Breastfeeding

Noreen - posted on 10/29/2010 ( 179 moms have responded )

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A) How do you feel about breastfeeding in general

B) How long should a Mom breastfeed for? What do you think of a 2yr old nursing?

C) What about breastfeeding in public? No, Yes if covered, Yes either way.

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[deleted account]

Here's how I see the whole "BF Nazi" thing. First, let me say that I was all about BFing my son but it didn't work out. I was miserable, bleeding, and it just wasn't a good experience at all. And yes, I used lactation specialists and any other resource I could find because I genuinely wanted it to work. I was one of those women who began formula feeding with regret. I beat myself up for it for a long time. But for me, those cuddly, ooey gooey mushy bonding feelings really started happening after I went to the bottle. That being said, I think what's important to understand is that most people on all sides of the fence are going to feel passionately about it one way or another. I say "all sides" because it's not just BF vs Formula. There are women who never considered BF and went straight to formula. There are women who never considered formula and went straight to BF. And then there are women who WANTED to BF and for many reasons, couldn't. Out of those 3 groups of women, there are bound to be fanatics who can get overly defensive and preachy on the subject. I tend to be one of those women who thinks a mother should do what is best for her particular situation, for her own mental stability and that as long as the baby is healthy and thriving, that's what's important. I don't judge anyone for deciding one way or another about BF or FF because I understand that none of these decisions are usually made lightly. I wish though, that more women felt like this, but it's not gonna happen. To me, a BF Nazi is someone who obviously breastfed, but who tries to make anyone who DIDN'T BF feel less than, or like they didn't try hard enough or that they didn't use all the resources available to them to MAKE it work. In forums like this, a lot is lost in translation and no one ever truly knows another woman's circumstances so sometimes those types of BFers come accross as preachy and judgemental. It happens on the other sides of the fence too. Some women choose to FF right from the start and, for whatever persons, get on the defensive or go on the attack at BFers. I guess ultimately, what I'm trying to say, is that it's ok to be pro-BF or pro-FF and still respect the other womens' choice without taking it to extremes.

Jodi - posted on 10/31/2010

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I completely agree about which side of the fence you sit on and where you live. My town is so far from breastfeeding supportive it is almost laughable. The only people I know who breastfeed are family, I have never met another breastfeeding mother in my town or surrounding area face to face. It just isn't the environment for someone without a strong will to breastfeed to be able to succeed and I have met more criticism than I could have ever imagined. I was even told by one lady, while at mother's day brunch, that I would be shamed until I gave it up...it has only made my desire to NIP that much stronger, so the next person who DOES decide to nurse, maybe doesn't have to face as much criticism. Wait until this town sees me nurse my twins this summer!!!! I'm not looking forward to the feedback, but it won't stop me either!
And Kati, I know you didn't mean ALL FF mothers, I just wanted to shed some light on the fact that there are some VERY nasty FF mothers out there, just as there are BF mothers.

Jodi - posted on 10/31/2010

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Kati, I have to disagree, I have been called names by formula feeding mothers simply because I breastfeed, without ever having been in any kind of discussion about feeding children. I have been called a breastfeeding nazi simply because I breastfeed in front of other people and/or defended that right by saying it's waht right for me and my child. I have been called crazy, a pervert, a child molester (yes...really I have), a pedophile (again, yes) I have been called a hippie (not a bad one, but not said in a nice way) and told that what I do is gross, wrong, unnatural and that I am a bad mother for not using formula. I have been told I am starving my child, that my daughter will grow up to be a lesbian, and so many other heinous things I would never say to any mother that it's ridiculous. These are things I have been told online and in "real" life. I envy women who can go out and nurse in public hassle free, but that isn't the reality for many of us. (I am the only woman I have ever seen NIP in my town or in any of the surrounding small towns I visit.) You may not have encountered extremist formula feeders...but they are out there and they are just as mean as the extremist breastfeeders...at least the extremist breastfeeders have medical and scientific facts on their side...not that it makes being a bitch about it okay...

