my day, if we made a grammatical/spelling mistake, we were corrected, and learnt from that. Most people my age are pretty good at grammar and spelling! And I do think this is an important lesson, as communication is vital.

I don't think there is such a thing as being "too nice" although I must admit that's a bit of an umbrella term, isn't it? We could do with a definition here! If we take "nice" as being well-mannered, I think there's always a place for manners, and there's not much of that around! If we take “nice” as meaning “honest” It’s a bit harder. If you had a friend who had very little confidence, who asked you if she looked good in her new dress, would you say, “No, you look awful!” or “That colour looks great on you!” . I know I’d choose the second option because I care about my friend, and the second option isn’t quite a lie, anyway!

So basically, I think the question should not be, “Are we too nice?” but “Are we caring enough about people?”

The answer to this question should determine how we decide to treat people and situations, and how we act in society. It's a good question to ask ourselves before making comments or passing judgements or deciding how we act.

Charlie - posted on 05/23/2010

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I have a draw full of ribbons from sporting events in high school where i came in nothing , i found them pointless and meaning less my dad keeps them but i would not even know or care if he threw them out .

there is the extreme of people being constantly being praised and told how amazing they are and they find that once they get into the real world life just isnt that nice and agreeable , they discover they arent amazing at everything and take it hard when all they have ever received is praise for nothing , praise for a reason is fantastic when it is well deserved but the overuse of it just sets up people for an unrealistic expectation of the world , just one example is when you watch Australian Idol and there are people who go into audition who have been told all their life they have an amazing voice , open their mouth to sing and sound like a screeching cat having its hair pulled out and they cannot understand how the judges could think they weren't mindblowingly good , they cry , whinge and throw tantrums all because someone didnt have the balls to say" you know what maybe you should take lessons " or flat out " sorry that sounded terrible " instead they go out all cocky expecting all the accolades only to make a fool of themselves .

Joanna - posted on 05/22/2010

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Funny enough, I think when it comes to online people tend to be rude assholes. Who is anyone to judge someone, to say "you made a poor choice" or "you need to do better", blah blah blah. People are TOO mean especially to strangers. Are we too nice sometimes to people's faces in real life? Yes. But maybe that's just us practicing what our mommies told us: "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all," and there is NOTHING wrong with that. Why kick people down, especially if they're already down? Because I'm on the same boat where if someone told me I made a poor choice not breastfeeding, I'm pretty sure I'd kick them down, and then again a few times and spit on them. (well no I wouldn't, I'm too nice, but you get the idea!)

*Lisa* - posted on 05/22/2010

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I like that we are becoming 'nicer' and less harsh. I mean if there was nothing wrong with the way things used to be, then why have we changed? I'd say that we have become more understanding and less quick to judge (in general). We are realizing that everyone is different. Back in the day, people used to think that it was all about your 'nature' as a person, you were born bad and that's how we operate. But we are starting to realize that it is also about how we are 'nurtured', meaning our circumstances play a big role in the way we act.
And I think we still deal out tough love but just with more love and less tough.

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Heidi - posted on 05/25/2010

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I feel this generation of kids tend to get away with a lot more then we ever did. Far to many kids have gotten away with murder. I feel if you have done the crime you should do the time. Society is evolving and people and parenting skills are changing. I know as a child if I did something wrong I would get punished for it i.e. a smack or belt. I turned out just fine, but in this day and age you can't do any of that without getting in trouble. Kids even know that as parents we are not allowed to hit, spank, smack or any other type of physical abuse. So they tend to see just how far they can go. Other then groundings(which are a waste of time in my house) and time outs, or loosing privlages there is not much more we can do. I do not believe a a good beating would help, however the boundaries have to be set, and we as parents should be able to discipline our children the way we want to, without abusing them though. there have been times where I feel a good spanking would help(when really it doesn't), but I don't do it. Instead my kids loose on out on things, such as outdoor play, video games, sleepovers or birthday parties. I am not saying it always works, but I find it sometimes makes my boys think twice about misbehaving. And no my boys are not angels at all, and they do know how to push my buttons from time to time, but I think they all have a clear understanding of what they can and can't do now. Sure the push there limits, but if my 11 year old knows if he acts up and will loose his ipod, or my almost 5 year old will loose time outside with his friends or my 19 year old will loose his car privilages they think twice about what they are doing. First they get a warning, and after that, they start to loose there privilages.

