BREAST FEEDING in PUBLIC

Sarah - posted on 03/19/2010

I haven't got a "good reason" for not breastfeeding really.
Guess what? It doesn't matter what the hell my "reasons" are!
My girls were fed and well nourished, they were happy and contented.
So far as i'm concerned, that's job done!
Who cares HOW i fed them or WHY i didn't breastfeed??? Not me that's for sure!

Seriously, it doesn't really matter THAT much to get so riled up over!!
I've got respect for ALL mothers that do a good a job raising their kids........breastfeeding or not doesn't define you as a mother! :)

Johnny - posted on 03/18/2010

"I lose respect for a woman if she doesn't at least ATTEMPT to breastfeed her child."

Nah....I can interpret pretty simply that means any women who makes the choice not to BF, whether she has the ability or not. I know several women who chose not to nurse, no attempt made even though they were able, their choice, their business, not mine. I respect these women as mothers, not in their choice of food.

?? - posted on 03/18/2010

Quoting Tah:

I know they come off as if they do everything perfectly and you don't add up, but it is not the case. If some people were less concerned with what other people choose to do and not do with their children, more people would be comfortable with their choices..

Tah - posted on 03/18/2010

@jean, you don't have to feel bad for not being able to breastfeed, even if you could have breastfed and didnt want to, it is noone's business but yours...don't worry about people who go around judging others and "losing respect" for them. I know they come off as if they do everything perfectly and you don't add up, but it is not the case. If some people were less concerned with what other people choose to do and not do with their children, more people would be comfortable with their choices..

Sapphire - posted on 03/18/2010

"I lose respect for a woman if she doesn't at least ATTEMPT to breastfeed her child."



Nah....I can interpret pretty simply that means any women who makes the choice not to BF, whether she has the ability or not. I know several women who chose not to nurse, no attempt made even though they were able, their choice, their business, not mine. I respect these women as mothers, not in their choice of food.

?? - posted on 03/18/2010

Yea, your cousins reason is definitely bogus, but it's still completely her decision. I would be more concerned for her than lose respect for her because of that decision though. There are women that choose to formula feed rather than give any attempt at breast feeding for so many various reasons, that to me, it's pointless to give any reason any thought more than another - let alone 'lose respect for her' because of it. She made the choice, done deal, doesn't make her a bad mom, just makes her decisions not a decision I would make.



If my family member decided to not breast feed because of her man, I would encourage her to give it a shot anyways, I would stress that he should be supportive and if she still chose not too I would have to accept that she is making the best decision for herself, her relationship and ultimately her family. Unless there were other signs that this dude was a total douche - then I would be a lil more involved.



I would still encourage her and I would tell her my concerns but at the end of the day, its only difference between her reason and any other reason is the implication of dominance by the husband and that would be where my concern came in.



Obviously, Adrienne, you have every right to feel whatever way you want too and to imply that you have that right, and I don't, is a bit redundant don't you think... I have every right to think that women who choose to be negative rather than positive aren't worth respect just as much as you have every right to feel that way about your cousin. But when you initially said that, you were rather vague and implied any woman not just, specifically, your cousin -

I lose respect for a woman if she doesn't at least ATTEMPT to breastfeed her child.

Erin - posted on 03/18/2010

If I choose to lose some respect for my cousin for choosing not to BF because her husband told her that her boobs were his, and didn't belong to the baby, I have a right to feel that way.

Adrienne - posted on 03/18/2010

If there is a medical or serious personal reason you choose not to or can't breastfeed, then that's fine. I NEVER said I object to formula for that reason. I was referring to moms who choose not to give their baby the best food available for no good reason at all. IE, they think it's "gross" or something simiar. The REASON I feel this way is there is a mountain of medical research proving that BF is best for both the mother and baby. IF you CAN'T that is a different matter entirely. Also, it shouldn't matter to any of you if I "respect" you or not. You don't know me, nor do I know you, or particulalry care if you "respect" me or agree with my parenting choices. No, I would not walk up to a woman and condemn her for feeding her baby formula. It's not for me to know the REASON she chose to do so. NO I would not want you to starve your child. That is WHY formula exists.



