Being A Daddy - Does Man Have A Choice?

Tracy - posted on 08/16/2009

Im not anti-abortion but I don't believe it should be used as a means on contraception. My parents had planned to have me aborted but mum could'nt go through with it. My dad said that he feel in love with me the moment he saw me. Although my parents did get married, it was not a happily ever after. There are no guarentees in life and you just have to make the best of what you are given. If you are triked into something then you have to learn from it and take resposnsibility. The father may choose not to be in the childs life that is his choice but he can't leave it to the rest of society to pay for it. Lets face it if you give men an opt out choice not to financially suppport the child, no matter where you live in the world there is a good chance we will be helping pay for this child in our taxes. I know not everyone goes on social secruity but if they are single parent they will be getting assistance in some way. However, no one should be forced to get an abortion either.

All I can say is I'm glad my parents changed there mind and had me because I now have my own family that I love a treasure will all my heart. Having children is such a precious gift and they bring so much joy to your life.

Jeannette - posted on 08/14/2009

well, I'm not a feminist, I don't hate people who have penis'...however, I believe in equal rights.

Women have the right to lay down to have sex, they have the right to decide whether or not they are going to protect themsleves from pregnancy/disease, they have the right to decide to have an abortion or give birth.

Men have the right to lay down to have sex, they have the right to decide whether they are going to use protection against pregnancy/disease, they DON'T have the right to decide whether they are going to have an abortion or have a baby.

Without touching the woman's rights....the man should have rights over parentage as well....give him the right to opt out completely.

You could argue that he could have used protection...so could she. You could argue that he should face up to the responsibility, but do women not know that they are the ones born with the ovaries and uterus? I think if a woman has sex with a man that she knows did not use a condom, she must have wanted to get pregnant...just the biology of the situation tells women that they are the ones to carry the child.

Men should not get off scott free. Since it costs money to have an abortion, it should cost just as much for a man to opt out.

I had kids with no father involvement, no child support (AFDC for the oldest for 12 months)...when my oldest was 3 and my youngest was almost one I got married to a wonderful guy.

It made all the difference though that I was not looking for someone to rescue me, take care of me, feel sorry for me. I was looking for a partner who valued family and was hands on with my daughters; my husband was from the very start. Some guys are ready, I think those are the ones you'd want around your kids anyway.

Kylie - posted on 08/14/2009

I think if a consenting adult chooses to have sex and a baby is conceived they have an obligation to at least support their child financially. The child did not choose to be here and so fathers need to step up and take responsibility for their actions, tricked or not. You cannot force a man to be a daddy, and if he chooses not to be in his child life then it is his loss, he should still chip in for the child's education and day to day expenses.

?? - posted on 08/14/2009

So are you sayin woman shouldn't be allowd to have an abortion? Why is it the mans fault? Why does he get the blunt of it - if he doesn't stay with her, then he has to pay child support and if he wants to keep the baby he's the one who has to FIGHT for it?

Tracy - posted on 08/14/2009

Don't get me wrong the women that do this do frustrate the hell out of me too, as they are very irresponsible and playing with innocent childrens lives. Both parents are responsible for the child once conceived and both need to step up and take responsibility

Tracy - posted on 08/14/2009

I'm sorry if it sounds harsh but the only people I feel for is the children that come out of these circumstances.

Its not nice being told as a child that you where unwanted and your mother tricked your father. There are some crazy chicks out there and my dad has been involved with quit a few. All of my dads children came out of relationships, he said he was tricked in every case. My dad knew what these women where like but still continued the relationships anyway. I will say though my dad has always supported us all. I was brought up by my father too. However I think he has got involved with some wrong women and even as a child I could see it, so why does'nt a grown man?.

Time and time again I have seen children mistreated by parents in these situations. I'm sorry if I have no sympthany for the men. I think its more important to take care of these children.

Konda - posted on 08/14/2009

I agree there are women out there that will 'trap' or try to trap men. I know my husband's ex-wife was married to him for ten years, she did not 'want' kids after they got married, she also cheated on him many times. For the entire ten years she did not get pregnant, then after she left him for a married man, and he and I got together, as soon as we got pregnant, she got pregnant for the married man. Now you cant tell me that someone that could prevent for ten years didn't do that on purpose.....he left her, and his wife left him.....stupid stupid people!

?? - posted on 08/14/2009

I do agree with you Esther. It's unfortunate that no one thinks of the baby, but only of themselves.