Kids will only be kids for so long, so rather then dwelling on the things they have done wrong, I feel its important to praise them for all the good they do. Eventually they will grow up and have kids of there and realize "hey my parents were right".

Hannah - posted on 05/25/2010

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I do agree that we are too nice. We shouldn't be giving every kid a ribbon for a sport. It is important that we teach kids that we don't always win but that we lose gracefully and try harder the next time.
I think things such as breastfeeding, feeding your kids cereal etc.. are all a matter of opinion and shouldn't be used as a way to look down on someone. It isn't being too nice if you choose not express to someone that you think they are a bad parent because they did not breastfeed, it is rude. Parenting is the parents choice and what they choose to do with their children should be up to them and noone else.
I also think we are too politcally correct- if somene wants to have merry christmas on their lawn of the house they paid for, so be it. If you don't like what you see, don't look at it.

I could go on forever but will leave it at these few thoughts.

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At a karate competition recently i was amazed at the amount of children aged 8 to 13 were crying their eyes out when they didnt win a medal or trophy. I can honestly say if my boys did that they would have a good slap for it. I think a lot of kids are so spoilt and not taught about the real world that there are winners and losers and you cant win every time. I agree about responsibility too, no one seems to pay for their actions anymore. Recently in my area two men beat another man to death in his own home and they got 18 months for it. Seems stupid to me that you can kill someone and a year and a half later your life carries on like nothing happened when that poor mans family are still grieving for him. Its about time we brought back proper sentencing.

Jessica - posted on 05/24/2010

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I didn't know them personally (just by sight), although alot of the Okotoks community and my friends did. I believe the father worked for Sobeys or something...and well small towns, everyone knows everyone or of everyone. I totally agree, there really isn't alot of incentive for bad people not to do bad things because in most cases there will be someone to plead for there rights as a human to serve less time. So sad.

Becky - posted on 05/24/2010

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Did you know them, Jessica? I know I was pissed at the time he got! I was working in High River at the time and drove through that intersection every day on my way home, so it hit pretty close to home. I couldn't believe that robbing a 1 year old child - and those 2 young girls - of the rest of their lives, was only worth 6 years! Our legal system is seriously screwed up.

Sorry for the little rant!

Jessica - posted on 05/24/2010

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Becky, that family was from Okotoks where I live, that was a truely heartbreaking time. Everytime I drive into Calgary we pass all the teddy bears and flowers and markers that were put up there by loved ones. Alot of people were wickedly pissed that he only got that 6 years.

Christa - posted on 05/24/2010

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Well said Becky, I agree. I once heard someone say something to the effect of, “if you don't want people to speed put a machete pointing right in their face, THAT will make them slow the F*** down”. If people ACTUALLY had to pay for their actions people would think twice about doing something. We are definitely too soft on people that break the law.