It is within every parents right to make choices for their child. That is one of the wonderful things about being a parent, and no one should take that right away from you. BUT it is also within my rights as a human to feel the way I feel about it. If I choose to lose some respect for my cousin for choosing not to BF because her husband told her that her boobs were his, and didn't belong to the baby, I have a right to feel that way.

?? - posted on 03/18/2010

I lose respect for any woman that puts any sort of negative spin on another mothers rightful choice to be her childs mother. Breast or formula, cloth or disposible, co-sleeping or crib, leash or stroller, grown in the garden or bought from the store; they are all things individual parents have to make choices about and as long as a mother/father is making that choice with the best of intentions, I applaud them.

Anyone that says boo to put that down, make them feel bad, try to demean, undermine or have a condescending attitude towards them for it... well, you're just being a douche. If you don't like the choice someone else made for their child, well, don't make that choice for your own children!

If you don't want to see a woman breast feeding in public, you have an option; STAY HOME. No one says you have to go out. And if you expect a mother to hide off in the corner to breast feed, I would say she has the same right to expect you to go hide in the corner while she does.

Regardless, if you're going to allow something that you can SO EASILY avoid, just by turning your head even 20 degree's in either direction, to offend you, disgust you or repulse you........ you have some issues that you should probably discuss with a health care professional. They have therapy for those kinds of things, and it would probably be beneficial to you to have someone discuss some coping mechanisms with you.

LMAO @ being disgusted by breast feeding... sorry but that shit is just plain FUNNY.

Lisamarie - posted on 03/18/2010

Thanks! :) I have the utmost respect for breastfeeding mummies and think bottle feeders deserve the same. Honestly, how do people expect to raise children when they have that sort of outlook on people?
Sorry, Patricia, bit off topic here. :) I already said mummies should be able to feed their child by breast or bottle wherever they feel comfortable, if you (general you) don't like it, walk away! :)

Sapphire - posted on 03/18/2010

Lisamarie, your babies look happy & healthy. A fed baby equals a happy baby! A fed baby also makes for a happy Mommy :-) I did both: nursed & used formula, especially when I had absolutely no choice when my milk dried up. I suppose I should have let my 9 moth old starve? I've had my words in the past with nursing nazis because these are moms that truly believe they are superior and have absolutely zero empathy for other mothers. It's so sad that these moms actually look down upon another mother instead of looking past the chocie of food. I mean, years down the road you put a pair of 5 year olds next to each other and you would never be able to tell the formula fed kid from the breastfed kid!

Lisamarie - posted on 03/18/2010

Totally agree with you, Sharon!
Adrienne, I didn't attempt to breast feed either of my children for personal reasons which I feel I don't need to explain to you, if you read my previous post at the very beginning I am very pro breastfeeding and support everyone who DECIDES (it is a desicion) to breastfeed but I couldn't do it.
Just as breastfeeding mummies, bottle feeders should not have to justify themselves to you and guess what, respect works both ways and to be perfectly honest with you, I don't give 2 hoots about your respect!
Just because you are in a situation where you feel you are doing the best for yourself and your child, you have no right to judge ANYONE for THEIR desicions as a parent and your comment was totally uncalled for. I feel I am doing what is best for my children and me and your opinions don't even come into the equation.

Sapphire - posted on 03/18/2010

Quoting Adrienne Magee "I lose respect for a woman if she doesn't at least ATTEMPT to breastfeed her child."



Why make it your business then? Why do YOU care how another mother feeds their child? What's it to you? I lose repect for mothers with a holier-than-thou attitude thinking your baby is superior than mine. Would you truly go up to another mother in public and her what a shitty mother she is for not breastfeeding?

Susanne - posted on 03/18/2010

Ive spent four years of my life breastfeeding my three sons and can honestly say i did it without flashing myself at anyone. If i was in close proximity to my car i would retreat there if the car wasnt available i would find a quiet spot somewhere and cover up with my shirt. Theres no need to expose yourself and people who do just give us all a bad name. As for the lady who doesnt want to have to explain breastfeeding to her eight year old son grow up what do you think hes going to do? I breastfed my three year old in front of his older brothers and they never worried about it and i plan to do it again when my fourth child is born in aug when my sons will be 11, 10 and 4. Should i hide away in another room from them or let them see me feeding their little brother the way i fed them? I have asked my 11 year old his opinion on this and in his nonchalant way he told me to carry on whatever as long as he hasnt got to change nappies he doesnt mind what i do lol.