Esther - posted on 08/14/2009

I'm glad they all stepped up. And I know that people make mistakes and don't always select their partners as carefully as maybe they should have. I'm not really faulting them for that. I think what those women did was horrible. I think they bear the brunt of the responsibility. But I think it would still have been wrong for the men to walk away too. Because the person that hurts is first and foremost the baby. And the baby had no choice in the matter at all.

?? - posted on 08/14/2009

They were all long term relationships, not just one night stands and, while I think they could definitely have done better, highschool sweethearts / people change / the majority of the girls here do what their friends are doing.



I will also add that all 5 of those guys that were TRICKED and 3 of the 4 that were TRAPPED are better fathers than those women are mothers. 3 of the 5 are still in the relationship with the woman but it is on again off again. Only 1 of the 4 are still with the woman and the mother is a lazy drug dealing/using idiot while the father is now working a "small" job trying his hardest to make a family for this baby that he never wanted but loves more than ANYTHING.

Esther - posted on 08/14/2009

Quoting Jo:

Quoting Tracy:

I think guys that say she trapped me are full of it....

I know 5 guys off the top of my head that WERE tricked.

1 was told by his on and off gf of 3 years that she was on the pill - she had the pills he watched her put them in her mouth every night - when she fell pregnant she admitted she just spit them out after.

1 was very persistent on putting on a condom everytime he had sex with his gf - and she said she was on the pill - she went down on him before she'd let him have sex with her and she'd bite the condom to break it - she admitted to a bunch of friends later so that she could "get him to finally love her and be with her forever with" our baby.

The other 3, they put on condoms, they were told their gfs were on the pill and they all managed to get their gfs pregnant and each of the girls said she made sure she got pregnant so that their man would stick around.

And I also know lots of girls who "trapped" men with babies - they want nothing to do with the man - they want the child support check and in 4 situations off the top of my head the only reason the girls TRIED to get pregnant is "because my friends are having babies, so I want one too."

That is pretty despicable Jo. I can't even imagine why someone would be that dumb and do that. However, don't you think these guys should have been a bit more discriminate in who they were sleeping with too? Don't they at least have some responsiblity? It seems to me the only truly innocent person in the equation is the baby.

Esther - posted on 08/14/2009

Quoting Sharon:

Quoting Esther:

However, one aspect in all of this that hasn't been discussed yet; what about the CHILD's rights? Doesn't the child have the right to know both parents and have a relationship with them?

In some cases I don't think so.  Whats the point in your child being forced to spend time with a careless pot head, drunkard, crackaddict, or in the care of a person who just doesn't really give a shit? [ ]

That's why I added "unless I really felt it was the best interest of my child". I wouldn't want my baby to be exposed to any of that either. Obviously. Then again, I wouldn't be sleeping with a crack addict either. However, for a father who just doesn't care - I think I would still go after the money. Not for revenge or for myself, but just because the father owes that to the child as well. And if I can use that money to provide a better life for my child or put it away for a college fund, I would feel like I owe him (my son) to at least try.

?? - posted on 08/14/2009

Quoting Tracy:

I think guys that say she trapped me are full of it....

Konda - posted on 08/14/2009

Quoting Jo:

knees and keep it there.....so all it costs is a dime!

My dad gave me a quarter and said "Put it between your legs, if it falls you know you spread your legs to far and if it falls and you end up pregnant... well then you have a quarter to call someone who cares."

he was half joking lol

LOL, yeah, that was what my dad said too...this just shows how old I am....phone calls were a dime on a pay phone when I was a young teen.

Sharon - posted on 08/14/2009

Quoting Esther:

However, one aspect in all of this that hasn't been discussed yet; what about the CHILD's rights? Doesn't the child have the right to know both parents and have a relationship with them?

In some cases I don't think so.  Whats the point in your child being forced to spend time with a careless pot head, drunkard, crackaddict, or in the care of a person who just doesn't really give a shit?

I've seen all of those.  Custodial parent winds up suffering, trying to cover all the neglect or abuse that can't be proved and the child of course suffers and his/her definition of right and wrong becomes severely skewed.

Financial contribution and sperm donation does not make a person a parent.

You know what kills me?  If I were to take my child to a seedy part of town & hang out with disreputable people, a judge would have a flaming hissy fit.  If the disreputable person is the biological parent of the child, then the parents' rights supercede the welfare of the child.  Its crazy & disgusting.