Jodi - posted on 11/02/2010

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At age two he shouldn't need a "full meal" 4 or 5 times during the night.



Edited to Add: I would also suggest that if a 2 year old is waking this often at night, it is possible that they may not be getting sufficient sleep (obviously that depends on their daytime habits). I know this isn't the debate, but there is recent evidence to suggest that poor sleeping habits as an adult is the direct result of poor sleeping habits as a child.

Kate CP - posted on 11/02/2010

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Just to play devil's advocate here, but technically she IS being a "pacifier". She *is* pacifying her son and soothing him. Thus...a pacifier.

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Kate CP - posted on 11/07/2010

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Yes, you can take sleeping pills while pregnant if your doctor says it's okay. The pills I take are actually antidepressants that just knock most people (including myself) out. April: I don't know why your friend can't hear her baby. I'm not your friend, I'm not a doctor, and I don't have those answers. And no, I'm NOT addicted to sleeping pills (thanks for that, though). I take them because I need them to function the next day. On the rare occasion that I don't take them I can still get sleep and I don't panic if I don't have them.

Nikkole - posted on 11/07/2010

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I think breastfeeding is good if you can do it (i personally couldn't due to reasons i dont wanna say)! My mother in law told me my son would be stupid and sickly if i didn't brestfeed and i was sooo stressed out for 3months because i couldn't breastfeed and i even tried! But my son is VERY healthy and VERY smart i just hate how some women treat you like crap if you dont breastfeed or have rude comments im not saying anyone on here has but ive had it in my life!! ESPECIALLY at WIC i would leave crying from that place!!

Age i think 1 for me would be the longest!

And as long as your covered cause i personally don't want to see some other womens breast sorry but i just dont and there are so many stupid childish teenagers and adults that make comments when they see womens breast while there feeding!

April - posted on 11/05/2010

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1. I am pro breastfeeding if that is your choice. It was not mine and I don't feel bad for never wanting to. I understand that it is the most natural way and that most people agree that it is the most beneficial but I just didn't like the idea at all. But I think that those who do are perfectly in their right.
2. Age this one is tough for me I think that as long as your baby is healthy I guess you can do it as long as you and the baby are comfortable. Its not my place to say what a mother can do, however I did see a four year old pull his moms shirt down and demand the boob so if your going to breastfeed up to that age or beyond you may want to teach your child discretion.
3. Discretion I agree that some babies don't like to be covered and for that reason I think that it would be alright for a mother to not be covered.

Cat - posted on 11/03/2010

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Sharon consider yourself completely lucky, I have several friends with teens on my facebook, and that's how it all looks to me.. Its bloody annoying, and I'd kick my kids asses for it.... Or at least tease them endlessly till I'd embarassed the everlovin' crap out of them...

Sharon - posted on 11/03/2010

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Sorry Cat - I have a teen and he does NOT speak that way. I work with several teens and they do NOT speak that way. I exchange texts with a few through out the day and they do use some text speak (lol, omg, wtf) they do not use DA, unless they're german and referring to their father. Oh wait! LOL, my bad, the kids I work with have highschool educations though.

Mandy - posted on 11/03/2010

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a- its gr8.
b- d doc ans at least 6mths. but to me its as long as u feel comfortable. its also a great idea if u wean baby off d breast but still offer breast milk in a bottle
c- breastfeeding in public is normal jus remember to cover your breast. & forget about the anyone glaring at u.

April - posted on 11/03/2010

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what about my friend? why isn't she able to hear her daughter? maybe she's taking 2 when she should only take one?

@ Kate if you are trying to wean from sleeping pills...does that mean you're addicted?

Kate CP - posted on 11/03/2010

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No, I don't sleep longer than I should. I take them right before bed and I sleep a full 6-8 hours (although these days I have to get up to pee at least once or twice thanks to the baby using my bladder as a water bed). I take the pills because without them I can't get a restful night of sleep. And yes, I've tried weaning myself off of them and going without sleeping pills for several months. Worst 6 months of my life.



