MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Mary Renee - posted on 01/30/2011
I never thought anything about it being inappropriate until I saw this question on Mom sites like this.
I totally feel bad for the second child if everyone thinks it's innapropriate! To be honest, I gave a lot of my daughter's baby and newborn stuff to my cousins when they were expecting. I mean, no body has to get you a stroller or a diaper genie, but maybe smaller gifts like a frame or a baby book to collect memories of the second child. I'm a firstborn, but why wouldn't the second, third or forth child deserve the same amount of celebration?
By the way, remind me not to invite any of you "Debbie-Downers" who think it's so tacky to MY future baby shower! My mom and best friend threw me a baby shower with my first and some of my friends didn't even bring gifts, but just came to celebrate and they all wrote me nice notes to read in the hospital during labor (which of corse I did not think to do during contractions, but the thought was nice anyway!!!!) I don't think it's an obligation as much as it's a fun get together to celebrate a pregnancy. I'm surprised so many people feel so strongly that you shouldn't have one and they would "refuse to attend" haha. Pull the stick out of your butt already! Haha.
Desiree - posted on 01/30/2011
No! I think its ridiculous especially if you have children close together, it may be a different story if the age gap is quite large. Only the first child has a baby shower.
It's for me the same as having a huge white wedding when you have been married 5 years and have a child. Not on. Especially if its not on the same date as your first wedding.
Sherri - posted on 01/29/2011
I guess that is where I disagree Theresa a baby shower is simply a way for the parents to get presents. It isn't celebrating the baby, it isn't even here yet. It is all about the parents getting gifts.
A birthday party is celebrating the child and making it one year is an enormous accomplishment and should be celebrated. A shower is simply for the parents.
Sherri - posted on 01/28/2011
A baby shower from where I am from is simply a party thrown by friends/family etc. for the mom & dad to be to help them with items they will need when baby arrives cribs, strollers, car seats, diapers, clothes, bottles etc.
Sara - posted on 01/28/2011
I'll be honest, with a few exceptions I find it kind of tacky to have a baby shower for subsequent children. And when I say baby shower, I mean a registry and the expectation of gifts. If you want to have a party with your friends where you play games and have cake, i say go for it! But sometimes it seems to me like showers for children after your first is just a treasure hunt for gifts. Chances are, I'd give you a gift for you new baby, shower or not.
And, i dont' think it's appropriate to have your own baby shower...that just seems wrong to me.
This conversation has been closed to further comments
Jodi - posted on 02/01/2012
I had a second shower for my twins, and I helped host it! I made it clear in the invitation that it was a party for fun and there wasn't a thing we needed or wanted. At the party we (my sister and I hosted it together) had several games with some great prizes (had a friend into pampered chef parties who got me some great deals!), we made quilt blocks to sew baby blankets and everyone got a page to make into a scrapbooking page. It was a great party, I have some wonderful items left from it that not only I, but my children can enjoy and look back on as well. Great food, great friends/family, great fun.
They did however, all decide behind my back to buy us diapers and wipes. 3 weeks before they turned one...we bought our first pack of diapers! It wasn't asked for, it wasn't necessary, they did that on their own. Every baby is special, every baby deserves to be celebrated however mommy sees fit. And if mommy wants and/or needs new stuff for the baby, so be it. I will never regret hosting and having a baby shower for my second pregnancy, it's a wonderful memory with wonderful keepsakes. Totally appropriate!
Angela - posted on 02/13/2011
its all a matter of personal preference.
I dont think its innapropriate at all on both accounts. If you want to have a baby shower for your 2nd or third child or host your own baby shower,I say go for it! why should you conform to what tradition says? BORING! I would have another baby shower if I have a 2nd...And I would host my own baby shower too,if I had too and if people wouldnt like it,well then they just dont come :)
Yea, I suppose, but not every gift can be a personalized photo frame that you and your kids made, or a pair of knitted booties that grandma stitched. Let's face it, we all need certain things or have certain tastes, and I just think registries help prevent a bunch of useless or repetitive gifts.