Konda - posted on 08/14/2009

Quoting Jo:

knees and keep it there.....so all it costs is a dime!

My dad gave me a quarter and said "Put it between your legs, if it falls you know you spread your legs to far and if it falls and you end up pregnant... well then you have a quarter to call someone who cares."

he was half joking lol

LOL, yeah, that was what my dad said too...this just shows how old I am....phone calls were a dime on a pay phone when I was a young teen.

Esther - posted on 08/14/2009

I think it's a complicated issue. I support a woman's right to choose. I think both parties are responsible for preventing a pregnancy if they don't want to have a child so both should be using contraception. I do think men get tricked, but only if they allow themselves to be (i.e. not being very picky about who they have sex with and not using a condom). However, one aspect in all of this that hasn't been discussed yet; what about the CHILD's rights? Doesn't the child have the right to know both parents and have a relationship with them? I don't think you can force anyone to be a parent (just no real way to do it), but I don't know that I would make it easy for someone to just walk away either, unless I really felt that it was in my baby's best interest. I don't think asking for at least a financial contribution to the baby's upbringing is too much to ask.

Sarah - posted on 08/14/2009

If a man doesn't want to get a woman pregnant.....then he should wear a condom.
Short answer but hey, it's that simple! :)

Tracy - posted on 08/14/2009

I think it takes two and both need to take responsibilty for thier actions. If you have unprotected sex there is a good chance you will have a baby at the end. There is no oops about it. As a bloke you can always use a condom. I think guys that say she trapped me are full of it....(my dad had 3 children...and he believes he was tricked into it...Please)

I agree with Alison, people need to step up and take responsibility for their actions not shift the blame to someone else!

Alison - posted on 08/13/2009

I find the double standards on here shocking. "If a woman didn't lay down, kept her logs closed used birth control" etc. etc. My above post pretty much sums up what men can do to prevent an unwanted child.

Plus if a man sleeps with a woman who he can't trust then what kind of man does that make him? And a woman can only earn a reputation if she can find men with similar morals to lay down with her. AND a man is crazy if he sleeps around with women like that. He is getting what he deserves.

?? - posted on 08/12/2009

Quoting Konda:

My daddy, rest his soul, had the best form of birth control available to women....he said you put a dime between your knees and keep it there.....so all it costs is a dime!

My dad gave me a quarter and said "Put it between your legs, if it falls you know you spread your legs to far and if it falls and you end up pregnant... well then you have a quarter to call someone who cares."

he was half joking lol

Jodi - posted on 08/12/2009

Konda, I think the same, if he wants the baby he should be able to get some form of court order to prevent the abortion.

Konda - posted on 08/12/2009

The only problem I have, OK not the only problem, but I even though it is the woman's body....'right to do whatever with my body' crap, is she is also making the decision to lay down and open her legs, I think if a man wants that baby, then she shouldn't get the right to decide. Just as if she wants the baby and he doesn't he doesn't get the right to decide.



My daddy, rest his soul, had the best form of birth control available to women....he said you put a dime between your knees and keep it there.....so all it costs is a dime!

Jodi - posted on 08/12/2009

This is a really interesting debate, because it is something my husband and I have discussed (we do a lot of discussing hypothetical issues - I have a social sciences background and we like to sit down and talk about topical issues at times as part of our intimacy and connection with each other).



We also feel that men tend to get trapped. I believe it is a lack of education in many ways - when we do sex ed, no-one comes out and tells their sons, by the way, there are women out there who may try to trap you. I plan to make this very clear to my son and tell him that even if a woman says shes on the pill, use a condom anyway (for 2 very good reasons!). It is so important that our boys understand that its not just about making sure contraception is used, but making sure they take responsibility for the contraception. I also want to talk to him about the consequences (financial, total impact on his life) of not taking that responsibility.



My personal opinion is that men need to make sure they are responsible for birth control if they are in a casual relationship. If they are in a long term, committed relationship, you would have to hope that the responsibility for contraception would be a decision made by the couple with full knowledge of the potential consequences if the contraception method they choose fails.



With regard to the abortion, I don't know how anyone could force a woman to have an abortion. However, I do think if it can be proven beyond a doubt that the woman set out to trap a man, she should not be entitled to child support. If, however, it was an accident, then if a woman chooses to keep the baby, the father should be responsible as well. I know he doesn't get a choice about whether to keep it or not, and I am a little torn on that issue, but what is the alternative other than to voilate a woman's rights to decide what to do with her own body?