Edited to add: When my daughter was an infant I still took the sleeping pills and I could hear her cry and was awake enough to go to her and deal with her. Even now if she has a bad dream or calls for me I'm the one to get up not my husband. My pills make it to where I don't wake up UNLESS something interrupts my sleep (like a kid). ;)

[deleted account]

When I can't fall asleep or am up for several hours in the middle of the night for several nights in a row.... I take half of an Advil PM (a whole one is too much for me), but it doesn't stop how many times I wake up... just makes me go back to sleep faster. Sleeping pills don't stop the need to pee. ;)

[deleted account]

Even WITH prescription sleeping pills I'm still up often. 4 hours was my longest stretch. It sucks and unfortunately mine has nothing to do with my kid - she's pretty consistently sleeping 12 hours through the night now. *knocks on wood*

Kate - why do you take sleeping pills or were you just suggesting that?

April - posted on 11/03/2010

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Kate-- do sleeping pills make you sleep more than you should? my friend has been taking them and it causes her to not hear her daughter crying in her crib. her daughter was in the crib from 7pm to almost 1 pm the next day.

Charlie - posted on 11/02/2010

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"I fully believe that comfort nursing and comfort eating are completely different things and shouldn't be compared"

"when a baby/child comfort nurses, or uses the breast as a pacifier, they suck differently than when they are eating so that no milk comes out. its called dry nursing."

I agree !

Kate CP - posted on 11/02/2010

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I take sleeping pills so I can sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. :D

[deleted account]

I wake 2-6 times (sometimes even more) per night, so it's normal for ME. My son at 2 was occasionally sleeping through the night. Sometimes up once. Sometimes 2-5 times a night. At 2.5 now he sleeps through.... well, I was going to say about half the time, but it varies. He's slept through for almost the past week now. If he doesn't sleep through he's only up once or twice. Many people would not be ok w/ the way he sleeps, but he sleeps better than I do so I don't complain.

I fully believe that comfort nursing and comfort eating are completely different things and shouldn't be compared, but I have nothing to back that up w/ other than that it's my opinion. ;)

Isobel - posted on 11/02/2010

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I breastfed...my kids ate when they were upset...I'm not proud of it, but I used it to stop them from crying in absolute emergencies.

Jennifer - posted on 11/02/2010

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when a baby/child comfort nurses, or uses the breast as a pacifier, they suck differently than when they are eating so that no milk comes out. its called dry nursing.

Isobel - posted on 11/02/2010

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Personally, I don't believe in feeding anybody anything for comfort. When a child is upset, or needs help falling asleep...cuddle or rock them, when they are hungry...feed them.

I feel like when the two are confused, you end up with somebody like me...who still comfort feeds to this day :(

April - posted on 11/02/2010

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pacifying is still a necessity for a toddler. anyway...every night is different for me, sometimes he nurses 3 times a night and sometimes it's 4 or 6. It depends!

Cat - posted on 11/02/2010

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I kindof agree that at some point nursing is a comfort thing, like a pacifiyer rather than a necessity, and I'm sure that's where my kids were at with it when we weaned... But I dont see it as a big deal, of course babies nurse and eat as comfort rather than necessity sometimes, I mean, adults do the same thing! (eat not nurse lol) I'm guessing that's where the term 'comfort food' came from, people of all ages eat to pacify themselves at one point or another... No different and no less wrong than a baby doing it...