I do agree, they seem impersonal. My mom actually hates them too. She's the type of person that wants to put a lot of thought and energy into what she gets someone. Me? I'm good providing someone with what THEY need or THEY like. Am I lazy? Yea, a wee bit... ;)
We registered at Babies 'R' Us for EVERYTHING we wanted or needed. I think registries are wonderful. They allow people to see what you like or what you need, whether they purchase it there or not. They allow people to be able to see what's already been purchased. They're wonderful when you have family and friends that are out of town and would like to send something but don't have the slightest clue what.
I think they're great and I'm grateful when people register.
Merry - posted on 02/03/2011
We registered for even the expensive stuff, cuz when the date passes target gives you like 20% off remaining items on your list!!!
But we had plenty of cheaper stuff on there as well, and no one bought the big stuff anyways so obviously they didn't feel obligated to spend a ton!
Most just like shopping for babies!
I sure do, but my friends haven't found out the sexes of their babies yet so I'm waiting til they are born to buy stuff cuz I hate neutral stuf :)
Merry - posted on 02/03/2011
That's pretty judgemental mike!
What about parties where gifts are not necessary?
What about people who LIKE buying their family or friends gifts for their babies?
What about moms who enjoy good company while pregnant?
It's not about the gifts, it's about the people.
It's fun for all your friends and family to see you all huge and pregnant before the baby is born.
A party after baby is born is really just a good excuse to get the baby sick with alot of germs from everyone holding it!
LadyJane - posted on 02/02/2011
I've been to a baby shower where absolutely no gifts were allowed and if anyone brought any, they were sent to the nearby hospital as this was a shower just to celebrate the joy of a new addition to their home. If you're uncomfortable having a second shower or even a third or more, then have a charity shower where all the gifts would go to a nearby hospital or even to an organization for new mothers who wish to keep their 'unplanned' babies. This seems to be the norm lately where I'm at. In fact we have an annual 'communal' Baby Shower where all gifts are sent to a home for unwed mothers who decided to keep their babies. I'm sure if a mother who wish to host her own or if it was for a 2nd or 3rd baby, could donate some of those gifts to those more needy.
Sharon - posted on 02/02/2011
Yes its inappropriate.
How greedy can you get? Apparently the "entitlement" thing is still going strong. "GIMME! GIMME! GIMME!" "I'm having a baby!! That makes me DESERVING and SPECIAL! Its never happened to anyone before!! Bestow upon me ALL GIFTS!"
A baby shower is GIFT GIVING.
A baby welcoming, a birth day - totally appropriate. Its a party that welcomes a baby.
A baby shower is help new parents get ready for their bundle of joy.
If your friend needs help affording diapers, maybe she doesn't need to be having a baby she can't afford.
LadyJane - posted on 02/02/2011
I agree that having more than one shower is fine. Nothing inappropriate about that. I can understand if your 2nd child was on its way less than 2 years after the first not to have one, but really, who cares! Have as many showers as you wish. If it wasn't for my friends MOM, I wouldn't have had a first shower. Never had a second one with my son and I was disappointed. Having a shower is not just about gifts, it's about trying to figure out what sex the baby is going to be, celebrating its arrival into the world. To me, it would be more inappropriate not to have one for the second/third pregnancies since those babies should be allowed a party too.
Merry - posted on 02/01/2011
I sure hope not! I'm hosting my second shower this april!
I think every baby is just as important as the first, so each should get a party! I put in the invites that gifts are not necessary, I did this with my first as well.
I don't like people throwing me parties cuz I like knowing what's going on and choosing things myself.
I figure, no one says you can't throw yourself a party, so why is a baby shower different!
I could see if you made guests obligated to buy gifts for each baby, that could get pricy, but honestly, who doesn't want to buy something cute for a new baby!
Doesn't have to be expensive, but most enjoy buying something special for their friends babyshower.
So, no, I think it's just fine as long as you aren't rude, or expecting extravagance!