On a personal experience level, a friend of mine fell pregnant (quite by accident) to her boyfriend when she was 18. She loved him very much and had been with him for a couple of years. He told her that if she didn't get the abortion, he would leave her. She was so upset because she really didn't want an abortion, it went against her upbringing, but she really loved her boyfriend. So she went and got the abortion. It really messed her up, and he ended up dumping her soon afterwards anyway. This is a man who should have stepped up and taken responsibility, but instead used emotional blackmail so he didn't have to.

Alison - posted on 08/12/2009

These days there is no personal accountability for anything. These silly boys know how babies are made. They have the choice to use protection or keep it in their pants.

Lee-Ann - posted on 08/12/2009

easy answer. If a guy doesn't want to be a father, supply his own condom, use it and use spermicide. Or abstain ( i know i know this is guys we're talking about.....haha)

As for the debate on if guy wants child- mother doesn't -she gets made to carry to term -he raises kid -should she pay child support.........absolutely, we wanted equal rights and if she didn't want a kid it goes full circle back to what we were saying for the guys, that each individual should be responsible for themselves, i.e she/he should be in charge of their birth control. that's my thoughts anyway.

Rachel - posted on 08/11/2009

Quoting Sharon:

Konda, I know!! Great points! Its so convoluted ain't it?

This is why I fall back to the 50/50 position. Men really are in the weaker position so they should protect themselves with a condom.

I agree though - if a man can get through to a judge and force the woman to carry the baby to term (this was a movie wasn't it?) she should have to pay child support. man oh man its getting complicated.

I think it's only fair that if the woman does'nt want the child but the guy does then she should have to accept her consequence and have the baby and give it to him to love and care for.  Dam straight she should have to pay child support she laid down with him to create the life and now she should have to pay. I hate the woman who have the kid for so many years then turn around and hand the child over to the father and then refuse to pay child support for the child, becasue she had it for the first 3 yrs of it's life and now it's an inconviance and well he wants it so he should pay for it. Ahhhhhhhh it makes me so mad!!!!

Sharon - posted on 08/11/2009

Konda, I know!! Great points! Its so convoluted ain't it?



This is why I fall back to the 50/50 position. Men really are in the weaker position so they should protect themselves with a condom.



I agree though - if a man can get through to a judge and force the woman to carry the baby to term (this was a movie wasn't it?) she should have to pay child support. man oh man its getting complicated.

Konda - posted on 08/11/2009

You know this is a topic I have a lot of opinions on. Yes, the man should wear a condom if he doesn't want to be a father, that is simple. Yet, what about those that do want to be fathers? As the OP said, women have ALL the power, if she wants the baby, she has the baby and he has to pay child support(by law, whether he does or not), yet if he wants the baby and she doesn't she can get an abortion. My question has always been, what if the man was able to stop the abortion, if he convinced a judge that he wanted to raise the baby, would the woman then have to pay child support? I have debated this before, and other women say, no that if he wants to raise the child then he should have to do it alone. YET, no one feels that way about women having babies that men don't want.



I am 100% against abortion with the sole exception of the mother/baby life being endanger and both dying. However, women are able to make the decision, and men are not....so how is that fair. Yeah, yeah, I know it is her body, and all that crap, but she too decided to lie down and got pregnant. And yes, a lot of these women do this on purpose...people that were able to prevent for ten years when not wanting a baby, just happens to get pregnant with a man she 'wants'.

Sharon - posted on 08/11/2009

OMG yeah - those little wretches drive me nuts. And I love the ones who snivel that the man gets visitation, custody or whatever after they drag everyone into court.



What did they think was going to happen? govt pays them foodstamps, wic, and they get child support and church donated diapers.... its crazy. gah its to much.



Unfortunately we gotta say this is a 50 / 50 deal. If we say the man isn't responsible then - well damn it - they get off scott free when the reality is they had a choice to put on a condom but didn't.



I'm starting to think we should have sexual partners sign contracts before consumation!

?? - posted on 08/11/2009

Okay - you're right - you choose to have sex and there's the possibility of her getting pregnant. BUT.... women get 2 chances to make the choice - men get 1. Is that really fair?



Man chooses to have sex.