Becky - posted on 05/24/2010

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I wouldn't use the word nice, but I think that as a society as a whole, we have become too tolerant and accepting of things that used to be unacceptable or even illegal, and too willing to accept excuses. Our justice system is a prime example of this. A person can kill someone or destroy their lives and they get what amounts to a slap on the wrist as punishment. A couple of years ago here in Calgary, there was a man who plowed into a car stopped at a stoplight with his gravel truck, killing 5 people, including 3 children. He had apparently been drinking and refused to blow in the breathalyzer. Witnesses said he made no attempt to slow down or avoid the car. He got 6 years!!! That's a little over one year per life that he took. I heard that in court he had all kinds of excuses about how he was having a bad day, etc. I guess he only got that much time because he didn't intend to kill them, but in my opinion, if you get behind the wheel when you've been drinking, you know the possible consequences and just don't care, and to me, that's just as bad as intending to kill someone. Things like that make me feel like our society has taken a turn for the worse in some ways. Someone sexually abuses a child and people make excuses for him - oh well, he was sexually abused himself as a child. I'm all about compassion and understanding, but we need to stop coddling people and make them grow up and take responsibility for their own actions and the consequences of those actions. I'm sorry, but you cannot blame your parents forever! Kids experiment with drugs and alcohol and are having sex at 12-13 years old, and parents just say, "oh well, they're just being kids and exploring and we can't stop them because that might thwart their development." I'm sorry, but that's just not okay!
I agree that we could all benefit from good manners, common courtesy and more understanding, but somehow, we have to strike a balance between that and making people take responsibility for their actions and teaching our children to live within some limits of acceptable behavior.

Esther - posted on 05/24/2010

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But I do respect him. And I can see him be disrespected by others. I am a firm believer in that people subconsciously respond to what you believe about yourself because you inevitably project those beliefs. It is visible in your body language. So I think having a healthy sense of self worth is very important in life.



I have friends who have this lack of self esteem issue too. And invariably they run into trouble. In their cases with men disrespecting them and in one case with her teenage son disrespecting her too. When she asks me what I would do in a certain situation, I don't really have an answer. Because something like that would never happen to me. The same husband who calls her a bitch visibly cringes when I just give him a look when I hear him call her something like that and immediately starts apologizing TO ME. Believing in yourself is critical.

Carolee - posted on 05/24/2010

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But what you said about your husband made me believe that he doesn't truly respect himself, therefore, how can he see IF/when others truly do respect him?

Esther - posted on 05/24/2010

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Yes, I do treat others with respect, but so does my husband. However, he gets treated like dirt regularly at work. That has never happened to me in any kind of setting. It really is about a core belief in yourself oftentimes too.

Carolee - posted on 05/24/2010

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Maybe it's the fact that you respect yourself and others that makes them respect you. If you give respect to others, you then EARN their respect... or, at least, that's the way it USED to work. I bet you're not going around treating others like a piece of garbage, then yelling at them because they don't respect you. You earn it by being a respectable human being.

Esther - posted on 05/24/2010

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I think there is a time and a place for everything. Everyone is always going to come at any issue from their perspective. So what may seem like straightforward honesty to one person may just be hurtful and rude to the next. Like on the issue of breastfeeding or religion for example. If the honesty expressed is in line with your own feelings, experiences & views, you're going to think it appropriate and if it's not, you won't.



Sure sometimes we have to cut through the bull to get to the core of the issue, but sometimes that approach doesn't work at all. For example, my parents were pretty tough love kind of people. But for me a little more encouragement for trying would have gone a long way. If I came in 3rd in a competition I would be told that I really should have tried harder and come in first. The result for me was that I just stopped trying altogether. For someone else it might have yielded the opposite result and inspired them to try harder the next time. It all depends on the person.



As for deserving of respect - I actually DO think that every person is entitled to a certain amount of respect. And I mean every one of them. I don't think all respect is earned. I think a mimimum is required for all. My husband thinks all respect should be earned and he frequently feels like he hasn't quite earned it yet. That really works against him in his job and also in life. I on the other hand am secure in my self worth. I don't think I'm all that. I am well aware of my flaws. I have plenty of insecurities. But I am grounded in the belief that I deserve respect simply for being a human being. I project that belief and as a result people tend to automatically treat me respectfully both at work and in my private life. I don't have to fight for it the way my husband does. I hope with all my heart that I will be able to pass that belief on to my son.

