Booze at Kid's Birthday Parties

Susan - posted on 07/18/2012

I'm not a drinker but I think it depends. I've been a guest or a host at several birthday parties that were JUST for the children. The focus was on the kids having a good time. Often they took place at public fast food and play type restaurants that cater to that, with foods that kids like and a play area for them to use. The parents sat around awkwardly on the uncomfortable benches, sipping their root beer and pretending to have a good time. Those parties are generally only a couple of hours long, and I've always been relieved when they are over.

I've also been to huge birthday parties that were family and community affairs. Yes, they were celebrating a child's birthday, but the party wasn't just focused on the child alone. It was more similar to other kinds of celebrations, like a wedding reception, a wake, or a bar mitzva. Of course there were all types of drinks, and the adults had a wide range of options to choose from. Hopefully they drank responsibly and kept an eye on the kids.

I like the latter type of party a lot more.

From looking at many of the responses online, some people assume that if a person has a drink they automatically are neglecting or endangering their children. However, a person can be a non drinker and still be an incompetent parent. A person can be an occasional social drinker and be a terrific parent.

Leeann - posted on 10/31/2011

Not if my family had the same problem, but then again we rarely booze it up anyhow. We'll do beer, just depends on where we are having the party. I am sorry you fiances cousin is getting such flack, this is a personal thing, if they dont like it that she wants a dry party well to bad its her kid and her kids party she can do as she pleases!

Corinne - posted on 06/03/2011

Last year, at my sons 2nd birthday party, my husbands best mate brought his own beer and got sooo drunk. He started dropping crisps on the floor and standing on them, starting petty arguements, started a food fight..... Today at my daughters 5th birthday party he was sober, respectable and even managed to leave at a decent time so I could get the kiddos to bed. I did have to beat it into him that it's not acceptable in my home and I think he's got that now.

Melissa - posted on 06/03/2011

Personally, we always have alcohol at our parties, whether the party is for a kid or not. We don't, however, have any of those issues. I think if we did have anyone with an issue, we'd make the choice not to have alcohol. Also, I think the family members NOT hosting the party should be a little more respectful of the fact that it's not their house, not their decision. If alcohol is really that important, then maybe they should be taking a deeper look into themselves and figure out why they think it's ok to be so selfish.

Miranda - posted on 06/02/2011

At s first Birthday party some of the guys were drinking booze. It made me mad. It isnt a time for people to drink. It is all about your kid. We are having my sons 2nd birthday party on sunday and Ive already said thee will be no drinking untill everyone leaves and the kids are asleep. I dont like any of that around my kid.

Kimberly - posted on 06/02/2011

We had beer at my daughter's first and second birthday parties but it was family only. No one got tanked or acted out.
I may decide against it later on when she has several little friends attending. If there were definitely risks involving alcoholics attending- then NO. It would be dry party.

Kelly - posted on 06/02/2011

Wow, I must say, I have NEVER seen anyone so drunk that they are slurring words, stumbling around, or acting like a fool after 1 or 2 glasses of wine. That kind of drunkenness usually requires more than a couple drinks. Do people really drink THAT much at children's parties? That kind of drinking/drunkenness would be inappropriate ANYWHERE, not just at a kid's birthday party.

Alcohol at a kid's party is not inappropriate, drunkenness at a kids party is inappropriate.

Maria - posted on 06/02/2011

i dont find anything wrong with it. Like my daughter is going to be turning 1 yrs old in two months. I dont know the time of it but if we have it in the evening when it is cooler then the first part will be all about my daughter and the little kids then once that is over and most likely she will be asleep then there will def be alcohol provided for the adults to continue partying and hanging out. Family events in my family usually do contain alcohol but no one gets ridiculous. They are a big thing cuz we have a big family and love having everyone together. And my parents arent big drinkers its more so for the relatives altho they will participate :) But as far as for me and any parties i will be throwing i have no issue with it. I have been to a couple of childrens parties that had alcohol and they pretty much went as i had described all about the kids first then when it got later/late the alcohol busted out :)

Corinne - posted on 06/02/2011

I have this every damned year with the in-laws. No, it's not appropriate at a kids party. Drunk adults stumbling around little ones? Bog off down the boozer and stay there.

Amber - posted on 06/02/2011

No. I dont believe in bring booze to a child's party, whether they are 1, 13, or even 17. Its about the child, not the adults. You are celebrating the BIRTH DAY of the child that was born on that day. Celebrating that they are here. If an adult cant contain their alcoholic desires for 1 or 2 hours, they dont need to be there. I have heard from plenty that the child wont remember anyways, thats not the point at all! The point is you are celebrating THEIR day. You take tons of pictures and whats it gonna look like when your showing pictures of half drunk people on a childs day? I find it appalling that adults feel the need to drink on a small child's day..such a shame!