Woman chooses to have sex.

That is the 1 choice that man has.

( Whether he puts on a condom or not is completely irrelivant in the long run considering women say they are on the pill but miss 3 pills and can get pregnant - the condom can break / fall off whatever. )

Woman gets pregnant.

Woman chooses to keep the baby or have an abortion.

Man waits for her to make the decision that ultimately is her choice - and there is absolutely nothing he can say that will sway her one way or the other.





Should the man who - was told she was on BC, put on the condom and told her he didn't want to have the baby, be made to be responsible for her choice to keep the baby?



OBVIOUSLY we would love for ALL men to step up and make the choice to be a father - but if he's really not into it - would it really be a good thing to be "forcing" him to be there? We'd also like women to not trick men, or keep children just because the guy has money even if he doesn't want to be a daddy. But that shit happens a lot more than I think most people realize.





When I found out I was pregnant, Devon had told me he never wanted a baby - he was very unsure about being a dad at first - he's also quite young. I decided I would keep the baby and I told Devon that there was absolutely ZERO pressure on him to be a dad because I had taken the option to NOT be a dad away from him. The only thing I told him was 100% in or 100% out. There was no middle ground - if he wanted to be a dad it was all the way, from day 1 until he dies and if he didn't want to be a dad it was all the way, from day 1 until he dies. And he chose all in, and he's an amazing father and I think Gabriel and I, AND Devon are all very lucky.



I see these girls though that are so ... set on making "daddy's life hell" because they're "stuck with the kid 24/7 so they should HAVE to pay."

Sharon - posted on 08/11/2009

Same here Erin - a full grown and all! hahaha

Erin - posted on 08/11/2009

I do agree with you Mary on the notion that every time a person has sex, they are taking the chance of a pregnancy resulting (no matter how slim that chance may be). And I think the cases you're talking about are much different to my experience - I was almost 27 when I fell pregnant. I was established in my life, had completed my education and made my choice as an adult, knowing that I had the life experience and tools to be a successful single parent. I acknowledge that this is not the case for lots of single mothers, but this is what allowed me to take the stand I did with my ex.

ME - posted on 08/11/2009

This is a tough one for me...I sort of agree with Rachel in some ways. I've worked with young girls who were teenage moms, and doing it alone because the guys (or men in some cases) ran off after finding out they'd gotten their very young gf preggo. Some of the "dads" were in jail/prison, some were really not fit to be around the kids. Financial support and parenting are two different issues tho...I don't think you can force any person to be a loving, caring parent...but anyone who makes the decision to have sex, makes the decision to possibly become a parent, and that comes with responsibilities. If you are a single mom/parent doing it completely alone, then my hat's off to you; you are amazing...but that should be a mutual decision and not the result of a scared little boy/man running away from his responsibilities!

Sharon - posted on 08/11/2009

I agree with you Erin.



I also got pregnant with my boyfriend. He said he never wanted to get married, he had a child, didn't want any more etc etc etc. When I got pregnant I told him it wasn't his and that I would see him later.



Crazy nutjob that he was he called me every single day. When the baby was 3 we got married. But because of his indecision I left his name off the birth certificate.



My choice = my child. Even now if we divorced he is perfectly free to walk away and never pay me a dime of child support provided he stays away and never bothers us again. Although that would never happen.

Erin - posted on 08/11/2009

Well I guess this topic is pretty close to my heart, in that my daughter's father is not involved in her life (his choice). I fell pregnant on The Pill, he wasn't ready and didn't want me to go through with the pregnancy. He tried to pressure me into having an abortion, and while I am staunchly pro-choice, it was not the right choice for me at the time. So......... I chose to go ahead with the pregnancy. BUT I knew that by going against his wishes I was choosing to do it alone.
So no, I don't believe you can FORCE a man to be a Dad, just as you can't FORCE a women not to be a Mum by making her have an abortion.
Yes there is a huge element of personal responsibility involved - too many men rely on a woman's BC and then cry when it fails (or in some cases I know it was not really there in the first place - not in mine of course). I do believe if a man doesn't want an unexpected pregnancy to pop up he needs to WEAR A CONDOM - regardless of whether the woman is on The Pill.
But in my case what's happened has happened, and while I encourage my ex to have an active role in my daughter's life, I have NEVER tried to force him. I knew where he stood when I chose to continue with the pregnancy, so the responsibility for that choice is on me, and me alone.