Tara - posted on 11/02/2010

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To add an experienced point of view. While my older children are not quite adults, at 17 and 14 I can say they are good enough to use for comparison sake.
I co-slept and nursed all my children until they were on average 2.5 years old. They all woke in the night during that time. On average I would say probably about 2-4 times most nights. I would only wake long enough to either switch sides or get into a different position and than we would both go back to sleep. There were times I'm sure they were getting a full meal as I could hear the very clear suck suck swallow of a good solid suck. But this did not bother me as I knew that during the day at 2 years old they were still sort of foraging and grazing throughout the day and being tiny some nights they genuinely needed something to snack on. I called them "Booby snacks" ;) no one could tell me they weren't hungry because there were other nights when my let down reflex would go and start filling their mouths with milk and they would turn away and only latch on once the flowed had stopped only to suck or pacify for a couple of lazy minutes and go back to sleep.
All babies are different in their night needs. The range of normal is vast. To say that any one way is better or worse is ridiculous simply because again all people are different.
Anyway, my older kids are fine, just so you all know. They have no sleeping problems, no adjustment problems, no diet problems etc. I did this with all five previous children and am now happily bed sharing and night nursing Riley who is 3 weeks shy of 1 year old. And I will continue to do so for at least another year or two.
:)

Stifler's - posted on 11/02/2010

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In the 2 weeks I breastfed I suspect that my baby was just sucking on my boob and not caring whether there was milk or not, just using it as a dummy. I feel mean now but I just bought him a dummy and made him have it after I discovered I had no milk or whatever. He woke up every 4 hours fora bottle until 8 months and then I refused to feed him during the night and now he sleeps through. I would be insane right now if I had to wake up 6 times a night to feed him. I don't know how you girls do it but good on you x

Johnny - posted on 11/02/2010

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Until I weaned my daughter at 23 months, I used nursing as a pacifier. It worked great, very convenient and natural. No harmful side effects and didn't inconvenience me. Actually, it really made my life easier. Luckily for me, when she was weaned she easily converted from nursies to hugs, and they work just as well. But she was ready for it then.

IMO nursing moms need to be a tad less sensitive about the term pacifying being used for calming a toddler with nursing. There's nothing wrong with it and anyone who thinks so is clearly unfamiliar with normative child development.

We each do what works for us, be it a rubber Nuk or a boob. What's the big deal?

Cat - posted on 11/02/2010

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The only reason I say that, is b/c by saying that waking up 6 times a night is normal, that somehow implies that all other 2yr olds who dont wake up would be considered not-normal? I dunno, its a mystery lol

Cat - posted on 11/02/2010

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Well I agree that if the mom is fine with it, it doesnt much matter, but I still dont think at 2 that waking 6 times happens enough to be considered normal... I would go absolutely insane, especiallly since I have two 2yr olds (and yes I did breastfeed, but from a year on, I think they only ever woke up once at night, if that)

Dana - posted on 11/02/2010

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Emma, it just depends on the child and the mother. To say it's normal or abnormal really doesn't apply.

Jennifer - posted on 11/02/2010

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emma, i think it can be more common when you co sleep and breastfeed...when you do both, most moms either don't wake up at all for feedings, or they fall back asleep very quickly after baby/child latches on.

Cat - posted on 11/02/2010

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Honestly I dont believe that any kid over the age of 1 waking 6 times at night for ANY reason, including breastfeeding, is in the realm of normal... And I dont mean waking from a sleep cycle, I mean waking, getting up and wanting something...

Stifler's - posted on 11/02/2010

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Still waking 6 times a night for a breastfeed at 2 is normal? I'm glad I couldn't breastfeed if that's the case.

Jodi - posted on 11/02/2010

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IMO = in my opinion. If you want to perceive it as an insult, go for it. It was NOT intended as an insult. End of story. It just happens to be an unpopular opinion.

Minnie - posted on 11/02/2010

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I'm not sure how you can feel that someone is being indulgent and still be positive about the situation. It's one thing to say 'that is someting new to me, I don't think that would work for our family' rather than 'this is indulgent (referring to April nursing her son every two hours during the night)- your son doesn't need to nurse this often' (paraphrasing).

Jodi - posted on 11/02/2010

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"It definitely wasn't intended in a good way"



And exactly how can you know how I intended it? You can only know how you perceived my comment, not what I intended. I have since tried to explain that I used the term in a technical capacity, and that if others want to do it, that fine. But do you see that in the same breathe I clarified my stance that I personally felt it was indulgent and I wouldn't do it because it is IMO unnecessary?