Christina - posted on 06/02/2011

I have NEVER had booze at a child's birthday party. My mom's family is Jewish and whenever we have celebrations and get-togethers, there is a ton of alcohol for everyone to enjoy. However, everyone drinks responsibly, and I've never seen anyone get drunk. But they never pull it out for the kids birthday parties.

Stifler's - posted on 06/02/2011

I didn't read any of the posts yet but we had an afternoon tea style first birth day for Logan so no one really drank, the town had just flooded and no one felt like spending money on alcohol since no one could go to work. Most of our friends though just have the cake etc. in the afternoon, BBQ for dinner and everyone has alcoholic beverages after the kids go to bed... well one partner gets to drink and the other drives usually. I think it's pretty common to drink in general here. Not always be drunk but have a beer in the afternoon or rum and coke after work is the culture and especially on the weekend. This person sounds like an alcoholic though, who cannot stay dry for one fricking day. If someone invited me to their party and said no alcohol I wouldn't take alcohol or make a thing of it that there was no alcohol.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/01/2011

If she wants a dry party, expecially with a father just out of rehab, that's her choice. I don't think it's bad one way or another. A first bday is a very special event - its the first! But how much of it do kids really remember? Ziltch. So if the parents want to do more things for them rather than the kids I don't see it as a problem. Drink, have a bbq. But if they don't, they don't.

On a side note, my parents threw me a baby shower and had guys and girls show up and MASSIVE amounts of alcohol. Talk about inappropriate LOL

Teresa - posted on 06/01/2011

No it's not common and if they are that cronic that they can't respect your wishes they should stay home

Chris - posted on 06/01/2011

why the heck would you be drinking when your suppose to be watching and hanging out with kids? Tell them NO WAY the party is for the kiddo not YOU! get over it!

Jessica - posted on 06/01/2011

We had drinks at my sons first birthday.
We did not have people with drinking problems or people that were uncomforatble with it, we didnt get smashed and everyone was able to walk and drive. But it was a bbq on the deck and there were beers.
I have been to both kinds of parties and i think either way its fine.
Now having the alcoholic drinking at the party depends on how functional they are I guess. I wouldnt want my aunt gettting drunk and falling downt he stairs or vomiting at the party, but a few drinks is fine with me

Jakki - posted on 06/01/2011

Wow I must say I'm really shocked at how vitriolic the anti-booze comments are. It must be a different world you live in to me. I am convinced that if you came to one of our kids parties where the parents had a glass of wine or a beer, you would not be appalled or think it tacky. Nobody is getting drunk or fighting or shouting. The kids are having a lovely time too.

I remember going to a neighbour's kids party once on a Sunday morning in the middle of winter. We got there at 10 am and there was nothing for the adults - not even a cup of coffee. I had to stand freezing in the back yard for the next 2 hours while the kids did their stuff, and I felt like I hadn't been looked after. If the parents are expected to stay for the party - at least give us something nice! OK no alcohol at 10 am, but coffee and some finger food would have been good.

Christy - posted on 06/01/2011

Absolutely not. No booze. Period. They can have an adult get together and get a babysitter.

Ally - posted on 06/01/2011

With our family being full of so many blended..divorced.. And just a couple plain crazies we have always supplied kiddie drinks as well as adult beverages...not sure i could handle a family function with my MIL without a drink or two :) that being said we do not have anyone coming to the parties that i would consider alcoholics or any that have been to rehab....that is a whole different situation and if people were inclined to over induldge at my kids party I would be much more likely to make it a "dry" event.

I can never imagine going to a kids bday and complaining that there wasnt alcohol there...that is a little crazy.

Mandie - posted on 06/01/2011

I have been to kids' parties that both did and didnt serve alcohol- as Alyssa said us Aussies dont need much of an excuse- so i dont really have an opinion either way. But that said, if I were invited to a party where it was specified there was to be no alchol it wouldnt bother me at all and I certainly wouldnt give the host grief about it- that's just rude

Alyssa - posted on 05/31/2011

Wow most people are pretty yay or nay...interesting.

Just want to add that I have never supplied alcohol to adult guests at a kids party of mine. The drinking culture here is pretty much BYO unless it's a formal occasion like a wedding etc. IMO supplying alcohol at a kids party is quite different..most aussies would get smashed at the mention of free alcohol, plus it would cost an arm and a leg!

Amie - posted on 05/31/2011

I don't understand it, never have. I find it odd - but I also don't agree with drinking (whether it be one glass or more) and then driving. Especially if children are present.