Lea - posted on 05/24/2010

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I know, right? I'm a teacher and I find that the tough kids, even the ones from rough backgrounds, in general are that way because they don't get enough structure, enough adult attention, enough time to just play outside or be creative, and are given video games, TV, and junk food instead. These kids have traits that resemble both being spoiled and being deprived. Its very confusing on the best way to handle them!!!

Christa - posted on 05/24/2010

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You all bring up great points and Kathy I agree nice may have been the wrong word. Obviously we all could be bit more respectful and caring towards others. Simple things like holding the door have fallen by the way side. But honesty, that's what I'm talking about. We do people a disservice when we try to avoid hurt feelings in place of respectful honesty. And Fiona I loved how you worded about listening to excuses, but not always excusing them. Good stuff!!

ME - posted on 05/24/2010

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I don't know...I think it is possible to be both honest and respectful. I think the problem is that some people have confused the issue. Hate speech that incites violence against others should not be tolerated, but other than that, we should say what we mean as respectfully as possible. Those who are incapable of respecting others will not be very popular, but they should still be able to say whatever horrible thing they like...
I think lying to children about their capacity to become a great athlete or scholar is akin to abuse. We should be honest with our children...My son (2) is very athletic and very bright...we don't let him "win" at everything, but we do encourage him to try his hardest; we don't reward failure, but we don't belittle him for it either...

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I think you bring up a great point, Kathy....I do think we need to acknowledge people who try hard also; not just the actual winners BUT in sporting events for example, ONLY the winning team or winner deserves a medal or a trophy; I think everyone else deserves an honorable mention BUT the actual winners need to be set apart somehow!

Joanna - posted on 05/23/2010

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Like Loureen was saying about her drawer full of ribbons... That's exactly why I hate that everyone gets something just for participating now. Getting to play as a team should be enough, you don't need a ribbon for participation, you should get experience and if you win then you'll have something to show for it, and if you lose, then try harder next time. I was never good at sports, so if I did win second place in the long jump on 6th grade field day (which I did, lol), I would cherish that ribbon. And I still keep my one trophy on a shelf that I won for 1st place in a junior high art show. That's what we need to strive for, all this "everyone is a winner (whether you win or lose)" is BS.

*Lisa* - posted on 05/23/2010

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Exactly. That's awesome that you have a sister like that! I hope that I have that kind of relationship with my sisters when they are older.

Charlie - posted on 05/23/2010

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My sister is who i trust to give it to me straight , she is my best friend and one of my soulmates , when i want an honest upfront opinion on myself or situation i ask her , there are things she can say to me that i may find offensive from anyone else , so i get what you mean about hearing the painful truth from people you trust , i guess its because i know her motives for telling me the truth even when it hurts are purely out of love .

*Lisa* - posted on 05/23/2010

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You made a good point Loureen. I often watch Australian Idol and think 'How horrible that all of that person's friends let them go on national TV to humiliate themselves!' So I guess after seeing an example like that, it is so important to have people in our lives to tell us the truth even when it hurts. But I think you can only tell someone the painful truth if you have a trusting relationship with them. Sometimes on COM I see mums trying to tell other mums 'how it is' but no one will accept hearing that unless they are hearing it from someone who really knows them.

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Oh, and tough love works because it is usually coming from a good place or with kind intentions. That is why it is called tough love. Most people will eventually realise the niceness behind acts of truth even if at the time the reality of it stings.

Positive reinforcement and 'hearing excuses' do not do harm in my opinion, but people need to learn that in some instances excuses are just that, excuses; they are a justification for something having gone wrong rather than an option out of accepting responsibility for consequences of one's actions. Hearing people out about their excuses doesn't hurt, but releasing them of obligation based solely on excuses doesn't help them learn or grow as people.

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I don't think there is such a thing as 'too nice', maybe if we were all a bit nicer to each other the world might be a nicer place. But being nice at the expense of honesty is just folly. Truth is more important than making someone feel good. But the mistake that seems to be made in our modern world is that honesty and niceness are mutually exclusive, which is society's greatest failing. It is possible to speak the truth or speak your opposing opinion and be upfront while still being 'nice'. It just requires a bit of tact and consideration of other peoples perspectives.