Minnie - posted on 11/02/2010

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About the pacifier definition- I think what I was trying to get across was that calling April a 'pacifier' DID seem a little insulting. It definitely wasn't intended in a good way. All too often many breastfeeding mothers hear the words 'you're just being a pacifier,' as if it is a bad thing. As if JUST comforting a child (or providing a snack and a drink) at the breast isn't ideal.

Jodi - posted on 11/02/2010

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Thank you Sara, I am not saying it is wrong, just that it is unnecessary. I never said pacifying isn't appropriate. I was defending the point that you were acting in the capacity of a pacifier by waking every 2 hours to pacify your baby. If you choose to do that, excellent, I have no problem with it. If you want to take it as an insult that by pacifying your baby you are technically acting as a pacifier, then that is also your choice.

Minnie - posted on 11/02/2010

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But he only nurses for 5 minutes

At two years old five minutes is more than enough time to drain a breast completely.

Minnie - posted on 11/02/2010

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Jodi- everyone wakes at the end of each sleep cycle. An adult's averages 90 minutes. An infant's averages 50 minutes. If April's son is waking every two hours to nurse for five minutes and then zonk back off I would hardly be worried that he is not getting sufficient sleep.



You know, other cultures don't worry about things like this. Mothers and their nursing babes/toddlers bedshare and the boobies are free to whomever wants to nurse during the night. Sleep is accumulative.



For the record, my OWN just turned two year old wakes to nurse on average, every two hours during the night. It takes five minutes, and often times we both fall asleep while she is still nursing. We are both fine and happy with our situation.

[deleted account]

I think Jodi already said it wasn't wrong, it's just something she wouldn't do. She's making the argument that it's not necessary, not that it's wrong.

Angel - posted on 11/02/2010

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Technically anyone that ever comforted their child would be a pacifier. If that is what was meant, what is the purpose of pointing out that someone is a pacifier. That is a little confusing.

"Given the nature of the question.....yes, I do think that is inappropriate because at that age it isn't about needing the milk every two hours at night. You have become a pacifier.I can understand maybe once at night, but not every 2 hours." Jodi A.


"That's what I was trying to say. I don't know why people see it as insulting when it is simply describing the act of pacifying. Technically, if you refer to the dictionary definitions, she is a pacifier BECAUSE she is pacifying her child." Jodi A.

It sounds to me that you are insulting her by calling her a pacifier. It would be an insult to me if someone told me I was being inappropriate for nursing my child when they woke up at night or any other time. If we go by definitions, we are all pacifiers. If we are all pacifiers, why is one method of pacifying ok while another is inappropriate? If I took that wrong, I apologize, but that sounded like an insult to me.

Jennifer - posted on 11/02/2010

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Jodi, you are correct to say that a babe his age shouldn't need to eat that often through the night, my point was just that duration of nursing isn't a good indicator of whether he is pacifying or eating.

either way, if it works for them then who is to say its wrong?

Jennifer - posted on 11/02/2010

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babies become very efficient nursers with age so he could very well be having a full "meal" in that time

Jodi - posted on 11/02/2010

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Actually, a baby/child will also choose to nurse purely for comfort as well. So I don't agree that he would be doing it THAT many times at night due to hunger. To suckle for 5 minutes and go back to sleep sounds very much like comfort. It will be the same as a child crying at night because they lost their favourite blanket or their pacifier (or whatever comforter it may be), and then once they can locate it, they go back to sleep.



I'm not saying anyone is wrong for choosing to pacify a toddler by nursing them, it is their choice. I personally, however, would not get up that many times at night to do that. A baby, yes, but not a toddler. But that's just me. And as I said, I never had fussy sleepers, so it was a non-issue and never a choice I had to make.

Dana - posted on 11/02/2010

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No, if a baby/child is used to eating at a certain time then it's going to be hungry at that time.

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