. - posted on 03/18/2010

I learnt shortly after giving birth that it was medically impossible to breastfeed and I felt like a failure (I still do to this day).
While I was in hospital my partner had to rush out and buy a new pump/bottles (we weren't prepared, son came 2.5 weeks too early).
I expressed for three months then switched to formula.
My 2nd day out of hospital, I was visiting my MIL at her salon, one of her clients came up to me and asked me why I wasn't breastfeeding. I was speechless, I didn't realise you were considered a bad parent for not breastfeeding.
I envy those mothers who can breastfeed.

I work in a tourist store and a couple of weeks ago, I walked passed the toilets in our store and happened to hear a mother feeding her child in the toilet. When she came out I told her she could have sat in the comfy fitting rooms and fed her child in there (I said that to her incase she wanted privacy.)

Sarah - posted on 03/18/2010

I didn't breastfeed either of my girls. To be honest, i couldn't care less if someone chooses to breastfeed or not, it's not the end of the world either way.
Breastfeeding in public doesn't bother me in the slightest either. Cover up, don't cover up, who cares! You're feeding your child do it however YOU and your child feel comfortable doing so.

I genuinely don't understand the big fuss about it. People from each side of the breastfeeding argument seem to get so riled up about it.......everyone should focus on their own kids rather than what everyone else is doing. :)

Adrienne - posted on 03/17/2010

I might add, that my son objects profusely to having a blanket or cover on him while nursing and I honestly can't blame him. With him screaming and fussing I make FAR more of a spectacle trying to use a cover than not.

Adrienne - posted on 03/17/2010

NOTHING about parenting pisses me off more than people who regard breastfeeding as anything other than natural. I am biased in that, and i'll admit it. I lose respect for a woman if she doesn't at least ATTEMPT to breastfeed her child. Why would you deny your child the food GOD gave you to give to them? It also pisses me off that some people, women and mothers especially believe that I should be forced to cover myself or my child when feeding them!



Pardon me for reacting so strongly, this is an issue I feel especially passionate about.



It's not that I just "whip it out" or am indiscreet when nursing in public. I wear appropriate clothing and have learned to latch my baby on without making a public display of it. But honestly people...

Johnny - posted on 03/17/2010

Kimberly, should I have stopped breastfeeding my daughter when she began to refuse to be under a cover? Should I have stayed at home all the time to avoid any chance of having to breastfeed in public? I understand that the "other side" is coming from a place where the breast has been so sexualized that people have lost sight of it's real purpose. While I do not believe that we should all go around whipping off our tops and exposing our full breasts to nurse, it should not be something that we hide away as if we are ashamed.

Good Day! - posted on 03/17/2010

I don't think we care what people think when we feed our babies. Why should we worry about what others think? All that matters is baby is hungry and we have the food. I agree that we should be considerate of others, and I always was. But things happen. Sometimes we find ourselves with a hungry baby and the pumped bottle is empty and we are in the middle of a crowd and there is no way to get to a private place and the baby kicks off the cover because it is 98 degrees outside. Plus, who takes off their top to feed?

Kimberly - posted on 03/17/2010

I just don't understand why breastfeeding women don't understand the other side. It's only human to be uncomfortable around a woman that you don't know with her top off. Period. Do I usually just look the other way? Yes. Do I make a big deal out of women breastfeeding in public? No. No one thinks you're TRYING to show your breasts. Just as you don't see a big deal with having them exposed, I don't see a big deal with covering with a little blanket--not a giant cape. But do what you will---and I have always been on the defense of breastfeeding mothers. However, I think it's important to understand where "the other side" is coming from, just like with many other issues.

Johnny - posted on 03/16/2010

I am not going to wear a giant cape or bib to nurse my child. I am not going to be showing my nipples to strangers. You don't need to "cover up" to show respect. Just because we choose to nurse without a cover does NOT mean that we are trying to show our boobies off. Where do people get this idea from?

Erin - posted on 03/16/2010

Kimberly Konrath
Smarty Pants

184

19
Kimberly Konrath
2:42 pm
And the reason for "covering up..." strangers get uncomfortable seeing your nipples. It's out if respect.