It is not common where I am. Actually anywhere I've lived it has not been common.

Even my functioning alcoholic in laws can leave it alone long enough to enjoy my kids birthday parties. My husband and I also both told them that if they did not stop drinking (since there is no "one" drink with an alcoholic) around the kids - we would not allow them around the kids. This was years ago and they've been great with it.

Maggie - posted on 05/31/2011

Who needs a shot of alcohol at a party? The host, or the guest? All the guests need to do is show up, for as long or as short as they like. I've learned, if you don't supply alcohol, the party concludes earlier than anticipated. My child, has never had an alcohol provided party. However, we have attended parties that have provided alcohol, we don't drink. I won't snub those that do, we just don't.

Tina - posted on 05/31/2011

Their are plenty of accasions that people the opportunity to drink a childs birthday isn't one of them. Surely a child can have one occasion to celebrate and have fun without worrying about adults misbehaving.

Karen - posted on 05/31/2011

I have NEVER seen alcohol served a kids B-day party. Neither on my side, or his side of the family. I don't think it's appropriate to drink in front of your children like that. I like to drink occasionally, We may have a bottle of wine or beer in the fridge(although that was from my DH's quading trip from last year, lol). If you want to drink, have friends over after the kids are in bed or get a babysitter to go out.

Tiffany - posted on 05/31/2011

Completely unnecessary at a kids party. My family always has alcohol at EVERY get together, and at my daughters 1st birthday party I strictly told everyone it was not welcome and anyone who had an issue with it could stay home. Good for your fiance's cousin!

Sherri - posted on 05/31/2011

I think it is positively fine. We actually do it all the time. We have kids birthday party early and then turn it in to an adult party later. However, we always have the alcohol available if anyone wants it while the party is going on. However, we don't have any alcoholics we all just drink casually. No one ever gets drunk just a drink or two. Heck my mom just had a margarita at my son's 5th birthday last weekend.



Once the kids party is over the kids just play the bar comes out and it is adult time with drinks. We even make non alcoholic ones for the kids. I never have a problem with my children seeing me have an occasional drink because they have never seen me drunk EVER!!! They always see me being very responsible around alcohol and so is everyone that attends. This isn't a free for all but just a time for friends and family to get together over a couple of drinks.

Kelly - posted on 05/31/2011

Perhaps it is because I have only ever been exposed to people drinking responsibly, but I fail to see what is SO awful about the idea of wine or beer at a kids party.

Most kids parties here include the parents--we're not a drop your kid and go kind of town, so it is polite to offer something for adults too. Obviously, with consideration to who will be attending--if there are alcoholics (as there are in the OP's case), keep it dry.

No one should be offended if there is no alcohol, but likewise, no one should be offended if there is alcohol. If you don't like it, don't drink, but why judge those who do, then get annoyed because they judge you back? If we all just stopped judging and let people do their own thing, we'd all be happier.

And just a note about funerals--in my culture, we drink at them. Not during the service, but leading up to it, and after it, we drink--and we drink A LOT. Our funerals are a celebration of life and death and the alcohol we drink amplifies the emotions we are supposed to feel. It is part of our ritual. I don't mind if people choose not to drink, but I am going to drink because I want to feel the funeral.

Heather - posted on 05/31/2011

No! Absolutely no booze at a child's party. How could one even think that there would be any there? Sorry to say if someone can't go to a child's party for a couple of hours where there is no alcohol they need to grow the fuck up or just stay home.

Good Day! - posted on 05/31/2011

The drinking culture around here is pretty dominate. But I've never been to a funeral or child's birthday party where alcohol was involved. Of course, the drinking culture here is about getting drunk...not drinking responsibly. I suppose if adults were responsibly drinking then booze at the party or funeral wouldn't be a big deal.

Rebecca - posted on 05/31/2011

See this is a real eye opener for me. We never had booze or beer at any kid's parties when I was a kid. I never even though anyone would ever think it was cool to do it. My mother's father was a nasty drunk when she was young and booze was never a huge part of our childhoods.

Personally, my daughter's party was a kids party. There were kids, babies and toddlers there. We planned it in the afternoon and made it about her birthday. Yeah, she might not remember it, but in the moment she had an awesome time with her friends. If that had been messed by my fiance's aunt having full access to an entire bottle of something - I would have been seriously pissed.

As well, the party was only two and a half hours long. Drink after anyone?

Still, I see it isn't as uncommon as I thought. I still won't be serving booze at her second birthday, but this time, I'm taking a cue from my fiance's cousin and stating on the invite that it is a dry party.

