Can a leopard change its spots ??

Charlie - posted on 09/22/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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The old saying is " a Leopard cant change its spots "
And is often used when talking about someone who has done bad deeds e.g Cheaters , pedophiles , Abusers ect.

I am by no means at all saying a cheater is anything like the other two LET ME MAKE THAT CLEAR .
Just that the saying is often brought up when in conversation about those examples .

Do you think people are hard wired to do these things or can they change to become better people ?

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Tracy - posted on 09/22/2009

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I agree with the saying. However, some cases people can change but only if they want to. A pedophile I believe is in another catergory. To me its a illness that they will always have to live with. Being an Abuser or Cheater can change their ways but if they have some sort of addiction, this makes it harder for them to change. Its nice to think people can always better themselves but sadly it does'nt happen very often.

Kylie - posted on 09/22/2009

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Yeah there are others like you Diana, i cheated on my husband years ago and it was a horrible thing to do, i had an emotional affair and it really hurt my partner. luckily he forgave me because i was young and stupid and i have definitely changed and learned from what happened.
i think when cheating is a compulsion and someone does it over and over they wont change. Same as abusers, if they don't get help early and admit they are messed up and learn new ways of dealing with people they cannot change.
Pedophiles are a whole other category..they are sick, something is not wired right.they may be able to learn to control themselves but they cannot stop being a pedophile or change completely unless they get castrated maybe...

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I'm absolutely certain that cheaters, at least, can change. I cheated on my husband years ago, before he was my husband, and I've never done it since, and I will never do it again. It took a long time to rebuild the trust between the two of us (as well it should), and the pain of hurting him and having to start from scratch was enough to make me never, ever do it again. I absolutely take offense when someone suggests that just because I have in the past I will do it again, and I'm sure there are others like me.

I think that the other two things are a little less likely to be changed. Abusers often live in a pattern of abuse that has gone on and on since their childhood-and that's a cycle that is hard to break without intensive therapy, and sometimes even that doesn't work. I feel the same way about pedophilia-it's sometimes a defense to something from childhood, and because of the psychosis that comes with that, it's difficult to know if that person can be "cured" or if they'll always do it again. Personally, I wouldn't want to take the chance on being around either-but that's just me.

Anna - posted on 09/22/2009

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Pedophiles/abusers- no, I do not believe they can change. I have yet to see it.

Cheaters- yes, I do believe people grow and mature and can find the right relationship and be monogamous.

Sharon - posted on 09/22/2009

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Hhmm Joy I wasn't thinking of one time cheaters or people who were in a relationship with the wrong person from the getgo. I was thinking of those "baby daddy" types out there who go from woman to woman and not giving a shit. People have affairs all the time for various reasons. Not all are chronic cheaters. But there are chronic cheaters who can't stop cheating.

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I cheated on my ex husband. He cheated on me. We are both in solid, faithful relationships with other people now. It was the only time in my life I ever cheated...it wasn't a pattern and it certainly wasn't an addiction. So no, once a cheater, always a cheater? I don't buy that. As for pedophiles and abusers? I think that it's dependent on the person. Some people can change their behavior and some can't. I'm not sure why or how this happens but I've seen it happen. Unless it's an actual, real mental condition, I think anyone can change if they want to badly enough. Sometimes it's "too little, too late" but change is possible.

Evelyn - posted on 09/22/2009

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Pedophiles saying they have a "mental illness" and they "cant help it" is a freaking cop out. You're a sick fuc* and you need your genitals chopped the fuc* off. Sick bastards.

Cheaters? I agree with Sara on this one.

Abusers are just a step away from being a pedophile to me...I'm a little more forgiving only because so often they come from a place of abuse themselves and it's a cycle that hard to break...but if they don't seek help and hurt someone instead..then I have very little sympathy.

Sara - posted on 09/22/2009

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As far as pedophiles/child molesters, men who beat their wives/girlfriends, rapists and sociopaths...no, I do not think people like that can change...the recitidivism rate is just too high, so I have zero hope for people like that.



As far as cheaters go, I do think people can change in that way. I think it all depends on the motivation for the cheating. If you're cheating because you're unhappy in your relationship, you may never do it again if you're not with that person. If you're cheating because you have some deep seeded issue with commitment, it's likely you'll cheat again. It just depends on the person and the circumstance, but I wouldn't necessarily write someone off as a cheater forever...but I would question their character just a little.

Konda - posted on 09/22/2009

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I agree, a cheater will cheat again.....when I was young and stupid...and worked for the police department, I did have married lover, I was single and fat, and that was the only men that paid any attention to me......not that that is an excuse for me, I feel horrible now that I am married and know what love is. However, the point is, the men that I know cheated, cheated with many different women...it wasn't that they just, 'feel for someone'....the just wanted to 'f*ck someone'.

Also, my husband's first wife cheated on him from the 1st year that they were married, and continued with various men for 10 years, before she left him for one of those men that was also married....when hubby and I go back together(we were engaged long ago) and got pregnant, she came up pregnant with this man's baby....he left her right away.....so KARMA is a bitch.(Oh and let me say for 10 years she wouldn't have kids with hubby, so she knew HOW to prevent, she got preggo on puropse.)

Mel - posted on 09/22/2009

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no they cant change. even if they think they have they will always go back to it. cheating is addictive once you start doing it, even if you think you will never do it again it will happen. pedophilia (spelling?) is a mental illness and it is something these people are born with and therefore impossible to change. Abusers (if you mean violence) is generally a genetic thing and also very very hard to change without a lot of counselling

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