Kimberly - posted on 03/16/2010

And the reason for "covering up..." strangers get uncomfortable seeing your nipples. It's out if respect.

Kimberly - posted on 03/16/2010

People...of course you HAVE to feed your baby in public sometimes!! I personally just pumped, so I never had to deal with this...but as long as mom covers up---whatever!!!!!!! Look the other way if you don't like it! The baby's just getting it's meal! Chill out! Truth is, if some people don't have something to complain about, they'll find something.

Tah - posted on 03/14/2010

i covered, but it was more for my comfort..i have seen women, shirts up..as matter of fact, ruby tuesday in the mall...pulled the double d out and the kid latched on, you could barely see the baby for the boob, her shirt was no defense for the boob, iit didn't offend me, because i have breastfed, i have used a cover(receiving blanket) to cover the baby, some babies don't like them i get that, some babies pull them off like get real mom...even if her shirt was covering her it would have been better, now i have seen more women cover with the shirt etc, but i am talking blantant slam bam here i am...but i have done it in public and i have used a blanket to cover, that's just me....i felt more comfortable that way...

Mary - posted on 03/14/2010

Friends gave 2 different "Hootie Hiders" as shower gifts...they confused me, (it seemed like entirely too much trouble) so I initally used a receiving blanket the first month or two...and then, once I got the hang of it, nothing at all (unless my inlaws were around...breastfeeding in general seemed to disconcert them, even though all 9 of their prior grandchildren were breastfed by my SIL's!). Molly typically revolted, though, and pulled that thing off her head, but at least it appeared like I was attempting to respect them! I will say, in deference to their discomfort, I usually went to another room. In the interest of family harmony, you pick your battles...and this was not worth one for me, since we don't see them often.

Dana - posted on 03/14/2010

I think most of the time when people say they cover up it's with a receiving blanket or something, not an actual "cover" that you buy. I've actually seen more uncovered women than covered women in the U.S, covering is pretty rare.. I think it depends on where you're at and what's going on. Sometimes I wonder when people say they cover if they actually do. lol

Iris - posted on 03/14/2010

I didn't know about these "cover up" blankets or what they are called until we moved to England and there I only saw it in the store at the American base where we were located. I never bought one and I never used one. I've never seen them sold in Iceland either. I breast fed my daughter without covering when I was off Base (and honestly, you really have to be staring to see something...) and on Base I used my jacket to cover up.

When we moved to Germany and I had my second child I used the same method. Nobody cared off base. But once when we were on base and it was hot, a man walked into a car while staring at me BFing. I didn't have my boobs hanging out so he must have been really trying to see some flesh, the evil look my husband gave him was priceless.

Honestly, I think some of us from different Countries are more used to seeing this and therefore more easy-going when it comes to BFing. In Iceland you see women in the summer BFing outside without any cover and in the Cafes it's normal and no one is bothered.

Kathy - posted on 03/14/2010

My first daughter is a January baby - born in Canberra which is pretty hot! Perhaps we're just so used to seeing flesh that we don't get uptight about it? Daughters 2 and 3 are winter babies, born in Hobart. No change in behaviour - we just lifted up our layers of clothes an ploned the baby on, quickly so we didn't get cold!

Erin - posted on 03/14/2010

Kathy I'm an Aussie too and I didn't cover when I was breastfeeding. My daughter is a February baby and it was just too hot to even consider it (even if I was that way inclined, which I'm not). I wonder if there is a cultural element to this desire for women to hide the fact they are breastfeeding? I actually don't know anyone who does or has used a cover. Are we just less modest? More easy-going? I know our rates of BFing aren't any higher, so that's not the issue.

Kathy - posted on 03/14/2010

I'm a bit confused here. Can someone please explain what you mean by "covering up?" Do you have to buy a special cover or something? I'm from Australia and we don't do this covering up thing.



I breastfed my kids for years (and this was nearly 30 years ago when it was a lot easier to offend people) and nobody had to buy a breast cover or a blanket. We just lifted up our top (T-shirt or sweater) and plonked the baby on. Our breasts were covered by the baby and the T-shirt. There was no need to buy a cover or blanket! Breasts weren't hanging out all over the place!