Lacye - posted on 05/31/2011

That's their culture Johnny, not mine. If they do it then that's them. But personally, I would be upset if somebody showed up drinking or drinking while at the burial. It's not a part of my culture. I'm not saying it's immoral. But in my opinion, if it's not a part of the culture, it's tacky.

Johnny - posted on 05/31/2011

Lacye, in some cultures alcohol consumption is sort of part of the burial ritual. My husband's culture is like that. Most people generally abstain in regular life, but it is customary to share a small glass at the burial. My MIL is very opposed to alcohol, the only time I've ever seen her drink is at a burial. Please keep in mind that many of these sorts of issues are cultural, there is no need to blanketly condemn other's practices. It's fine to say you wouldn't do something yourself, but I tire of people putting their own personal choices out there as the blanket "this is the way things are done and doing differently is wrong/immoral/dangerous etc."

Michelle - posted on 05/31/2011

Growing up, as far as I can remember, there wasn't booze at my birthday parties - but knowing my Dad and Uncles and Poppop I'd bet any amount of $$ that they had a beer at some point in time (none of them are alcoholics I might add).

I was recently at a birthday party and the birthday boy's parents got people to stay by advertising booze - nothing big, just beers and schmirnoff's or Mike's or something like that..... didn't see it as a big deal.

We just had my daughter's 5th birthday party at the bowling alley.... I had a beer. lmao I could NOT NOT have had a beer with screaming kids fighting over bowling balls! haha

Vodka sounds a little strong... can'ts ay I'd go taht far at the bday party.... but I do think it's ridiculous that people are boycoting a children's birthday party because no alcohol will be offered.... I give your fiance's cousin for making it a dry party out of respect for her father... and if other's can't accept that then they should all get a fairly large reality check!! I hope she stands by her decision!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rosie - posted on 05/31/2011

well, we've never provided booze at a birthday party, but i guess i would not have a problem with it. nobody in my family is an alcoholic though, so i wouldn't blatantly throw the alcohol in their face like that.
i don't see anything wrong with having a few drinks at a birthday party though. it's not a big deal to me, now if people were getting shitty or something then i would have a problem, but nobody in my family would do that so i guess that's why i have that opinion.

JuLeah - posted on 05/31/2011

Okay, so you are telling me that you can not attend a child's party (duration 3 hours) without booze AND you are telling me you don't have a drinking problem?



You are telling me that while at a child's part, you felt the need to express anger at the lack of booze, then ransack the house looking for hidden booze AND you don't have a drinking problem?



Riiiggghhht.....



Look, I don't care how much anyone drinks or doesn't. I care about behaviors. Addiction is a symptom is a much bigger problem .... a symptom of thinking errors that leads to problem creating behaviors.



There is the thing. You can, through sheer force of will, learn to put down the bottle. BUT, if you don't get help for and correct the thinking errors, your problem creating behaviors won't actually change.



And, for us that don't drink .... addiction comes in many forms. We can think we are better then, or tell ourselves we are stronger then .... but how many of us drink coffee? Smoke? Drink Coke (sugar) .... people are addicted to porn, the TV, the computer, shopping, spending, eating, sex, jogging ..... Not all addictions land us in jail, but all start with thinking errors that distance us from feelings, that make adult mature responses more challenging, that create problems in our lives.



So, I don't care if you drink in front of my kid. I DO care if you behave like an addict in front of my kid.



I want my child around emotionally mature adults .... folks with a high emotional quotient (EQ), folks that are grounded, balanced, trustworthy, honest, dependable, compassionate, respectful and all the rest. If you can do all of that with a beer in your hand, fine. But, the folks you have described above .... Maybe not.

Jenny - posted on 05/31/2011

We don't separate child's parties and adult's parties. Every event is an event for the whole family. How do you deal with all those kids if you don't have any booze? (Kidding by the way booze nazis). A typical birthday party in our family would be bowling, sledding up the mountain or a family bbq. Parents and friends are always welcome.

I demand booze at my funeral. I don't want no somber, everyone in black, cry fest. I want a celebration of my life. I want music and stories and FUN. All of our family members funeral are this way. Life is to be appreciated, not dwelled on.

Lacye - posted on 05/31/2011

Afterwards is fine, but I have seen people up at cemeteries with alcohol. They were chased off but that's not the point. Some friends of mine have been to funerals services where they did have alcohol served. I think it's tacky.

Chatty - posted on 05/31/2011

No alcohol at funerals? You mean at the actual service, or afterwards too?