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I agree that there's far too much coddling going on.....I think we need to be respectful and mindful of people feelings but always find a way to tell the truth and and get to the point! I've been faulted and criticized when I tell people how I feel but if I haven't personally offended anyone or called anyone names then I'm certainly NOT going to apologize for voicing my opinion, especially in a public forum like this where we've been asked to comment. I don't always like what people say to me but I do respect that that's their opinion and they have every right to express it however they deem fit.



Should we apologize? Only if you feel you've done something wrong.... in a thread a while back some people brought it to my attention that something I said offended them....I apologized to them because I respect them and I genuinely felt bad for hurting their feelings but I didn't apologize for how I felt. My feelings are still my feelings!



It's been a long day and I feel like I'm rambling but there you have it folks....LOL!

Rosie - posted on 05/23/2010

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i don't think giving trophies or ribbons even if you didn't win makes a bunch of mediocre children, at least it didn't for me.i suck at sports, i mean REALLY suck, but i always got ribbons for participation (and this was 25 years ago, so i don't think this concept is anything new).i was mediocre (at sports) to begin with, giving me a ribbon didn't make me that way, lol!! i was always very aware that i didn't win anything, but i was exstatic that somebody exknowledged that i tried. i mean, how are you going to win anything if you don't try?

Jodi - posted on 05/23/2010

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So does all this mean I shouldn't feel guilty when my son doesn't finish his homework, that I tell him "NO, I am NOT signing your diary to get you out of trouble - live with it!!" and then he gets a deduction on his grades or has to pick up rubbish at lunch time?

Tah - posted on 05/23/2010

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i actually read the responses after i posted and i must say i agree for the most part....with everyone..huh..would you look a there..

Tah - posted on 05/23/2010

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i try to wear the gloves...i really do..but they do come off every now and again...i have asked friends to describe me and the one word they always use is honest. i do agree with you in most area, thereis fine line between being honest and straight up and being judgemental of others decisions though...i am taking my 3rd psych course now and this professor does not pull any punches, like he said, we coddle the children, give everyone a trophy and then when they get to the real world it's a smack in the face...we do need to own up to our actions and deal with the consequences of them..and it needs to start while we are children so it's already well bred into us by the time the real world comes a knocking..

Carolee - posted on 05/23/2010

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I think we, as a society, need to figure out a middle-ground. We need to learn to make sure people are held accountable for their own actions and opinions, while at the same time realizing and respecting the differences between different people and situations. We DEFINATELY need (once again, as a society) to be more strict with our children. They need to know that there are definate consequenses for their actions, and sometimes it will suck more than they think it might.

If we continue to teach our children that respect is OWED to them, instead of EARNED, then we will end up having more situations like the one that happened a couple of weeks ago in my neighborhood. One teenager decided to barge into an apartment and kill all 3 people inside. Why? Because he thought that one of them might have taken his PS3... they "disrespected" him by telling him that they didn't!

Suzette - posted on 05/23/2010

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Joanna, tell me, I'll kick them for you. LOL!

It's not online so much, but in person people get this self righteous attitude with me, without knowing what the reason is, about that issue. It's frustrating.

Suzette - posted on 05/22/2010

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Krista, Bite me on my big preggo butt. That was me not being so nice, or agreeable. LOL

*Lisa* - posted on 05/22/2010

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I think it depends on the person and situation. And how can we judge what is the best that someone could do? How can anyone measure someone's capabilities? It depends a lot on the person, mental capacity, emotional capacity. There's no point telling someone 'you didn't do good enough'. By whose standards? Your standard of what is 'good' may not be something that another person can live up to.