Even those mums with big boobs just lifted up their top and fed their baby. They exposed more than others but generally a loose-fitting top helped here.



You'd see more boobs on Bondi Beach on a hot day!

Tah - posted on 03/13/2010

offensive no..but do i think that they should mindful of others and cover with a blanket, yes i do....

Sapphire - posted on 03/13/2010

Hmmmm.....you're right Krista!



( . ) y ( . )



Better?! Lol!

Krista - posted on 03/13/2010

Sharon, do your nipples always sit to the left like that? You might want to get that checked out...

Kelly - posted on 03/13/2010

That's kind of my point Carol. If you are doing it discreetly, no one necessarily knows what you are doing. And what I meant by "pervs" was of course those who get turned on, but I was actually thinking more of the teenage boys, etc who get a kick out of seeing boobies.

Johnny - posted on 03/13/2010

I agree that there is a time and a place. For me, that is wherever anyone else might eat or snack. We see people snacking and drinking just about everywhere from the shopping mall to the grocery store to the street. So those are all appropriate places to feed an infant. I rarely see people eating in the bathroom, so that is clearly the wrong place to nurse a baby.
I definitely think that a funeral service is probably not the best time to nurse. Although, if it was done very discreetly in order to keep a baby quiet for the service, I'm sure most people would not have a problem with it.

I always find that "what about the pervs" question really funny? What about them? Firstly, I just do not think that there are all that many men out there who get turned on by watching women nurse. I think it's a pretty small group of fetishists. Secondly, I'm far more concerned about some disgusting pedophile checking out my daughter, and I don't think that it matters to that sort of person if they are breastfeeding at the time. And third, I don't show much at all. If someone is looking closely enough to see my nipple they'd probably be right on top of my daughter, and I think I'd be able to stop them, lol.

Kelly - posted on 03/13/2010

I just think there is a time and a place..... similar to diaper changing. Its natural, and a necessity, but not everyone wants to see it. I don't think anyone here was trying to make BF mothers feel shameful. In no way am I relegating BF moms to the bathroom or some other nasty place to feed their kid. But you need to be aware and respectful of your surroundings. What about the pervs that stare, HOPING to catch a peek? That would make me uncomfortable. Yes, it is a beautiful and natural thing. But, when I am out running errands or out to dinner, I don't want to see ass cracks, hairy backs, fat asses hanging out of booty shorts, or someone elses boobs. I just don't. Women are perfectly capable of being discreet about breastfeeding, and I think that's the point others were trying to get across (correct me if I am wrong by all means) If someone doesn't want to have to explain BF to her 8 year old, that is her perogative and she shouldn't be put down for it either. If you are feeding discreetly, that 8 yr old won't even know what you are doing as they walk by. Just sayin!

Celia - posted on 03/12/2010

I dont use a cover and I breasfeed my baby when he is hungry... period.
I dont think about where I am when he's hungry, I just feed him.
I dont wave my breast in the air and I bet you cant see my nipple unless you are staring for the .25 seconds that it is between my bra and his mouth.
I used a cover for a few times but my boy wouldent eat with the cover on... so should I use a bottle or the bathroom, or hide in the hall and break my back just so I dont offend people with the most natural act of breastfeeding?
Please... would people focus on things that are really offensive and stop wasting time on feeding children. We should be promoting breastfeeding as its the best for our babies... not make women feel so ashamed that they stop breastfeeding as one of my girlfriends did when her son refused the under cover feedings in public... she switched to bottle feeding because she was too embarassed to feed sans cover.
Think before you put women down for feeding their babies... some have very good reasons to not cover up. And even if they just find it easier to not cover up do you blame a busy woman for taking the easy route, we are all mothers and life is crazy enough with a full diaper bag, purse, camera, and shopping bags... who wants to route around for a cover!

Sapphire - posted on 03/12/2010

(. ) y (. )



There.....mine are hanging out! Anyone thirsty?