Laressa - posted on 02/01/2011
Interensting post Sara! I'm wondering the same thing. I never had a baby shower for my first, in the community I lived in then it was always organized by the family. We had no family closer than 9 hrs away. I feel like I missed a special part of being a new mommy. I am now about 9 mo pregnant with number 2. If its a boy (I had a daughter last) I put a hint in my sil's ear that I might want a baby shower. We now live close to family. Its not so much about gifts to me, I have a lot of baby gear by now. Its more about having fun and celebrating a new life... but I still feel akward having one for a second child.
Natasha - posted on 02/01/2011
I wonder what you moms would think about the fact that when I had my son, I had 3, count 'em 3, baby showers. All after he was born, and in 3 different cities. My sister threw one for me at my house in the city I lived, where I worked and all my friends were invited. It was a faabulous time, and a great chance for my gfs to meet Seth. Then about 2 weeks later my mom threw one out at her place, in the city that I was moving to, so I could meet the neighbours, and see some women from the town that I grew up in that were like grandparents to me. It was an interesting time, because I really only knew about half the people that were there, but it made moving out there, where I had known no one easier.
The third shower was a complete surprise, and hosted by my FIL. It was so that my husbands family had a chance to celebrate Seth's birth and get to meet and cuddle him. I thought I was just going out to visit and when I got to his house I almost dropped Seth out of shock. My FIL is not someone who is thoughtful like that, and the fact that he took the time and effort to put it together still amazes me.
Right now I am pregnant with my second baby, and due in just over 2 months. My husband and I have talked about if we are going to have a shower for this baby, and have decided to have a meet the baby party instead. We have already gotten some gifts, but have not asked for anything other than a playyard, which my parents have bought for us. The only reason we asked for one was because the one that we had for our son is no longer up to code and we could not afford to buy a new one. We do not know if we are having another boy or if this one will be a girl, so I guess we will deal with that when it arrives. If it is a girl, we will most likely register for some things, as that way the people who want t buy us gifts will know what we are looking for, but they will have no pressure to buy or bring anything. Thankfully we have lots of friends who have been more than willing to give us thier second hand items if we end up with a girl this time. (Which I would love to have, since we know that we will be done after this one.)
As for hosting your own shower, I think that it is perfectly fine. There are plenty of reasons for why someone would host thier own. I hosted my own stagette and bridal shower, does that make me tacky? I don't think so, it was just easier for me because my sister was finishing her last year of university and my "second MOH" lives 3 hours away. Sometimes it is just easier.
I think that it is perfectly fine to have a shower for every single baby. I don't care if the only intention is to get gifts, the people who are invited and attend are coming to celebrate the life of your new child. I will also say, I am uber superstitious and don't like tempting fate by having showers before the birth of your baby. However, my bff had one before her son was born, and I attended and had a great time. It is not something that I would do, but all the power to those who choose to do it that way.
Krista - posted on 01/31/2011
If someone wants to host a baby shower for my second, they're more than welcome to! But I certainly wouldn't expect it, and wouldn't be put out if it didn't happen. Goodness knows all I'd want would be diapers and an Ergo anyway. LOL!
Hosting your own baby shower? Meh...that's a little trickier. I think it's more appropriate to host a "Welcome Baby" party after the baby is born, so that all the friends and aunties can meet the baby in one fell swoop. You send the word out via one of your gossipy aunties that you don't want presents, and then you wind up with presents anyway. So it kind of works out as a shower.
Janessa - posted on 01/31/2011
I never had a shower for my son because I didn't know anyone where I moved too. Anyways my son ended up with more gifts from family and friends we meet then someone who had a baby shower he was spoiled. I do not think there is anythinhg wrong with have many baby showers the other kids need to be celebrated also. I would through myself a baby shower why not? It is no ones business to question why because it is for the baby. Everyone child should feel special to look back at memories and special oufits that where given to them and so they can pass it on.
Tia Melissa - posted on 01/31/2011
Stephanie: I'm Mexican by marriage and by 25+ years of cultural assimilation. "Tia" is because my sobrina invited me here and used Tia in her invite. Never saw a reason to change that! LOL I am Tia to a whole load of kids - I married into a gigantic extended family.