Lacye - posted on 05/31/2011

Wow! There are 2 events that do not ever need to have alcohol, children's parties and funerals. Never! Not even once. My husband tried that shit last Saturday at our daughter's birthday party and he figured out real quick that I wasn't having that. Now yeah, after my daughter went to bed that night I had a drink. But she was in bed. I don't think people should drink while their kids are awake. Afterwards, do what you want to.

Chatty - posted on 05/31/2011

I know I'm late but here goes.....



I personally wouldn't drink at a kids party, nor did/would I supply the booze, but if someone wants to bring their own and drink responsibly I don't have a huge problem with it.

Johnny - posted on 05/31/2011

At my daughter's first birthday we served booze, as did many of our friends at their children's. They were mainly parties for adults holding babies. It wasn't raally a kid's party type of situation. Since then, the parties have been very child-focused and I can't remember anyone serving alcohol. Lots of bbq's at the playground, pizza parties at the rec centre, and tea parties in the garden sort of thing. Not really boozing type of events. At our family birthday dinners the adults drink alcohol, regardless of whether the celebratee is an adult or a child. No one in my family has a big drinking problem though (aside from my 93 year old grandma) so it's never an issue. And if we didn't serve alcholol to grandma, she'd just bring her own anyway, lol.

LadyJane - posted on 05/31/2011

There would never be beer or any alcholic drinks allowed at my kids birthday parties. I never allowed it for my daughter either. The only time my mom allowed it served at a party for me was my graduation when my grandpa and Uncle attended. They're not big drinkers and if anything, they'd have a total of 2 beers each in a 4 hour period. It was never allowed at any of my birthday parties regardless of age.

Now, understanding a first birthday party is probably not going to be remembered by the child, it is still their party, there will be pictures and maybe video when that child is older. If you're going to allow beer then that 'birthday' party should be held on a day that is different from the actual date of birth. Have a dry party on the actual date, and on the celebration date, then you can decide what's best at that point. I still wouldn't regardless. It is definitely not appropriate in my opinion to have beer with children around.

Sharon - posted on 05/31/2011

I'm not a fan of booze at a childs party.

Is it a celebration of a childs birth and continued life? Or a free for all for adults?

That said.... in the past we've had beer at some home parties. Never had any issues with drunk parents.

But in light of some issues I've seen at some of the parties my kids have attended, we avoid it. No pizza place parties - which I despise anyway. None at home either. I hate the clean up and pulling kids away from our video games and wondering just who stole the brand new dvd, ps3 controller, wii remote, whatever.

But that family sounds more whack than normal.

Carol - posted on 05/31/2011

I do not have booze at my kid's Birthday parties because, duh, it is a kid's party. A friend brought her own bottle of wine to my son's 1st Birthday party, which I felt ambivalent about.

I've been to kids' parties with alcohol as well, and they are fine.

I think the important thing is to respect the host's wishes. If they are not serving alcohol, then don't complain about it or demand it. If they are serving alcohol, don't judge them for it.

September - posted on 05/31/2011

We did not serve alcohol at our sons 1st or 2nd birthday parties. However I’m not opposed to having alcohol consumed as long as you’re not shit faced drunk by the end of the party. I have been to children’s birthday parties and have had a couple of drinks myself but I keep it classy and never have more than a couple of drinks.

Katherine - posted on 05/31/2011

Oh this is one of my pet peeves. It's a KIDS party!!!!! I can't stand that. If someone wants booze at THEIR kids party fine, but not at mine. My husband and I would go back and forth on it. Why at a kids party? Well the adults like it. They can go alcohol free for a few hours!!!

Danielle - posted on 05/31/2011

Uh no. Someone shows up at my house expecting to drink at my children's party I will very nicely show them the door. It's about the kids. Alcohol is not welcome at my kid's parties and my kids are not around when we have adult parties. I just don't agree with it. If ppl can't have fun without drinking I can give them directions to the nearest bar and they can drink till their little hearts are content lol.

Teresa - posted on 05/31/2011

I think it's stupid. Of course, I also think alcohol is stupid everywhere. ;) There was a lot of drinking at my nephew's 4th birthday (14 years ago) and I was the ONLY adult to interact w/ the kids the entire time (about half a dozen kids... 20 or more adults). A few of the other adult paid attention to the kids for maybe 10% of the time. It was really sad and pathetic. :(

Now.... If I didn't have a massive aversion to alcohol.... I could understand if some of the adults wanted to consume a beer or two throughout the party.... Just not something I am comfortable w/....

Jocelyn - posted on 05/31/2011

I don't really care one way or another. Having a couple beers is fine. Getting wasted is not.
Although one of my best friends moms ALWAYS has spiked punch for every party she hosts, even baby showers LOL I like her parties ^_^