Amanda - posted on 03/12/2010

I am one of those mothers who DONT cover up, I am not a breastfeeding freak, I dont have a point to prove, instead I had 3 children who couldnt stand having anything over their head while feeding. I wont feed in a breatfeeding room, why? Because they SMELL like shit, and vomit. and truely are just a closet off to the side of the mall. When I walk by a mother breastfeeding I smile and nod, so she knows there are some people out in the world that are on her side. As for having to explain to an 8 year old what breastfeeding is, PLEASE you should of already taught him how babies are feed! It isnt our job to help you censor your children from real life, so get on the ball and teach your children the facts of life, before they spy set of teenagers making out at Micky D's. :0)



As for the OP, if a public place asks a mother to leave because she is breastfeeding, or threatens the police on her, then YES charge the person a fine!

Jess - posted on 03/12/2010

My goodness, Cynthia can really expect to make those kind of comments and not raise a few eyebrows ?

I don't think my breast's are nasty, nor does my partner or my daughter. And as for breastfeeding making your family sick..... well it kept my daughter alive for the first 3 months of her life. So nope nothing sick about it!

Breastfeeding is a beautiful thing, nothing to be ashamed of or to keep behind closed doors.... but you can be respectful to the others around you by not making a show of it.

Dana - posted on 03/12/2010

Chantel, I agree she should have properly covered herself. I never think it's okay to flash a boob, you don't need to drag the whole thing out.

As much as people want it to just be something that just feeds your child, it's not seen that way, it hasn't been seen that way, it won't ever be seen that way.

Hannah - posted on 03/12/2010

I think whatever makes mother most comfortable is fine - you can choose not to look. I choose to cover myself with a shawl, but that's for my own comfort.

Chantel - posted on 03/12/2010

I'm not disgusted by it or anything but I do prefer if you can't see the whole boob hanging out there. The one time I was disgusted is at my dad's funeral. There was a woman who was breast feeding and that would have been fine but she wasn't covered at all and she actually got up while doing it and moved up a couple of rows. It was a funeral for God's sake!! My dad died and the most memoable thing about the funeral was some woman flaunting her breasts around while we were mourning. Sorry but that was disgusting and she should have left the room for that.

Krista - posted on 03/12/2010

Yeah, as far as what I can see, the debate here has been really pretty civil. Cynthia, I'm sorry if you feel attacked, but when your opinion is the vast minority, and when you make inflammatory statements like, "It makes me and my family sick to see it", what do you WANT us to say? Seriously -- please tell me. In a perfect world, where we didn't make you feel attacked, how should we have responded to that particular statement?

Dana - posted on 03/12/2010

Cynthia it's the words you choose to use, certain words, in all caps and tons of exclamation marks. It appears as if you are yelling your statements when you do that. Not to mention that you said it made you and your family sick...a strong statement.



As far as saying we all agree because it's PC. Ridiculous, it just happens to be that we are all intelligent, evolved women, who try to stick together as women, when we know what is best for our children.



Of course you can have an opinion and state it any way you'd like but don't get upset when people don't agree with you. If you feel strongly about your opinion then own it and debate it. Don't make statements that only flame a fire.

Patricia - posted on 03/12/2010

Cynthia, I for one completely understand when you have a comment and you feel as if everybody is attacking you. And it's not that anybody is trying to sway you in the direction of the majority here. But like Sara was trying to say, how we say things, makes a big difference and I think it's more the words you are using to describe breastfeeding that has become more of an issue. It's what our breasts were meant to do...feed our children. And rarely do breastfeeding mom's expose themselves...this is a private moment for them as well. Unless you are in very close quarters, I really can't see a woman sticking her breast in your face. I feel that breastfeeding woman should not be looked at as some kind of freak show, covered or not....I would much rather see a woman bonding with her baby, than see that infamous hairy butt crack while eating. There is nothing natural or normal about a hairy butt crack....I bet if we were to ask men this question, you might find that most men would NOT be offended by a boob hanging out...lol

Good Day! - posted on 03/12/2010

Cynthia, I think it is more the way in which your opinion is stated, and not the opinion itself that makes people a little angry.

I'll take your first post as an example. I don't think anyone said anything harsh about it, but a few did ask you to explain yourself. Then you said women should use a cover, which MOST OF US AGREE WITH. What people found offensive was the way in which you worded your post.

Erin - posted on 03/12/2010

Cynthia do you actually think that this group of mothers is PRETENDING to be supportive of breastfeeding just because it is PC? Could it not be that we are simply understanding of a baby's need, and right, to feed when hungry?

PS.. I don't know why you're referencing an intolerance of gay people in this thread.