On topic... It is cultural that Latin based families (actually, I think it's more faith-based families no matter what the ethnic origin) get together to celebrate, well, everything. Sharing meals, prayer, quince anos, marriages, babies, birthdays, tribulations, death, mourning... It's all part of the family unit! Feed everyone and celebrate.
I love it! I figure, if you're busy celebrating with your family - with your abuelos looking on - you're not out getting into too much trouble. :)
Peggy - posted on 01/31/2011
I really dont think its your Heritage background as much as it is the type of family you have. We were stationed overseas for 4 years and our friends are like our family... we had a party for anything and everything.. just a nice fun get together rather it was for Bdays, Babies r just because... it was also nice to get people together that we might not see often (friend or co worker of a friend) and gave us a great reason to catch up.
Tia- I'm guessing that you are latino. Isn't it true (what I posted) that latin families will find a reason to make a party for anything and it's fun?! I married into a big latin family and there is a party for every single baby born and it's not just about getting the loot, it's just fun to celebrate and be happy and make a bunch of food together and sing and play guitar. It's fun traditions.
I haven't read all the other comments. Sorry, but I'm jumping in anyhow.
Do I think it's inappropriate for someone to host their own baby shower?
Ummm, not sure if I would use the word innapropriate, but I find it odd. I've never heard of anyone doing that before. Yea, maybe innapropriate! ;)
Is it inappropriate for the 2cd, 3rd etc.? Nah, not if someone else does it for you. I hope if we get pregnant again that someone will throw me a baby shower.
Tia Melissa - posted on 01/31/2011
Absolutely not! Every child should be celebrated. I certainly don't want to be the parent who has to tell their 2nd/3rd/4th/5th... child that, "No, we didn't have any parties to celebrate you, just your oldest brother/sister."
Perhaps, as a concession to those who think it to be inappropriate, you limit it to close friends and family. Really, it's a nice reason to get together with everyone for some nibbles, laughs and cake. I'm always looking for something to celebrate! Why not the new baby before newborn house-arrest starts?
Dana - posted on 01/31/2011
I don't think it's inappropriate to have more than one baby shower. I have a friend who has a 15 yr old and a 12 yr old with her first husband and now just had a baby with her second. She didn't have a baby shower and I was kind of bummed.
So, I think if everything is outdated from your last children, I personally would love to attend and help out with the burden of regathering all that you need. Another couple examples for me is if someone gets pregnant unexpectedly and money is tight or they're having a different gender and need to buy everything all over again.
Cat - posted on 01/31/2011
I don't know about throwing yourself a shower. I guess that's something I wouldn't do. But my sister-in-law threw me a "sprinkle" for my second child (a much smaller affair than a shower. It was nice though. We had finger foods and played a few games and people brought more "necessity" type gifts (diapers and wipes, things like that).
@Peggy: I don't think there is anything wrong with having a baby registry, it's a smart thing to do so everyone will know what you need, what themes you like, etc. I just think registering for a pair of $350 baby shoes and actually expecting to get them is ridiculous, especially since this person isn't wealthy nor are her friends and family. I also think a smart thing to do is to give a gift receipt for an "staple" items you buy, like a bath, swing, bassinet and things like that incase you get more than one or want to choose a different pattern. Maybe that's tacky to do but it sure would help. : )
As for diapers from a diaper party, if they aren't the brand you end up using for your baby you could probably just exchange them without a receipt for the brand or size you need.
Marylea - posted on 01/30/2011
I think that each baby should get a shower. Its supposed to be a time to celebrate and every bundle of joy is a new celebration. I think it depends on the circustances as to whether or not its okay to host your own shower. No one threw a baby shower for my daughter. It was pretty hurtful. So I really want to have one for my next kid.
Peggy - posted on 01/30/2011
I completely agree as for Gucci etc items... I am actually on my 3rd child( which all 3 of mine are 8 years difference) but it is my husbands first. His family lives another state...and they want to buy items instead of just sending a gift card so they have asked me to do a registry and so have some of my closest friends (we are military and I have friends spread out all over the world). I never did a registry for either one of my kids and for 1st child I received 3 baby baths at the shower... so for those who dont like the fact that people do a registry, it actually makes more sense to do one.