Rachel - posted on 08/11/2009

Are they really being forced ??? The way i look at it is if they want to lie down with a woman then they are'nt being forced to be a dad at all, they are willing participants in creating the child. Men can say no as well that word is not just for a woman and if they dont want to be a dad then they should put something on it. I dont understand how a man can be tricked into having a child that he did'nt want, if he did'nt want the child why did'nt he wear protection??? The thing that annoys me the most is that most of the time these young guys dont wear condoms because they cant feel as much as they can without one.(the young boys i work with told me this and i almost fell over) However even if they are protected they still choose to lay down with that chick then they should have to deal with the consequences that come with that. They are not being forced to have sex so there for they are not being forced into be a daddy at all they are actually helping to create that life. The young boys that i work with have been telling me that if the girls dont use BC then it's their fault that they get preggo, so i asked them well what was your blame in the situation and they always turn around and say nothing she lied and was'nt using BC, so i then turned around and say but hang on did you wear a condom????? The answer is almost always a NO i was'nt but SHE should have been on BC. But then in saying this i also work with young girls and i have heard so many story's about i'll just fall preggo and then he will have to stay with me, and things like i hate condoms you cant feel anything and i hate the pill cause i've put weight on since i started taking it so i have just stopped. I aske the girls so if you fell preggo 2morrow who's fault would it be, and they have all turned around and said that it would be the guys fault because he did'nt wear a condom, then i asked them what their blame in the situation would be and they said nothing he should have worn a condom, but hang on your not on BC either and you did'nt make sure he was wearing a condom so it's just as much your fault as it is his.



I think that it's not fair that the father does'nt have a say as to weather the child is kept or not, but then i dont think a man ever has a right to tell a woman to get rid of the baby because it's not his body. However i dont think it's fair when the girl uses prtection and the guy does'nt and then he tells her to get rid of it. I tell the kids that i work with that weather you use a condom or your on BC you can still fall preggo and everytime you have sex with someone then you are taking the chance of becoming a parent, so if you have sex protected or not their is still a chance that she/you will become preggo and that you will become parents.



Should that father be held responsible for the woman choosing for him that he has to be a father?

How did she choose for him to be a father??? Did he lay down and sleep with her???? Because if he did than he choose to be a father she did'nt choose that for him because he could have said NO. This is what i mean men dont say NO enough and then when they get into these situations they always say she trapped/tricked me into having a baby and i always reply with, if you kept your dick in your pants then she would'nt be preggo and you would'nt have to be a daddy when clearly your not ready to be a daddy cause all you can do is say that it's the mummy's fault cause she tricked you into having sex and then she trapped you by falling preggo but they never ever remember that they lied down with this girl and that is how she got preggo and if they had'nt of laid down with her then she would'nt be preggo. JMO.

Sharon - posted on 08/11/2009

Ok I think its crummy as hell when women do that.



Unfortunately you play, you pay.



He could have worn a condom, he could have opted to not have sex with an untrustworthy woman. Evidently they don't know the woman very well or they would have most likely seen this.



People think they have found true love in the first month of dating - its insane. Are you even sure after 3 months?



I'm sorry - I wish there was a pill guys could take too. Until then its on them too.

Allison - posted on 08/11/2009

The simple answer is, she should have chosen to wear a condom.



But you raise a very good question in the last paragraph. That would be like saying that the woman had to get an abortion if the 'father' wanted that too happen. And we all gaff at that. Because how dare he tell us what to do. Yet, we are doing that very thing to them. I'm using pronouns very loosely here. Keeping in mind that there is a life in the balance (or potential to be one, depending on what you believe). I think that if one of the two parents want the child, then the child should be allowed to, well, become a child. This would of course mean that if the 'mom' didn't want the child she would have to go through the entire pregnancy and ultimately give it to the 'father'. Hmmmm.. well, I'm not sure I like that either. I will fiercly protect a womans right to choose and I don't think that is a good solution. Anymore than a rape victim being asked to go through the pregnancy. I don't know how to answer this. .. I'm going to have to ponder this some and post again. I'm curious what others say about this. O.K., wait, I'm going back to my original thought. Put a condom on. If you CHOOSE not to wear one, then you are essentially CHOOSING to be a Dad. Or at least a father because it takes love to be a Dad. O.K., that's my stance. But I reserve the right to chime in later.