Christa - posted on 05/22/2010

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I may not have said it well, but I agree about not judging people and such. I just think we are afraid to call a spade a spade and raise the bar. We are too busy making sure peoples self esteem is in intact that we don't say "no you didn't do good enough you need to do better", instead we say "well you did the best you could". It creates a culture of mediocrity, where no one pushes themselves to a level they are uncomfortable with because no one challenges them to.

Krista - posted on 05/22/2010

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Stop being so damned agreeable, Suzette.

There. That was me not being nice.

Suzette - posted on 05/22/2010

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I agree with Krista. I believe that we need to keep in mind that we don't always know a person's full story and judging on partial information is not a good idea.



As with Krista and her breast feeding, if someone were to tell me that I was making a poor choice (to my face) I'd likely tell them to screw off. (Just not so nicely, lol) =) They don't know the full story and the full story would lead to them understanding that what would happen to my daughter as a result of breast feeding would be horrible for her.



Yes, I also agree with Krista that we do over coddle people at times.

I don't over coddle those I know, when I know the full story though. I'm sure if you asked them, they'd tell you I'm a witch sometimes. lol. If I don't know the full story, I do my best to ask before I jump to conclusions. I'm not perfect, there have been times I jump to conclusions and think I know what's going on. I have had to make apologies, though I'm human and I think we all fall into that category. =)



I also try to give a recommendation for someone to do things a better way when I can see one.



I'm also a pretty opinionated person, and I've changed my ways on just throwing out careless remarks as I used to be awful with doing so. Though I don't believe in beating around the bush or hurting someone's feelings.



Online is a totally different story than in person though, here it's a bit more difficult than it is in person and we have to be more aware of what we say in text and how it can be interpreted. (Hence all the 'you-generally speaking') No one wants to offend anyone (I don't think) but we all want to get our opinions across.

Rosie - posted on 05/22/2010

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yes and no. the 'OLD" way of doing things was waaaaaaay to mean (not sure if that's the right word, lol!). i think we over compensated for that and ended up the way we are today. if we could find a happy medium (which i think alot of people have) then i think it would be better. i don't want it to be like it was back then. i'd rather be too nice, than an unreasonable fool.

La - posted on 05/22/2010

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We, as a whole, are too politically correct and too soft on reality. Everyone is afraid to call it like it is because of hurting someone's feelings.

Jessica - posted on 05/22/2010

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I actually happen to agree with this to some extent. Mostly along the lines of kids today not having winners and losers in games, cause someones feelings might be hurt...or no dodgeball in school cause it's to rough etc. The next few generations are gunna all be a bunch of wimps....in life there are winners and losers....sounds mean, but still true. This of course is just one example and I do think you need to take life and different things presented to you in life and realize that everything has different circumstances to be considered. I find to many people now feel entitled to everything because they have this great self esteem (that they didn't actually earn, it was handed to them so as not to hurt there feelings) and as such, are damn rude to everyone and assume that everything should just be done for them.. I enjoy taking people down a few pegs sometimes....lol

Krista - posted on 05/22/2010

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I think in some ways we are too nice, but in other ways, I think we're a heck of a lot less courteous to each other. So it's both.

I think that we DO need to keep in mind that we don't always know a person's full story, and so to judge them based on partial information is not a very good idea. To use your breastfeeding example, if someone told me that they thought I made a poor choice by not breastfeeding, that would be very hurtful. I couldn't breastfeed -- I've had a reduction.

I can see where you're going with this argument, that in many cases, we over-coddle people, who in actuality, need a kick in the arse. But, I do think that the kick in the arse needs to then be followed by a helping hand, so that someone can see not just that they're doing something wrong, but they can learn how to do things in a better way.

And with regards to your comment about the strong opinions, once again, I think that really depends. I'm pretty opinionated, but I would hate to inadvertently hurt someone with a thoughtless remark. So no, we don't need to tiptoe around OR become rude a-holes. I think we need to just realize that we're all human beings here with feelings, and to try not to say anything to each other here that we wouldn't say to someone in person.

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