I think it depends on the intent of the shower as to if it's tacky or not. I married into a huge Hispanic family and they throw parties for everything and I really do mean everything...and it's a blast! My sisters-in-law threw a shower for my 1st baby, a girl, and then a year later when I had my 2nd which was a boy they threw another one for me. Even if I was on my 3rd baby they'd throw a shower for it too bc it's about family and having fun, not about seeing how much loot you can get. We are celebrating a new baby coming into our family and being together and even without a party your family usually gives you a gift for a new baby anyway even if it's your 10th.
Now with that said, if someone is on their 4th or 5th baby and hosts their own shower with the sole purpose of seeing how many fancy gifts and gift cards they can rack up, that's tacky. I knew a girl who registered every baby she had at Saks 5th Ave. and Nordstroms and expected to get Gucci shoes and Juicy Couture diaper bags. That's insanely greedy. Nothing wrong with wanting those things for your baby but buy it yourself and don't be so damn greedy and arrogant.
Laura - posted on 01/30/2011
If I had a lot of diapers I couldn't use I would look into giving them to a charity for new mothers who couldn't afford them or children/mothers who are leaving their homes because of abuse (around here there is a place called child's voice who does that).
You know what that is actually what happened with her baby some diapers would give her an extreme case of diaper rash and she could only use a certain type so idk what she is going to do with some of those pampers hopefully give them to me! lol jp ;) but yea that would be a waste of pampers and you can never kno ahead of time like my baby is good she can use whatever pampers but who's to say the next child will be the same. Needless to say she has a ton i mean a TON of pampers all different sizes.
Peggy - posted on 01/30/2011
Maria~ I haven't ever heard of a diaper shower either. But what happens in the event that you get a done of diapers that your child might not be able to wear? My oldest could only wear Huggies as other brands gave her a rash and it was opposite with my 2nd, Huggies gave her a rash.
Peggy - posted on 01/30/2011
I have read the same but in all true honestly if it is your family members and/or friends who want to do it as a nice get together then who really cares if it is "distaste".. the ones who care dont need to come or support such inappropriate conduct. I also feel for the ones who have also heard that info and still have a baby shower for someone having their 2nd, 3rd and so on probably find it as silly as I do. Bet if everyone went through a book of etiquette there would be something in there that we would find silly and not follow in our day to day life.
I have been told and read that it is inappropriate to hold your own baby shower. It is also in distaste to have a 2nd baby shower if having the same gender baby if the child is of a different gender it is still frowned upon but acceptable. However, more than 2 baby showers is held in distaste and viewed as inappropriate. Now, with that said even though I feel the same way I also understand that a lot of people do not realize it is in great distaste to hold yourself or be thrown a baby shower more than twice.
OH SORRY ONE MORE THING!! i swear lol i had a friend who had a baby shower and then also had a diaper shower i never heard of that but its a party but people only bring diapers. I thought that was an awesome idea and i want to something like that! but i dont kno if i would have them at separate times not sure anyone else knows of a diaper shower??
oh and im not pregnant i just like thinking about the future haha
And YES! I agree with Peggy its a baby shower the party for the baby!! Why should only one baby be able to have a celebration and the others no?? again To me its not that big of a deal and is supposed to be FUN!! :D i personally love baby showers i love goin to them and i love buying stuff for babies.
So i dont think there is anything wrong with having multiple baby showers. I mean the gifts are fun! haha but its more a welcoming celebration for your little one. i wouldnt mind having multiple baby showers. Like Johnny Verback said if i had a boy next i would need boy things so it would be helpful to have a baby shower for that reason and after that it would be more for the celebration and the party with friends and family. Another reason to get everyone together! Nothing wrong with that. Also i dont think its inappropriate to host your own. My friend and mom hosted mine but i was so excited i wanted to help with everything!! but i wasnt allowed to haha but i dont think its wrong to host your own and have people help. At the end of the day its supposed to be for fun not about who hosted it.
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